tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-304049842024-03-07T18:38:44.174-05:00Holeee CowWe take a look at fundamentalist Christian tracts and make snotty jokes.wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-7463591853809340502009-06-25T16:51:00.012-04:002009-06-25T18:00:21.901-04:00Evil Eyes<span style="font-style: italic;">Arrrrrrrrrrrriba!!! Hola muchachos! Today we take a run for the border and learn what those loco Catholics are up to this time in...</span><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1030/1030_01.asp"><br /><br /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1030/1030_01.asp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 231px; height: 138px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdpIOlEv-dIiZSE4Tjs3MBWf5auSd05jvoWJueKwxURpww_2JuqjH8aipR9FQEJKs9P4gTd9uE-G2iozBNgBjrsddcO6TPQ_9oxM8HcE4BbSdqYlvtPQUhpGJ7ZbtzlSCvs94V_w/s400/evilcover.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351372087962143954" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I know we're supposed to think that rooster is scared because somebody is glaring at him, but I have chickens and I happen to know that they look like that all the time.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I can hardly blame them. There's never not a good reason to want to kill a chicken.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Except it's kind of gross.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>And it makes you feel bad after you cut their heads off and they keep running around.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Spoken like a woman who's seen a few chickens slaughtered in her day.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Never witnessed it personally, but I've heard enough about it.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlgeW1B7AP1Br8EsgO_KIuHCk5x_yASRh5AsngjOUZD49A5oP_7YryJuAbQ6mkKCzJQGlk5k88dvBMZ4dMB_1fFc-x9_GqM__eUGTHcE097TZqzDo783J83VyRRbpMpvBY9_3uNQ/s1600-h/evilrow01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlgeW1B7AP1Br8EsgO_KIuHCk5x_yASRh5AsngjOUZD49A5oP_7YryJuAbQ6mkKCzJQGlk5k88dvBMZ4dMB_1fFc-x9_GqM__eUGTHcE097TZqzDo783J83VyRRbpMpvBY9_3uNQ/s400/evilrow01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371963845426258" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> "Why have you come to me?" I would have liked to see the guy answer, "For a gallon of milk" or "For some miracle floor cleaner" or even "For a hand job."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> "It will cost you"? What kind of a sales pitch is that? I'm no practitioner of Santeria, but even I know that it would be better to go with, "Good magic does not come at a low price," or something like that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> "It will cost you" is just as likely to make somebody turn around and walk out the door.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Not in a Chick tract.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> And boy, that guy is stupid. "I've come into a lot of money. I can afford it." He might as well give her his social security number and his ATM card.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I like the friendly mannequin by the door. "Thanks! Come again! Have a nice day!"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I was just about to mention that. It's probably supposed to be a statue of some kind, but I'd like to think that there's just some half-naked black lady dancing around in the back.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I think I like that notion better, too. Shops would probably do a much better business if they employed half naked women to dance by the door as customers left.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> You are assuming that the black woman would be paid. I suspect that that is just what the people at Chick Tracts think black people do when they come into contact with Santeria.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Good point.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhzRsCdzqlp7IBoRpqCLl71nz17k1mRp_rd3n5di6JrJLA5HDCE3HDwEzN1RYCtqG1nRJAbCxvo-nu6qFEFK-QZrwA-ZK16rn91wdiCcdYxURQ0YLz1Z-KZ2ZccY2mBh5aa8x9Cg/s1600-h/evilrow02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhzRsCdzqlp7IBoRpqCLl71nz17k1mRp_rd3n5di6JrJLA5HDCE3HDwEzN1RYCtqG1nRJAbCxvo-nu6qFEFK-QZrwA-ZK16rn91wdiCcdYxURQ0YLz1Z-KZ2ZccY2mBh5aa8x9Cg/s400/evilrow02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371957961179874" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> The Santeria priestess looks like Bob Hoskins in a wig.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I would like to suggest that making the guy a vegetable is not the best form of revenge if you want him to suffer for a long time. A vegetable is not aware of his plight or his suffering.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Exactly. Give him heartbreak of psoriasis or irritable bowel syndrome. Something creative.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Make him like Stephen Hawking. His body is shutting down but he's still fully aware of what's going on. He'll be in a wheelchair and completely unable to communicate except through computers that read his eye or tongue movements or whatever but he can't afford those computers so he's stuck.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> The picture Santa gave the Santeria lady is just of some bats flying in front of the moon. I'm not sure that'll help her identify Carlos.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I think that's the side of Carlos' bald head, but kudos for creativity there.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Oh, I see it now. Ok.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4M0w0mI2qX4d-av5F5pG3v3k0S3WvAiqh4jdcV76vjQcY8IuFj1cIgLihnTKYPBBEAriMEkGQThjx95yB85vfzNld4oBzNayDm5H9Y4aqxZzD5DExUBeBU6j48yub3D6FfAKNyg/s1600-h/evilrow03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4M0w0mI2qX4d-av5F5pG3v3k0S3WvAiqh4jdcV76vjQcY8IuFj1cIgLihnTKYPBBEAriMEkGQThjx95yB85vfzNld4oBzNayDm5H9Y4aqxZzD5DExUBeBU6j48yub3D6FfAKNyg/s400/evilrow03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371955239826370" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Poor Mama. I can tell from her decor that she's Catholic.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Yep. Crucifix. Picture of Mary. Flowers.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Looks like my in-laws' living room.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Is Carlos not Roberto's uncle? I assume Aunt Maria just married some dude?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> How'd he get to Mexico? Are we even in Mexico? Where are we?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>We've been kidnapped!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Oh wait. The sign says we're 300 miles away. Thanks, sign.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Hey! There's Fang!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Fang's looking at that bus the same way I am. Is that what buses look like in Mexico?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I know that's what they look like in the Philippines:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://netwizardllc.net/pinas/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/jeepney03.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 750px; height: 498px;" src="http://netwizardllc.net/pinas/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/jeepney03.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I guess Mexico does the same thing with their buses.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I don't see chickens on the bus. Mexican buses are filled with chicken in movies.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> We should do that with our buses.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I agree, I love jeepneys<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I get that Mama is sad about Roberto getting religion. Because, as we all know, Catholics aren't in any way religious.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Mothers everywhere mourn when their children become religious.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFp3o7NSYjTKC7LP30SqcGkNL5zddX7dH-UM5GUf04DqFq8iKQYu4LdkNSN-ql8xSgRBjG7asyRa3mvuZ4UbE8kaG-P8qUnllLwyQWoFQr2Q0e2ldFo5elGESGKS7dIQBQb02WfA/s1600-h/evilrow04a.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFp3o7NSYjTKC7LP30SqcGkNL5zddX7dH-UM5GUf04DqFq8iKQYu4LdkNSN-ql8xSgRBjG7asyRa3mvuZ4UbE8kaG-P8qUnllLwyQWoFQr2Q0e2ldFo5elGESGKS7dIQBQb02WfA/s400/evilrow04a.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371951018342770" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I need to learn to read. I though that woman said "Spray paint Lazarus for me." I was thinking, "Wouldn't that kind of tick him off?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I'll bet Jack Chick has spray painted a few saints in his day.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> You just know he's tipped over at least one Mary on a half-shell before.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I'm not into the Catholic religion, but I dig their art. I'd be so sad to hear somebody's awesome saint picture got defaced.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I will agree that I like the craftsmanship involved in Catholic artwork, but I'm not so thrilled to be checking out Mary or a dead Jesus every two seconds.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>This is the only picture of Lazarus I've found in the old style I like, but it's also the only one I've seen where he's not all old and decrepit and leaning on a couple of crutches. I guess the Catholics think Jesus didn't do a very good job resurrecting him.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.saintlazarus.org.uk/MarthaMaryLazarus.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 253px; height: 296px;" src="http://www.saintlazarus.org.uk/MarthaMaryLazarus.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Eh. Too Catholic for me.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-yMZ1DbEcPgznOGHad1YYw3cjG0XGLEy85q2hFcHevgQuo1JaROrf3c6BGZu7xqeZPpLcTbRs8ecRy0i1yz6yiykNZyE6i5oDVs04ZRAnjLKmYMRD0TXCFT_d5PLenoOnlL1hcA/s1600-h/evilrow04b.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 227px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-yMZ1DbEcPgznOGHad1YYw3cjG0XGLEy85q2hFcHevgQuo1JaROrf3c6BGZu7xqeZPpLcTbRs8ecRy0i1yz6yiykNZyE6i5oDVs04ZRAnjLKmYMRD0TXCFT_d5PLenoOnlL1hcA/s400/evilrow04b.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371947054524930" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Well, time to blow on a chicken.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>That chicken has the exact expression I'd expect anybody to have when a large woman lifts him up by the legs and sprays booze up his bottom.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Don't tell me about Carlos. That chicken has <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">no</span> defense for what's coming.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSpERE3anG5Rpe2uewUYBzCI2OKPvE_DxHjKbndmcDB2KIAGs3vpWyDJxuX4p0rh093hQ2zUtCa7ks7rgyQdMMlteIZjkVI_Ve5dzSdwUatB9AUHRSThFCCHRikPBtWQSI47s6dg/s1600-h/evilrow05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSpERE3anG5Rpe2uewUYBzCI2OKPvE_DxHjKbndmcDB2KIAGs3vpWyDJxuX4p0rh093hQ2zUtCa7ks7rgyQdMMlteIZjkVI_Ve5dzSdwUatB9AUHRSThFCCHRikPBtWQSI47s6dg/s400/evilrow05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371731921875746" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Is it wrong of me to think that the dance party going on looks kind of fun?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Give me a few drinks and blow some booze up my butt and I'll be there dancing with the spirits, too.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I think the dead cat would kind of kill the fun for me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Gosh, I didn't even see the kitty there.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I'm being positive and telling myself that the cat at the party is just sleeping.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> He's having a siesta.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> They do look like they're having a good time, though. So far Jack Chick isn't making much of a case against Santeria.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Unless you like animals, I guess.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ9xRFj2NKuTRhFRvkzdBCawDLeWyzar4IUJy_J1SCdcDIgBBKzTL6-gGmRyJZ2qjafILpwG_1_id7fycvUmhg050QfeV4QFGBselcVcOzUqq_7zFq3R0mnRHtZQtdopzqByuoDg/s1600-h/evilrow06a.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 228px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ9xRFj2NKuTRhFRvkzdBCawDLeWyzar4IUJy_J1SCdcDIgBBKzTL6-gGmRyJZ2qjafILpwG_1_id7fycvUmhg050QfeV4QFGBselcVcOzUqq_7zFq3R0mnRHtZQtdopzqByuoDg/s400/evilrow06a.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371728088313474" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> That poor rooster looks so resigned to his fate. He's like, "After what I've been though, death is a release."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>That picture of Carlos isn't flattering. Plus, he has no body. Just a head.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> We see the picture of Carlos in the cauldron, but who's the black guy on that other picture? Is Santeria Lady cursing extra people on Santa's dime?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> They draw the bad guys in pictures that way every time. It's how you know they are bad guys, whether it's a mug shot or photo on someone's mantle.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> The frog in the cauldron is like, Wait a minute, I thought I was just hopping into a pond here. What's all this shit?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg31YfIGMDdpBf-QNEYR784l0Q7fNQL-ZBUDS0xp8A9MwEqkic-hm7cDr5fCOoS-JMJFR7whcDP9MFuIODVC8V8pdcT_tWb8K35-lzGIHN906lLiKsHnzE8uxgxCWEePx5oTH4EfA/s1600-h/evilrow06b.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 227px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg31YfIGMDdpBf-QNEYR784l0Q7fNQL-ZBUDS0xp8A9MwEqkic-hm7cDr5fCOoS-JMJFR7whcDP9MFuIODVC8V8pdcT_tWb8K35-lzGIHN906lLiKsHnzE8uxgxCWEePx5oTH4EfA/s400/evilrow06b.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371722965306418" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Santeria Lady isn't very good at her job. She wasn't supposed to kill Carlos. She was supposed to make him suffer.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> He's not dead. It's just <span style="font-style: italic;">like</span> he's dead.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span> Oh, I see. Literacy is nice.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Not that you would know.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGvZX5pybdvedAopEDVWQDxcGxGdTTvzaRP_t12as3A_gi1RGCnSydW2okg9SUHt1WFs-S_huX1Z5OICMsXXQKbFHTEQNFvkr49aq7f4h-FDblcu-_C5v_x9ScSgntjjOqhezp6g/s1600-h/evilrow07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGvZX5pybdvedAopEDVWQDxcGxGdTTvzaRP_t12as3A_gi1RGCnSydW2okg9SUHt1WFs-S_huX1Z5OICMsXXQKbFHTEQNFvkr49aq7f4h-FDblcu-_C5v_x9ScSgntjjOqhezp6g/s400/evilrow07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371711449144434" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Goodness. Father Dominic's face looks like a slab of beef.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Why is Maria holding a shrunken head?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I thought it was an eggplant with a face carved in it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsiWx4rHMAjtz3zSfXDlWZMS-lB9Uca_ytdtup8ZR0RoYZ8nJGNgmSTSsYyyoG91Cr9I3ahHYTSDRl9H77PDoaakPrygWJJSisdCe9yxbwJSuNmR25D2FnCKrCy88qCAcNKOUS-Q/s1600-h/evilrow08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsiWx4rHMAjtz3zSfXDlWZMS-lB9Uca_ytdtup8ZR0RoYZ8nJGNgmSTSsYyyoG91Cr9I3ahHYTSDRl9H77PDoaakPrygWJJSisdCe9yxbwJSuNmR25D2FnCKrCy88qCAcNKOUS-Q/s400/evilrow08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371708202438834" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Where Carlos is going they don't need eyes to see.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I just assumed he was on a tanning bed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Why do all the women in this tract look like scullery maids from the 1800s?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> That's not how women look? I read too many Chick tracts.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Lita is asking wiki about Santeria before she bitches that the tract makes it look like it's a Catholic thing</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Santeria does have a lot of Catholic elements. The tract isn't far off to equate the two.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> From what I understand by watching <span style="font-style: italic;">Angel Heart</span> starring superstars Lisa Bonet Cosby and Mcikethy Rourke, Santeria is a combination of African voodoo and Catholicism.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>"It is a system of beliefs that merge the Yoruba religion (brought to the New World by slaves imported to the Caribbean to work the sugar plantations) with Roman Catholic and Native American traditions."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Oh. And Injun shit.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Ok. I'll let you off the hook THIS time, Chick tracts.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>The next panel makes me LOL all over the place: "Aunt Maria, get this priest <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">out</span> of here!"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Ray Romano to the rescue!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Is the priest making an obscene gesture at Aunt Maria?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFZ8Fec-0QSQd8NK3-gnmxvFtCsFSHho1tB2pZIDlU7oPNDCjPhuPFWKFYOzvUesoMW5wPOtLNxooE6CggIablRwToOaBFWk4M2fQ-kpRPs-QbULryjYJswlNz9b2-GJGsbTNb2A/s1600-h/evilrow09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFZ8Fec-0QSQd8NK3-gnmxvFtCsFSHho1tB2pZIDlU7oPNDCjPhuPFWKFYOzvUesoMW5wPOtLNxooE6CggIablRwToOaBFWk4M2fQ-kpRPs-QbULryjYJswlNz9b2-GJGsbTNb2A/s400/evilrow09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371386809487714" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> He's throwing crucifixes? That's a bit far. Nothing wrong with a crucifix.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I like the crucifixes flying out of the house. Chick loves to shit all over the Catholic paraphernalia.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Yet the same man most likely was outraged by Robert Mapplethorpe's Piss Christ.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>There are plenty of Protestants who keep or wear crosses. I personally find it offensive to throw somebody's cross out into the street.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> It's not a cross if Jesus is still on it. Then it's a crucifix and something to be ridiculed and scorned.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Jesus on the Cross might not be dead yet. But even if He is, Jesus dying on the cross was a pretty important moment for Protestants as well as Catholics.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I agree with you, Lita, but the traditional fundie stance is that Jesus is no longer on the cross. The morbid fascination with Jesus on the cross is a Catholic thing.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Regardless, it's really crass to just throw the crucifixes into the street.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Again, I agree with you, Lita. I just think it's interesting that Chick Publications feel they have every right to disrespect a depiction of Jesus' death simply because they've classified it as "Catholic".<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Also, I think the Protestant problem with crucifixes is that it is a graven image of Jesus. A lot of denominations are against that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Catholics don't seem to have a huge problem with the graven image thing.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Not even most Protestants do. Except Baptists. And we've seen plenty of pics of Jesus in these tracts. Even Jesus on the cross.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> The Baptist church I went to had a stained glass window of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane behind the baptismal pool, but they kept it covered because they felt it was a graven image.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Apparently a former leader of the church went temporarily insane and had it installed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>That's sad. I love a good stained glass window. None of my churches ever had one and I feel like I'm missing out.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Yeah, but now that I think of it, you're right about it not necessarily being a Protestant thing. I think it's really a fundie thing.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Wasn't there some comic or something we were supposed to be reading?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Oh, right.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I can't decide if the guy behind Father Dominic is David Crosby with less hair or a balding mustachioed Liev Schrieber.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I'm going with Yakov Smirnoff.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Also: Father Dominic? Wasn't that the name of the priest who was going to jump off a bridge?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>The priest was Damien, I think.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Oh, you're right. It was Damien.</span><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTgMEUG8iyCDAdqzp22jmED6dDMsQnkqE-zlGu_Ccpq6dXEiJBkVj_jFqo47nnVr9p2VxL3sgSeHcp-fodNa-9L4aQ3sxiLb1xKydDGqfShjHJ7hmJFJ70qgyvtWn_nG27t6g1_g/s1600-h/evilrow10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTgMEUG8iyCDAdqzp22jmED6dDMsQnkqE-zlGu_Ccpq6dXEiJBkVj_jFqo47nnVr9p2VxL3sgSeHcp-fodNa-9L4aQ3sxiLb1xKydDGqfShjHJ7hmJFJ70qgyvtWn_nG27t6g1_g/s400/evilrow10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371377006081618" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Ah. Father Dominic is rustlin' up a posse. Nothing like good old fashioned mob justice.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I like the dude with the enormous mustache in the middle. He looks like a pretty friendly guy to be planning to beat somebody to death.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>That's the guy I thought looked like David Crosby<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>He looks like he's having his picture taken.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I thought you meant that bearded guy in the last panel holding the crucifix.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>No. That guy I can see being Yakov Smirnoff. This guy gave me a David Crosby or Liev Schrieber vibe.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Pedro is offering his protection to Carlos.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>The neanderthal dude has grown himself a beard between the first and second panel of this row.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> He is one hirsute gentleman.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>The one on the left wants to beat Carlos with his back scrubber.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Mmmm, how luxurious. I'd like someone to work me over with a back scrubber.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeajWOBszQkdfv1FBE7Qih1Ct85WRoaPiNd1wOAtDTsa_ftPcHBFB5-ayqXl4u-PcIWVjp3ROpJWiz-VGrhF-phvX1trYrKA4PxwT1mG_0MiJDy7VH8LBKKLZEeaM66aWtzFYBzA/s1600-h/evilrow11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeajWOBszQkdfv1FBE7Qih1Ct85WRoaPiNd1wOAtDTsa_ftPcHBFB5-ayqXl4u-PcIWVjp3ROpJWiz-VGrhF-phvX1trYrKA4PxwT1mG_0MiJDy7VH8LBKKLZEeaM66aWtzFYBzA/s400/evilrow11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371374376810802" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I like how this story changes from an indictment of Santeria and Catholicism to a retelling of the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Carlos is so surprised that they're all pissed off at him. Dude, you threw their crosses out into the street! And now you're like, "Jesus! Save me!" and Jesus is like, "Dude, you just threw me into the street."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Or maybe He just fumigates the house.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Not Carlos. Roberto.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Sheesh, Lita, do all these people look alike to you?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Chick Tract people? Yes indeed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Tim Burton's Santeria Babies are flying from the house.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje_9zsl3LTGTcwCyJJ2cWDn9T1cCa51WT8vstoi_AKBV_Uguh1DPl2Jw4xrosj-5H8MOjEcOP8c93FMcwBdlKWCAmhKB06NJyu0ZWUIO34g5OGbOOZW-Zn0hXpioL4kKkz6DX9Pg/s1600-h/evilrow12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje_9zsl3LTGTcwCyJJ2cWDn9T1cCa51WT8vstoi_AKBV_Uguh1DPl2Jw4xrosj-5H8MOjEcOP8c93FMcwBdlKWCAmhKB06NJyu0ZWUIO34g5OGbOOZW-Zn0hXpioL4kKkz6DX9Pg/s400/evilrow12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371371701388018" border="0" /></a></span><span class="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>It's Basement Cat without ears.</span><br /><span class="fullpost"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Lita: </span>Vampire Negro Sperm shoots out of Carlos's nose.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I swear, the only time Chick puts black people in his tracts they're hep cats, drug dealers, ministers, or demon sperm.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> It's true, they're terrible with that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Nice drawing of Carlos. At first I thought the pillow behind him was his shoulders.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I can see why you'd think that. It also looks like he's floating in space.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqs2HQxUbEkhRU_cYJo3XnvN3tFwT7jv27Hj9eiZd8emNjugBVyl1769jT2bGkmMz8ORX4d8wqwQxHWZALvTmVrIlr96AiDil-ds8aiZDhRioZ_3EjxbpYlYZ-avpIxarejVkShg/s1600-h/evilrow13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqs2HQxUbEkhRU_cYJo3XnvN3tFwT7jv27Hj9eiZd8emNjugBVyl1769jT2bGkmMz8ORX4d8wqwQxHWZALvTmVrIlr96AiDil-ds8aiZDhRioZ_3EjxbpYlYZ-avpIxarejVkShg/s400/evilrow13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371365084586082" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>"Something horrible came inside me!" <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">*snicker*</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Such a thing to print in a religious publication.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Lita would like to skip the incoming conversion sequence</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Please do.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPWhR6Eb5NYMBa_bCeE-qEYysshBbXvkybJSmyzbKa08iNM0pUPS2p_v5xjn8AJ6FAN2LmgOFu6d4NL2YHige7LZU_8v8oI7qCWRcadvByZ5FZys9WwRa_bm170Gwh5v9B_Zradw/s1600-h/evilrow16b.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 237px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPWhR6Eb5NYMBa_bCeE-qEYysshBbXvkybJSmyzbKa08iNM0pUPS2p_v5xjn8AJ6FAN2LmgOFu6d4NL2YHige7LZU_8v8oI7qCWRcadvByZ5FZys9WwRa_bm170Gwh5v9B_Zradw/s400/evilrow16b.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371070186135618" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Hey! Santa wants to beat Roberto, too! But he ordered Carlos zombified in the first place!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Santa's just looking to beat someone's ass. He doesn't care who.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Maybe he's annoyed that Roberto wants to undo his spell. Or maybe he's just covering his ass.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Or maybe he's just out for kicks.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Jeez. Could they make the mob look any more stereotypical? I expect to see the Frito Bandito or Speedy Gonzalez there.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGUt5izIgloOETn9G4HjDD8WSA19rmBgWwyoM6siz9FF8SNcfGirfYZSL4jujW7_mnpziOpKlkuzLdaFP0aq6PS0zGyUtmKG1KJc8HyyEWTNl_Ry97xl8_qwn-2Xk9LPZlsBv3cg/s1600-h/evilrow18b.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 227px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGUt5izIgloOETn9G4HjDD8WSA19rmBgWwyoM6siz9FF8SNcfGirfYZSL4jujW7_mnpziOpKlkuzLdaFP0aq6PS0zGyUtmKG1KJc8HyyEWTNl_Ry97xl8_qwn-2Xk9LPZlsBv3cg/s400/evilrow18b.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371067135576754" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Suddenly Carlos is looking pretty smug. I think he's up to no good.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I'd trust him.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpYtOqCpHTGZa8zecAyFRmllRHZBC4dMXQjM0CIiSzUO8zlrdcWusS6BmUS7ZZXuezzCJPV_o5gSCsLHvLQyO2y-9mOwCZMeBYrzo5_Rj2YHCig6n3cbPXVdUzzumOR2B9sYyLRQ/s1600-h/evilrow19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpYtOqCpHTGZa8zecAyFRmllRHZBC4dMXQjM0CIiSzUO8zlrdcWusS6BmUS7ZZXuezzCJPV_o5gSCsLHvLQyO2y-9mOwCZMeBYrzo5_Rj2YHCig6n3cbPXVdUzzumOR2B9sYyLRQ/s400/evilrow19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371062503341826" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Wooo! Carlos pulled the ol' switcheroo!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Noooo! He looked like such a decent guy!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I think we're starting to see why Santa put a hit on him.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> For reals.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I like that the demons are flying back. You can almost hear them shouting for joy.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> That is a nice touch.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Completely ruined by the angry mob just letting the guy go. It's like, "WE KEELL YOU!!! WE KEEL YOU YOU GRINGO BASTARD!!! Or you can just get on the bus, that's ok."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>And then immediately regretting their decision to let him get on the bus.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6qB9u4oQrCQfOMt44y1uJ4NhTBtikJKI_bNlU41MLVVvKImfmidjw8QuNrBWdpIZupHXH6k0diYIFkYLAVcWuVQ4XwS9io_EzgRe3BQOJ_3mfw2AiR1JfKZhvHmyO5pwwXzBcJQ/s1600-h/evilrow20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6qB9u4oQrCQfOMt44y1uJ4NhTBtikJKI_bNlU41MLVVvKImfmidjw8QuNrBWdpIZupHXH6k0diYIFkYLAVcWuVQ4XwS9io_EzgRe3BQOJ_3mfw2AiR1JfKZhvHmyO5pwwXzBcJQ/s400/evilrow20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371056851871314" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Mr. Dominic. That's just the best.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I enjoy the little asterisk to draw our attention to Roberto not calling him "Father."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Hey! It's a Mexican bus after all! There's a chicken!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Hee!! That chicken in the front seat is so freaked out! He just knows he's going to end up in somebody's witches brew.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> He wears the expression of every chicken you've ever seen.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> This is true. They all just know they're going to end up in somebody's witches brew.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Very paranoid, your average chicken.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI2qVps7DWlNfAmvyVl2thxtboB9OOUKbUz6q5YYzWZjHhWeBOS9k5FZPQrLD6M7LFSZ_t-2Q5L_RX4kDqzYJ32rX_cw2t0bYhtBB5EMCvEJ3i-b-596Mpc9fZI8EPeHA4obgKKw/s1600-h/evilrow21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI2qVps7DWlNfAmvyVl2thxtboB9OOUKbUz6q5YYzWZjHhWeBOS9k5FZPQrLD6M7LFSZ_t-2Q5L_RX4kDqzYJ32rX_cw2t0bYhtBB5EMCvEJ3i-b-596Mpc9fZI8EPeHA4obgKKw/s400/evilrow21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351371057185834130" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Amazing how Father Dominic had no problem with what he was doing over the years, but one look at Carlos un-zombified state and he's ready to throw it all aside without any sort of reflection or soul-searching.