Tuesday, October 31, 2006

The Devil's Night

Wrapping up our look at Halloween tracts on this, All Hallow's Eve, we get a sneak peek at Lil' Susy, Bob's juvenile counterpart. She's as narrow-minded and humorless as he is. Lil' Susy has her own series that is geared toward kids and we'll be getting to them eventually; our next tract will be a return to the Bible Series. This tract really gets going with the teacher-bashing, as well, which drives Lita totally bonkers. Me, not so much. :o)

Anyway, join us as we take a final look at Halloween in The Devil's Night. And fill those trick or treat bags with wholesome tracts!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wurwolf: Isn't that dude on the cover a little old to be trick or treating?

Lita: That's the kids' dad. He's chaperoning.

Lita: And he dressed up so he can feel like one of the gang.

Lita: Definitely not Satan taking control of those children's immortal souls just because they're wearing costumes and asking for candy. That would be tacky.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wurwolf: Is the snake-eyed witch serving caramel apples without sticks? That's going to be extremely messy.

Lita: It's because she's the teacher. She hates kids and wants them to suffer.

wurwolf: What is the world coming to when you can't even go grocery shopping without encountering Satan's minions?

wurwolf: "I don't like this, Mom." Relax. You're in the grocery store. Just walk to another aisle.

Lita: That little girl's name is Buffy. Think there's any significance to that?

wurwolf: Well, it was a 1990's show, and the tract was written in 2004. I'd say that's on par for Chick Publications.

Lita: I wonder why Buffy's mom requires Buffy to wear a spooky costume. Kid's already scared. There's no reason not to let her be a princess or a kitty cat or something.

Lita: That kid really is a wimp to get creeped out by grocery store decorations.

Lita: Maybe that's why Mom is demanding a spooky costume. She wants to toughen up her puss of a daugher.

wurwolf: I hope her mom's idea of a spooky costume for her daughter is Leatherface.

wurwolf: At least this artist does a better job of drawing people in cars, even if she/he does have the eerie ability to make people look like clipart.

Lita: Those seats look really cushy.

wurwolf: I think they're bean bag seats.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Is there even really any point in pointing out that no school would get away with requiring their kids to dress up for and enjoy Halloween?

wurwolf: No, because this takes place in a fantasy world. And I think we all know that.

wurwolf: That teacher is hideous. You just know she's not saved.

Lita: But the principal looks like somebody's kindly uncle. Until you look at his upper lip. I can't tell which part is upper lip and which part is mustache. EVIL!!

Lita: Note that Ms. Henn specifically holds up a picture of THE DEVIL.

wurwolf: That's just how subtle this teacher is.

wurwolf: Is the werewolf kid balding? Maybe he represents the Lollipop Guild.

Lita: He has the same widow's peak as the devil!

wurwolf: Just add some horns and he could be his son.

Lita: "Ms. Henn, why are you holding up a picture of my dad?"

wurwolf: And Princess Leia wants to be a witch! Yeesh, I think these kids are already in costume.

wurwolf: "It looks like all your kids love Halloween." Does she get a bonus in her paycheck if they do?

Lita: I think so. Apparently it's a big pain in the ass for her if they don't.

Lita: Dang. I've been sticking the apostrophe in the wrong spot. It's not 'Lil Susy. It's Li'l Susy.

wurwolf: Oh. I was writing it as Lil' Susy.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Is Li'l Susy the JUDGE's granddaughter??

wurwolf: Wow! She sure is!

Lita: "I WON'T dress up like a witch!" Ok. Then don't.

wurwolf: The back of her head looks like a coffee bean with wings.

wurwolf: The teacher didn't need to do much work for her costume. A black bathrobe and a two dollar hat will do the trick.

wurwolf: No pun intended.

Lita: So dressing up for Halloween is a class requirement? I sure hope Ms. Henn doesn't have any poor students.

wurwolf: They must be in a rich school district.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wurwolf: Ms. Henn lost her glasses. You'd think she would have left them on to see the costumes more clearly.

She only needs to see which costume is the most Satanic. Or, failing that, the least Christian.

So Li'l Susy dressed up like Santy Claus? Ok. #1, why should this enrage Ms. Henn so much? #2, is that option really all that much more "Christian"? I mean, every Christmas we have to hear fundies yelling that we should ignore Santa and remember the real "reason for the season."

wurwolf: In the black & white fundy world, Santa would be akin to a witch.

wurwolf: I sure hope Lil' Susy has some shorts on under that coat. Or at least underpants.

Lita: I was gonna mention that she's not wearing pants.

Lita: She's kind of a lopsided drunk beardless pantless Santa, really.

wurwolf: I was going to bust on her for phoning it in on the costume, but if she was going for a lopsided drunk beardless pantless Santa, then kudos to her.

Lita: Maybe she's actually dressed as "Unkie Bob at the annual Christmas Party"

wurwolf: She'd need to look more like Hitler if she is.

Lita: That's where her attitude comes in.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: So what's Buffy dressed as? Dead Buffy? Wow. Her mom plays hardball.

Lita: Ok. Tasteless joke incoming. Prepare yourself for tasteless insensitivity:

Lita: That kid in the front isn't wearing a costume. That's just Timmy who they mainstreamed from one of the special classes.

Lita: End of Tasteless Joke.

wurwolf: And you call yourself an educator of today's youth.

Lita: I know a number of educators who would totally bitchslap me for even thinking that joke.

Lita: Li'l Susy really does hate Halloween. Her fists are clenched in rage.

Lita: Behold how good and how pleasant it is for the children to be filled with hate.

wurwolf: This tract was done in 2004 but the clothes are from the 1960's. I used to wear clothes like that when I was in kindergarten.

wurwolf: So yeah, you were right. Buffy is so named because her mom is way into vampire-based programming.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Heh. Li'l Susy and Buffy are gonna go buy some drugs.

wurwolf: Yeah, ghosts, monsters and spiders. God created spiders. Way to malign another one of God's creations.

Lita: As for Halloween being all about Satan, here's a link that says otherwise

Lita: I like this quote, "But many Christians resent being told that they are really worshipping Satan when they dress-up their five-year-old as a princess and hand out candy. They know that just as you cannot accidentally worship Jesus, you cannot accidentally worship Satan, either. Worship is an act of volition, and our symbols mean only what we mean by them. Consider Communion, where we ritually eat His body and drink His blood. Without its story it would look just as 'satanic' as Hallowe'en!"

Lita: The big thrust of it seems to be that Halloween started out as a Christian holiday.

Lita: I admit I haven't read the whole thing. My eyes glazed over about halfway through. Hopefully the second half doesn't go all crazy with the gay/black/Jew/what have you-bashing.

wurwolf: It does talk about Jewish people a little further down.

wurwolf: It mentions the festival of Purim. While I never saw anything like some of the things this article mentions in the synagogue where I worked, it sounds like this could all take place within the scope of Purim. They did dress up in costumes and eat hamantaschen like the link says, though.

Lita: Wow. Getting off on a bit of a tangent, aren't we? Let's see what Li'l Susy has to say about Halloween!

Lita: Ah. It started with Satanic Druids. Of course.

wurwolf: Her grandpa explained it to her. And I guess Bob explained it to him. So that explains a lot.

Lita: I'm disappointed in the Judge. Usually he's so supercool.

wurwolf: I'm telling you, he's been totally conquered by Bob.

Lita: Maybe he just hates Li'l Susy and wants her to be hated.

Lita: So he's raising her as the most obnoxious kind of Christian there is: The Bob Kind

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wurwolf: Lil' Susy looks like a young Liza Minelli here.

Lita: Maybe he's going all Miss Havisham on Susy, raising her to have a cold evil heart so she can bring other people the same pain he suffered earlier in life.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Saman is calling up the ghosts of frogs and bunnies and dolphins and sperm.

wurwolf: Sperm is especially evil.

Lita: Sperm is only evil when it does not contribute to the conception of a Christian child within wedlock.

wurwolf: Isn't it supposed to be Samhain? When I googled "Saman" nothing even remotely satanic came up.

wurwolf: I like the reindeer dancing by the fire. Maybe that was a reindeerdog you saw in the tract from last week.

Lita: The bear is kind of cool. Was this also the Satanic origin of High School Mascots?

wurwolf: It does kind of look like a pep rally, doesn't it?