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>He is immediately on board with the fundie line of thinking that his church has hurt people and destroyed millions of souls.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>No need to soul search when you believe in an obvious SCAM. Protestantism and Catholicism are so obviously different in every way that Dominic clearly would have no problem once somebody pointed out Protestantism exists.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>His problem was he never heard of Jesus.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Or at least not Roberto's Jesus.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Roberto so cheerfully informs Mr. Dominic that Jesus called the Catholic church a big stinkin' whore.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Jesus so regrets that poorly planned night with the Catholic Church in Italy. It was only about $5 but He's been itchy ever since.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-7yR8kWhBMk&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-7yR8kWhBMk&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-55288058025680159522009-05-16T18:34:00.002-04:002009-05-16T18:46:06.763-04:00Do you think it was a smiting?<a href="http://www.blogdoctor.me/2007/02/expandable-post-summaries.html"><br /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.blogdoctor.me/2007/02/expandable-post-summaries.html"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7972/3260/400/row13.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />As many people would have noticed immediately if anybody read this blog, we've been having technical difficulties lately. For whatever reason, Blogger borked Javascript and then our little "Read More" links that collapse and uncollapse the individual blog entries refused to open anymore rendering most of the blog unreadable.<br /><br />I have some finals coming up this week that I do not want to study for, so this became the ideal time to hunt for a solution that doesn't require Javascript. I found one, and now the problem seems to be fixed. Click on the roasting Sodomites above for the link.<br /><br />Like last time, not every post was willing to go along with the new changes (<a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/08/last-judge.html">Last Judge</a>, appropriately, was the most willful) so if you go through the archives you'll see a lot of posts aren't collapsed. I'm sure I don't know why they don't work, but at least you can read them at all. That's the main thing, right?<br /><br />You may notice that this version of the collapsible post opens the full post in a new page instead of opening it right there on the page you're viewing like the old one did. This isn't ideal, but it's what we'll have to live with at least for now. As always, if you find any posts that are just plain broken, let us know, won't you?Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-5386402234586282842009-05-13T16:53:00.011-04:002009-05-16T18:33:43.791-04:00Li'l Susy<div><span style="font-style: italic;">I have to admit, this may be the first tract that nearly broke me. Divorce is a subject that hits close to home and I had a hard time with the tract at first. Lucky for me, the anti-single parent sentiment expressed early on in this tract gave way to a skeevy pedo vibe. With Lita's help I was able to rise to the occasion of making fun of a tract with a character slightly cuter but no less creepy than Bob Williams. Ladies and gentlemen, we introduce to you....</span><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp"><br /></a><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336126746665727106" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 230px; height: 134px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpGZSqcKbjErxPyRp1v-Qbv5o6vVhqe_UCQGuf0pyKCbACcvo7m6Q3GDJxrfwa8AF6YgurRkIUfCHj4APGurl_n6IxiZc_Ke5rCV128dP1x0giegmaBASP4-vRtUSRoD6QOQbT/s400/1050_01.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><b>Lita:</b> I wish that cover picture were larger. I can't see what she's doing with all those birds and bees.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I was thinking the same thing. It does look, however, like she's a fun-loving and happy-go-lucky scamp, the kind of easygoing live and let live girl who loves all people no matter what their color or creed.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Not at all the kind of horrible little creep that readers will eventually discover her to be.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Not at all.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB447NJH08Oj98nKDAb2DK2N0kJGuA5MsE1QhopM2u3SvGrx-5usd2aTxLBkdUctbdtkKxQTKx4SDwq-wZyImXqC5D74V1Yv50AV4pOMx_iTI7AVzZ2AdAy1KFjKhLd3gFzXCX/s1600-h/1050_02.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336127093042170274" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 206px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB447NJH08Oj98nKDAb2DK2N0kJGuA5MsE1QhopM2u3SvGrx-5usd2aTxLBkdUctbdtkKxQTKx4SDwq-wZyImXqC5D74V1Yv50AV4pOMx_iTI7AVzZ2AdAy1KFjKhLd3gFzXCX/s400/1050_02.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I'm trying to distract myself from the offensiveness to come by looking at the picture. Is the fire hydrant off the sidewalk?<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Perhaps, but if you look closely it appears she may be sitting on stairs.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Stairs that lead to a brick wall, like all well-thought out staircases do.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I think that's a stretch. Like you said, she's got a wall behind her.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> I think the hydrant is on the sidewalk and she's sitting on the first step of a two-step staircase that leads to a wall.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I think you're making excuses for shitty artwork.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> It's a metaphor for her life as a child without a mother.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Oh wow, that's good. Well, if that's the case, well played, Chick tracts.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> My poor English major is going to waste.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Clearly Lil Susy doesn't have a mom. What mother would dress her kid in a t-shirt and short pants when it's so chilly out that the other girl needs a turtleneck and heavy stockings?<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I'm assuming that between the first and second frame the two girls got up and walked from the city to the country.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Maybe there's a park on Chipmunk Face's side of the street.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> If that's the case then the tree is awfully close to the brick wall.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Maybe the brick wall is a fence of some sort.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> With a fire hydrant on the inside of the wall....<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> My head hurts.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Maybe it's the same poor city planning that led to the brick wall behind the stairs.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Possibly<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Maybe the wall is to keep the gays out of the park. <a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7972/3260/320/pedo.jpg">You know you can't trust the gays around little children.</a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf6eLdzGpzbjGbKJXtxZzZDqvi_h5uAH9JceABqQKnOwt9qgt2g2Pr0tpIyW-BvEzVhNHxdL_yv1zI7g1bgvKeUBvvfa6zcMCudzhrv3mvf5i3a74y8zoGUF0b-MPvCUMblm-C/s1600-h/1050_03.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336127480945847298" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 206px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhf6eLdzGpzbjGbKJXtxZzZDqvi_h5uAH9JceABqQKnOwt9qgt2g2Pr0tpIyW-BvEzVhNHxdL_yv1zI7g1bgvKeUBvvfa6zcMCudzhrv3mvf5i3a74y8zoGUF0b-MPvCUMblm-C/s400/1050_03.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> That's right, Lil Susy. There's no way parents who are divorced love their children. Clearly your friend needs to get that through her thick skull, feelings be damned.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "No, Cathy, my mom wasn't like yours. Mine <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">loved</span></span> me."<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Lil Susy's mom loved her so much she died.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Lil Susy is pretty cheerful about the fact that she killed her own mom.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> She's probably cheerful because her mom loved her to death. Unlike Cathy, who is a waste of a human life because her parents are divorced.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> If only Cathy had loved her mother enough to kill her like Susy did. Then she wouldn't have this problem.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> It's her own fault, really.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggnvd02GGcdf2ObZiUX_KWGOWB6DBR1haS7YzKXX0zj4vVSsrk3DMcfH7YUU7T7xYDeTI0Nav8vdF5rW8q1gN4ycKk2BQR9bdI9u4pgkE2utpxZM2pRatNTT69-n2y8fzg7SEZ/s1600-h/1050_04.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336128223232289426" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 205px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggnvd02GGcdf2ObZiUX_KWGOWB6DBR1haS7YzKXX0zj4vVSsrk3DMcfH7YUU7T7xYDeTI0Nav8vdF5rW8q1gN4ycKk2BQR9bdI9u4pgkE2utpxZM2pRatNTT69-n2y8fzg7SEZ/s400/1050_04.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Lil Susy's got so much love, she offed her father, too.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "My heart... pills.... Susy.... For the love of God... give me my... heart pills...." "No, Father. It is for the love of God that I cannot. You're going to go see Jesus now."<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Alright, so now Susy's sitting on a wall, but there are no bricks.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> It's like the artist started with a brick wall and then decided that drawing all those bricks was too much trouble.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Asslan must have warped them to Tardia. You can see the mysterious hydrant in the wilderness right there.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Any minute now Mr. Dumnus will show up.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibgjfEf1Lel5Y5yzzc8LOCO1G9EJg40eOf-SZhFoAp4h0pFIFLj0frIk628oyr-E1MrV-JRMsYUHs2uXNuTDolbGj0CPjnnldIGlvIDamrXu4KziyZgBK235njhhHWVG4win6y/s1600-h/1050_05.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336128337082170226" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 205px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibgjfEf1Lel5Y5yzzc8LOCO1G9EJg40eOf-SZhFoAp4h0pFIFLj0frIk628oyr-E1MrV-JRMsYUHs2uXNuTDolbGj0CPjnnldIGlvIDamrXu4KziyZgBK235njhhHWVG4win6y/s400/1050_05.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Poor kid. Look at her screwing up her little chipmunk face. I wonder where Daddy is? Probably screwing some slut, no doubt.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Probably some dippy schoolteacher.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Most likely. Or the babysitter.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Cathy is so angry about her father remarrying that she's turning into a werewolf.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Man. It must be rough to only have your mom around, especially since, as Susy pointed out, said mother doesn't love you.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "If only your mom had loved you more, she'd have been able to keep your dad around."<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Too bad Cathy is so unlovable.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Wuh-oh. I think Susy's eyeball has burst and is dripping out of her skull.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> She looks like she's looking at a tick on the back of Cathy's head.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> I do sympathize with kids who have a parent that leaves and then never wants to contact them again. Marriages break up for various reasons and it's sad, but however you may feel about your former spouse, refusing to have anything to do with your child is pretty indefensible. Unless... Maybe if the child is a psycho. Like that Bad Seed kid. I wonder if Cathy's a Bad Seed.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> We know Li'l Susy is. Maybe that's why she's befriending Cathy. There can be only one!<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> It's a duel to the death! And Susy's had experience!<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> They'll end up fighting in some big abandoned warehouse or something.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> It will be an epic battle, the tale of which will be handed down through the ages.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> And Susy will swing her sword and Cathy will think she missed and smile... But then a gap will appear in her neck and her head will fall off.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> And then all these sparks will shoot out of her neckhole and Susy will absorb all her powers, as well as the wisdom of the ages.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> And we will all be lost.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> You watch too much tv.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> That was a movie. <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091203/">A very awesome movie.</a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmKT254BiWFGO1IYGMfmhxoc544hJ3FSFnYRBr92JE-263lqpl10KOrJmTrU0Q3X6Abm3T8PPq_sn5bsD9loM_9LpehnUHw0QxuLRpabQkmGi01yX3fLL53ccXcqWZLXJqEX2T/s1600-h/1050_06.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336128492395998834" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 206px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmKT254BiWFGO1IYGMfmhxoc544hJ3FSFnYRBr92JE-263lqpl10KOrJmTrU0Q3X6Abm3T8PPq_sn5bsD9loM_9LpehnUHw0QxuLRpabQkmGi01yX3fLL53ccXcqWZLXJqEX2T/s400/1050_06.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> This overhead shot of a bird feeding and caring for their young brought to you by Focus on the Family.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Check Cathy's teeth. It's like she knows a fight is coming. She's got her mouth guard in.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Smart girl.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Her face changes more than anyone else I've ever seen in these tracts, though.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihkIVjRat6BPUQgQLGwGQM_0NijTBOx4e-O_DG2fZBz5eFbsdQ2vXiyKRd6xX-WKS-MLk7o4PywIFBbPz2hPLSVG1stHH8rAsjf4YsJvBn2S1fqM0E3kZO8qFTlq1QC8cE8mW1/s1600-h/1050_07.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336128644219622482" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 205px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihkIVjRat6BPUQgQLGwGQM_0NijTBOx4e-O_DG2fZBz5eFbsdQ2vXiyKRd6xX-WKS-MLk7o4PywIFBbPz2hPLSVG1stHH8rAsjf4YsJvBn2S1fqM0E3kZO8qFTlq1QC8cE8mW1/s400/1050_07.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Gah!!! She's turning into Chuckie!!! I think we're on to something with this Bad Seed theory!<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I can't believe Cathy doesn't say, "Are you fucking insane?" when Susy proposes her daddy can be Cathy's daddy, too.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Unless they're in a polygamist cult. Then it makes total sense.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> They better hurry up with the big reveal that New Daddy is Jesus, because the more they drag it out the more it's starting to sound like Li'l Susy's recruiting for a child prostitution ring.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Which really, isn't above Chick publications.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "Big Daddy says your income is slipping, Cathy. You're gonna have to lose those teeth."<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> I can't even begin to describe the face Cathy's making in this second panel. I want to compare her to some cartoon character, but I can't place it.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Like something out of Bedknobs & Broomsticks.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> It occurs to me that we can't see Susy's face as she's talking about her "new father". I wonder if that's so we can't see the evil glint in her eyes.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_iCvaZ1HombBXgSu-hqmItMQeJDZ4ZNNGWSsv1FMtr94JE-tcApJaRMtNcPTwI0_LZlRWcIhJKFposHQKg6eloArfSwSg9x0SFIV7gXHmiStTCFsheU4e1jmk1qMsHeQUKXG/s1600-h/1050_08.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336129109226921682" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 206px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_iCvaZ1HombBXgSu-hqmItMQeJDZ4ZNNGWSsv1FMtr94JE-tcApJaRMtNcPTwI0_LZlRWcIhJKFposHQKg6eloArfSwSg9x0SFIV7gXHmiStTCFsheU4e1jmk1qMsHeQUKXG/s400/1050_08.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Grandpa showed her how to get a new father? I know what she's going for, but my goodness does that sound sinister.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> It does sound sinister, along the order of The Stepford Wives. Like Grandpa showed her how to build an animatronic father in the basement.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> I was thinking more along like "Hey, Li'l Susy, this is Uncle Ray. He's moving in with us now. You can look at him like a new father."<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Ha, like Uncle Ray is Grandpa's new lover.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Exactly<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Finally! Cathy is now questioning Susy's sanity and motives.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Cathy doesn't want Susy's great grandpa to be her daddy.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Look at the expression of innocence on Susy's face. "But there's only one way you can meet him...."<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> BY DYING!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "...Put this gun in your mouth."<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Heh! Li'l Susy's old Daddy also lives up in heaven. She's awash with dead dads!<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> It's a Daddy party up there.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Cathy, like everyone in Chick tracts, is stunned to hear that God did something for her. I guess I can excuse that, she's pretty young.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> And she doesn't have any parents around who care enough to give her the "love gift" spiel.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Poor thing's really going to be in the woods when she discovers boys.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> That'll be in about five minutes once Li'l Susy gets her roped into Big Daddy's family business.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcm_53vu6Em5mKlcmCEHPAAKwX8Xv1901QdWiTYvSY0qhj78MmSXZme7r8tdz_2dumnj1Z1dQMQKLh8YkuB39-HmdCqq1cibJJnGMBG2U1ar1F8Y7bFY06MJ8X36ZfGjmhpQGZ/s1600-h/1050_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcm_53vu6Em5mKlcmCEHPAAKwX8Xv1901QdWiTYvSY0qhj78MmSXZme7r8tdz_2dumnj1Z1dQMQKLh8YkuB39-HmdCqq1cibJJnGMBG2U1ar1F8Y7bFY06MJ8X36ZfGjmhpQGZ/s400/1050_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336130486127955282" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Gross. How does Lil Susy know what a virgin is?<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> I'm telling you. Something isn't on the up and up with her and her grandpa and this Daddy thing.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I agree. I am getting the strangest sex vibe from this whole Lil Susy/new Daddy thing.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Seriously, this tract is hurting my heart. "God was inside the little boy." I mean, I know. I know about Jesus being both fully God and man, but.... blurgh...<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Yeah. That along with a lot of the dialogue in this tract can be classified as technically correct... but why did they use this phrasing that makes it sound so sexual? Especially in a tract about little girls!<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Perhaps because it's a tract about little girls. Yick.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguRW61DvVgC1zxPprPJdcD5ukrR22i-66JSPIiuAvGI0sHWQpRAp2Ry3sBt7mpbAnWgFvrqjo6f8Ik7Q8Y8ZuP4TKO6_17aUPjflYyc9pJEJ28akjYy9TENtPri3sw2PoAVFuP/s1600-h/1050_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguRW61DvVgC1zxPprPJdcD5ukrR22i-66JSPIiuAvGI0sHWQpRAp2Ry3sBt7mpbAnWgFvrqjo6f8Ik7Q8Y8ZuP4TKO6_17aUPjflYyc9pJEJ28akjYy9TENtPri3sw2PoAVFuP/s400/1050_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336130622310291394" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> What is sin, Cathy? You don't know what sin is? Oh, you will know.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> I'm skipping around because we've read this song and dance before, but look at this here where Susy explains what sin is. It's the naughty things that people do? Naughty?<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Yeah, "naughty" is a way to say "bad" to little kids, but come on. It's taken such a sexualized connotation in recent decades.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> You're right. It's gross.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "Your dad ran off with some slut. He's so... naughty."<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> "She was a very naughty slut."<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Take note, divorced people who remarried... Li'l Susy is sick of your shit and she is coming to get you.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> She took out her mother, she took out her father... <span style="font-style: italic;">and you're next.</span><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> That face will be the last thing you see before you die.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Imagine lying in your bed at night with that looming over you in the dark, butcher knife in hand.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> She doesn't need a knife. I fully believe she could just tear your throat out with her teeth.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdUBhR0mWAacxuU3SiWKVEvmyvmQIXbNte_GoZrS5r91J1nXmq_ftpdRnZn_a7QhfcaMvREc_-nXYmRfYiCT6vu4UBCWJjG94ofnmI_TpOKJbhS0tEJpsVfzRI0LhR02FNjrd1/s1600-h/1050_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdUBhR0mWAacxuU3SiWKVEvmyvmQIXbNte_GoZrS5r91J1nXmq_ftpdRnZn_a7QhfcaMvREc_-nXYmRfYiCT6vu4UBCWJjG94ofnmI_TpOKJbhS0tEJpsVfzRI0LhR02FNjrd1/s400/1050_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336130774100188690" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> If Susy's trying to sell this new daddy thing to Cathy, she's making the new daddy sound like a dick.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> "You like to lie? Then I guess you're not good enough for the new daddy...."<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "I lie a lot... Like all that business I told you about my dad leaving for some whore? I totally made all that up. Welp, I better get back to my happy home. Goodbye, you crazy orphan!"<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Cathy shifts into McCauley Culkin mode.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Blah blah blah, overly graphic for children crucifixion story.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjulcLy1NuHgQMBkJAIy8wosNKTYH7sZjcqJh-We46TwmIGDVnhr98yZHPk0We-ZI0ELmQXtIFUExPMY7TfF39JbvKFooqVVrddEkKddcpW4KPdtDRG6b_FGJ9sL7C4afk26toP/s1600-h/1050_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjulcLy1NuHgQMBkJAIy8wosNKTYH7sZjcqJh-We46TwmIGDVnhr98yZHPk0We-ZI0ELmQXtIFUExPMY7TfF39JbvKFooqVVrddEkKddcpW4KPdtDRG6b_FGJ9sL7C4afk26toP/s400/1050_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336130903278196306" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Cathy is Chuckying again.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> She's really taking this story to heart.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Cathy, Susy's nuts. Don't you realize that by now?<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "Nobody does that to my New Daddy!"<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I gotta say, though, kudos on the teeth. Teeth are really hard to draw.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> As evidenced by the whole rest of this tract.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> She's gritting those teeth into fine powder. "What?" she growls, "This better be good or I'm going to go dig up those assholes and finish the job myself" remains unsaid.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> "But then something happened three days later that made the devil want to faint!" She makes it sound like the devil got the vapors when Jesus rose from the dead.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> "Oh I do declare. Abaddon dear, could you please get my smelling salts?"<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Aaaaaaand.... more boring witnessing<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNOBHS7DKspU8wvKv4CZZVGiUQXYWmxN6-RRxJQ-VaLMlzgg-kNdhOKD_qkT1KWjEIyu1WNjh5lXbuxI4wnNZ6amtBegcJ72TOvMiIJhGE7LbwFB8PPtxUd-rdl-2Up06Fnp2m/s1600-h/1050_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNOBHS7DKspU8wvKv4CZZVGiUQXYWmxN6-RRxJQ-VaLMlzgg-kNdhOKD_qkT1KWjEIyu1WNjh5lXbuxI4wnNZ6amtBegcJ72TOvMiIJhGE7LbwFB8PPtxUd-rdl-2Up06Fnp2m/s400/1050_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336131041336632402" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> I love the posture in this frame. Susy is sitting and Cathy is lying on the ground looking up at her.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Makes Susy look like a giant.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Their faces are kind of terrifying me.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMoXdNZj1saiVPnsSc5JsV_JU_9lGSpo8APHzHkVUy-cufdU_arWgtrNHxjSdD8pBMq9cIiKZKNmwfQ6MNiHjyUG09V7G9wxnlP4fssKDkGwa1TM9ArikPWJ9p6YTWoLid4Yg/s1600-h/1050_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKMoXdNZj1saiVPnsSc5JsV_JU_9lGSpo8APHzHkVUy-cufdU_arWgtrNHxjSdD8pBMq9cIiKZKNmwfQ6MNiHjyUG09V7G9wxnlP4fssKDkGwa1TM9ArikPWJ9p6YTWoLid4Yg/s400/1050_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336131188371192258" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> You know what's terrifying me? Cathy on her hands and knees. Please stop, Cathy.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Just practicing for her new life once Susy gets her home.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Well, Chick does love to have people stick their butts in the air when they're about to undergo conversion.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdhVWI8H9P7VU10TpG2Sf5DDo282rGX5mwEOe9qmQTUWa-CLN3alTf9hRadg2wgHNL_zImrGKFLBRzjJHe5pEZ0PLfE00UaA8wYpOG4_2xSW7K0dHGTBElU6LtaR9vVORhxl5y/s1600-h/1050_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdhVWI8H9P7VU10TpG2Sf5DDo282rGX5mwEOe9qmQTUWa-CLN3alTf9hRadg2wgHNL_zImrGKFLBRzjJHe5pEZ0PLfE00UaA8wYpOG4_2xSW7K0dHGTBElU6LtaR9vVORhxl5y/s400/1050_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336131313816861778" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Oh, hey! There's the brick wall again. They found their way out of the magical land of Tardia.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> "You're in God's family now. And you better not disappoint the family, you know what I'm sayin'?"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoz9ltbuPsha01Mh8lrTclH-1pJXHmjIhw0MGrOpJKoRxlcPpq2XYHpTKb__lVmNLQGlrVhjG0pfg7OLvVLEWKCtKRiM8hlnVaxFJ6RffTPVh64avE1D-c8SDIOSBerbu032yj/s1600-h/1050_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 207px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoz9ltbuPsha01Mh8lrTclH-1pJXHmjIhw0MGrOpJKoRxlcPpq2XYHpTKb__lVmNLQGlrVhjG0pfg7OLvVLEWKCtKRiM8hlnVaxFJ6RffTPVh64avE1D-c8SDIOSBerbu032yj/s400/1050_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5336131451576078146" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Wow. The eyes in this panel. Don't look at your new sister's tits, Cathy. She's eight and she doesn't have any.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> Everything in this panel. I have never seen two more skeevy kids, and we've covered a lot of creepy kids in these tracts.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> There is no bigger creep than Li'l Susy. Except maybe Bob Williams.<br /><br /><b>Lita:</b> Credit where it's due, though, I like that drawing of the Kingdom of Heaven next door. I'm thinking they woke up the Soul Story artist to do that.<br /><br /><b>wurwolf:</b> If you look really close you can see Susy's parents giving her the finger. </span></div>wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-40952649476542914062009-04-24T16:16:00.015-04:002009-05-16T17:55:02.268-04:00Soul Story<span style="font-style: italic;">Hey there all you soul brothers and soul sisters, honkeys and honkettes. It's time for us to get down and chillax and read us a story about a man. A strong man. A man of action. A man who gets all the chicks. A man you don't want to mess wit, ya dig? A real cool cat. This here's our first ever blaxploitation tract and, dig this, we were more blown away than anybody to discover that we...</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />We... didn't hate this one.<br /><br />Weird huh?</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">So catch us on the flipside and see what's shakin' as we check out...</span><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0069/0069_01.asp"><br /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0069/0069_01.asp"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 235px; height: 139px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpH_dCicYtxqcmg6b5aOo-2OJbmiUiEdW7p9de3JmhltftB5EGQMbhwOop99f4YvdgThRQWmtiP0sDeLtHKraFbFODDaySTUdxsMMnGjNBlaWIl50dsc4jd1GKhP5msoktZFGuXg/s400/soulcover.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355668781620562" border="0" /></a><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Okay, so with this tract, as opposed to the last tract we covered, we get the truth about the date this was published. Clearly, even from the front cover alone, this tract was written in the 70s.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I love this cover. I love everything about this cover. This is the best cover ever.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> The 70s was rife with blaxploitation films, from which I suspect this tract got inspiration.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> And only blaxploitation films.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> If I could get this cover blown up and in high res and put it on my wall, I'd do it so fast.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I have to agree with you, I think that this is the most badass cover we've ever seen. And I include the Dungeons & Dragons tract in that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Can the tract itself possibly live up to the cover's badassery?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> We shall see!<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgJNLIORS_nl3LKry6chHG1oFZfA8O443Mm7NbrqY9L-8PpSXizNtDdd1OW4BB-H6owkrxJsMRbj7Bv2pXnUdmXUGTX_jiTCmSNJzy-Sj4VdbiT51MNGBDUPiq6oI12iym29KaFw/s1600-h/soulrow01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgJNLIORS_nl3LKry6chHG1oFZfA8O443Mm7NbrqY9L-8PpSXizNtDdd1OW4BB-H6owkrxJsMRbj7Bv2pXnUdmXUGTX_jiTCmSNJzy-Sj4VdbiT51MNGBDUPiq6oI12iym29KaFw/s400/soulrow01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355668071814914" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> <span>Hey, it's a return to <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2008/03/contract.html">The Contract</a> style art!