Lita: The reindeerdog does seem to be doing a mascot dance

wurwolf: The bear's doing the Hustle.

wurwolf: I think this is a still from Dazed & Confused.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Ok, look. The Judge is telling his little granddaughter bedtime stories all about sacrificing little girls to Satan. I have to believe he's up to something.

wurwolf: Maybe the Judge is trying to scare his granddaughter into behaving. You know, like parents tell their kids they're going to get a lump of coal in their stocking if they don't behave before Christmas.

Lita: "Be good or I'll have you sacrificed by the druids on the night of Samhain!"

wurwolf: "Even if we do have plenty of food!"

Lita: Maybe you should use that on your kids.

wurwolf: Maybe I should use it on my husband.

Lita: Wow. Look at Buffy's flat face. I wonder if her scary Satanic mom ties a board to Buffy's face every night to achieve that look.

wurwolf: Are we sure Buffy's not wearing her Halloween costume here?

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wurwolf: In 2004, you can get an ice cream cone from a blonde woman wearing a dress in a drugstore!

Lita: It's late October. A little cold out to be getting ice cream, girls!

wurwolf: Not if you're in Lancaster county. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting an ice cream store there, even in the middle of winter.

Lita: Incidentally, cat swinging is a popular Satanist Halloween tradition.

wurwolf: Lil's Susy's been talking so much she has yet to take a bite of her ice cream cone.

Lita: It's melting all down her hand.

wurwolf: "Well, there's people today serving Satan..." And it's delicious!

Lita: Everything Susy is spewing is complete bullshit, by the way.

wurwolf: You just know it's coming straight from her grandfather.

Lita: "Can I go trick or treating grandpa?" "No! That's a Satanist holiday!" "But I want candy!" "Satanists poison the candy to serve the devil!" "They feed the devil poisoned candy?" "Don't backsass me, you little demon spawn!" "I hate Halloween! I wanna go live with my mom!" "Now I don't have to buy her a costume... Eeeeexcellent..."

wurwolf: That judge is such a cheapo.

wurwolf: "Kids have to be so careful before Halloween" is so coming from her grandfather. He's trying to bend her to his will.

wurwolf: Kids shouldn't go anywhere off by themselves or with a stranger every day of the year, not just around Halloween.

Lita: If multitudes of little children everywhere really were being kidnapped just before Halloween so they could be sacrificed to Satan you'd think we'd hear more missing child reports.

Lita: Instead I mostly hear about children being kidnapped by estranged parents or child molesters.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Look at the hate on Li'l Susy's face when she's answering Buffy's question about witches. I think it's just what any parent wants to see shining on the face of her or his child.

wurwolf: How does Lil' Susy know so much about teens everywhere going into white and black witchcraft?

Lita: Joey told her. He knows all about what the local kids are up to.

wurwolf: He's probably got her grandfather's number on his speed dial.

wurwolf: She looks like such a Stepford child when she's talking about teen witches ending up in hell.

Lita: She, like Bob, wriggles with glee every time somebody goes to hell.

Lita: She doesn't want to be in hell with the witches. She might get cooties.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Oh, brother. Buffy's never heard of Jesus either. What is the world coming to?

wurwolf: I think Lil' Susy's taking the Lord's name in vain there. "Jesus, Buffy! Do you live under a rock or something?"

Lita: "Goddamit, you ignorant little slut!"

Lita: "Tell me more, Susy" is a command, not a question, Buffy.

Lita: If you people listened to Ms. Henn more often you might know that.

wurwolf: Susy's standing with her finger in the air like Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount pictures.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Look at those angels rockin' all the way down to Earth!

Lita: I really dig that picture.

wurwolf: It's so retro!

Lita: It's like a disco!

wurwolf: They're doing the Electric Slide right out of heaven!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Not only do angels not allow sinners into Heaven, they're really snobby about it.

Lita: This guy committed the sin of being nekked and having scary leg muscles.

wurwolf: The angel acts like he's the maitre 'd at Le Bec Fin.

Lita: Nice Prince Valient hair, Angel Dude.

wurwolf: Sinner looks so dejected. He's like, "Oh, ok. I guess I'll just go, then."

Lita: Cheer up, Sinner Dude! They're having a badass disco down in Hell!

wurwolf: Disco Inferno!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wurwolf: "Cuz"? Must we do the little kid speak? Why not just give her a lisp?

Lita: Were turbans a big fashion thing among the Jews and Romans back when Jesus was crucified?

wurwolf: Yes, as were plaid robes, like the one Jesus is sporting there.

Lita: The Devil's got a total caffeine buzz going on there.

Lita: Look at him vibrating around.

wurwolf: He's going to get recognized. Even with the others wearing turbans and plaid robes, he's the only one with red skin and horns.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

wurwolf: I love how the girls are dancing around there.

Lita: They're all holding hands and spinning around in slow-mo

wurwolf: It looks like they're in heaven right now!

Lita: Heaven is a place on Earth when a young lesbian love is blossoming.

wurwolf: Oh so true, sister.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: Dressing like a triceratops and asking for candy totally pulls kids into witchcraft.

wurwolf: That poor ghost is going to be tripping over his sheet all night.

Lita: I'm glad to see that the Judge was smart enough to include candy with his tracts on Halloween. He knows that only giving out religious material is a one-way ticket to Egg City.

Lita: Is The Little Ghost on the Chick site? That's the tract the Judge is giving to the kids on Halloween.

wurwolf: Yes it is!

Lita: Fang's in it! And so is Badcat!

Lita: I'm glad he knows better than to give them "The Devil's Night." That's just begging for a new TP tree out front.

wurwolf: Comics. Like they're Archie comics or something.

wurwolf: This whole tract is just one big commercial for Chick Publications.

Lita: I thought they wanted to bring me to Christ, but now I see they just wanted me to buy Chick Tracts. I feel so used.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Lita: "There's comics in here! They'll teach you how to go to heaven!" Don't raise that girl's hopes, Li'l Susy. You already said that all witches go to hell.

Lita: Now I feel bad about dressing as a witch for Halloween that one time in 3rd grade.

wurwolf: "Cool! Thanks!" Oh please. That thing's going in the gutter, along with the peanuts and boxes of raisins.

Lita: And the dental floss.

wurwolf: It's nice that the witch has a ghost to rest her hand on when she's trick or treating.

Lita: What else is a little brother good for?

wurwolf: I like the backgrounds behind Jesus and the old devil. Is Jesus in front of some bubbles?

Lita: You can blow the awesomest bubbles in heaven. In hell all you get is burning brains.

wurwolf: Jesus has a bubble machine. What kid wouldn't want that?

Lita: I'm an adult and I want that.

wurwolf: Too bad, you dressed up as a witch in the third grade. You get burning brains.

Lita: If only I knew Li'l Susy back then. She could have spared me such a fate.

(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2004 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)

Read more!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Today Chick Publications takes the brave step of teaching us the important lesson that human sacrifice is bad with this special edition Halloween tract.

This tract is one of the first we read, and one that we had in mind when we decided to start up this blog. Is it ok if we admit that we actually really liked this one? Ok, suspicious "facts" about witches and pagans and Satanists aside, it's just cute. See if you agree as we bring you...

wurwolf: Damn, I should have sent the kids to Camp Basil Bub!

Lita: There is some weird bird behavior in this very first panel.

Lita: There's some bird squawking at an owl in the upper left corner and another bird trying to feed a worm to a poisonous snake in the bottom right.

wurwolf: The bird is offering the snake a worm, and the snake is all, Get that crap out of my face, bitch.

Lita: I wonder if that's symbolic.

wurwolf: It's gotta be.

wurwolf: I also like how they're all standing up on a rock on a hill instead of like, down by the car or one of the cabins.

wurwolf: If that's supposed to be a kid in the baseball hat in that first panel, then I'm Shirley Shepherd. He looks like he's at least thirty-five.

Lita: He rented the whole place for fifty bucks. He should know something's wrong right there.

Lita: Like toxic waste bubbles up into the cabins or every night plague rats eat everybody's face or something.

Lita: I wonder why there's a government spy hanging out in the back while the guys discuss their party.

wurwolf: Good question. Is that one guy a former President and he's secret service?

Lita: So is that guy supposed to be Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton? I could go either way.

wurwolf: Maybe Billy Carter and Roger Clinton.

wurwolf: Salem High? Oh sure. You guys are just asking for it.

wurwolf: And I refuse to believe these guys actually go to Salem High. They're highly paid party planners for the well-to-do kids of Salem High.

wurwolf: They are just way to old to be high school kids.

Lita: Well, one of those guys is the former President.

Lita: Or his brother.