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>That's right. It's nice to switch back and forth sometimes, although we sadly will not see the usual Fang/Badcat hijinx from this artist.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Wow. You just know it's an emergency -- look at that Code Blue font. If that doesn't say emergency, I don't know what does.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>What tipped him off that the riot is phony? Are they throwing foam rubber bricks at the guards? I guess when they bounce off their heads, that would be a clue.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I'll bet the warden thinks there's a riot going on, but it's really just the prisoners practicing their "Thriller" dance moves.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>One thing that this artist does well is the rage face. It makes the rage faces in other tracts just look poorly drawn and stupid.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I agree, the rage face is pretty extreme.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfmpPF3xOnnWjrhCOOchD7Exx_eZ6iEBrsrp_OC0zoKz-LRgwrVmqoeTbNffECmURmvAk7Z_ePxKDFnwLGPeFxjktIYLPLcr8Dz24v4XVXF95L-dd5sCVp4sdJk8WKXVO8T4efew/s1600-h/soulrow02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfmpPF3xOnnWjrhCOOchD7Exx_eZ6iEBrsrp_OC0zoKz-LRgwrVmqoeTbNffECmURmvAk7Z_ePxKDFnwLGPeFxjktIYLPLcr8Dz24v4XVXF95L-dd5sCVp4sdJk8WKXVO8T4efew/s400/soulrow02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355546335834082" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Alright, I'm calling bullshit. How did the prisoners get a baseball bat and a knife?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span>The most prisoners would ever have is a spoon chiseled into a shiv.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>The black guy's name is Jackson.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>It was a toss-up between that or Washington or Lincoln.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>The guy in prison is a black guy. The other guy in prison appears to be some variety of Asian.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I thought the other guy was Latino.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I'm guessing they'll be breaking out the <span style="font-weight: bold;">@!**!</span> a lot in this tract.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Suppose that's a stirring indictment of our justice system for unfairly targeting racial minorities, do you think? Or a society that contrives to keep minorities down while glorifying the criminal lifestyle to the point where they feel they have no other options?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>No, I think it's just Jack Chick lumping in as many stereotypes as he can fit in one panel.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Oh, ok. I guess that makes more sense.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>At first I thought the guy kneeling over Jackson was holding a wineglass until I realized it was a stethoscope.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>I thought it was a razor. I was thinking, "Oh! That nice man is going to give Jackson a shave!"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Is it wrong of me to think that Jackson's chest looks really hot and sexy?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>That depends. Is Jackson still alive?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>It's not good to get yourself all worked up over a dead guy.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I think he's dead, which is why I'm keeping a lid on getting worked up. That, and he's a cartoon.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>Good call.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeZh8LAr_9VlAFdRip-eTwGWwzY5uH9UklHtyYmi5pbkOyG1MMM4r3lCCReJv1IbVciafX2itEcK1w37v_LpZQeFLShpCbhhLbljOhrBGAlFogEUzg5hiKqA3BfNhoSo1uUEFkTw/s1600-h/soulrow03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeZh8LAr_9VlAFdRip-eTwGWwzY5uH9UklHtyYmi5pbkOyG1MMM4r3lCCReJv1IbVciafX2itEcK1w37v_LpZQeFLShpCbhhLbljOhrBGAlFogEUzg5hiKqA3BfNhoSo1uUEFkTw/s400/soulrow03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355541804177490" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Leroy, though, he's alive. Golly.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Enter bad, bad Leroy... well, I don't know if he's Leroy Brown or what.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>That is a mountain of a man.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>For reals, yo. Tru dat!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>(Just getting into the spirit of the tract.)</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Is this happening now or are we in flashback mode?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>I am not exactly sure. We've been given no indication that there's a flashback going on. No wavy lines or word boxes.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>So I guess it's safe to assume that Leroy's grandmother is in prison with him?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>She's on the other side of that glass you talk through.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Oh! I thought the artist was getting arty and showing a split screen, but she's on the other side of the glass. Yes, I see that now.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Aww, Leroy loves his Grammy. I like Leroy.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>It's nice of him not to yell, "STFU, BITCH!"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>That's why I think he'll get saved at the end. Usually people in these things who don't get saved have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. They are unrepentantly evil all the way through. Except <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2007/01/fallen.html">Broosey Woosey</a>.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ9lsm-SY0soETfpo-JaIa8U_81IZ30BLIf8LxLxEztQvbMJXtutbKCr70LS3ltBpiUoEwJXgLtnIqN4MqzsDjYTiBnoMM-TXWsNPyrXp8r7ZSYD10R1f477nI9YsIbOA572Bp2w/s1600-h/soulrow04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZ9lsm-SY0soETfpo-JaIa8U_81IZ30BLIf8LxLxEztQvbMJXtutbKCr70LS3ltBpiUoEwJXgLtnIqN4MqzsDjYTiBnoMM-TXWsNPyrXp8r7ZSYD10R1f477nI9YsIbOA572Bp2w/s400/soulrow04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355542943774338" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />wurwolf:</span></span><span> Leroy, I can't blame you. "Gotta go!" is usually my reaction when someone starts preaching at me, too.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I spend too much time on the intranets. At first I thought the guard said, "Sounds like your Grandma is a fanfic!"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>That would be pretty insulting. Though not very sensical.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>That is such a douchey smile on the prison guard's face. Whatever else happens in this tract, we can't fault the art. It's fantastic.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>I agree, and I also think the guard's suit is electric. Like seriously electrified. Because the damn thing is glowing like crazy.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>*GASP!* There's a ghost in the background!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Usually when someone is calling me a white @*!!! my first instinct is to do the total opposite of "<span style="font-style: italic;">C'MERE</span>!"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Mine is to kick them out of the classroom.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKbfpO2NIv8xObJiP7v2ttktsuoPi2yK-3pfr8kxyYlhkQzaFJSrpcMaE1JHf3Y3citiAAPEWsu0SS-fIV6FWoiME6pl11wqFYS8Ga8PYwGSW6Cp1TMJNO6xR5oYGQ4lCi3cV6aQ/s1600-h/soulrow05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKbfpO2NIv8xObJiP7v2ttktsuoPi2yK-3pfr8kxyYlhkQzaFJSrpcMaE1JHf3Y3citiAAPEWsu0SS-fIV6FWoiME6pl11wqFYS8Ga8PYwGSW6Cp1TMJNO6xR5oYGQ4lCi3cV6aQ/s400/soulrow05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355537841423010" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>His name IS Leroy Brown!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Baddest cat in the whole @**!!!@ town!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>HOLY SHIT</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>I'm noticing a disturbing amount of variation in the swear censorship punctuation in this tract.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>So this confirms my theory that regarding African Americans, Jack Chick only knows what he's heard in pop culture.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I guess being a lifer means you don't have to go to boring meetings with the warden.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>They figure you have enough bummers in your life already.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>It's nice of them to be so accommodating.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>If I were the warden I'd fire that guy in the back. It is really unprofessional to grin and make jackoff motions during a meeting of this magnitude.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9cL-4Z14uA7yaLfV2Mk6Vz914typt0WHFB2JBTVUFqDjesEkEao9nQwiWHXLuG8hjaR_KQHYgxf9sS0olZ000aXz4PfWn2Ps_dmHG820AVuaHhbPDCRcJA9gMqj-j3xhWWT_cw/s1600-h/soulrow06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE9cL-4Z14uA7yaLfV2Mk6Vz914typt0WHFB2JBTVUFqDjesEkEao9nQwiWHXLuG8hjaR_KQHYgxf9sS0olZ000aXz4PfWn2Ps_dmHG820AVuaHhbPDCRcJA9gMqj-j3xhWWT_cw/s400/soulrow06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355535737598418" border="0" /></a> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Now that is an OUTFIT, Leroy!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span></span><span> Leroy turned into Super Fly.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>I know that this tract was just written a long time ago, but I prefer to think that (a) Leroy's been locked up for a LONG time and these are the clothes he was wearing when they arrested him, or (b) this is what Jack Chick thinks black people really dress like.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I think both are valid conclusions.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Am I missing something? What does "Littlebit" mean?<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Is that his friend's name? Or is he saying he'll go upstairs in a little bit?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Is that just what he calls his brother?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Or... wait? Is this guy really his brother or is he just calling him his brother because they are black people?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I honestly don't know. I'm not trying to be funny, I just don't understand what Chick is going for here.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Looks like his brother just finished up his shift at the Jesus Pizzeria.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>This tract is a narrative mess. But the art is FANTASTIC.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Agreed</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmqCzwU6IwP9cMqYMts325eIEOabrJYjjWA9l2zcoeOuNaP4WkzhoeyWvaU1ZjI0NKdFKsZMQYCPcjIlcrksVH5Fhz8OYPcRQuu3oUy5W4kLEfuK5NscouCDlnEroyreSUZSXxJA/s1600-h/soulrow07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmqCzwU6IwP9cMqYMts325eIEOabrJYjjWA9l2zcoeOuNaP4WkzhoeyWvaU1ZjI0NKdFKsZMQYCPcjIlcrksVH5Fhz8OYPcRQuu3oUy5W4kLEfuK5NscouCDlnEroyreSUZSXxJA/s400/soulrow07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355325776164466" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I mean, SERIOUSLY. Look at that outfit!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>The man is a magnificent pirate!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Holy shit. He turned into a bullfighter or Zorro or something.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>It's almost like you can just skip the crappy dialog and just look at the pictures.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>That's what I've been doing. Has anything happened in this story so far?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Hell if I know.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Leroy is so badass, he ripped the door right off the hinges with one hand and didn't even break a sweat.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>How did they make a prison that contained him?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>This is a slum. The door probably wasn't screwed on so tight to begin with.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Shh! I prefer to think that Leroy is just that awesome.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>The look on his face is wonderful, though. It's a look that says, "Yes, I'm the greatest. Drink me in, Ladies."</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Seriously, the dialog is shit. "Jive turkey" -- WTF? Jack Chick must have been watching Good Times when he was writing this.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Is that Gloria peeking out from behind the Jive Turkey?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Possibly.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPjQjfOyOeyZDB4BvjiijG9qTe0AZvtA2nnn_kJagcLECC6IaqysO3E9U0nL2URoF-QkhQm9lzzRTXqY4QKfVoOFM7V5Ll4E1jWfGphQMD47K1eBjzVl6gTyrlT7OWRzalZAxQQ/s1600-h/soulrow08a.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 224px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpPjQjfOyOeyZDB4BvjiijG9qTe0AZvtA2nnn_kJagcLECC6IaqysO3E9U0nL2URoF-QkhQm9lzzRTXqY4QKfVoOFM7V5Ll4E1jWfGphQMD47K1eBjzVl6gTyrlT7OWRzalZAxQQ/s400/soulrow08a.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355325770217058" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>OH WOW!!! Wait... what just happened?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Cthulhu showed up?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>An earthquake happened?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>It's taking some time to parse.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>I guess one guy pulled a knife and got punched out by the other guy. Not sure why the fat guy in the crowd is the one who's groaning with pain, though.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I think you're right. RD pulled a knife and Leroy was all, Oh hell no and punched the shit out of him. And then little tiny Gloria, who's a midget, is hanging onto Leroy out of fear.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLbleymL_R1BR8-wMEV-G5po0lv-4xp4pXhYyWkQ3HfmvFt8mLph3SUnFIhOszTa7GNFHrj7vcGvJzeeB6SRJexr_YbBZNdiLgjPFdAGedQfbvb2ucXPdSeDNfaSWb5mIRHnOeLA/s1600-h/soulrow08b.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 228px; height: 234px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLbleymL_R1BR8-wMEV-G5po0lv-4xp4pXhYyWkQ3HfmvFt8mLph3SUnFIhOszTa7GNFHrj7vcGvJzeeB6SRJexr_YbBZNdiLgjPFdAGedQfbvb2ucXPdSeDNfaSWb5mIRHnOeLA/s400/soulrow08b.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355328227253778" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Or maybe a truck rolled by and ran over RD.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>That's what he looks like. Jive Turkey is spitting his teeth out onto the floor.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>"Jive Turkey." Please. Don't you know their names yet?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Leroy's the boss. If he says that guy's name is Jive Turkey then that is what that guy's name is.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>That bible verse seems pretty out of place. It doesn't seem to match anything we're looking at.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I'm not sure whether it's applying to RD's past or Leroy's future.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixcG424ZHrJxMjsS2hxx_7YR9jtiBpjszXaf5pZW_gcxSCopHz_s6cyeeJxm8i7okm0k_2I87xBAG8F4D0SlAp3ZKaeLHTK8csHnllk7r8rCXXcd9agLa1YVSwKOI6d3ablZFHvQ/s1600-h/soulrow09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixcG424ZHrJxMjsS2hxx_7YR9jtiBpjszXaf5pZW_gcxSCopHz_s6cyeeJxm8i7okm0k_2I87xBAG8F4D0SlAp3ZKaeLHTK8csHnllk7r8rCXXcd9agLa1YVSwKOI6d3ablZFHvQ/s400/soulrow09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355321899372226" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Apparently being the boss comes with an opulent office.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>I always hear that gang bangers live a life of luxury.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Well... <a href="http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/steven_levitt_analyzes_crack_economics.html">maybe not really</a>.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Looks like Rudy from Fat Albert showed up to give some plot exposition.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEiR13aTm-nw5OqrU8-tIXg2osAsQ6Q0FTS_VZlWFhxS27Me4PUb1d8sDdjskAcMH9hp-GODY0dX1BWZqwabidhaTNxIbIz8LM5xxoBZYWBsATPFLiwVnnpUkuaYyWJ3YEKfXsUw/s1600-h/rudy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 397px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEiR13aTm-nw5OqrU8-tIXg2osAsQ6Q0FTS_VZlWFhxS27Me4PUb1d8sDdjskAcMH9hp-GODY0dX1BWZqwabidhaTNxIbIz8LM5xxoBZYWBsATPFLiwVnnpUkuaYyWJ3YEKfXsUw/s400/rudy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328361722370335570" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizetWDHgx70ICWcvcTkclUEXy3AcdKYELJw96j_HwTZQbn-KED3ahGdzC6gsAJvkb80xtZdZ3_cJCN02JF6hQme9-iUzNongvOaPwsb3ZQ6q1GDnFy69z0p7UztEWpY35Cy4h6-g/s1600-h/soulrow10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizetWDHgx70ICWcvcTkclUEXy3AcdKYELJw96j_HwTZQbn-KED3ahGdzC6gsAJvkb80xtZdZ3_cJCN02JF6hQme9-iUzNongvOaPwsb3ZQ6q1GDnFy69z0p7UztEWpY35Cy4h6-g/s400/soulrow10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355322530246418" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>The ghost of Leroy Brown is on his way!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Oh gross!!! I scrolled down to this row too slowly and thought we were getting a love scene and I was thinking, "Wow! Pretty racy for a Chick Tract!" and then I scrolled down more and saw he was with his GRANDMA!!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Yes! I thought the same thing!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>"I'm glad you came!"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I'll bet she is. Leroy is a gang-banger!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Even when the art in a Chick tract is really good, it still manages to be really bad in its own special way.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl8Sxhwf1B9vH6mL014MFFjoeW8OLNW1d2HDytvT8ABeG3-WZxpUYAr1SwUsgOm7KoB0Bu8ASgmZprM4pvESzuQnz4KYvQg1BtK4EcMQYtm7xnG2JBeS-VX3V5EOECzBBIWqpEtA/s1600-h/soulrow11a.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 234px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl8Sxhwf1B9vH6mL014MFFjoeW8OLNW1d2HDytvT8ABeG3-WZxpUYAr1SwUsgOm7KoB0Bu8ASgmZprM4pvESzuQnz4KYvQg1BtK4EcMQYtm7xnG2JBeS-VX3V5EOECzBBIWqpEtA/s400/soulrow11a.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355087951320274" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>Take Grandma, for example. Why is Leroy's grandmother an Eskimo?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span></span><span> I thought she was an elderly Chinese woman.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Man, Grandma just laid a smackdown on Leroy. "I love you too, Grandma." "Child, you don't know what love is until you know Jesus!"<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Jeez. Sorry, Grandma. Next time I'll just keep my feelings to myself.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>"Fine, then Grandma, I don't love you and I never did. Are you happy now?"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Grandma: </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">*dies*</span><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY4ruC9c0uD_8M91YQJ_pbosIAjsxhud7oWX8rkiINMLunZNoiuIruPKVtlFG-Q3ZEOUHYGA1r-H0lzPI0LB2KQuAwyOWN8KdNuKOSryW5SZMcJ3zMVS27eQGufw6n4CV3nlL5dQ/s1600-h/soulrow11b.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY4ruC9c0uD_8M91YQJ_pbosIAjsxhud7oWX8rkiINMLunZNoiuIruPKVtlFG-Q3ZEOUHYGA1r-H0lzPI0LB2KQuAwyOWN8KdNuKOSryW5SZMcJ3zMVS27eQGufw6n4CV3nlL5dQ/s400/soulrow11b.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355085653750962" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Oh, phone booth. How I am taken by your nostalgic whimsy.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Free funeral food!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Nowadays you're lucky if you get a flimsy little phone alcove.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Yeah, once in a while I'll see a phone booth still around and it's always beat to hell.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>I don't think I've ever seen an actual Superman's Changing Room phone booth.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>You're not missing a whole lot.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3n6EePLSsFcmwqtskrp7yNetciUZx3PLWgf6RsMM49aCRRv2KxJ6IfX1cWDahW8V-S0rqzpl210gMZgcTqJGvsglI7Ul66G4nLYzt2hIIQTum4GL8sXkDOAzjyvjo8y6k9s6U8g/s1600-h/soulrow12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3n6EePLSsFcmwqtskrp7yNetciUZx3PLWgf6RsMM49aCRRv2KxJ6IfX1cWDahW8V-S0rqzpl210gMZgcTqJGvsglI7Ul66G4nLYzt2hIIQTum4GL8sXkDOAzjyvjo8y6k9s6U8g/s400/soulrow12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355081077970002" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Second tract in a row with a funeral scene.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>How could he miss? The car's aimed right at them. Keep driving straight and you can bulldoze them all right into Grandma's grave.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>I don't know, but I love the pencil work on this tract. Look how it conveys the feeling of motion. Beautiful.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>I agree. I really can't say enough times how great the art is in this thing. It's really refreshing after the drek we've looked at in the past.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-XxSJPBUMEYQ2XQATSd2AbauKWVob-A8qnsfbcTECj-uYfh9lgKuyPem7Qpy4QfiWNtsxijrnNHuJ7aD0YaiQEbSQMWy-qVndM2SmpQD47Cgfl9c4DIvMh-gROP0Z9Lwe7JJHpg/s1600-h/soulrow13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-XxSJPBUMEYQ2XQATSd2AbauKWVob-A8qnsfbcTECj-uYfh9lgKuyPem7Qpy4QfiWNtsxijrnNHuJ7aD0YaiQEbSQMWy-qVndM2SmpQD47Cgfl9c4DIvMh-gROP0Z9Lwe7JJHpg/s400/soulrow13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355080762408546" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>I guess Leroy and friends have an aversion to someone yelling </span><span>"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">BUDDA BUDDA BUDDA!</span></span><span>"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span>out a car window at them. Knocked them on their asses.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>I don't blame them. I was never a big fan of Mike Meyers' portrayal of Jewish women.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjSvnxnAwTYPfkTsj3yGz5Q9qXiIKLAy3nwiW93QBp_slx5SG5ETB8KBZwYTT2dXVHTHwy_33KV-cXVNJvK9hsGyGMvEEu8F4UJfDxa9KaJ1XaRQQkLuVZjKlGqVLjcE96cnTcDQ/s1600-h/soulrow14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 205px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjSvnxnAwTYPfkTsj3yGz5Q9qXiIKLAy3nwiW93QBp_slx5SG5ETB8KBZwYTT2dXVHTHwy_33KV-cXVNJvK9hsGyGMvEEu8F4UJfDxa9KaJ1XaRQQkLuVZjKlGqVLjcE96cnTcDQ/s400/soulrow14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328355076465684002" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>I like Leroy's Harry Potter scar. Yet another thing JK Rowling lifted.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span></span><span> I guess she was as impressed by the art as we are</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span></span><span> Aw, Gloria's dead. Not a surprise, really.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Hooking up with your late girlfriend's sister while looking at her corpse in the morgue? I'm sorry, Chick Tracts, I know you're all, "uppity black people!" but I do not believe that Leroy is that sleezy.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Or the sister, for that matter.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqWWgTUO6BfYJsL4nG6cLns3wnWq1-FJKCjPg2lNiIi5TQb7i1Bl-qBPpmvhUd6S7DzFUPFCtS06bXO546ePdLbLFuT7ADQF_w5i5IFhZX-bVXwvmoexagegIGVAE4yTSwFM4sQQ/s1600-h/soulrow15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqWWgTUO6BfYJsL4nG6cLns3wnWq1-FJKCjPg2lNiIi5TQb7i1Bl-qBPpmvhUd6S7DzFUPFCtS06bXO546ePdLbLFuT7ADQF_w5i5IFhZX-bVXwvmoexagegIGVAE4yTSwFM4sQQ/s400/soulrow15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328354819567134450" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>And then they take it to a whole other level of skeeviness, because Gloria's sister not only reminds Leroy of Gloria but of his grandmother, too.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>"Why do I feel this way? She's not at all like Gloria... She sort of reminds me of my grandma!"</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Lita vomits all over her keyboard</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Yeah. I know the feeling.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Oh those two crazy kids, from two different worlds wanting to cross over. It's like the battle of the TV show titles.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Well, Leroy isn't the first guy to "find religion" in order to get into a girl's pants, and he won't be the last.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGRRTQQM6D74Bv9MlvVqOcb-ahOhD8Y8QrgaT41bRtYPbkHBpYIgPPVHlpoM1YbJB_EHDR3Y6QBqyqdguuWFp3YxwaueAunvfU7SYQXSA3txt5GlGsqZdLVScx6lWMasuuxWSog/s1600-h/soulrow16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGRRTQQM6D74Bv9MlvVqOcb-ahOhD8Y8QrgaT41bRtYPbkHBpYIgPPVHlpoM1YbJB_EHDR3Y6QBqyqdguuWFp3YxwaueAunvfU7SYQXSA3txt5GlGsqZdLVScx6lWMasuuxWSog/s400/soulrow16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328354817225859650" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>Jive Turkey seems like a fine upstanding young man to me. I don't see any reason why Leroy shouldn't put his complete trust in him.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span></span><span> I'm too busy checking out Leroy's half-naked bod as he's lolling around in bed. Nice.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Also, nice padded headboard.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Jeez, AK-47s and grenades? Leroy is the final boss in a video game.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMp-vGJwu1fTyTnJEZhxLfoEfFBYlHz67QaWbbg1HWNe2dY4OLqsS7qGnFlfChJwCXIaScZtoK3ghqAl4A3pDX1Y8mFOl5CqfZoq8o8lWiT0WjhU9_TQ0ca8tlKdF5P-S075mb1Q/s1600-h/soulrow17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 223px; height: 235px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMp-vGJwu1fTyTnJEZhxLfoEfFBYlHz67QaWbbg1HWNe2dY4OLqsS7qGnFlfChJwCXIaScZtoK3ghqAl4A3pDX1Y8mFOl5CqfZoq8o8lWiT0WjhU9_TQ0ca8tlKdF5P-S075mb1Q/s400/soulrow17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328354816729017170" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>Hey! They all brought guns! Can't I trust any of you guys???</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span></span><span> I'm a little confused about exactly who is shooting who.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Everybody's shooting everybody.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I mean, I assume Leroy just strolled into the church with no weapons on him and got stabbed in the back (literally) by RD, but I can't really tell.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Wait... Leroy brought a gun with him?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Leroy brought a gun, Jive Turkey brought a gun, EVERYBODY brought guns. And grenades! KAVOOM!</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimsHtwt7VvhMdU1X1NRSK_B-Xwct3pxW-Uxua4unFg6c4ZQ9PpDxPepkqqBTXX0N31NbqluVTX-CqKspBC-YoX1YNGnMhx59u-PNqi3T9_GjF8o7Lk3FN0b8GXbiBs-eaLA69n2A/s1600-h/soulrow18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimsHtwt7VvhMdU1X1NRSK_B-Xwct3pxW-Uxua4unFg6c4ZQ9PpDxPepkqqBTXX0N31NbqluVTX-CqKspBC-YoX1YNGnMhx59u-PNqi3T9_GjF8o7Lk3FN0b8GXbiBs-eaLA69n2A/s400/soulrow18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328354810783996178" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>That's just the way you are if you're a black person in a Chick tract.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Yeah, good point.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>So Chick is saying that black people are just toting around guns and grenades all the time, I guess.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>They been spendin' most their lifes livin' in a gangsta's paradise.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">wurwolf throws her shoe at Lita.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>OW!! You know, I guess I shouldn't expect more from you. You come from such a violent race.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>You're just lucky I don't sue your ass.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Okay, so we're skipping some panels where everyone's bleeding all over the place, some dudes might not make it to the car, blah blah blah</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>Moving on.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWkGmUC36QlkdeAj9YfcGmiaFj3xfOOsppauYT0IUnsvrDT_X7erv2dvzk15STPNuUp_6eXVsfEXqoy4NBXUhZeEI2NksQ2MNO9DmQ_jcKD948_MBKbYP7EbYjQTyJjHYn3wVIeQ/s1600-h/soulrow20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 206px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWkGmUC36QlkdeAj9YfcGmiaFj3xfOOsppauYT0IUnsvrDT_X7erv2dvzk15STPNuUp_6eXVsfEXqoy4NBXUhZeEI2NksQ2MNO9DmQ_jcKD948_MBKbYP7EbYjQTyJjHYn3wVIeQ/s400/soulrow20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328357881541576514" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Was Joyce getting ready to become a Russian bride or something?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span></span><span> Yeah. That is really some hat.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>And dress</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>And those are really some arms on Leroy!<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Well, he did spend a lot of time in jail, probably weight-lifting.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>Okay, the dumb dialog boxes are covering way too much of the awesome artwork, so I'm skipping the gospel message.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>You know, in the white person tracts the person telling about Christ doesn't feel the need to explain everything in parentheses. If I were black I'd be so insulted.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Like black people are all, "Buh?" when someone says "believeth".</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>That's all I have to say about the gospel, part, though, so you're right. We can safely skip it.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span></span><span> We've heard it a billion times before anyway.<br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2P2TnuUAYX2glZGh6ttPg0SIxgsQ2cV84l0yFZfIVcEjrCjvxtLf2gBsI-j5qpqccfz-E27bnsltQUkICJrfU4LJwepIF4_0Ult2eQEeBtxPOwdsBQnv84CE_aGANmbmeSJgRfw/s1600-h/soulrow21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 229px; height: 236px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2P2TnuUAYX2glZGh6ttPg0SIxgsQ2cV84l0yFZfIVcEjrCjvxtLf2gBsI-j5qpqccfz-E27bnsltQUkICJrfU4LJwepIF4_0Ult2eQEeBtxPOwdsBQnv84CE_aGANmbmeSJgRfw/s400/soulrow21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5328354810409172146" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>You know, I can't help but think that if Leroy hadn't been saved he'd still be alive.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>If he hadn't been dying he wouldn't have gotten saved.