Lita: 13 people got massacred at this place just last year and this guy, a local guy as far as I can tell, just heard about it.

Lita: Maybe he just moved here last week? From somewhere in the Andes mountains or something? And that's why he doesn't know about the killing spree?

wurwolf: How convenient that 13 people were murdered there. And they supposedly go to Salem High.

wurwolf: Chick missed the chance to name them Freddy and Jason. Actually, I'm surprised one of them isn't named Timmy.

wurwolf: At first I thought the squirrel was gasping.

wurwolf: Maybe the house is gasping.

Lita: The spider dropping down onto Jimmy Carter's back wants Stupid to know all about how the killer got riddled with bullets.

wurwolf: And why not? I'm sure the spider saw it all go down.

Lita: Spiders aren't very bright, though, which is why it's convinced that the killer must be dead.

Lita: And Stupid is even dumber, so he believes the spider.

wurwolf: There's a big scary goat watching them from under a tree outside the house.

Lita: A big goat or a small moose.

wurwolf: Hee! The hillbilly who set up the camping trip laughs like Tork: Haw haw!

wurwolf: Chick Publications might have missed the chance to name them Freddy and Jason, but they didn't forget about Carrie.

Lita: Our secret service guy thinks the cat sacrifice is gross.

wurwolf: I think the secret service guy is saying gross because Charlie just picked his nose.

wurwolf: Can we do a little speculating on that panel? It looks like they took a pair of scissors and cut the background out and then just pasted the people on a grey board.

Lita: It definitely does.

wurwolf: So I'm wondering, what's so objectionable in the background that they had to cut it out?

Lita: Maybe the artist got carried away with all the animals he's cramming into every frame and accidentally drew a couple of them "having relations."

wurwolf: Maybe he realized what a crappy artist he is and started self-censoring.

Lita: I suppose that's the more likely explanation...

Lita: And here's the Pumpkinhead we made references to in the previous tract we did. Way precog of us, making references to a tract we weren't supposed to have read yet. Not to mention professional.

Lita: Pumpkinhead is dragging a snake on a string!

Lita: It's gotta be the serpent from the garden of Eden, yo.

wurwolf: I'm still laughing at the "haw haw". Why does that crack me up so much?

wurwolf: I like how the cars driving away are honking at Satan. "See ya later, dude!" *beep beep!*

Lita: The first car is being very irrisponsible in regards to seatbelt safety.

Lita: I am being very irrisponsible in regards to spelling.

wurwolf: They're actually standing up in the car, aren't they?

Lita: Or in the back of a truck. It's hard to tell.

Lita: But yeah. They're standing up and waving their arms. I'd say they were destined to die tonight one way or another.

wurwolf: And again we have the standard cursing that was saw in The Nervous Witch: @!!!**!

wurwolf: I like how Pumpkinhead is excited that they're coming to his party, but then realizes that he forgot his chain saw. Mood swings much?

Lita: How did Pumpkinhead forget his chainsaw? You're a mass murderer, dude. It's what you do. The chainsaw should be an extension of yourself.

wurwolf: Exactly. You remembered the snake but forgot the chainsaw? What kind of killer are you?

wurwolf: It's his birthday, I hope someone got him a Palm Pilot.

Lita: It's like if I went to my side gig as a hike leader and forgot the trail we were on. And then we all got lost. Not that that's ever happened...

Lita: Let's move on!

wurwolf: Carrie's dressed like Sandra Lee in her Halloween episode.

wurwolf: I wonder if Carrie's drunk off her ass like Sandra Lee was.

Lita: You have to be really drunk to think sacrificing a kitty is a fun time.

Lita: This isn't Badcat. This is his cousin, Sadcat.

wurwolf: Carrie better watch her sleeves. She's going to set the whole place on fire.

Lita: She just threw in that "on your birthday" as an afterthought, didn't she? This sacrifice isn't very well thought out.

Lita: Hee! Sandra Lee just came onto my TV and she's totally dressed like a witch. Really.

wurwolf: She's got an audience, why isn't she working from a script?

wurwolf: (Carrie, not Sandra Lee)

Lita: Of course. Sandra Lee doesn't have an audience. Not an appreciative one, anyway.

wurwolf: Ron Jeremy runs for his life!

Lita: I don't blame Pumpkinhead for wanting to take Carrie down. She totally forgot his birthday and then got him an assy gift.