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>I really like this last panel, though.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span> Huh.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>I don't know if I've been reading too many tracts or if it's because I'm on the rag or what, but I find this panel genuinely touching.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>I think it's because you're on the rag. I find nothing touching about it.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Or maybe I'm just a cynical asshole.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>She's crying because he just died, but he has this faint smile because he's finally at peace. It's kind of nice.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> </span><span>I can see how this tract would be more successful than any of the others we've looked at before on this blog. You know. If it weren't so racist.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span></span><span> Yeah. They must just use it for white people.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span></span><span>I think this is seriously the best tract we've ever done. And it's all in the artwork. See, Chick Tracts? See what happens when you hand the pencil to somebody with a little talent?</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span></span><span>And it's a tract where the message can be taken seriously.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> </span><span>Oh, who am I kidding.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-17703269845251266082009-04-02T21:54:00.021-04:002009-05-16T18:01:28.776-04:00This Was Your Life<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Wow! Have we been out for over a year? Sorry about that. The fact of the matter is, wurwolf and I had very different work schedules, not to mention living in different time zones, and we found it hard to find large enough blocks of time when we were both able to sit down and write for the blog. That's the trouble with collaboration, you know. However, thanks to the economy taking a nosedive, I have suddenly found myself with all kinds of crazy time where I can just sit and read and discuss religious tracts to my heart's content. Clearly, God had a plan for me. (Yes, I am implying that He engineered the entire economic collapse just to get me and wurwolf to update our blog.) Truly, God never slams a door in your face without shoving you through a window... shards of glass cutting your once-perfect skin to ribbons...</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">In other news, today's tract is a classic! You can't even go to the Chick site without this appearing almost every banner ad you see. It also happens to be one I gave to my brother many years ago when I was trying to get him to accept Christ. It didn't work. See if you can figure out why, as we take you through...</span><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp"></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279566310455986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 230px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 137px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg9vcxEibv3NgxxvLWTHq9lBJcjJvudipDvFyzF7l6WflINAQiZmAPQS1PduYGOEqWASwny4m1lj2Y9y7sHl4KvyWLSBIWoYlBg3vPdwE7_ChHZdjLU25vakzuPpNUvibNPIHTKA/s400/atwyltitle.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijv0qnyuvafCHUVHTnLJnuKmKFBKCe20bkLThfWV2fH_n3aQBURGJswhq3X6sQ5P7k05U4VpkIbj9enkSUgnZecZAolQH80Z464ggB_HtU7_YPL-scciz4MXniJmWkwBN0Whi-9A/s1600-h/twylrow01.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279566925587698" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 207px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijv0qnyuvafCHUVHTnLJnuKmKFBKCe20bkLThfWV2fH_n3aQBURGJswhq3X6sQ5P7k05U4VpkIbj9enkSUgnZecZAolQH80Z464ggB_HtU7_YPL-scciz4MXniJmWkwBN0Whi-9A/s400/twylrow01.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Eat, drink and be merry! Now there's a bible verse we can all get behind!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> At first I thought this tract was drawn in the 1960s. Silly me.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> 2002?? I gave this to my brother waaay before 2002.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> 1993 at the latest.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well, that date looks awfully suspicious anyway. Like they pasted it in.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Chick Tracts, how can we trust you to tell us the truth about the afterlife if we can't even trust you about the date?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That house and the car... the angles. It's like an MC Escher house.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Is he in an alcove with the car sticking out through a wall or is he at an outer corner of a really wonky house?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That's what I've been trying to figure out, and I'm going to have to stop because it's making my brain hurt. Also, the guy is nearly as tall as his house. WTF?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think the guy on TV is robbing a bear at gunpoint.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's well known that bears are loaded.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I like the smug look as our hero smokes his pipe and drinks his gin and tonic.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And wears his Dick Van Dyke sweater.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I'd look smug too, if that were my car.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think it's a Datsun 280ZX.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> His eyebrow is in the same curve as his mouth<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He has a new flashy car but his TV has knobs down the side.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That's because it's not 2002, but <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">1993</span>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTxEPvaWVQokUmtm2-tIN_kE_o7rt4BrA5B1a-XsLA4D2GEWI77rU1VceoNzwduMs1Jly9NWNxtymFPlWlvwY1lOazfBXYke8bxYj541p2l4Szw4y-FTiITVh8yFxmWMMsG6NBSQ/s1600-h/twylrow02.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279559445648594" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 209px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTxEPvaWVQokUmtm2-tIN_kE_o7rt4BrA5B1a-XsLA4D2GEWI77rU1VceoNzwduMs1Jly9NWNxtymFPlWlvwY1lOazfBXYke8bxYj541p2l4Szw4y-FTiITVh8yFxmWMMsG6NBSQ/s400/twylrow02.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> So how is our hero dying here? Did Death taze him?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Perhaps. We can't see. Maybe Death just put the whammy on him. Death can do that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like that his pipe and drink are still hanging in mid-air while he falls to the ground. Even in death, the wacky hilarity of comic hijinks is apparent.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Sudden death can cause spontaneous telekenesis. That's why the pipe and drink are levitating.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Frankly, I'm just glad they spelled judgment correctly<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj3PMRr-_9DNJwQC2bA_9F7YswuJEnLCsWSEt8a8FyE3YfiY60Iwb1oaAYCn97LsOF54sOhkuea5Oft0FcCbuJyBKVRWIR7gvNfTGv9Xs5kTL78vuksN61txVSlYgWTczwtpi_8w/s1600-h/twylrow03.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279560699961906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 210px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj3PMRr-_9DNJwQC2bA_9F7YswuJEnLCsWSEt8a8FyE3YfiY60Iwb1oaAYCn97LsOF54sOhkuea5Oft0FcCbuJyBKVRWIR7gvNfTGv9Xs5kTL78vuksN61txVSlYgWTczwtpi_8w/s400/twylrow03.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I like the bible verse calling the priest out on saying Boyfriend was a good man. Like priests should be truthful and slag on the deceased all through the funeral.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "He was an unclean thing!" God, I want someone to say that about me at my funeral. I would love it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "His iniquities, like the wind, have taken him away!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Okay, he's in the ground. I can't tell if they've thrown the dirt over him yet or what. I do appreciate, however, the cutaway view, like looking at an ant farm.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I do like that effect. Credit where it's due.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I also like how spread out the people are. The dude in the striped tie just isn't sure if he wants to be a part of this funeral.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "He wasn't THAT good of a man..."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "I'm just here for the buffet."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That boy may or may not be pitching quarters into the grave.<br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He heard that Charon likes a bribe to ferry you across the River Styx.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Whoa, going all mythological there on us.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That boy is going to Hell.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcbak_cTA354toomynqBRZVY3yTqm7XrnSgE8chuNCNbMW9t1uu44ni20wo2oTEgatt8t1kBI6EGwtDqJah0TUGguS06Scjk034vINmCTC9K3ZJtM-ffbaU-bdFtbOiCxZGTHWlg/s1600-h/twylrow04.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279426631049538" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 210px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcbak_cTA354toomynqBRZVY3yTqm7XrnSgE8chuNCNbMW9t1uu44ni20wo2oTEgatt8t1kBI6EGwtDqJah0TUGguS06Scjk034vINmCTC9K3ZJtM-ffbaU-bdFtbOiCxZGTHWlg/s400/twylrow04.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Alright, I admit that I gravitate towards the naughty, but I truly thought that said "<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">ARSE</span>" and not "<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">ARISE</span>".<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And I was like, Okay, so why is God calling Boyfriend an arse? That's kind of harsh.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Probably all the hot nude corpse action turning your head.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He looks like a grown-up version of the Love Is... dude.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>The crack in the ground across his thighs looks kind of like the ripped hem of a skirt. It diminishes the mood somewhat.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> His <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">ARISING</span> was so violent it tilted his gravestone. Haha, his <strong>AROUSAL</strong>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The shading between his legs and the edge of the panel kind of looks like a lady.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> A <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">naked</span> lady.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I wonder if it hurts to <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">ARISE</span> through all of that dirt.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Looks like mainly it's just eye-crossingly confusing.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Also, the poor man is nipple-free. I will agree that they are generally useless on men, but it seems kind of demeaning to be drawn without them.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He's like a Ken doll.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8XyyOzibDWm9CD50MFpuHvyde7spRoafUsQQN_8EHX1EjXNLqe1tj4OYCA0BftFJ6gNOLK6H2fF_N1cIgbD-nlJiMI0aaN_AhyphenhyphenBkyyyJIWVPCkaJyFo1E0C2Co0Me7Wxzdtwc4A/s1600-h/twylrow05.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279427396692194" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 210px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8XyyOzibDWm9CD50MFpuHvyde7spRoafUsQQN_8EHX1EjXNLqe1tj4OYCA0BftFJ6gNOLK6H2fF_N1cIgbD-nlJiMI0aaN_AhyphenhyphenBkyyyJIWVPCkaJyFo1E0C2Co0Me7Wxzdtwc4A/s400/twylrow05.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm going to skip the obligatory Belinda Carlisle reference; mostly because that song will be stuck in my head all day if I don't.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That song was stuck in my head from 1987 to 1991.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> But I liked it, so it was ok.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Gross, Lita.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I was a child. What did I know?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Boyfriend, you're talking to a gigantic white dude with wings. I think maybe you should accept that he might know a little more about Heaven and Hell than you do.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Yeah, like where is Boyfriend going to go? He's dead and nude. He might as well go with the angel.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The angel dude's face and neck are freaking me out a little. He looks like he has buttons for eyes.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Something we've seen in these tracts before is angels carrying dead people to heaven and they always have their arms around the dead person's shoulders.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It looks sort of protective, and I admit I kind of like it. Can't really be a plum job for the angel, though.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "Time to take another child molester to be judged. *sigh* ...Ok, get under my wing."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I just hope the angels are genital-free. I honestly don't know if I'd want an angel boner in my ass crack while I'm being taken to see God.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Talk about embarrassing. "Hey God, yeah, me and the angel weren't doing anything. Just flying here to see you."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ERb5BC100WfCcNbNkvo9IowUNePs4N0FY9zXNGYEOYGC4iLskkJXowNIJy-hsC0dmFcXHq6vlY2vvfVuot1zFjzMVDOsvKH7IbMlpEW2gurVDMzPy-UvykbIZjxO0ZZstWDkCA/s1600-h/twylrow06.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279421439751058" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 382px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 225px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6ERb5BC100WfCcNbNkvo9IowUNePs4N0FY9zXNGYEOYGC4iLskkJXowNIJy-hsC0dmFcXHq6vlY2vvfVuot1zFjzMVDOsvKH7IbMlpEW2gurVDMzPy-UvykbIZjxO0ZZstWDkCA/s400/twylrow06.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't really have anything new to say about this panel, except I always like when they try to get arty in these things.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Me too.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQgwJ8AwwvnL1liCXwn5XS9LgetFmmil3V5CvbgPKf4TDUOExbs1MoAsF2a52QdeyoKriduvx902LcFHuMJlNFWOH3zY0-aa61HQNoozjtjEwpQ8jdnZHBDl9d_2tYWfFqtcw9GA/s1600-h/twylrow07.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279422138088546" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 209px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQgwJ8AwwvnL1liCXwn5XS9LgetFmmil3V5CvbgPKf4TDUOExbs1MoAsF2a52QdeyoKriduvx902LcFHuMJlNFWOH3zY0-aa61HQNoozjtjEwpQ8jdnZHBDl9d_2tYWfFqtcw9GA/s400/twylrow07.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> So Beetlejuice was right. There is a waiting room in the afterlief.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That poor angel has to wait with his guy until he's gone through the whole process? Man, this assignment is getting suckier by the moment!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I have to imagine it's a really long line.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well, thanks, Romans 3:10, for ruining the ending for us. You could have at least done a spoiler alert.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> How come Boyfriend has to stand behind the cube-seat thing? Come on, Mr. Angel, you can scoot your scroll over and let him sit down.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> No one wants to see a dead guy's weiner.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Poor Boyfriend is so nervous. He's pulling on the angel's arm like, "Come on, it'll be ok, won't it?" The angel just doesn't give a crap.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The angel is so stoic.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's the not caring that got him this job.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like that "<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: rgb(102,102,102)">A REAL GOOD LIFE</span>" is in arty font. They downloaded that font from the internet.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> We've seen the throne scene a million times. Let's skip that panel, shall we?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> We shall.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmNoF5GOLrv2GwpBaKT8KU6dGWPvVwkhigD6GCZEkQlXHv537UFWh9XpG0uhLp6rtqJ5bUhZe1Pm39bXt1nHG_QHy20hvnFrAb1oiAl6t7HiqZqOPj8MkHEJq5m9udowWKzU844w/s1600-h/twylrow09.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279421294154930" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 219px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 220px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmNoF5GOLrv2GwpBaKT8KU6dGWPvVwkhigD6GCZEkQlXHv537UFWh9XpG0uhLp6rtqJ5bUhZe1Pm39bXt1nHG_QHy20hvnFrAb1oiAl6t7HiqZqOPj8MkHEJq5m9udowWKzU844w/s400/twylrow09.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">THIS WAS YOUR LIFE!</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That must be where they got the title!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And the cover art, now that I look at it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Hey everybody, the movie's starting! Shhh!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4IksQHlRoSfyd7BBcvvjam6j90C6e938CazmiScaomZRDXxxpogNxX24lkCBac2bBSG0samA_lK6b5ibn5IXZNnxDJ6xEAc3IdJ0lgc_26wRy0si7gr9u8wMY_jvx5WYmVkL4Wg/s1600-h/twylrow10.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279047322072434" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 211px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4IksQHlRoSfyd7BBcvvjam6j90C6e938CazmiScaomZRDXxxpogNxX24lkCBac2bBSG0samA_lK6b5ibn5IXZNnxDJ6xEAc3IdJ0lgc_26wRy0si7gr9u8wMY_jvx5WYmVkL4Wg/s400/twylrow10.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Yes, Boyfriend, it means they're going to review <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">everything</span> you've ever done. It also means that this will be a really boring movie.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Are Boyfriend and the angel holding hands?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think he's just clutching at his arm. He's so scared! The angel still couldn't care less.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He was a grumpy baby.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "The stitching on this bunny is a bit wide."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Kid, you've got the Velveteen Rabbit and Raggedy Ann for toys. Quit being such a little dick.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> This is awesome, it's like a drive-in movie.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It would be great if God would let you make a party out of it. Invite your friends. Serve drinks. Have a barbecue.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> My whole unedited life? We would need a LOT of drinks. I am not an exciting person.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And I would think that even the most action-packed exciting life would have a lot of downtime that nobody really needs to see.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>God, can we at least cut out all the times we were asleep or just reading a magazine or pooping or thinking about pooping or whatever?<br /></span><span id="fullpost"><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I refuse to believe that God doesn't edit at least a little bit.</span><br /><span id="fullpost"><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Because seriously, it's bad enough we've got to watch EVERY person's movie who ever existed. I don't want to see how some dude in American Samoa swept his front porch or whatever.</span><br /><br /><span id="fullpost"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I bet even if you cut it down to just a sin reel, it would still be a very long and intensely dull film.</span><br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMKu_62SzmeA9Yo0LXbcRc4TScLKo-DtQzcZW3gMZVaEy_f_yAnt3MWHEN6h3ye5zK9IMHQtuspNpWm3fids7dS5Ffk0Nq-60D4O0kpSm3aHnJTsvtPpNWU7_ZKU0UGQIKy3pcnA/s1600-h/twylrow11a.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279044803042098" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 211px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 226px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMKu_62SzmeA9Yo0LXbcRc4TScLKo-DtQzcZW3gMZVaEy_f_yAnt3MWHEN6h3ye5zK9IMHQtuspNpWm3fids7dS5Ffk0Nq-60D4O0kpSm3aHnJTsvtPpNWU7_ZKU0UGQIKy3pcnA/s400/twylrow11a.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He's best friends with Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling and James Dean.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Poor 90's teenager. He only thinks that's the dirtiest story ever. One day the Internet will be mainstream and then he will know from dirty.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "There were these two girls, and they had one cup..."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDYtYopmTvCBrKC_JWC3uJQ0WzJzYql404lX2S6f1TUZ4Wf7jt6DkINCLbcELbYf1N5q8-HOTn6v0Ff-jhCh0Ilz0uZBm1Qp-4rhV95lnit4SkrDLs0ZUrCCyhvIWkAUEfmNn1ag/s1600-h/twylrow11b.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279047246300146" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 215px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 226px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDYtYopmTvCBrKC_JWC3uJQ0WzJzYql404lX2S6f1TUZ4Wf7jt6DkINCLbcELbYf1N5q8-HOTn6v0Ff-jhCh0Ilz0uZBm1Qp-4rhV95lnit4SkrDLs0ZUrCCyhvIWkAUEfmNn1ag/s400/twylrow11b.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: <span style="COLOR: rgb(255,0,0);font-size:180%;" >ATTENTION MEN: IT IS A SIN TO BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Not a stance I expected Chick Tracts to take, I admit.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> True.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He is just as flat against that wall as he could possibly be. I'm guessing he's just coming out of the men's room.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> If he'd just stayed in that bathroom and checked out some of the people in there, we might not have to look at this clip.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Really. Doesn't he know all he has to do is jingle his keys a few times?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Wait... is that a thing?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Yeah. If you're a dude and you want other dudes to bone you, you go in a men's room and jingle your keys.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You don't know this? I thought everyone knew this.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I knew there was a foot tapping thing. I did not know about the key jingling.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I jingle my keys all the time! I like the sound! Have I been unknowingly soliciting sex this whole time???<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Yes<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> NOOOOOO!!!!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> But only if you're doing it in men's rooms and you're a dude.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh, ok. I mainly just do it when I'm walking to my car.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You should be safe. Just be aware that dudes may be coming up to you to ask about boning you.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> They may be barking up the wrong tree. I don't do it in the butt.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bummer. I was looking forward to your life movie where you get boned in the butt.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Nah, we'll just have to wait and watch your movie.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> <a href="http://www.instantrimshot.com/" target="_new">Rimshot!</a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDSN-zRl5Q_Q9ksUDQWduwx_95YbdhvrtYWyQbZPqmdv5T8pLzFTUH0HG-8_uPQ0yLLI9e2DOVv-zqQ7zEibPjtuSxo5zOGl9fJnuXODG8ZrMP8eUsuEx9U8C0Li89TabREPp8Ow/s1600-h/twylrow12.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279044584011490" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 209px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDSN-zRl5Q_Q9ksUDQWduwx_95YbdhvrtYWyQbZPqmdv5T8pLzFTUH0HG-8_uPQ0yLLI9e2DOVv-zqQ7zEibPjtuSxo5zOGl9fJnuXODG8ZrMP8eUsuEx9U8C0Li89TabREPp8Ow/s400/twylrow12.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Boyfriend is a whoremonger?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He's a whoremonger, alright. He was eyeing up chicks outside of the men's room and thinking, "Ummm... nice."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Is it terrible of me to think that all of those sins they have listed aren't really so bad?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Except maybe Hater of God, but God has a real broad definition of what constitutes hate. From what I understand, He includes indifference in His definition of hate.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Depends on if they mean whoremonger to be a buyer or seller of whores. Customers are one thing but I'm no fan of pimps.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I'm not supposed to be whispering, according to this wall o' sin.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Is that bible verse wallpaper in the background?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Yeah, Jack Chick's got it in his kitchen.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Honestly, where is the really nasty stuff? Child molester? Murderer? Rapist? Lawyer?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh, I kid. I work for lawyers. Fun!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWLJGVSeCus6eJjEeS9CeVpd9XqcJCIbfVDjMUbIW6GL2kHJDKTICVBf1GzTtr4M7uOlrNzwZyEMNfnQfVIIZJnw_10WEt0RHcJILQm2tGafPNIfw16O_UqPVXs4mK0AlNM36GEQ/s1600-h/twylrow13.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320279038911315714" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 209px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWLJGVSeCus6eJjEeS9CeVpd9XqcJCIbfVDjMUbIW6GL2kHJDKTICVBf1GzTtr4M7uOlrNzwZyEMNfnQfVIIZJnw_10WEt0RHcJILQm2tGafPNIfw16O_UqPVXs4mK0AlNM36GEQ/s400/twylrow13.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Mind ever wander in church? TO HELL WITH THEE!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Heaven help you if you accidentally think about sex in church.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh, I know, that one used to get me all the time.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I'd be sitting there thinking about banging my boyfriend and be like, Oh shit, I am in for it now.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "Oh shit, I just thought shit! Oh, fuck I did it again-- OH FUCK!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>It cracks me up that the pastor is pointing RIGHT AT BOYFRIEND while he's checking his watch. Also, a ghost is peering over his shoulder.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> As I've mentioned in this blog before, I don't close my eyes when I pray in church. It's because church is early in the morning and I'm sleepy by nature. I figure it's less disrespectful to pray with your eyes open than to fall asleep during prayer, so I just bow my head and look down at my lap.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>As a result, I often end up thinking about my own cleavage during church. So you can look forward to that coming up on the big screen.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I can hardly wait!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsm-n3Rmgj1oFxXOJlrlEHV77jrTOVHyWcuAUjF1ReZl-fObPwtXzat942RHQIis_CCyUR2YV4w668HSG9petWeasWkncUwYwEczUVwiittZOegoX_rUK8FU8Uz9hSNgJzGR1Vw/s1600-h/twylrow14.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320278847771716994" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 215px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 225px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixsm-n3Rmgj1oFxXOJlrlEHV77jrTOVHyWcuAUjF1ReZl-fObPwtXzat942RHQIis_CCyUR2YV4w668HSG9petWeasWkncUwYwEczUVwiittZOegoX_rUK8FU8Uz9hSNgJzGR1Vw/s400/twylrow14.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">wurwolf giggles at Boyfriend saying "Bunk"</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I am so saying that from now on.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bunk!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Why is Boyfriend at church anyway if he didn't want to hear about Jesus? He doesn't appear to be with anybody. He just woke up early one Sunday morning and said, "I think I'll put on my best suit and join a congregation for a religion I don't believe in!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Only in the world of Chick Publications.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL3q2unbjCIYZPXOPkkjXkLeMkbls0o6bCdofR84lzTH-FmnxN8GUUIx11tPeAQCZ0Auc7GgiUd1-7vuZ9ViZtKthrijjE_Vr4WeBPiGs_4tkMDFfCEeBoONK7rcyXPcZv9O1YZA/s1600-h/twylrow15.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320278845135752754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 217px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 225px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL3q2unbjCIYZPXOPkkjXkLeMkbls0o6bCdofR84lzTH-FmnxN8GUUIx11tPeAQCZ0Auc7GgiUd1-7vuZ9ViZtKthrijjE_Vr4WeBPiGs_4tkMDFfCEeBoONK7rcyXPcZv9O1YZA/s400/twylrow15.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> God's got the biggest telephone book in the world.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The angel looks so smug when pointing out that Boyfriend isn't in there.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>He finally showed an emotion.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>He's been waiting this entire time to do that.<br /><br /><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">*INSERT RELIGIOUS CLIP-ART HERE*</span><br /></div><p><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>And once again, Chick recycles a shot.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>That shot of God on the throne telling the sinner to beat it is stock footage at this point.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Pretty much the whole middle of the tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> God points to hell, angel nonchalantly throws a dude into the fire, wash, rinse, repeat.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The angel looks like he's trying to roast marshmallows over the flaming pits of Hell.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge-qXhB6657zrcwIGEQP-aWrDHrD_znuzW7_HkELrrCJcz33XWKi-D5K9J9qAiAQqwzvpa1Lad0TVEuFYDzM2WnrVa8kNZ9mjC60lB9h2FBRdetj5F91d_kHCWHH-vRd2VojceAQ/s1600-h/twylrow18.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320278841574921858" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 209px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge-qXhB6657zrcwIGEQP-aWrDHrD_znuzW7_HkELrrCJcz33XWKi-D5K9J9qAiAQqwzvpa1Lad0TVEuFYDzM2WnrVa8kNZ9mjC60lB9h2FBRdetj5F91d_kHCWHH-vRd2VojceAQ/s400/twylrow18.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Speaking of slackness, the artists slacked off on the <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">THIS <u>CAN</u> BE YOUR LIFE</span> panel.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRhACHmUL7PZJ5tFPZIBzLAncT3sLHDrY0OHnahawSsywcs1yHq8x2Kzy-SvRASnDZ1-GuE8hXWKWysIMTUsGf7ccVMIWXM9JadLG-Y_GYLAMYNcuUowTvxhKXY5m-VhFxiqKe7A/s1600-h/twylrow20.