Lita: I really hope Pumpkinhead carved the door off its hinges with his chainsaw.

wurwolf: You know, I was thinking about that. It would take Pumpkinhead a good five to ten minutes to get through that wall. If you're standing in a room and someone starts sawing a hole in the wall from the other side, do you stick around for ten minutes to see what happens?

Lita: He'd just have to go down the side with the hinges. It's possible that there's a knob for that door hidden behind his word balloon, but I choose to believe there's no knob to hold the door shut. This is a $50 camp, after all.

Lita: Also, he's been planning this, so maybe he came in earlier and made some pre-cuts.

wurwolf: Oh, I see. I didn't even realize it was a door. I thought he just cut a big hole in the wall. But I think you're right because I see a door frame there.

Lita: The door would be thinner than the log wall anyway.

Lita: Sadcat is free!!!

wurwolf: And he's pissed!

Lita: Most of the partygoers don't want to be chainsawed, but one guy is really into it. He's all like, "YAAAAH!" This is the best day ever for him.

wurwolf: That's just Nebby going insane in there.

wurwolf: Even the rat's not sticking around.

Lita: Hee! At the jail there's a cake with a saw in it. I'm legitimately enjoying this thing way too much.

wurwolf: Is the guy in the wanted poster on the wall giving the thumbs up?

wurwolf: If so, that's one of the most hilarious mug shots I've seen. It should be on Smorking Gun.

wurwolf: The chief has a levitating coffee cup, and it's pouring its contents out on the desk.

Lita: The Chief had to choose a number and he wanted to be number 1. He doesn't want to be number 2. His deputy has to be number 4.

wurwolf: I wonder if he'll hear a knock on the door.

Lita: It's Jesus with a blank check.

wurwolf: Well, there is a CAKE in the picture.

wurwolf: Holy cow, the deputy has way too many bullets on his belt. What is he, the Frito Bandito?

Lita: 'Tis the devil himself!

Lita: And the Deputy is Irish!

wurwolf: Satan's got the Snidely Whiplash thing going on.

wurwolf: Is the author sure he doesn't mean Stan? Because that "Satan" looks more like a Stan to me.

Lita: 19 dead. This time Pumpkinhead didn't stop at the more traditional 13.

Lita: Is he trying to work his way up to 666?

wurwolf: If so he's gonna still doing this every Halloween for a long time.

wurwolf: "We've already got 19 dead!" Just how big is this police force?

Lita: They've got at least four guys.

wurwolf: And what did Pumpkinhead do to kill them? He doesn't have his chainsaw with him. I guess he forgot to bring it with him again.

wurwolf: Damn, the Devil really has problems remembering his stuff.

Lita: Maybe the chain got stuck in somebody's abdomen. I've heard that chainsaws aren't actually all that effective for use on flesh.

wurwolf: Ew. Is that something you learned in your medical ethics class?

Lita: Nope. A website. Isn't this a great Internet we all post on where we can learn so much?

wurwolf: Oh yeah.

Lita: "Saints preserve 'em." That deputy is getting more Irish by the moment.

wurwolf: He's the stereotypical Irish cop

wurwolf: I like how the top of the hill is cut off.

wurwolf: The devil's a peeping tom!

Lita: And he's scaring some pale imitation of Fang!

wurwolf: Fang would totally laugh at the devil.

wurwolf: What does the devil have in the palm of his hand? Is that an eye?

wurwolf: Maybe a joy buzzer?

Lita: Stigmata?

Lita: Big hairy wart that calls Davy Jones' leviathin squid thing?

wurwolf: Stigmata sounds like something that would be right up the devil's alley.

Lita: Actually I think it's supposed to be a pentagram.

wurwolf: He's frightening Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Lita: Even more frightening, what's that kid's hand doing at the bottom of the frame?

wurwolf: Hmm.... perhaps this picture was taken out of context and made to look like the kid (let's call him "Timmy") was praying in church, when really Timmy was feeling around the devil's pockets a little too vigrorously.

wurwolf: He looks like he just pooped himself.

wurwolf: Timmy, not the devil.

wurwolf: Okay, the devil, too.

Lita: Both of them have job interviews later.

wurwolf: Satan's got some hairy arms.