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320278844152204674" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 210px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRhACHmUL7PZJ5tFPZIBzLAncT3sLHDrY0OHnahawSsywcs1yHq8x2Kzy-SvRASnDZ1-GuE8hXWKWysIMTUsGf7ccVMIWXM9JadLG-Y_GYLAMYNcuUowTvxhKXY5m-VhFxiqKe7A/s400/twylrow20.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> So is this guy who's accepting Christ supposed to be Boyfriend again, or is he a completely different dark-haired non-descript average guy?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm not sure. I think the tract is telling us that we get do-overs.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I wish.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Even Hitler approves of the new Boyfriend. Is that a good thing?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Hitler's just calling it like it is.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The montage of good deeds really turns me off. What a boring life.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I like this summary of a Christian life. Thrill as Boyfriend eats dinner, reads to children, shakes hands with the elderly, and writes on a clipboard! Completely alien from the non-Christian life!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Non-Christians have it all backwards. They eat clipboards, write on the elderly, shake children and read to their dinners.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Frankly, I'd rather be telling dirty stories and eyeing up hot chicks outside of the men's room.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPYfvCthxEwaRgqDaSUCzruKpiUcspU_064IoIbpBMUYRZW4F04VcOS_XI4qCSjELF1BWc44rvHfEV2iU7WHj2eT7FI0mQepnNxcvEnqPZxcbYz8AG_Qtgxk5cU8uzVTmya4SHNA/s1600-h/twylrow21.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320278840936010018" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 207px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPYfvCthxEwaRgqDaSUCzruKpiUcspU_064IoIbpBMUYRZW4F04VcOS_XI4qCSjELF1BWc44rvHfEV2iU7WHj2eT7FI0mQepnNxcvEnqPZxcbYz8AG_Qtgxk5cU8uzVTmya4SHNA/s400/twylrow21.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And then he dies. Roll the going to Heaven clipart!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bunk!<br /></p><p><span style="font-size:85%;">Thanks to Rimmi for her contributions!</span></p><p><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2002 -- yeah, right -- and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span></p>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-63452764342426625832008-03-25T18:19:00.008-04:002009-05-16T18:02:21.451-04:00The Contract<p><b></b></p><p><em>As promised, this time around we're coming back to the comic that caused <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2008/03/angels.html" target="_blank">Tommy the Elder</a> to find God. What tract could possibly be so powerful that even a glance at the first page caused a hard rockin' hard rocker to hang up his guitar? Let us find out together as we read...</em></p><p><b><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0078/0078_01.asp" target="_blank"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="145" alt="contcover" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5qBIFD0I/AAAAAAAAAfw/WKeH25NcKhE/contcover%5B3%5D.gif" width="243" border="0" /></a> </b></p><p><b><br /><br /></b></p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: According to the cover, Satan will accept a big red X as a signature on his contracts.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: This makes me uneasy, since that sort of thing is easy to forge. He would just need to write my name at the top and mark it with a red sharpie, and boom! Just that quick I'm destined for hell.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: That guy sure has hairy arms.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: He's a gorilla.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Maybe he's signing over his soul in return for the fame and love humans will give him when the evil school system tells them he's their daddy.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5rRIFD1I/AAAAAAAAAf4/pLJgSmdjKfQ/cont1%5B5%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="248" alt="cont1" src="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5uhIFD2I/AAAAAAAAAgA/58hg6IiEIrM/cont1_thumb%5B3%5D.gif" width="451" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: So. First row! Just one look at this page made Tommy the Elder realize that rock and roll is evil and give himself over to Jesus.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Frankly, I'm not sure what brought him to his knees. The bright light? The hail storm? The nightgowns?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Good gravy, just what kind of wattage does that kid's lamp have? The thing is going super-nova.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: It's biblical. God lives in lights and that's why you aren't allowed to hide them under bushels.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: So the light is symbolic, then. The kid is bringing the Light of the World to his father.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: It's not an analogy. Every verse of the bible must be taken <strong><em>completely literally</em></strong>.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Bob taught me that.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Then you have been taught the infallible and unerring truth.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: I think that second panel might make me seek God.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Look at those people.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I have to say, I like the artwork in this tract. Chick Publications isn't very good about letting us know who the illustrator is. I'm assuming the writer is always Jack Chick, though.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: According to the Chick website he's really elderly now and doesn't do as much of the writing as he used to. He mostly putters around his kitchen and occasionally sends them something. But this tract is even older than the last one we did, which was from the 80's. So he might have had more direct input then.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I find it sad that they don't give any credit to the artists, though. At least none that I've seen.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5wRIFD3I/AAAAAAAAAgI/xlsDsYFUVPc/cont2%5B4%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="239" alt="cont2" src="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5zhIFD4I/AAAAAAAAAgQ/vjY0UJF77qk/cont2_thumb%5B2%5D.gif" width="442" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: But, in spite of the halfway-decent artwork, I'm confused about something. Is that dust rising from the ground or clouds come to earth?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: That kid looks kind of bored. He must have been through all this before.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: It's like in the Little House on the Prairie show. Every time Pa plants a crop it gets destroyed and then he has to borrow money or take some super dangerous job out of town.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Well, drama sells.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Love the crazy cross-hatching on the back of Dad's head, though.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Dad's head is plaid</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Maybe it's a hunting cap?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Which would make sense, now that his crop has been destroyed. He's got to feed his kid somehow.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Nah. It's pretty hairy to be a hat.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: So I guess it's just the father and son. Is this <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship_Of_Eddie%27s_Father" target="_blank">Courtship of Eddie's Father</a> or something? Where's the Japanese housekeeper?</p><p><a href="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l50xIFD5I/AAAAAAAAAgY/oP49Nekmb3g/cont3a%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="240" alt="cont3a" src="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l51xIFD6I/AAAAAAAAAgg/mP3JCmyoyew/cont3a_thumb.gif" width="226" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: He's trying to get money from the BA. Because people who borrow from banks are a bunch of SHEEP!</p><p><em><b>wurwolf</b> <strong>groans</strong></em></p><p><b>Lita</b>: Again with the haws!</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: The "HAW HAW HAW" is all in a jaunty, jocular font.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Do we know if the haws signify an evil person?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: I've always felt so.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I have to agree. Anyone who would haw must be unrepentantly evil.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: It's only ever pulled out when somebody is experiencing a misfortune.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: And used with extreme scorn and ridicule.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: "My cat ran away and I haven't seen her for days--" "HAW!"</p><p><b>Lita</b>: And then the punching begins.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: "Is it <em>my</em> fault the hail ruined your crop?" So, by contrast, does that mean that the bank will only loan out money in cases where they claim responsibility?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: "You're right! Our interest rates are excessively high! Here's some money!"</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Farmer: My son drowned in the pond. Bank: Oh wow, we totally screwed up there. Here's a hundred bucks.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l53RIFD7I/AAAAAAAAAgo/kX_CrYh1-EE/cont3b%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="240" alt="cont3b" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l54BIFD8I/AAAAAAAAAgw/4ze-A1w6WT0/cont3b_thumb.gif" width="226" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: We're coming dangerously close to a buffalo shot of the farmer here.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: John Freeman. Think that name is supposed to symbolize something?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I'm just surprised the tract didn't call this guy Tom or Tim.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: The banker is cross-eyed with rage.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: The kid is crippled? I guess that explains his face. But he's still pretty good at swinging God Lamps around for a cripple.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Stupid crippled kid. Way to be a burden to your dad.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: The whole reason people had kids back then was so you could get an extra pair of hands to work your farm. Way to ruin your dad's life, you ungrateful brat.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I hope that kid apologizes to his poor long-suffering dad every day for being crippled.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: You know, I notice that a lot of the words in this tract are underlined. I wonder, if you took all of the underlined words, would they spell out a secret message?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: So far we have "deep do money my our." Other than the first two words, I'm saying no.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I don't know.... I'm holding out hope for a secret message.</p><p><a href="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l55BIFD9I/AAAAAAAAAg4/9Pi7CX8-w3w/cont4a%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="239" alt="cont4a" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l56BIFD-I/AAAAAAAAAhA/_xjBlKRoVfc/cont4a_thumb.gif" width="226" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: "I hate the ground you walk on... <i>ELMER BOGGS!</i>" Why the pause?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I suppose it was for dramatic effect.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: That line. His reference to the ground Elmer walks on is only meant to focus our attention to his name, Boggs, which would be difficult to walk on.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Ooo, good point. This tract is chock full of subtext.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: The part of Pa is being played today by Stacy Keach.</p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l57hIFD_I/AAAAAAAAAhI/93zAqKlDrLQ/stacy1%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="244" alt="stacy1" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l59BIFEAI/AAAAAAAAAhQ/JMYFdM18UF8/stacy1_thumb.jpg" width="242" border="0" /> </a></p><p><a href="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5-BIFEBI/AAAAAAAAAhY/Iax6fIp-iQw/cont4b%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="239" alt="cont4b" src="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5-xIFECI/AAAAAAAAAhg/oaNBB5ZJjyM/cont4b_thumb.gif" width="226" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: You know who gets paid for being loved, Elmer Boggs? Trixie, the town whore.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Or your wife.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: If you take the underlined words in that second frame, Elmer Boggs is saying "Don't don't come back!" Which is a roundabout way of saying he wants John Freeman to come back.</p><p><a href="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l5_xIFEDI/AAAAAAAAAho/pfCWNg6Bc_w/cont5%5B5%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="256" alt="cont5" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6BBIFEEI/AAAAAAAAAhw/a5pue-17nl0/cont5_thumb%5B3%5D.gif" width="461" border="0" /></a> </p><p><strong>Lita: </strong>Oh,<strong> @!!**!.</strong> You're like an old friend to me.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I like that every tract, no matter who the illustrator is, has to use the same exact cursing.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Oh dear. Did they make the Devil a black man?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: It sure looks like it.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: And they underlined soul because the black guy wants it. Black people like soul food.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: The clouds on the horizon have been so distracting to me in this tract. Did some kind of nuclear fallout just happen?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: I don't know why Pa would sell his soul for that farm. It's a really horrible farm.</p><p><strong>wurwolf:</strong> No wonder he's broke. He's been growing weeds and wagon wheels.<br /></p><p><strong>Lita:</strong> The wagon wheels would be useful, except they ate the horse last week.<br /></p><p><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That, and they only have two wheels.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Maybe it's time for him and his cripple to move on.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Move to the city and put that kid out to beg on the streets. Can you imagine the bucks he'd rake in? Little crippled blonde white kid? Pfft. Crazy money.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6ChIFEFI/AAAAAAAAAh4/noKJSzQZCjI/cont6%5B3%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="252" alt="cont6" src="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6ERIFEGI/AAAAAAAAAiA/gKj_fRVQ5SE/cont6_thumb%5B1%5D.gif" width="478" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Two panels in one frame. Arty.</p><p><strong><em>wurwolf hopes Mr. B. Fox is knocking on the house door and not the outhouse door.</em></strong></p><p><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Especially since he's offering to shake John Freeman's hand.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: So who's this guy? What happened to that nice black fellow?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: He was so jaunty and not prone to mistake abject poverty for bountiful wealth.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: That nice black fellow saw how sad John Freeman's farm was and knew he'd get no good soul food there, so he moved on.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Poor guy. He was my favorite character in this tract.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: He's better than <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/07/sin-city.html" target="_blank">Malcolm</a>, anyway.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Poor John. He's just one of a long line of poor white trash who are suckers for a get-rich-quick scheme. You know if they had Publisher's Clearinghouse back then he'd be right in on that.</p><p><a href="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6FxIFEHI/AAAAAAAAAiI/btwfovaN7G0/cont7%5B3%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="254" alt="cont7" src="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6HRIFEII/AAAAAAAAAiQ/EYOo9NHT3-Q/cont7_thumb%5B1%5D.gif" width="474" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: I actually like the art in this first frame. The bottles in the window, the wheel, the axe in the stump. If you ignore the dialogue it's nice.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: It is. Very bucolic.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Why would John go halvesies with B. Fox? It's his property. At least negotiate yourself a better deal, you dummy.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Totally. I'd take a good look at that map and then send Fox on his way. He's holding it open right there for all to see.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Never trust a man with a pinky ring.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Not if they hold their pinky out like that to make it shine at you.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Do you hold your pinky out if you're like holding a glass or something?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: No, I don't. Do you?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Yeah. I don't even think about it. I just do.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: I'm so snooty.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Snooty? Or lame?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Maybe both? I started doing it when I was a little girl and thought it was classy, and now it's just automatic.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I'm leaning more towards lame.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6JRIFEJI/AAAAAAAAAiY/ADj52zG2ju0/cont8%5B4%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="261" alt="cont8" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6LBIFEKI/AAAAAAAAAig/6BZTz-0BHz8/cont8_thumb%5B2%5D.gif" width="480" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: And here we get our first good look at B. Fox's face. I have to say, I'm disappointed.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: He looks so piggy with those little eyes and the tiny nose.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I like how the hat is tilted to a rakish angle, though.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I think he looks a little like Gary Burghoff:</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6MRIFELI/AAAAAAAAAio/pHLQGf9ONh8/burghoffold%5B2%5D.jpg"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="132" alt="burghoffold" src="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6MxIFEMI/AAAAAAAAAiw/q46j3fGSJJk/burghoffold_thumb.jpg" width="148" border="0" /> </a></p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: The "haw" rears its ugly head yet again.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: I mostly want to slap people when I hear them say "Haw"</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Oh, me too.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: It just goes right around the brain and into the spine and pulls on the slapping nerves.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: B. Fox waited until John got out the inkwell and pen before stopping him?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Asking for my soul is weird enough, but asking me to sign anything in blood would just put me over. I'd be like, "Oh, ok, you're a loony. You can either leave now or wait here while I get my gun."</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Also, Freeman already told him he'd get half the treasure. Why would he throw his soul in as well? No wonder he's in so much debt if he's this bad at identifying a terrible deal.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Exactly. It's a wonder he's managed to hold on to the farm this long.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: If I'm giving up my soul I want ALL that stupid treasure that's on my property anyway.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Not only that, but (peeking ahead) John is going to be doing all the hard labor to get this treasure.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: And there had better be a LOT of treasure. If we start digging and only find a couple of silver dollars than I will be pissed.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: If John was more shrewd he would have dug the treasure up first and then signed the contract. Some guy shows up on your doorstep with a crudely-drawn map, claiming that there's treasure on your property, and you totally fall for it? I'm surprised John didn't lose his soul before he hit puberty.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: I hope he at least checked to make sure there was a clause that let him off if they don't find treasure or if the treasure is lame.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I'm sure he didn't.</p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6OhIFENI/AAAAAAAAAi4/moh6HMxizYc/cont9%5B4%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="260" alt="cont9" src="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6PhIFEOI/AAAAAAAAAjA/seIZTK-cWTU/cont9_thumb%5B2%5D.gif" width="481" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Wow. Good thing John didn't rent that stump grinder last year like he was thinking about doing.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6QRIFEPI/AAAAAAAAAjI/9l7YwTjgANI/cont10%5B4%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="267" alt="cont10" src="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6QxIFEQI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/2KuOwyPAy9Y/cont10_thumb%5B2%5D.gif" width="491" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: John became shirtless between the time they reached the stump and when he was digging.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: "Don't you have a promise to keep?" Geez, Fox, he said "we." You're taking his soul, let him have a minute to jump around and be happy.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: What's that on the ground next to B. Fox? Did Chluthu wander into this tract?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Maybe that's the artist's response to <a href="http://www.fredvanlente.com/cthulhutract/pages/index.html" target="_blank">this tract</a>.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6RRIFERI/AAAAAAAAAjY/hCmkXiQVgXY/cont11a%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="239" alt="cont11a" src="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6WRIFESI/AAAAAAAAAjg/agi_Mlnr5-U/cont11a_thumb.gif" width="226" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: John never promised Fox to fix Boggs.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Fox must've been hanging around and overheard him. I can totally see the devil wanting to hang out in a bank.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: He really is dumb if he didn't pick up on Fox knowing about that.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: John has never looked more like Stacy Keach than he does there.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: You know, John, that's where the real money is. Stacy Keach impersonations. Just something to think about.</p><p><a href="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6XBIFETI/AAAAAAAAAjo/WVCQdJyOzR8/cont12b%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="240" alt="cont12b" src="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6XRIFEUI/AAAAAAAAAjw/etLQGOb73W0/cont12b_thumb.gif" width="227" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: "There's <em>nothing</em> like revenge." And that was nothing like revenge. Not interesting revenge anyway. Any objections to skipping those "revenge" panels?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Yes, but you're going to do it anyway, aren't you?</p><p><strong>Lita:</strong> Yes.</p><p><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Well, I'm still going to talk about them.</p><p><strong>Lita:</strong> Fine.</p><p><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Once again we have a businessman fired for doing his job.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Chick seems to love to reward the boobs and buffoons and castigate the hardworking businessmen.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Honestly, I feel a little sad about this. Poor Boggs.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6YRIFEVI/AAAAAAAAAj4/n5ILOXN1RL4/cont13%5B4%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="258" alt="cont13" src="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6ZRIFEWI/AAAAAAAAAkA/Nu4EuaLc-WU/cont13_thumb%5B2%5D.gif" width="478" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: Oh, hey! It's Bob!</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Bob Goode!</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Must be one of Bob's ancestors. He's even good at shouting about souls at people who were just trying to have a nice conversation.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Bob's head explodes in a flash of light over John's stupidity.</p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6ZhIFEXI/AAAAAAAAAkI/IgKTIED6HDM/cont14a%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="240" alt="cont14a" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6aBIFEYI/AAAAAAAAAkQ/kSXUAQ4sSwM/cont14a_thumb.gif" width="225" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: "I believe in the 10 commandments... I do as much good as possible..."</p><p><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "Why, I even changed my last name to 'Goode'! It used to be Miller!"</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Bob never ever sins. Because the Bible teaches that that's possible.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: The Bible is always going on and on about how you can get into heaven through good works and that's why we don't need any savior.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Yup, that's what Bob has always told us. And you don't argue with Bob.</p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6ahIFEZI/AAAAAAAAAkY/zf-hWN3nNiU/cont14b%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="239" alt="cont14b" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6bBIFEaI/AAAAAAAAAkg/HPQELO0hIWE/cont14b_thumb.gif" width="238" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Okay. Obviously this tract took place many years ago. So I can only assume that Bob Goode has traveled far into the future and brought back that sweet flat-screen tv there.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Beelzebub? Really, tract? You're going there?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: And John is so dumb. "Beelzebub!", he cheerfully shouts out.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: "Lew Siffer" was one thing, but "Beelzebub Fox" is just too much to handle.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Frankly, I think "Lew Siffer" was worse.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Next tract we'll see a guy sign his soul over to "Lorda Thefflies." And don't miss the one where some guy signs his soul, in blood, to "Satan McPrinceofdarkness"</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Or "Mr. O'Scratch"</p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6bhIFEbI/AAAAAAAAAko/EQDlldX3PCk/cont15%5B3%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="257" alt="cont15" src="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6cRIFEcI/AAAAAAAAAkw/QmaEkrfSbsw/cont15_thumb%5B1%5D.gif" width="480" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Well, John might be on his deathbed and doomed to hell, but what an awesome ride these last ten years have been for him. Look at that mansion! Although I do think the architect went a little overboard on the windows.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: It kind of looks like John's mouth was sewn shut while he's dying in bed.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Is that a face on John's headboard?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: It's a frowny face. Because it's sad to die and go to hell.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I thought maybe Beelzebub made him carve it there, to remind him of his impending fate.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Bob's a big Jesus expert and he didn't mention to John in the last 10 years that there's a way out of that contract?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: He probably figured John deserved what he got. That's our Bob!</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Oh, Bob. For fun!</p><p><b>Lita</b>: "blahhdee blah, Jesus, blood, cross, blah blah." Moving on.</p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6chIFEdI/AAAAAAAAAk4/JKKLhsLsG8U/cont17b%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="239" alt="cont17b" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6dBIFEeI/AAAAAAAAAlA/jvp1oK94Brg/cont17b_thumb.gif" width="225" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Looks like Bob's doing alright for himself, too.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: "You <em><strong>look</strong></em> terrible!" That Bob. Always full of Christian love and kindness.</p><p><a href="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6dhIFEfI/AAAAAAAAAlI/_TU3D11QhbE/cont18%5B3%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="262" alt="cont18" src="http://lh3.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6eBIFEgI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/TbgM1eO8qsQ/cont18_thumb%5B1%5D.gif" width="489" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: <b>ONE HOUR LATER</b> "Stop preaching to me, John!" Really. If my decrepit cousin showed up at my door and preached at me for a full hour, non-stop, I think I'd be a little grumpy, too.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: I'm confused about Bob. He was set up as our Christian hero and now he's all, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS CHRIST STUFF!"</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Chick tracts pulled a switcheroo on us!</p><p><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Did they have baloney when this tract took place?</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Skipping ahead, John dies and Bob thinks he's in hell, blah blah, hey look! Violence!</p><p><a href="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6fxIFEhI/AAAAAAAAAlY/uhC0PLIXXYs/cont19%5B3%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="261" alt="cont19" src="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6ghIFEiI/AAAAAAAAAlg/eIDv7_cbACs/cont19_thumb%5B1%5D.gif" width="487" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: I love how Bob's legs are all splayed out under the tree branch.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: A massive tentacle appears to rape Bob! Damn you, Japan!</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: It's Chluthu again!</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: His legs look like one of those Garfield butts that people hang out of their car window.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Why does this panel include an advertisement for a book about Satanism? Was that horse playing D&D?</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Must have been. I just like that the tree crashed in Cooper Bold.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: And Bob's leg says "Ugh".</p><p><b>Lita</b>: He had a mantis in his pantis.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Perhaps you'll get a look at that mantis in his pantis in the next panel, because he's in hell and he's nude.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6hRIFEjI/AAAAAAAAAlo/KnArc8wNKEs/cont20b%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="239" alt="cont20b" src="http://lh6.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6hxIFEkI/AAAAAAAAAlw/6K4IdspWsOI/cont20b_thumb.gif" width="226" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: He's all sweaty because it's hot as hell in there.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Haw!</p><p><strong><em>Lita slaps wurwolf</em></strong></p><p><b>Lita</b>: Sorry! Reflex!</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: It's okay. I'll just reflexively break your pinky sometime when it's sticking out.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: Okay, so finally, Chick tracts gives little kids a pass. They won't wind up in hell.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: Unless they <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/10/happy-halloween.html" target="_blank">wear dumb sweaters and hang out with bikerhobos</a>.</p><p><a href="http://lh4.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6iRIFElI/AAAAAAAAAl4/vzv7-_XeHLc/cont21b%5B2%5D.gif"><img style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" height="240" alt="cont21b" src="http://lh5.google.com/Carmelita9000/R-l6ihIFEmI/AAAAAAAAAmA/zaSTBd7CcsM/cont21b_thumb.gif" width="237" border="0" /></a> </p><p><b>Lita</b>: Beelzebub Fox's head looks like a massive ham, and it's making me hungry.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: A delicious, tasty ham with eyes and a hat.</p><p><b>Lita</b>: No big finish for this tract. I'm disappointed.</p><p><b>wurwolf</b>: "I've got everyone anyway.... except those who accepted Christ as their savior!" And the tract just kind of ends there....</p><p><b>Lita</b>: As does this blog entry.</p><p></p><p><span style="font-size:78%;">(All comic images ©1984-2008 Chick Publications, Inc. and are used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span></p>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-87392616638342194672008-03-12T14:43:00.023-04:002009-05-16T18:02:51.752-04:00Angels?<em>HEY HOLEEE COW-ERS!! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?! This one goes out to our biggest fan, Springy!! WHOOOO! Rock on, you CRMFer! *chucks a beer bottle into the audience*</em><br /><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0034/0034_01.asp" target="_new"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176941843942637986" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBfPMPrzj4yZnY8TxJWCe_SX0whtH1DbAEbhHdQNNjHfgK76k38mE4tULO1xy9dO_Q2zcwdvAPbRARYNNraCKQhj9IdLoqLc4KsDUhnP3z6o_-XzGS14iAu9Pb0w3e_s2PA1G5/s200/Cover.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Good goddamn, I love it already.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> We've had some great covers from Chick, but I swear that is the best cover we've seen yet.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They really captured the Rock spirit<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Totally.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That guitar has a really long neck.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Not only that, the guy's mouth is abnormally big. I guess that's so he can get out all of his mad lyrics.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> By the way, this tract was written in 1986, so judge their take on rock music accordingly.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Do you really think it's changed since then? I mean, it's barely been 20 years.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> This being Chick Publications, I'm sure they won't be so current as to portray hair metal bands or even new wave. I'm guessing they'll be featuring some greasy 70s prog rock band.<br /><br /><center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxUSsoCH2UFNVdWno2IAw4cFzBJ3bT1v7vPoLE7U3W5MHzPuHl8_sGJ1Kx-gXvexAVxKOJ38SpcScHriazXUcnKYrGHfnjkHaFvx4vN4Pwc6TgwxsmhyphenhyphensSdKqbqRSUHpAu_x6/s1600-h/Panel+1.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176937089413840962" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguxUSsoCH2UFNVdWno2IAw4cFzBJ3bT1v7vPoLE7U3W5MHzPuHl8_sGJ1Kx-gXvexAVxKOJ38SpcScHriazXUcnKYrGHfnjkHaFvx4vN4Pwc6TgwxsmhyphenhyphensSdKqbqRSUHpAu_x6/s200/Panel+1.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You know what? I can't say that I blame them for being upset. $200 split four ways will barely buy dinner at a fast-food restaurant, let alone pay their bills.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> No, I can see how the tract is making its point about these greedy little bastards. If they're so Christian and want to spread the Word they should Rock for free. And God loves it when His servants on Earth cheat each other out of money.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Well, God must be overjoyed then. Because these guys are clearly being cheated. If the agreed upon fee was $500 and they're getting $200? Pfft.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Frankly, I think they should trash the Sunday School rooms.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They couldn't do worse than Sunday Schoolers do.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Also, Green Angels is kind of a dumb name for a rock group. Even a Christian rock group.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Maybe. But how awesome would it be if that van was lime green and they had all that painted on the side? I would totally drive around in a van like that.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'd feel like I was in a Scooby Doo cartoon.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I wonder if they're enviro Christians<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I would not be surprised to discover that Chick Tracts is opposed to environmentalism too.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm sure some day we'll run across a tract against environmentalism.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiyREO_tu1WLrliRkGpOdCM0m6QPvgwOMZ19ZIPdi-Z5bBQjRh9kxl3oLSIVtWauBhwFkkzSRueK_TDISGL9z1rHUpzXGaiNxPLsq0cP3z_SVG3rq5jRfRrer6Zmy6o-36AEg2/s1600-h/Panel+2.1.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176937093708808274" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiyREO_tu1WLrliRkGpOdCM0m6QPvgwOMZ19ZIPdi-Z5bBQjRh9kxl3oLSIVtWauBhwFkkzSRueK_TDISGL9z1rHUpzXGaiNxPLsq0cP3z_SVG3rq5jRfRrer6Zmy6o-36AEg2/s200/Panel+2.1.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> How come that preacher stopped you? Maybe because you suck.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Yeah, guys, I get that a lot of Christian rock is regular rock, but you substitute Jesus for "baby." But I don't think that works so well if your song is "Superfreak".<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Or "Milkshake".<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "You're a very sexay Loooord! The kind you don't bring home to Mothaaaaa!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "My Jesus brings all the boys to the yard..."<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "My Jesus does the hanky panky!"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdyZZHOQZkDe8LDEujds14cFlQPaaGLZF1TKyzmPNAPd5fnfRdjtgnoZ8bj-fYh1pl9MYn6Q1uAb0MloiB2oTayTySNqt2Ya90HlCIwUI56RRUBp2mxWNc3bIHmm79ttpYW4jt/s1600-h/Panel+2.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176937098003775586" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdyZZHOQZkDe8LDEujds14cFlQPaaGLZF1TKyzmPNAPd5fnfRdjtgnoZ8bj-fYh1pl9MYn6Q1uAb0MloiB2oTayTySNqt2Ya90HlCIwUI56RRUBp2mxWNc3bIHmm79ttpYW4jt/s200/Panel+2.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Hey, big dark shadowy guy, I don't think those little jerks can hear you if you're talking to them from the other side of the window like that.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> How to Win Friends and Influence People, Rule #1: You won't get people to do what you want by calling them jerks.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "It's got to be my way." I'll bet he's Frank Sinatra!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJp33jNd_0orTg-APrC61OJxRdnry2VZlfgD13uEpgY15qfw1dCVVffXeJISILpaD-MFspwRDA8fai3IEOzjgnrlYf3MTbIWseOb07FiqlsSJyfddTyZklu632Zd4ZZ64zukFh/s1600-h/Panel+3.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176937102298742898" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJp33jNd_0orTg-APrC61OJxRdnry2VZlfgD13uEpgY15qfw1dCVVffXeJISILpaD-MFspwRDA8fai3IEOzjgnrlYf3MTbIWseOb07FiqlsSJyfddTyZklu632Zd4ZZ64zukFh/s200/Panel+3.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh no! He's telling them to let go and flow! It's the beginning of the end when your Christian rock group resorts to public urination!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Get their name right, Satan. They're the GREEN Angels.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He washed us out? What does that mean?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Nothing wrong with being washed out. Lots of rock groups could do with a shower.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yes, these guys especially. I guess their rent doesn't include showering.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Look at that guy. I bet he's Tommy's older brother. I mean, he's even a loser.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He does look a lot like Tommy.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I wonder if his name is Bobby<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Let's start calling him Bobby.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvujJ5ej0TGsUrvm3URaMITrFTK-ng58P9F9TDVAPQnMmqH1lWQt8VCt442dTApr3CobheT0p003Bd4_BZEv_4c82xx4ZWLuBzz-avllQ0szGVLBYYQBOu7fYxkrfvvISCqa8h/s1600-h/Panel+4.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176938171745599618" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvujJ5ej0TGsUrvm3URaMITrFTK-ng58P9F9TDVAPQnMmqH1lWQt8VCt442dTApr3CobheT0p003Bd4_BZEv_4c82xx4ZWLuBzz-avllQ0szGVLBYYQBOu7fYxkrfvvISCqa8h/s200/Panel+4.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Mr. Siffer gives spring cleaning a whole new meaning.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I bet this is how all Christian rock groups make it big. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_true_Scotsman" target="_new">No true Christian would enjoy rock music.</a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like the couple on the right in the restaurant. The man is about to order something, but his wife is so angry! I'll bet he's diabetic and he's trying to order some pie.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I bet every time the waitress walks away he swats her on the fanny.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVq3VSmDUyUiRcDWSVMpWwMeu99944xWDX9Rrc5EfvUXGziA0YrXuUs6f671lGt3gc_j4eHvrW0767B96GGrunDQr8ucTtJ__Wou1YlGQX4OfW9b43nhKOn2ZEsyPylowio7Hc/s1600-h/Panel+5.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176938614127231122" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVq3VSmDUyUiRcDWSVMpWwMeu99944xWDX9Rrc5EfvUXGziA0YrXuUs6f671lGt3gc_j4eHvrW0767B96GGrunDQr8ucTtJ__Wou1YlGQX4OfW9b43nhKOn2ZEsyPylowio7Hc/s200/Panel+5.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> This tract wants us to think that wanting $500 when you can't even pay your rent is a bad thing.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh no! Don't jump! You have so much to live for!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Five hundred dollars, man! FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That could pay a whole month's rent in 1986!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I want five hundred dollars!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So with inflation, in today's rate that would be.... what? $1,000?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I want one thousand dollars!!!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hell, I'd be happy with a candy bar.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wow. Guys, you're in a Chick tract. Don't you know talking like your beliefs are no big deal means you're going straight to hell?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> If you're not willing to die for your beliefs you're just not committed enough. And that's why you got into rock and roll.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Ok. So we haven't seen Siffer's face yet, but the guys have. And we know Chick Tracts like their devils to have horns and crap. So what are you thinking:<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Did the tract go against its basic nature and make Satan all good looking like he probably actually would be?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Or did the tract do what it really wants to do and make Siffer all evil and ugly and covered in scales and horns and stuff and the guys are just really dumb?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Or high.</span><span id="fullpost"><br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><strong>Lita:</strong> If one of them is related to Tommy I'm gonna go with dumb.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If this is a Chick tract, I'm gonna go with high.</span><span id="fullpost"><strong><br /><br />wurwolf:</strong> Ooo! Maybe Mr. Siffer is actually Bob!</span><br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfM_GqHohQQ-KBTeFutTgdHowdWh0JDcJBKEyh6Yd-irB2V3HzhLLNTYpxF5qYPNxTFj-BtuuiJwZl3_KKCDrnvuf6vePYX6xbWPFJQbLplTZFM8nUZnIulVcjmIP1PefWwuCx/s1600-h/Panel+6.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176938790220890274" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfM_GqHohQQ-KBTeFutTgdHowdWh0JDcJBKEyh6Yd-irB2V3HzhLLNTYpxF5qYPNxTFj-BtuuiJwZl3_KKCDrnvuf6vePYX6xbWPFJQbLplTZFM8nUZnIulVcjmIP1PefWwuCx/s200/Panel+6.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Check Siffer's profile. I think you're right. He's Bob.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I thought so!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Hey, Christians! I can give you booze and groupies and drugs!" "We see no downside to this!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> For crying out loud, I still can't see why these guys are such villains. Isn't this what anyone in the music business would want? To be famous and to get ahead?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> If they're so easily turned from their beliefs, why did they start a Christian rock group? Why not just start a regular rock group?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I know, right? "We're not such great Christians. We don't really care about our religion. Hey! Let's start a Christian rock band!"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Nobody will buy our albums except hardcore Christians and if we ever sin and they find out even they'll stop buying our stuff! It'll be AWESOME!"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I have a couple of Christian Rock albums. I got them back in high school when my youth group was trying to convince me that we should only listen to Christian music. I tried out some, and it was ok. I could get into it, depending on the group. But I couldn't imagine giving up all my non-Christian music forever.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yeah, I tried to get into it, too. I even went so far as to throw away all of my Pink Floyd albums, an action I regret to this day.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Finally I decided, "Ok. Maybe God does speak to some people to tell them that their music is getting in the way of their walk. But I've never gotten any impression that He's saying it to me." I never regretted not throwing out my music.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbdd_qOHVddQclh1v3v5Kg_VFOoSjO4BivBlFYlLWZJVQ0HukLHDnFq1Ug2IHchmPAZfEOjCOoi6SM2zQ33tuCdq2hUQMhsvUPLpaf_p8MWo59OyYsD2ShB7ws3SL6MprsanB-/s1600-h/Panel+7.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176938953429647538" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbdd_qOHVddQclh1v3v5Kg_VFOoSjO4BivBlFYlLWZJVQ0HukLHDnFq1Ug2IHchmPAZfEOjCOoi6SM2zQ33tuCdq2hUQMhsvUPLpaf_p8MWo59OyYsD2ShB7ws3SL6MprsanB-/s200/Panel+7.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Eh. Sign in your own blood, pee in this cup. I see no difference.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> No reason why the blood signing thing or the selling of souls should throw up red flags. The RIAA requires it of all its musicians, and most of its customers.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Told you they would be a 70s prog rock group. That blonde guy has Yes written all over him.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> WHOA! There is a Bobby! How precog of you, Lita!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He's not the one who looks like Tommy's brother, though. I was off by one.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Well.... yeah. That and just about everyone in these tracts are named Bob, Tom or Tim, or some derivative thereof.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFshUqIDpFBAxicih8sVQb_R_RCiQDookeHeugjcOC0v8X0FMjnrG4VApMEDizVOaHq49m_UjFwN3XBwWdZv_1vzDMrsaNVOpUGZnCOE-eqJJ00PHKY73lzqAnmsxiuVrzWzlh/s1600-h/Panel+8.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176939090868601026" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFshUqIDpFBAxicih8sVQb_R_RCiQDookeHeugjcOC0v8X0FMjnrG4VApMEDizVOaHq49m_UjFwN3XBwWdZv_1vzDMrsaNVOpUGZnCOE-eqJJ00PHKY73lzqAnmsxiuVrzWzlh/s200/Panel+8.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "Souls haw haw!" I love it.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Tommy the Elder has some Benicio Del Toro in him.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.foxnews.com/images/300888/0_61_Benicio_del_Toro.jpg" target="_new"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 200px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://www.foxnews.com/images/300888/0_61_Benicio_del_Toro.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><strong></strong></span><span id="fullpost"><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Lew Siffer. That's totally subtle, Chick Tracts.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><strong>Lita:</strong> Siffer doesn't have horns. Yet.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Well... Lew Siffer is quite clever, but I hope people call him Lewis Siffer just to mess with him.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "You can call me Lew if you like." No. I just want to call you Lewis.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He couldn't even be a Luis. He had to go with the weird spelling.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh, he's such an angel of light, with his white suit and glowing aura. *rolls eyes*<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcbfj866Zfs3fMLooPuhxhFuYScDrmZLyHrHnZMvl7P9zr5yHJek9Ze_JxkYj8Y7AV3PbL-3IZ16-5roBzDU0TAvf2lm5mzkA_C9OWKSO33N7gQQQYcD8xnM0Zao7IK7fTWAL2/s1600-h/Panel+9.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176939245487423698" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcbfj866Zfs3fMLooPuhxhFuYScDrmZLyHrHnZMvl7P9zr5yHJek9Ze_JxkYj8Y7AV3PbL-3IZ16-5roBzDU0TAvf2lm5mzkA_C9OWKSO33N7gQQQYcD8xnM0Zao7IK7fTWAL2/s200/Panel+9.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> You know who Lew's reminding me of?<br /><br /><a href="http://www.freewebs.com/joeydepaolo/Jared.jpg" target="_new"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 200px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://www.freewebs.com/joeydepaolo/Jared.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Satan: Master of the World, Agent to the Stars, and Sandwich Promoter.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Actually, I think Satan is John McCrea of CAKE. He shaved his goatee, but we all know that CAKE is the devil.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Are you kidding me? Is Chick Publications making the bold statement that music comes from Satan?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'm not at all surprised.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv58HY-GPCQsCljnVKDeqvjxB0XlJ3wR6iLu16lu3tVtBbnXR3hsnddC9WCAybxFiTjJwwfKwiBxtwwsS-HNZ47qx9uXN51x90Q52FNjMncvL8pbWX4UrY-MgMiD8qa-RY6W5K/s1600-h/Panel+10.1.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176939421581082850" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv58HY-GPCQsCljnVKDeqvjxB0XlJ3wR6iLu16lu3tVtBbnXR3hsnddC9WCAybxFiTjJwwfKwiBxtwwsS-HNZ47qx9uXN51x90Q52FNjMncvL8pbWX4UrY-MgMiD8qa-RY6W5K/s200/Panel+10.1.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Huh. I wonder what the difference between hard rock and heavy rock is.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I can't help but wonder why Mr. Siffer waited until the 1960s to unveil his master evil plan to destroy all souls. I mean, many Christians agree we're either in or approaching the End Times. Cutting it a little close, aren't you Lew?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> If it were such an awesome plan he should have started in a lot sooner. We could be waltzing to Beethoven's "Janie's Got A Gun" right now.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Was Satan listening to the same music I was listening to in the 70s? I hardly think "Chick A Boom" and "Baby I'm A Want You" classify as heavy rock.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Sorry, wurwolf. Soft Rock doesn't exist anymore. It ended in the 60's. That's why you see all the kids headbanging to Michael Bolton and Butterfly Kisses.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like that the crooners introduced the world to Satan. Damn you, Bing Crosby!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I was at the dentist last week and "Bridge Over Troubled Water" came on the radio and I was afraid for the safety of my teeth with all the moshing that suddenly broke out in there.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Satan has even inflitrated your dentist office. Shameful.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Lew's explanation of music sounds an awful lot like the song "Sympathy for the Devil"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-twuWJBViWu3dQdiET55N_2hnuTbhFl15FAqkMfOJA2M80wPnkYCCklYdj9sAP4CfVeq3_DbIGn1wE7KsQ8bTrKXkK0HS0fXl2H6N7W7oGyb6EaStQq0vCiX42gP4poHJuKAO/s1600-h/Panel+10.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176939674984153330" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-twuWJBViWu3dQdiET55N_2hnuTbhFl15FAqkMfOJA2M80wPnkYCCklYdj9sAP4CfVeq3_DbIGn1wE7KsQ8bTrKXkK0HS0fXl2H6N7W7oGyb6EaStQq0vCiX42gP4poHJuKAO/s200/Panel+10.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> All the Green Angels have the WTF expressions you would expect from watching Satan's little presentation, except Tommy The Elder. He's just like, "This is hardcore. Let's roll."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Absolutely. He's had a taste of what $500 can bring, and he's not going back.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhupcpzAfDRPKNSnb11ruQynJhZsYsqe1oqQaw8AaSMLWxxVg3G6Szi-MhLD0RC55ERf6APJUMvCHPLBE4k-t1RLHrQt9yXV_gB0BpH2QatPZBdn7Y4IoBulc-vnSnIr6FUmq/s1600-h/Panel+11.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176939898322452738" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhupcpzAfDRPKNSnb11ruQynJhZsYsqe1oqQaw8AaSMLWxxVg3G6Szi-MhLD0RC55ERf6APJUMvCHPLBE4k-t1RLHrQt9yXV_gB0BpH2QatPZBdn7Y4IoBulc-vnSnIr6FUmq/s200/Panel+11.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Motley Crue was around in the 70s? <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motley_crue" target="_new">I'm calling bullshit on that.</a><br /><br /><strong></strong></span><span id="fullpost"><strong>Lita:</strong> Wait... Satan's trying to destroy education? But I thought education was his baby. On account of all teachers hating god and pushing Evolution and dinosaurs and gays and stuff.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Perhaps a different writer wrote this tract.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><strong>Lita:</strong> All music made after the 50's sounds the same? D... Dad? Is that you???<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm having a hard time following Lew's reasoning there.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Sweet! They're part of the wolf pack! AWESOME!<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> If you think pastors who let rock music in are wimpy just try rocking out the worship service in any church service my dad attends.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "Let's move on" I love the way Lew talks. He's quite the motivational speaker.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He must have sensed that we were running out of things to say about that panel. He's very considerate.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy3_FUiLbH7clk60fCPabXAZu8xpJkXEfcPZNEn6kp6IIVcUUoWLtmQdk5mHVD_qKrMUaz5CLWT9nZ4_FyzyoJ83ETYCvhQtMW_24HHqCS3vD0GYN1h0LdLX2Gq89TAyuoOzP7/s1600-h/Panel+13.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176940160315457810" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhy3_FUiLbH7clk60fCPabXAZu8xpJkXEfcPZNEn6kp6IIVcUUoWLtmQdk5mHVD_qKrMUaz5CLWT9nZ4_FyzyoJ83ETYCvhQtMW_24HHqCS3vD0GYN1h0LdLX2Gq89TAyuoOzP7/s200/Panel+13.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So let's track the progression of Satan's music. It starts in his Satanist church, then straight to the Catholic church, then onto voodoo (which, I'm not sure how the Catholics and voodoo are mixed up), and then from voodoo to the entire world.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yeah. Sure. I can buy that.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> You never listened to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT_0gPrzGA0" target="_new">Wall of Voodoo</a>? It's great. o/` I'm on a Mexican radio! I'm on a Mexican, wooah-oh, radio! o/`<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> No, I've never even heard of them.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They only had one hit, but it was a good one.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "But they'll die for their rock and rolls gods." I gotta admit, Chick tracts isn't doing a good job of making me not want to be in Satan's band.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Starting from my church*" "*<span style="font-size:78%;">The Satanist church</span>" Thanks, Tract. I wasn't sure by this point who we were dealing with here.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yeah really. Because the name Lew Siffer was too hard to figure out.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> By the way, I don't know how many times I've read the name "Siffer" and thought it said "Stiffler". It's like, "This guy Stiffler is really load--" Oh. <em><strong>Siffer.</strong></em><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "Let's give them a big New York welcome." Yep. Because if you're going to sin, you should sin big. In New York.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> When Satan labels you, you stay labled. Once a stupid little jerk, always a stupid little jerk.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgstaQkLzX4EtFPjpclL7hbutJt9IbsWDoZe-K2Ti71EM-qfiGsDaRGVJcCxivoVAN9QhX7rZugNYpvVMOxgEa-hJEG4LcqFdzzuIC7hxQG6qXCxBUBt7hUM7L82hjmO0aD6TLl/s1600-h/Panel+15.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176940349294018850" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgstaQkLzX4EtFPjpclL7hbutJt9IbsWDoZe-K2Ti71EM-qfiGsDaRGVJcCxivoVAN9QhX7rZugNYpvVMOxgEa-hJEG4LcqFdzzuIC7hxQG6qXCxBUBt7hUM7L82hjmO0aD6TLl/s200/Panel+15.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wow. That's a great panel. "We're gonna rock with the ROCK!" Prudential?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> You know what I've always found striking about the Christian rock groups I've listened to? All the Satanic imagery. They always have demons flying around and stuff. Because Christians aren't sensitive about that kind of thing.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yeah, they're big on that stuff.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "I love um!" Really? Um?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Is their animatronic demon saying "They're the greatest"?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Ha! It is! What brilliant promotion!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, wait. I get it. They're not animatronic demons. They're real demons because demons love any song with a beat.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That Lew, he's the best manager ever!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZiYVCJuiW7C8J-rW1F5XLZ-dGhlcfdTaFDimrFWs87NyXlJmQVTaSwTlF9mREibooYe1jAaRGTU284lRAmbam-wO06WKpu1B8jTJPsDrUf2pV4VPH6C0F6OpIsXcuWYWwyVBd/s1600-h/Panel+16.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176940495322906930" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZiYVCJuiW7C8J-rW1F5XLZ-dGhlcfdTaFDimrFWs87NyXlJmQVTaSwTlF9mREibooYe1jAaRGTU284lRAmbam-wO06WKpu1B8jTJPsDrUf2pV4VPH6C0F6OpIsXcuWYWwyVBd/s200/Panel+16.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong></strong></span><span id="fullpost"><strong>Lita:</strong> They can't marry each other because it'll wreck their image? They can't marry each other because it's the mid-80's and it's illegal.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><strong>Lita:</strong> But check out Satan, taking a stand against homosexual marriage!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I have to admit, I'm genuinely surprised that a Chick tract would take this stance.<br /></span><span id="fullpost"><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I now realize that as loving compassionate Christians we should stand up against the hate that Satan keeps spewing and legalize gay marriage. Thank you, Chick Tracts. Thank you.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You're reading it wrong. Chick wants you to know that NO ONE likes homosexual marriage. Not even Satan.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Satan can hand out AIDS for wedding presents? I thought AIDS was God's judgment against homosexuality.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Way to steal God's bit, Satan!<br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbO_qBTWoYjylJlI7E2OzIItXlAxHdnjR3UwiQL-8rR6uDv6caUJhvw3nBL5lCWFoPIToxi_S4ZEJnH1pxQWHFFbY8nYUiX2uWq3UT1w091ISa3vmrbejNY9-l-2zVBu30VcF0/s1600-h/Panel+17.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176940834625323330" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbO_qBTWoYjylJlI7E2OzIItXlAxHdnjR3UwiQL-8rR6uDv6caUJhvw3nBL5lCWFoPIToxi_S4ZEJnH1pxQWHFFbY8nYUiX2uWq3UT1w091ISa3vmrbejNY9-l-2zVBu30VcF0/s200/Panel+17.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "He's skin and bones. He looks like death." "So he's got AIDS. Big deal!" Wow. Just.... wow.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That's something I've noticed about rock fans. They hate having friends.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's part of the pact they sign with Satan.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Also tons of Christian rock fans wear leather jackets with a No Cross symbol on the back.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I see that jacket in all of the fancy clothing stores here in Manhattan.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrEw_KeWFNSH2YZb-49tfCFbk12Cns0shTr04vnZAJaq6pgAlOBle51AmeiJ92V7L6jDVmNe_OVZk36VfgAwFt_K838hdwD2InJAVEZOTOkfDuMNYUE-m97upgK0kT7G-Sjfl/s1600-h/Panel+18.1.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176940997834080594" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrEw_KeWFNSH2YZb-49tfCFbk12Cns0shTr04vnZAJaq6pgAlOBle51AmeiJ92V7L6jDVmNe_OVZk36VfgAwFt_K838hdwD2InJAVEZOTOkfDuMNYUE-m97upgK0kT7G-Sjfl/s200/Panel+18.1.