Lita: I don't get how Timmy knows nothing about Satan later in the tract, but he knows to rebuke him here.

wurwolf: The devil is cursing in the standard fashion.

wurwolf: What's with all the mountains? Did this story take place in the Alps?

Lita: They look like sand dunes to me. Timmy chased Satan all the way to the Sahara.

wurwolf: Joey looks like he's hungover when he's talking to his pastor.

Lita: I guess we have to stop calling him Timmy now.

wurwolf: Now we're going to get him confused with the snitch who was reporting kids as gang members.

wurwolf: Wow, the pastor is a hott, rugged lumberjack.

wurwolf: Guest artist: Jack Elrod.

Lita: No kidding. Lots of exterior shots and animals and the pastor even has that lantern jaw.

wurwolf: All we need is Molly the Bear and Snake and Jake.

wurwolf: "Who kicked him out of heaven, Pastor?" The "You're a little slow, aren't you, Joey?" remains unspoken.

Lita: The devil is so cute clenching his little fists in frustration.

wurwolf: Jim Henson's Devil Babies.

wurwolf: I think the two cars parked outside the church are the two that drove past Pumpkinhead earlier.

Lita: The pastor has a deal with Pumpkinhead. He gets all the victims' stuff.

Lita: The pastor is going all David Bowie, "It's further than you think and time is short. Forget about the baby."

wurwolf: He looks so depressed.

Lita: His expression is exactly the same through the whole tract. I think Jesus literally fashioned him out of clay.

Lita: And Jesus was not in a good mood when He did it.

wurwolf: Is that snow on the ground? Did this tract take place in the Yukon?

Lita: Who doesn't get snow in late October?

Lita: Satan is also a master debator.

Lita: Old joke? Yes. But it's one I happen to be fond of.

wurwolf: It's a good one.

wurwolf: Yeah. "Twick or tweet". Whatever, Chick tracts.

Lita: I had to get all hardass on the kids last year. I'd open the door and they'd be silent. I was like, "SAY IT!!"

Lita: And then they'd be scared and be all "trick or treat" in tiny voices.

wurwolf: Good for you. They're getting free candy, the least they can do is say what you want them to say.

wurwolf: "NOW JUMP UP AND DOWN!"

Lita: I drew the line at the kid who showed up with no costume and a mustache growing in. I knew I was risking eggs, but he got nothing.

Lita: I gave something to his girlfriend, though. She was wearing boxing gloves.

wurwolf: I'll tell you what's scary. That door and that wallpaper together.

wurwolf: Gee, they've got a big fire going. I wonder if they're burning all of their witchcraft stuff, like Bob and Samantha did.

Lita: I think that's the mustache trick-or-treat guy holding the knife over his lady friend on the slab there.

wurwolf: He's pissed off that you didn't give him any candy so he's going to kill her.

wurwolf: So the tract is saying that when we get closer to the second coming of Jesus, Satanism and human sacrifice will increase. So is it also saying that Jesus should stay away?

wurwolf: Evidently the Druids were really spooky. But more so than other pagans?

Lita: He doesn't mean they were scary. He means it in the same sense that we say horses are spooky. Don't sneak up behind this guy. He'll freak out and kick you in the face.

Lita: Which I guess IS actually kind of scary...

Lita: I like that dress that sacrificial chick is wearing. I should dress up like her for Halloween.

wurwolf: She looks like a milkmaid.

Lita: She must have really long legs.

wurwolf: Oh yeah, look at that. They're freakishly long.

wurwolf: The artist got carried away drawing the skirt.

wurwolf: So they left a jack o lantern to protect the house from the death demons, but they take someone to be sacrificed. So the jack o lantern doesn't really work then.

Lita: "We're gonna kill your chick here and in exchange we'll give you a charm to keep your family from dying!"

Lita: "Satanic human sacrifices are a slap in God's face."

Lita: No kidding?

Lita: I guess I should stop Satanically sacrificing humans, then. There goes my Friday night.

wurwolf: Bummer.

wurwolf: The pastor is bummed out about it, too.

Lita: He had so many awesome sacrifices planned.

wurwolf: Yes. Hell really is known as the laughing place. Good times!

Lita: Hee!!! Some dude roasting in hell is shaking his fist at Satan and yelling "You rat!"

wurwolf: Goshdarn you, Satan!

(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2002 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)

Read more!