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Holy crap! Tommy the Elder's name really is Tom! I'm so psychic today!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Or else I've read way more Chick Tracts than is healthy for me.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm going with choice #2. Also, if you're psychic, that means you're going straight to hell.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I love that she's slipping a Chick tract into Tom's pocket.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Look how tall Tommy the Elder is. Rock Music has made him larger than life. He's a living legend.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You're absolutely right. Tall people are of the devil.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3cqwwb3XYayie96C15aadTKePenPsVDNxIoWtz1dplZRDFLUbv6onn6LL4r6jSzkdEvbH0XGD_U8Vr5mEpIxaHThKhhn44XGru9hnHHNDEet6UoIINM9wGLqPDk5yAJOS7YbC/s1600-h/Panel+18.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176941156747870562" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3cqwwb3XYayie96C15aadTKePenPsVDNxIoWtz1dplZRDFLUbv6onn6LL4r6jSzkdEvbH0XGD_U8Vr5mEpIxaHThKhhn44XGru9hnHHNDEet6UoIINM9wGLqPDk5yAJOS7YbC/s200/Panel+18.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "Embrace me, Love of Death"?? What kind of crappy lyrics are these?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like that one guy in the audience is wearing a Cream jacket.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Do you suppose Chick Tracts were aware of the band Cream, or is it just a coincidence?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Right away I want to say that it's a coincidence, because I seriously doubt that Chick tracts has ever heard of Eric Clapton, let alone Cream. But then I realize that this was written in the 1980s and it's not like Chick would be up on any current bands. If they had to pick one band to put on someone's jacket, I'm not surprised that it's a band from 20 years before.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oWwgfM1vuXwetGmmqQNZCGOedd6hk5vvL7kG31Ep89SuFyoxkYPaQZxa6rWqB345MwQB4ROI5k3VcXA-Hu8oCrBswZVFK3L_HZa_NEAHMtOm4ODbLuu3zpWk-4JvNVErajhz/s1600-h/Panel+19.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176941311366693234" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oWwgfM1vuXwetGmmqQNZCGOedd6hk5vvL7kG31Ep89SuFyoxkYPaQZxa6rWqB345MwQB4ROI5k3VcXA-Hu8oCrBswZVFK3L_HZa_NEAHMtOm4ODbLuu3zpWk-4JvNVErajhz/s200/Panel+19.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Don is into vampirism? Really? That's the best they could come up with?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Yeah, that's a fairly common Rock and Roll lifestyle problem.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> What tract is Tommy the Elder reading?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Looks like <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0078/0078_01.asp" target="_new">The Contract</a>. We haven't done it, have we?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> No, but we should. It looks fucking awesome.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And apparently it's so powerful that even after reading the first panel Tommy the Elder gets saved.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> All I've seen is the first panel and I agree with Tommy the Elder. The first panel rules.<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZyyRPAWzSz8J8OLWGkqkjsFgSjZhrgI0S9KdRghqxUPTgaEBi6gLSOWL0O5aCTm055ImmhVgEX-6AbMZtCbDQCJrv9jS7ThmeId-bTRa2apkcf_shb6oEg2zYYQOAsgM0kt5S/s1600-h/Panel+20.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176941444510679426" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZyyRPAWzSz8J8OLWGkqkjsFgSjZhrgI0S9KdRghqxUPTgaEBi6gLSOWL0O5aCTm055ImmhVgEX-6AbMZtCbDQCJrv9jS7ThmeId-bTRa2apkcf_shb6oEg2zYYQOAsgM0kt5S/s200/Panel+20.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I knew it! As soon as Tommy the Elder gets wise we see that the devil is actually ugly with horns and a red face and stuff!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yep!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "Not any more, Lew Stiffler!"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "I'm gonna go have sex with your mom!"<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq4w8zkAOfFLZuOlXKUkzEHxm30Tx8ALdo-YLb7gAxsOVnyySpMd_OLK6qipM0xE-KtP9r5PECrXQ_nbO9u4KiDEI5LFFL83nsgftE4NJH6c05rxjGusF4KGpoJpS9Zlq3UHtw/s1600-h/Panel+21.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5176941564769763730" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq4w8zkAOfFLZuOlXKUkzEHxm30Tx8ALdo-YLb7gAxsOVnyySpMd_OLK6qipM0xE-KtP9r5PECrXQ_nbO9u4KiDEI5LFFL83nsgftE4NJH6c05rxjGusF4KGpoJpS9Zlq3UHtw/s200/Panel+21.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He's preaching to a bunch of old people. Like they're going to do anything other than agree with him by shaking their heads and saying, "Tsk tsk."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh great. Another call for a book burning.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And a call for self-crucifixion.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That's so punk rawk!<br /><br /><br />----------<br /><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Next time on Holeee Cow... The Contract!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You bet!<br /></span>wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-76703324263422839132008-03-06T01:58:00.013-05:002009-05-16T18:04:09.242-04:00Dark Dungeons<div><span style="font-style: italic;">I bring you sad news, everybody. This week marks the passing of a great American hero, </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.pcworld.com/article/id,143152-c,games/article.html" target="_new">Gary Gygax</a><span style="font-style: italic;">, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons. It is because of this tragic event that wurwolf and I decided to take our fingers out of our noses and update the blog already. Join us as we find out why Gary Gygax is burning in hell in today's tract, </span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp" target="_new"><br /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174519842934212578" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWU0cHikj93xq7ubohWfltLY6ZP2utxF4YaP3BqDiUu8PFuX3hmmamFAPM1-K_5_0ZPhhuz2nbovMv-NJQ37yU3Y1zWJpaeO11njSDQtS0aRebCXA3lzgh-mszGuXUHPcGjbBIEQ/s320/dndcover.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">(By the way, you may be tempted to click on one of the bonus D&D articles listed on the tract page, but be warned; they're a snore and a half.)</span><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Wow. I want to see a bigger version of that cover. What does Rocky Horror's Riff Raff have to do with Dungeons and Dragons?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I was hoping to see a bigger version, too. I thought it was General Grevious.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh6TU_O3jVvAoZvF3wr-e_NwKqcTZGCeyYbhVaU7SBPTrl9LMXnfZfRieSw9DbgwL-dtSk0dRUHt1qF1MBH7xzrh4YhAIypHyY9QDsXEk9TlwOdaxoBeDZRJRoF-AaPcYtcUAm7A/s1600-h/dndrow1.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520087747348466" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh6TU_O3jVvAoZvF3wr-e_NwKqcTZGCeyYbhVaU7SBPTrl9LMXnfZfRieSw9DbgwL-dtSk0dRUHt1qF1MBH7xzrh4YhAIypHyY9QDsXEk9TlwOdaxoBeDZRJRoF-AaPcYtcUAm7A/s400/dndrow1.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> So is this a Bible study? The one girl there is praying.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Are they playing in the break room in their office?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>These kids are all way too cool-looking to be playing tabletop D&D. Where's the realism, Chick Tracts?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Lets get some weight on these kids! And a few zits. Some glasses. Definitely a neckbeard or two.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Really.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I guess we can help the tract out a little if we imagine that everybody is talking in a high nasally voice.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> They got the excessive soda cans right, anyway. Too bad there aren't bags of Cheeto's lying around, though.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> At least D&D brings these jocks and nerds together.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Yeah. After this they're going to go out and throw a football arou.... oh, who am I kidding?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Are they playing this in the home of the Dungeon Master's mom? Because my mom has those same hanging plants in her dungeon.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I want to know what's in the cupboard behind them. Their fancy hi-fi maybe? Or is it a fridge?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>That must be where they keep the souls of the righteous.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>What's that on the corner of the table? Incense? Or did the DM spark up a J?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I was wondering that, too. It could really be either one of those things.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Marijuana is a gateway drug... to SATAN.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGB7_HMi_MSli_zQVmlPqlYdxuBRXZ9Y6kCkfmh8nBr8dkBSUCSECjsEbcHI7Yi5uq2fwdhEa47iMoh_7FoOwkUe1niBIwsyQ8Poy5Gh91Zsq-CdZBQkY4sZMXEsMTvCkR6gzrnQ/s1600-h/dndrow2.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520087747348482" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGB7_HMi_MSli_zQVmlPqlYdxuBRXZ9Y6kCkfmh8nBr8dkBSUCSECjsEbcHI7Yi5uq2fwdhEa47iMoh_7FoOwkUe1niBIwsyQ8Poy5Gh91Zsq-CdZBQkY4sZMXEsMTvCkR6gzrnQ/s400/dndrow2.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Jeez. The DM is SUCH a Mary Sue.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I don't think I could blame Black Leaf for being upset. This DM just totally God moded her.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> That's what the DM is for. That's why she's the Dungeon Master.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> That's the whole point of having a DM. They control the game.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>If you can't handle getting killed in D&D you shouldn't play the game.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Oh shush, you nerd. Quit stepping on my lines.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>It's the truth. And as Bob taught us, if you ever don't tell the truth, then you are a liar.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">wurwolf casts a binding spell on Lita!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Oh no! I can't reach my Cheeto's!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Just as well Marcie is gone. Her shirt is ugly. And she's knocking the Fanta over.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Speaking of ugly shirts, where does Debbie get her clothes? At the Old Trading Post?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I never played an actual tabletop rpg, but I doubt most DMs would make you actually leave the building once you get killed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> GET OUT!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> The worst I've heard is that they just make you wait until the current campaign is over before they let you create a new character.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiasM6_MHlfSr6NNe19BAqYb-jGt_gfIE7XFlezW43mQTbjZCKudCcVBdRcobfv4BfFaEq_CBmqTZQtP27jtRy9OTwwoltyk6oY-0gNBMlKbCYywSiU1jHVjw4ToQB2Q-0m6vF38Q/s1600-h/dndrow3.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520092042315794" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiasM6_MHlfSr6NNe19BAqYb-jGt_gfIE7XFlezW43mQTbjZCKudCcVBdRcobfv4BfFaEq_CBmqTZQtP27jtRy9OTwwoltyk6oY-0gNBMlKbCYywSiU1jHVjw4ToQB2Q-0m6vF38Q/s400/dndrow3.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Oh no... The DM really is evil. She's about to draw Debbie into the unholy horror that is... LARPing!!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> How much longer until Debbie learns to speak elvish and paints her face?<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH5gh2JLMBj4HScyryeEweHp4Em3sGXAj1hqayIh0VIvCxDj20ZkLL7NyOFx3PwmJJyGDEYe7B8MMuaAxLlRsGoYDy-hsdMc7HJBimAIZ1K3OgxkeyjKKfxmA0uQkySOK1fbEtxA/s1600-h/dndrow4.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520092042315810" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH5gh2JLMBj4HScyryeEweHp4Em3sGXAj1hqayIh0VIvCxDj20ZkLL7NyOFx3PwmJJyGDEYe7B8MMuaAxLlRsGoYDy-hsdMc7HJBimAIZ1K3OgxkeyjKKfxmA0uQkySOK1fbEtxA/s400/dndrow4.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Lucky Elfstar! Being a priestess and a witch sounds so cool!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Wow.... it's the rare pentagram that has a desk from Walmart as one of its points.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jjvPCEKoJXIhTt0FPkKeQG90qb7CPqrhENKCLivCxtTHUMncW7o_poesLn22NZAcqnhGXDdxve_wMSNTdIyUt9xhhK5W6nGHxsxSaQi-7XA27J92LSE5lHbmsxRM9LNuoKD_ww/s1600-h/dndrow5.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520096337283122" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jjvPCEKoJXIhTt0FPkKeQG90qb7CPqrhENKCLivCxtTHUMncW7o_poesLn22NZAcqnhGXDdxve_wMSNTdIyUt9xhhK5W6nGHxsxSaQi-7XA27J92LSE5lHbmsxRM9LNuoKD_ww/s400/dndrow5.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Oh dear. Debbie's only been a real live witch for five minutes and already the power's gone to her head. Look at her shake her tiny fist!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Frankly, I like Elfstar's Members Only jacket.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Check out Ms. Frost's hookah!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I like Ms. Frost's cool beanbag chair! She must not have cats. Cats can't help but pee on beanbag chairs.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Of course she has a cat. She's a witch.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> She probably gets a new cat every week to replace all the cats she sacrifices to her lord Satan.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Ms. Frost: Fluffy, this is the last time you pee on my bean bag chair! It's sacrifice night for you!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I bet she uses magic to keep the fringe on that rug perfectly straight.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> What dummy places vases in front of a sliding glass door? Those things must get kicked over every day.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGQ7wd97BmIZ9cqsZmQWOesSbRfmMgiLL1s885t1saFpdMdVvpXF6XZQcIOHuOh-_eKVNaB5BwtG6ASGR_2Tyw5L4uJ-VXuWCK5s3P4hlwTAdNQZ7whH9bJlgsEWy0qbqtXTLIOA/s1600-h/dndrow6.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520379805124674" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGQ7wd97BmIZ9cqsZmQWOesSbRfmMgiLL1s885t1saFpdMdVvpXF6XZQcIOHuOh-_eKVNaB5BwtG6ASGR_2Tyw5L4uJ-VXuWCK5s3P4hlwTAdNQZ7whH9bJlgsEWy0qbqtXTLIOA/s400/dndrow6.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Ewwww... Debbie's into bondage with her dad.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Is that why she looks like that....<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Debbie's face looks like Chuckie from Child's Play.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Really. Did the artist look at that drawing and think, "Yeah, that's exactly how I want her face to look"?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I don't think D&D is her biggest problem anymore.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Maybe she's smelling cat piss.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> It must be cool to be a witch, though. Debbie just got into the cult last night and already she knows how to do all kinds of spells and mind control and stuff. I guess Satan just shows up and dumps all that info right into your head the first night.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>When does she get her Quidditch broom?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I like that the band on the hanging plant pot and the macrame rope combine to form a cross right next to Debbie's head.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>An upside down cross. Because she's Satanic.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>It's not upside down.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Yeah it is<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> No, it's not.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">wurwolf punches Lita right in her face!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span>Don't hit! Don't hit!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> How is it upside down? The cross bar is closer to the top than the bottom.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> No, it's closer to the bottom than to the top.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>The middle bar goes all the way up to her speech balloon.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Oh, I see what you're saying now. I meant the cross is only in the part with the black background.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I was looking at the big picture and taking the thing as a whole.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Well, congratulations.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Thank you.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">wurwolf hits Lita with a confusion spell!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span><span>?rehtom ym uoy era ,nibboB si eman ym</span><span style="font-size:0;"></span>,olleH<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmh-6Tv8UDJcYvXdDu2nsSPOm9dWpvPHON2MKtJxrAraRnvDmuS_vyS0dp8ze8Xurlkk35WvL6UPdZF0jCsnWS1mQwiRQtbxOR33yOleoWkt_DIRlwq5MIo4vQbiH4K4d8RKSwyg/s1600-h/dndrow7.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520384100091986" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmh-6Tv8UDJcYvXdDu2nsSPOm9dWpvPHON2MKtJxrAraRnvDmuS_vyS0dp8ze8Xurlkk35WvL6UPdZF0jCsnWS1mQwiRQtbxOR33yOleoWkt_DIRlwq5MIo4vQbiH4K4d8RKSwyg/s400/dndrow7.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Wow. that's an impressive crop of pot Ms. Frost is growing.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> So that must have been a joint in the first panel.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Oh man! Debbie got her dad to buy her all that crap?? I want to be a witch now!!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>This tract is making witchcraft look like the awesomest thing ever! I gotta get on Amazon right now and buy some DnD books and find some local nerds!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Really! There is NO downside to witchcraft and Dungeons & Dragons!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Except I guess I'd have to buy some really tight jeans that go up to my ribcage and tuck my shirt into it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> That's part of the binding spell.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>"May my victim be as tightly constricted as my torso is in these jeans."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Nothing says style like high-waisted jeans, a Members Only jacket, and Cindy Brady ponytails.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I can totally rock the ponytails. It's the jeans and the jacket that are holding me back. But I guess it could be worth it if I can use my badass magic spells to make people buy me some cool clothes later.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd_z6_ujtkOADkS30k1hTwyxIqDGjrzHbB3qsxi0aCvvjQHj_WmBLJoKxWBmG5NEAhMDAGw0rQlLYZf2b0DsLpsGoh-TcNk6Is_8QWUnZ1gyYrXVQZIsNQY1xuEjir5adlMn4D-A/s1600-h/dndrow8.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520388395059298" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd_z6_ujtkOADkS30k1hTwyxIqDGjrzHbB3qsxi0aCvvjQHj_WmBLJoKxWBmG5NEAhMDAGw0rQlLYZf2b0DsLpsGoh-TcNk6Is_8QWUnZ1gyYrXVQZIsNQY1xuEjir5adlMn4D-A/s400/dndrow8.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Oh wow. If "I'm fighting the Zombie" isn't a euphemism for sex, I don't know what is.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Wow, wurwolf. The more I hear about your husband the more I think he may need the healing power of Christ. Or maybe some caffeine.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Is she playing D&D all by herself?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I guess now she can conjure a DM with her mind.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I gotta say, though I'm not in love with all the macrame, I do like the art in Ms. Frost's house.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> It's all abstract and stuff. Which I guess is evil.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>It sure is.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I guess if you're a Dungeon Master you get to wear all sorts of awesome rings.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiZE8Jmp4XFjDbhFXqoJyvhc6lwOGwk553mtuBDOkiH1U2xAPrxxj9elSkzRzkRGDBoU4slogqSxvfOlrwAbdyw-DOVWMG8YG6oniljdcyQy9AiRdXl1RIQwriS26yeN7hRrJm6A/s1600-h/dndrow9.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520392690026610" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiZE8Jmp4XFjDbhFXqoJyvhc6lwOGwk553mtuBDOkiH1U2xAPrxxj9elSkzRzkRGDBoU4slogqSxvfOlrwAbdyw-DOVWMG8YG6oniljdcyQy9AiRdXl1RIQwriS26yeN7hRrJm6A/s400/dndrow9.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Oh geez! That tree in Marcie's front yard is terrifying!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>It's like that tree in Poltergeist.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> At first I thought it was some monsterous bird of prey swooping down to snatch Debbie away to Hell!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>It looks like the Berenstein Bears "Spooky Old Tree."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I'd lock myself in my room for weeks, too, if there were a tree like that stalking me outside.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Hazel the maid answers the door. With her shirt on backwards.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> "Maybe you could talk some sense into her." Sure. Your daughter is despondent because she was too caught up in an rp game. But you go ahead and let someone from that game in to talk to her.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> If you're still mourning your D&D character weeks after he got killed then you really are getting too personal about it. You gotta go into the game knowing that most DMs are horrible people on power trips who will use their in-game omnipotence to kill your character as much as possible.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Lita, come on. This is a Chick tract. They never do any research for these things.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> The function of the DM is to move the story along and make it interesting, but a lot of the time that translates to trying to kill everybody.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHzcWtnea4u7aKMKReaR6aiLQTdWhFO_GFSvMXpjFOG_dgvsyCW0WUJA479L0DwAreSfmP6ibhtScM-nAkpFFuK-aSLRfvacw2w658fkc87GZH_lQ93Z4Cly_MJ30_ty0b1nU5GQ/s1600-h/dndrow10.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520392690026626" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHzcWtnea4u7aKMKReaR6aiLQTdWhFO_GFSvMXpjFOG_dgvsyCW0WUJA479L0DwAreSfmP6ibhtScM-nAkpFFuK-aSLRfvacw2w658fkc87GZH_lQ93Z4Cly_MJ30_ty0b1nU5GQ/s400/dndrow10.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Marcie! Stop jumping on the bed! You'll ruin the springs!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> And the dragon bows his head in sorrow.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> She should have bludgeoned herself with her her pointy dragon figurine.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Or slit her wrists with that little dude's sword. Be symbolic when killing yourself.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> That's an awesome dragon doll. You don't need to kill yourself if you have a rockin' dragon doll like that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I'd look at it and be like, "Yeah, Glorflforf the Troll got killed in D&D last night, but that dragon doll rules."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I have to say that I like Marcie's artwork in her room more than Ms. Frost's.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Is that a barbarian fighting a robot?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Or possibly a backhoe?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> I wonder if that horrible tree outside poked a branch through that window for Marcie to hang herself from.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> It seems like the kind of a tree you'd find somebody hanging from.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> We'll never know. The artist was too lazy to show us exactly how she did it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Marcie's legs are still wiggling. Cut her down, Debbie!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> You know that if it was the same artist that does the Bob tracts, we'd see the whole thing. Including Marcie's head at a sickening angle, blood dripping from her mouth and throat, her one eye hanging out of its socket and down on her cheek....<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>At least with this guy we get that rad dragon. Seriously. I want that dragon.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixhfnybf_E9b5g83zSzFH6a7U8s-QphlZB2MT-vfOzYEnoyX1ttmfG2RCu_TNUf2246IMuPU9LFzxFz5wz-cVnLGcoTNxuSGwLX4qwslShz96TuZP-ZrEb7fVYCh0j3JWvf79FDA/s1600-h/dndrow11.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520762057214098" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixhfnybf_E9b5g83zSzFH6a7U8s-QphlZB2MT-vfOzYEnoyX1ttmfG2RCu_TNUf2246IMuPU9LFzxFz5wz-cVnLGcoTNxuSGwLX4qwslShz96TuZP-ZrEb7fVYCh0j3JWvf79FDA/s400/dndrow11.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I gotta say, as suicide notes go, this one is pretty lame.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> She wrote her note in Brush Script, size 48.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Boy, that background behind the note is all psychadelic. It's like that optical illusion with the bus tires.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I guess with all the weed paraphenalia we've seen in this tract so far we shouldn't be too surprised that Debbie got lit before she read the note.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>It's all breaking my mind, man!<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMX_QkXXM1dz540dPlAaP8Wbg7KM_OrqgrvB3hhpXYCKZaWZ4ryorVHQ6mIhbwx32eLRhDTrbBLwFRmI-GA-oLK-6AUsfn6VYqB0WsbD71vyB-cSWX-h0btUUqZEiKLVWYJJmu4A/s1600-h/dndrow12.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520766352181410" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMX_QkXXM1dz540dPlAaP8Wbg7KM_OrqgrvB3hhpXYCKZaWZ4ryorVHQ6mIhbwx32eLRhDTrbBLwFRmI-GA-oLK-6AUsfn6VYqB0WsbD71vyB-cSWX-h0btUUqZEiKLVWYJJmu4A/s400/dndrow12.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Wow! It broke Debbie's mind, too!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>At first I thought there was an explosion behind Ms. Frost's words. I was like, Wow, she's really angry! And then I realized it was just one of her plants.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I was so bummed out.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I'm kind of conflicted about what Ms. Frost is saying. On the one hand, yeah, Marcie was a huge loser. On the other hand, look who's talking. Spiritual growth through the game? Seriously?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>No need to be conflicted, Lita. They're <em>all</em> losers.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Big fat neckbeardy losers.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKQQgUrcg_S0XVZyDY0itxluGE_SQlLDx_Ri0H7Ed0tJ8g_l7Ndteipt53y94BEuVK7tF8Nv_IF1D-h9hJX4idX_npqyz39YY9MQes7B4qb1WBtf1eAQPC7iKT9rm7ClM0RC5_6w/s1600-h/dndrow13.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520766352181426" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKQQgUrcg_S0XVZyDY0itxluGE_SQlLDx_Ri0H7Ed0tJ8g_l7Ndteipt53y94BEuVK7tF8Nv_IF1D-h9hJX4idX_npqyz39YY9MQes7B4qb1WBtf1eAQPC7iKT9rm7ClM0RC5_6w/s400/dndrow13.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Nice sleeves, Ms. Frost.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Ooo! She looks like Vampira in Plan 9!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> If she tries to raise her arms any higher than they are right now, her shirt will come untucked.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>She's rocking the shoulder pads correct.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I want to see more of that art on the wall. Looks like Marcie isn't the only one with a battling barbarian poster.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Maybe their group got a discount on artwork if they bought in bulk.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Debbie's started wearing eye make-up -- a step in the right direction, to be sure, but she's still got those pony tails.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>There must be some bright spotlights in Ms. Frost's room to project that heavy of a shadow behind Debbie.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Ha! You're right. She looks like she's in a play.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Gotta say, they didn't harm Marcie. Marcie harmed herself.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>How is it Debbie's fault that Marcie went all psycho over a dumb game?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Really. I think Ms. Frost is on the right track.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4hqJLN2A9OqyaQzRPkMsjwWqXRsdqx8twrXdRyxOucLBT-Ibfctyl0PVCA9qlIpNLasVpWPIynaskWVvgrhzFeY_CXUM-ZInk3cGnyj0I-4XFX0c9uRdhPaqpHfXYM7dfitZ9Rw/s1600-h/dndrow14.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520770647148738" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4hqJLN2A9OqyaQzRPkMsjwWqXRsdqx8twrXdRyxOucLBT-Ibfctyl0PVCA9qlIpNLasVpWPIynaskWVvgrhzFeY_CXUM-ZInk3cGnyj0I-4XFX0c9uRdhPaqpHfXYM7dfitZ9Rw/s400/dndrow14.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Damn. I'd like to let Elfstar take care of things once in a while.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Elfstar, my laundry needs to be done!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Elfstar, get going on dinner, willya?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Dammit, Elfstar, I asked you to clean out the catbox this morning.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>No wonder Debbie doesn't want to be Elfstar any more. It's too much work!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I mean, sure, you can mind trick your parents into buying cool shit for you, but you gotta pay the piper somehow.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>And then if Elfstar gets killed in the game you have to kill yourself from shame. That's a drawback.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>But still.... the thought of having Elfstar take care of everything for me is extremely tempting.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>And the free loot, too. I do love loot.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_J45utFUtbmFd81tk4CA75Ipa-CNc2JAQNUWvIAxF8BuX_2M1rvqvKOCiz5HsZCpFcKfWZ2wKVuZ4PWnoO9ElVxX1adeaZQrvV5UJe5FN2b0W24Wt42P4ZkTQjLJYE43recnzQ/s1600-h/dndrow15.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174520774942116050" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho_J45utFUtbmFd81tk4CA75Ipa-CNc2JAQNUWvIAxF8BuX_2M1rvqvKOCiz5HsZCpFcKfWZ2wKVuZ4PWnoO9ElVxX1adeaZQrvV5UJe5FN2b0W24Wt42P4ZkTQjLJYE43recnzQ/s400/dndrow15.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Huh? Where did Debbie go? Is she having a dream?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Debbie grew up quite a bit between panels<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Still wearing those high-waisted jeans, though.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> And pony tails.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>And hanging out with freaky trees.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I think it's the same tree. It's stalking her.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>No wonder Mike is concerned.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> She's walking down the street and she thinks something's following her. And the tree stands stock still and Debbie's like, Huh. And then she starts walking again and the tree follows her some more.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Sometimes the tree will hide behind a bush or a telephone pole and snicker<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> The tree wears a different hat and sunglasses every day, too.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>The exact same filthy trenchcoat, though.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Why would Mike fast and pray for you, Debbie? Maybe he wants to get in your high-waisted pants.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9EOR-by-auqvj_Qc4wC1pFL1YG-zJQ_yMHr0qx9_Eiy1DlxiTH7rSfe-ZfTFTUScHf7v4eGdrktIoobkJ4goCG6uqSmQJR73w69OqwBsJPVv7KSN2BOC7AtBSMnpjP4ryozEPLw/s1600-h/dndrow16.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174521028345186530" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9EOR-by-auqvj_Qc4wC1pFL1YG-zJQ_yMHr0qx9_Eiy1DlxiTH7rSfe-ZfTFTUScHf7v4eGdrktIoobkJ4goCG6uqSmQJR73w69OqwBsJPVv7KSN2BOC7AtBSMnpjP4ryozEPLw/s400/dndrow16.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Wowee! Look at Mike! Rowr! He can fast and pray for me anytime!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Mike flew in from the 50s to tell Debbie about Jesus.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Sure, Mike. I'll come to your "prayer meeting" tonight. *wink*<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Meanwhile, the tree listens in. "Holy shit! Prayer meeting?! How will I blend in there?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> The tree pretends to be a ficus in the lobby<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXD2MGOMOHgoxZibvNpp5wivHYy-6hOYAfKhF2qJNZTnvtDVn-o24oc_tng655tFSSyEBho911xcyRKXtM-zexUK3Hj6CFkmqTGigdkj2Xn3Zm1rjZ0bZoqAsrZ18CZ5d-_wis7A/s1600-h/dndrow17.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174521032640153842" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXD2MGOMOHgoxZibvNpp5wivHYy-6hOYAfKhF2qJNZTnvtDVn-o24oc_tng655tFSSyEBho911xcyRKXtM-zexUK3Hj6CFkmqTGigdkj2Xn3Zm1rjZ0bZoqAsrZ18CZ5d-_wis7A/s400/dndrow17.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Oh man! They invited Burt Reynolds to their prayer meeting! Awesome!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>And he's talking about bondage, too!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> No way, that's not Burt Reynolds. It's Norm MacDonald doing his Burt Reynolds impression.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk3BFg19iJbvNeEVslDTOj2jb_H-gUU5fi_pJ3AYD1IlFZoJimpCH9wLLvDWY0cd3tg8Fe9U3Uv12Ne8QEcROyNgK2Mqwvr_LNEQYt0YLJF60QVVdle94PxgN6928tbq973HjI6A/s1600-h/normasburt.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174526362694568258" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk3BFg19iJbvNeEVslDTOj2jb_H-gUU5fi_pJ3AYD1IlFZoJimpCH9wLLvDWY0cd3tg8Fe9U3Uv12Ne8QEcROyNgK2Mqwvr_LNEQYt0YLJF60QVVdle94PxgN6928tbq973HjI6A/s320/normasburt.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Even better. That's the only form of Norm MacDonald I can stand.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Wow. Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds can take me to his dungeon of bondage any day.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Me too, but only if Mike comes along.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> So this guy was involved in witchcraft, huh? What powers do you think he had?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I'll bet he was banging all of the witches in his coven and telling his wife it was part of their sabbath ritual.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>The power to grow a rad mustache.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> He got that spell down pretty well.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfMNN8FwSckoZF_HviJu7TeHMdcUvd_X5AhwXjgMBeFS-y79qKRhy6xvGyUx2_dgKC8etaD-IC_CJDXEmnEJWlGWjdPfYQrex35zakV-z52m7R1Mp6GucDRojWUF5tSa9mE1eiVw/s1600-h/dndrow18.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174521032640153858" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfMNN8FwSckoZF_HviJu7TeHMdcUvd_X5AhwXjgMBeFS-y79qKRhy6xvGyUx2_dgKC8etaD-IC_CJDXEmnEJWlGWjdPfYQrex35zakV-z52m7R1Mp6GucDRojWUF5tSa9mE1eiVw/s400/dndrow18.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Oh good! We get to have another book burning! It'll be so romantic, cuddling with Mike by the firelight.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Great, a book burning. Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds, go back to chomping your gum and spouting one-liners. Stop with the censorship.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Ki_aZS5hIibpzXaTzf-nN3AJJX4xApoHwc2ZCnYrDWDWLVkp4xLYHiQ3TduqwwbVc-e0EVZU4NuA17eQrUuO5iNM4LeoLfcZ0aZRod6sSoDXt_L6i234pRQOWNhXrX4ChN0Iiw/s1600-h/dndrow19.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174521036935121170" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Ki_aZS5hIibpzXaTzf-nN3AJJX4xApoHwc2ZCnYrDWDWLVkp4xLYHiQ3TduqwwbVc-e0EVZU4NuA17eQrUuO5iNM4LeoLfcZ0aZRod6sSoDXt_L6i234pRQOWNhXrX4ChN0Iiw/s400/dndrow19.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> If that's the tree in the back in the panel where Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds is raising his arms, it looks like it brought a friend.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I guess this is the kind of presentation where there are costume changes, since Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds changed his jacket. Either that or he totally pitted out his first jacket.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Maybe he found out his first jacket was in league with dark forces.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>You'd think that his second jacket would be more in league with dark forces, since it's darker.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>"My life's a mess!" Your blouse is a mess.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Why is she suddenly dressing like a junior executive?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>At least she ditched the pony tails.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> They're still there. But you can only see one because she's in profile.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> That guy behind her is a robot from the future sent to protect the past.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>I thought they littered the audience with mannequins to make it seem like there were more people there.<br /><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNArMlOsubj61xGkSeQcjdNJlHiiDZRNwX4qGOVt11kroBNEdp1PxYjPrmv4x9-LgnqmJwov0kdMIhHk9TQeLfWGbF-xFy6VenIhI1K3kIgPnnsGPLqVSlVnw1CwIqHVrI6jqLZg/s1600-h/dndrow20.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174521041230088482" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNArMlOsubj61xGkSeQcjdNJlHiiDZRNwX4qGOVt11kroBNEdp1PxYjPrmv4x9-LgnqmJwov0kdMIhHk9TQeLfWGbF-xFy6VenIhI1K3kIgPnnsGPLqVSlVnw1CwIqHVrI6jqLZg/s400/dndrow20.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I see in the next panel that you're right about the pony tails. You're pathetic, Debbie.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> I like that they refer you to scripture for their big warning. If it was so damn important, don't you think they should post the warning right then and there?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: WARNING:</span> This panel may not be suitable for less mature viewers<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Oh, like us? Who feel the need to point out that Debbie is thrusting her boobs out at Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>And then Debbie lifts up her shirt.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I guess we're supposed to think those are demons being cast out of Debbie, but I know it's really just that tree sneaking up on her again.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>The demon may have left, but Debbie's got that tree for life.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Nuh uh. Look at that next panel.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaxBbBjVVXRO8dzyQcotJlJ_vf5gZXC5xhr3JH6AFWWCjLYrUjGJAqXk0PEXrkoiRatGeix7QGUvPOmU_VugWmDv4u7om0Gpjry7DH9Q4COe7FCcWTFGlP22knhmIYmoPw8g_GIg/s1600-h/dndrow21.gif"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5174521204438845746" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; cursor: pointer; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaxBbBjVVXRO8dzyQcotJlJ_vf5gZXC5xhr3JH6AFWWCjLYrUjGJAqXk0PEXrkoiRatGeix7QGUvPOmU_VugWmDv4u7om0Gpjry7DH9Q4COe7FCcWTFGlP22knhmIYmoPw8g_GIg/s400/dndrow21.gif" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>They're burning the tree!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Oh yeah! And it's thanking the Lord for setting it free!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Oh noes! Lita, brace yourself. I think that sweet dragon figure is at the top of the to-be-burned pile.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Oh hell no!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Goddammit, Debbie, fix your pony tails. They're all over the place.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Look at those humorless assholes behind Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds as he's casting out Satan. They look so bored, like they go to these things every weekend.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Hey, look! They're burning a black man, too!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>I hope they at least bothered to find out whether the black man was a witch before they threw him on the burn pile.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>Do you think that would make a difference?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Maybe they figure it's the dark arts that made his skin like that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> Looking at that crowd, I can believe they would think that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>They will not rest until the world is as pasty white as they are.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Which at least means they have something in common with the D&D nerds they're so intent on saving.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf: </span>And the tract comes full circle.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> "So. Mike. Now that I'm not D&Ding anymore I have most evenings free. How on earth will I fill that time?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</span> "Mike, you know, I've got a dungeon of bondage, just like the speaker was talking about. Interested?"<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> "Maybe we can try a different kind of roleplay. I'll be the dirty nerd girl and you can be the witchfinder general!"<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 1984 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /><br />Thanks Rimmi!<br /></span></div>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-70136823523628132472007-12-20T15:28:00.000-05:002007-12-20T15:33:38.168-05:00Uh.... Is this thing on?It's sad.... and we're sorry. We've been so SO naughty about updating here. About once a month Lita and I look at each other (virtually) and say, "We should really do an update soon." And then the other person says, "Yeah..." and then the first person says, "Yeah...." and then we go back to talking about whatever we were talking about before one of us thought about Holeee Cow. It's not that we don't love Chick Tracts, and Lord knows I hate it when people whine about how much work it is to maintain a blog. But the sad truth is that making fun of Christian literature is <em><strong>hard work</strong></em>, people! I don't know how the athiests do it.<br /><br />So don't lose hope -- we haven't given up. We still love Holeee Cow, and we will do our best to update again soon. We promise!wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-72611069305844297652007-07-10T17:41:00.001-04:002009-05-16T18:06:34.039-04:00The Choice<div><em>Bob Williams was clearly a character for the ages in Chick Publications. The person doing the witnessing doesn't even get a name in this tract! It ultimately doesn't matter, though, because George is the one to keep your eye on here. So join us as we take a look at one man's descent into madness in <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0100/0100_01.asp" target="_new">The Choice</a>.</em><br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Cover.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel1.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "All through life we make choices." Yeah. Because combovers and ugly shirts just don't happen.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That's the CEO of the company behind that guy. If he doesn't hurry up and grab an eggroll he's gonna be so fired.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Why is this guy so freaked out anyway? The whole point of a buffet is you don't have to choose. You just grab some of everything that looks good. Is this some kind of evil Bizarro buffet where you can only grab one thing?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Really. It's not like he has to eat everything on his plate anyway.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Maybe he just knows from experience that if he blows it then intense gastrointestinal distress will be imminent.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> These people have no concept of buffet etiquette. It's not a one-at-a-time kind of thing. You can go to the other side and serve yourself.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I bet they know that but they're all super passive-agressive and prefer to stand there and wait and glare at him and make a big show of how he's putting them out, but <em>they're not saying anything.</em><br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel2.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Is the grumpy CEO sitting down to eat with indecisive guy?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Nah. The CEO doesn't wear glasses.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wait... is this guy saying that George is going to die eating the buffet food? Has he been reading restaurant reviews?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "You're gonna say I have to choose between God and the devil, <strong><em>right?</em></strong>" <strong>"WRONG!"</strong><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Actually I was referring to your choice in life insurance. Can you be sure that your family will be provided for when you die? Will they be able to pay your funeral expenses? Well, let me tell you about this great plan from Colonial Pen. You cannot be turned down..."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He certainly looks the part.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> You kind of get the idea of what it's like to have lunch with our bald friend here, considering George is fully expecting this whole lunch thing is just a flimsy cover for a witnessing opportunity. George must be really hungry.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Hungry for the Bread of Life!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hey-o!<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel3.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Hey! It's Fang! And he's sniffing a fire hydrant! Thanks for the pee reference, Chick Tracts!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob is gone, but we still have our Fang.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Fang has no problem with the idea of peeing in a Christian comic.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Neither do I. Why would that be any worse than the usual gore we're treated to?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> So... <strong><em>MOST people</em></strong> will be in Hell because they agreed to eat with a guy they knew would just witness to them the whole time?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Talk about bad choices.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess that meal would be pretty hellish.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> George must live in a cave. I'll bet he's going to be surprised to hear that Jesus is the Son of God.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I always find it interesting in these tracts how the stumbling block to faith is never that the person being witnessed to doesn't believe in God or doesn't believe the Christian theology. It's that they've never heard it before. They always fully accept everything they hear once they're told.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's true. Whether the person being witnessed to holds very strong beliefs or doesn't believe in anything at all, they're always perfectly willing to get on board the Jesus train once the person witnessing mentions His name. I've always thought that writing a tract this way would be counterproductive to real-life witnessing.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's counterproductive for Christians doing the witnessing because real-life witnessing just isn't that easy, and it's wrong for those hearing the gospel message because it probably doesn't answer any of their questions to have the person being witnessed to in the tract say, "Jesus? Okay! Where do I sign up!"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It certainly doesn't respond to the whole "There is no God, we evolved to be here" issue, or even the whole, "Jesus is not the son of God. I believe in this other god over here" issue.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Even in the tracts where people were converted from other religions, they weren't really given a reason why Christianity is more true than whatever they believed in before. They were just told it was and fully believed it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Exactly. I wonder how many people have really been converted as a result of these tracts, and what their mental capacity is.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> But then I get distracted by something shiny, and I don't care any more.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, for Heaven's sake. "NO I'm not going to tell you your choice is between God and the Devil! What are you, an idiot? I'll tell you what it's really all about! You see, there's God, right? And then there's the Devil. Let me tell you a little about them both so you can make the right choice..."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I sure hope that old dude brought along the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flannelgraph" target="_new">flannelgraphs</a> to spell it out for George. He seems to need it.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel4.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Look how tiny that old dude's mouth is. How does he fit any food in there?<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel5.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It bugs me how these tracts insist on drawing Satan as an ugly horned demon. The Bible itself says that Lucifer was a good looking kinda guy. And with Chick Tracts being so rigid about taking the Bible completely literally, it's interesting how happy they are to take liberties with certain things.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He's Satan... IN SPACE!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And really, it makes more sense to have Satan be attractive. Few people would sin if they didn't think there was something they could get out of it. The whole point is that it looks pretty good, even though it isn't really. The embodiment of that evil should personify that.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess at the very least they made him look like a normal angel before he became Satan. But I don't remember reading in the Bible where it said God uglified Lucifer when he was cast out.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Those teeth. Eating has got to be an unpleasant experience for him.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Poor Satan. You're making me feel sorry for him.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2007/06/party-girl.html" target="_new">Nothing like a Chick Tract for making you feel sympathy for the Devil.</a><br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel6.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Huh. Apparently "ate of the Forbidden Fruit" is actually secret Bible code for "rolled around in piles of dog shit." Take that, all you pervert Catholics who wanted to make it a sexual thing!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So because Adam and Eve rolled around in piles of dog shit, that has made children through the ages dump bowls of food on their own heads? I'm sorry, I'm not following the reasoning here.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I don't know, but I like how they made sure it was a toddler dumping the food on his head so that once again they can show that God doesn't even make allowances for little kids who don't know any better. The age of accountability is for sissies!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> If that baby died right now he would ROAST IN HELL. As well he should. The filthy little sinner.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Now I'm starving for some roasted baby.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel7.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Look at those poor people! They're sliding right across the Ice Rink of Damnation!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Actually, that looks like me when I'm trying to ice skate. Heh.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess they do have snowballs in Hell<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You know, Chick Publications does a really lousy job of making Hell seem hellish, what with the skating parties and balloons and slides and nudity.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel8.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Wow, gross. Look at Satan's fingernails. I would not be smiling like that if he stuck those fingers in my ears.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> At least you'd know you were getting a good ear-cleaning.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Frankly, I think that chick made a bad choice in earrings.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> You don't like her ear chandeliers?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> They're a little bit too party girl for me.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They look like tiny swinging axes to me. I thought she must be a fan of Poe's "The Pit and the Pendulum"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "One of his <strong>FAVORITE</strong> weapons is <em><strong>religion.</strong></em> <span style="font-weight: bold;">He uses it to keep billions in bondage</span>." "Hey! Wow! You're right! I'll be sure to steer clear of that, then. Bye!"<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel9.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Like many people I have been taught about evolution in my public school, but never once was it taught by pointing to a picture of a Gorilla with the word "<span style="font-weight: bold;">Daddy</span>" under it.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Typical straw man argument, though. They don't have much they can say about how evolution is actually taught (at least not in such a brief format), so they make up a blatantly ridiculous argument and say the other guy said it so they can defeat THAT.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Er.... those "young people" aren't particularly young.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And yet, those same "young people" could be the very saints that might encourage this young man to drop out of that evil school he's going to! The tract shouldn't be so harsh to them.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yeah, really. Is the tract saying that peer pressure is keeping kids from accepting the theory of evolution?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> His friends would probably encourage him to go smoke some crack or maybe rob a liquor stor or something and not think so hard about where we all came from.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That's kind of a weird tack for a fundamentalist Christian tract to take.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel10.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Great of the artist to give the money-chasing guy a big huge nose. What a Jew.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He can just <em>smell</em> the money!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Poor guy with the beer can on his head. I've been there, fella.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I do agree that Football Season was sent to us by Satan, though.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'd be willing to go so far as to say that all sports are straight from hell.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Professional sports, anyway. No reason not to go outside with your friends to throw a frisbee around once in a while.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It is a little unsetting to find some common ground with a Chick Tract, though.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yeah... you're right.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Come on, Chick Tracts! Say something crazy again so we can get back to more familiar territory!<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel11.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So did Jesus come to earth on an arrow?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's like the Father, Jesus and the Holy Ghost were playing a life-size game of Chutes & Ladders, and Jesus lost and slid straight down to earth.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's a map of His journey. I bet Indiana Jones music played while Jesus came down.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And how incredibly awesome would it be if that were true?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Jesus is just that cool.<br /><br /><em style="font-weight: bold;">Lita scrolls down past the crucifixion scene because, SEEN IT.</em><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> We're getting so jaded about the crucifixion. Stupid Chick tracts.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel13.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The look on George's face as he tries to process this information is hilarious.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You can imagine him sitting there for several minutes with that expression.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Can't... understand.... concentration... painful.... must... think.... George.... think!!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> *FART*<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel14.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Those who believe that Jesus died for their sins and trust Him as their Saviour are born into God's family. Others wear filthy clothes and carry bedpans around with sour expressions on their faces.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> What? Oh... that's a busboy and we're back in the restaurant. I was like, What does this guy have to do with trusting Jesus?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Still others join the mob and creepily peer in from the edges of frames of religious comics.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Others are personally escorted through the Space Mountain ride at Disney World.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That angel is totally using the Superman pose while flying. I love that. If I could fly I'd totally fly in Superman formation.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Totally.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel15.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I have to wonder what the point of drawing George and the old dude so close together. George looks like he's going to lick the old dude's ear.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Well, as long as I'm going to Hell, we may as well have a little fun here on Earth..."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> But not in a diner, guys. Jiminy crickets.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Yikes! A troll has come down from the mountains and is roaming the town trying to pass as human!<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel16.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I think that lady just swallowed her teeth when she saw the bill.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Even now she's planning to cheat her waitress out of a decent tip.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Yeah, buffets don't have waitresses, but they don't bring a bill to your table when you're done either. You pay upfront.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Well, this buffet has a Mennonite waitress.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hearing that you don't choose between God and the devil has really thrown George into a panic. His whole world is falling apart.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Or maybe he looked out the window and saw that Badcat made it with a squirrel and produced some horrible mutant cat/squirrel/pig baby.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I know, I was going to say that was Badcat but then I got a better look at it. Ick!<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel17.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Wow. That face. This is a really frightening depiction of a man's descent into madness.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> All that's missing is the line of drool running from that slack jaw.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That's why these tracts are comics. You could probably draw that in yourself.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The woman Jesus is preaching to is wearing deely-boppers.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/deeleyboppers.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> She's gonna catch a party in New Orleans as soon as the sermon is over.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> She's one step away from a macaroni hat.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yeah, George is upset and outraged, but that hasn't stopped him from putting his fork down.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Ok. So it's not a choice between God and the Devil. It's a choice between Choosing God or staying with the Devil. Thanks for the ridiculous argument in semantics, bald dude.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel19.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> George finds it irritating that the waitress is passing the check right in front of his nose. She really should respect his personal space. Just put the bill on the edge of the table!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Well, can you blame him? She's practically slapping him in the face with it.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> True. But on the other hand you'd think he'd be thankful for the interruption in this conversation.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The King James Version: The <em>only</em> version heavy enough to squish the devil.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Wow, the Devil is tall. Or maybe the Bible smooshed him out a little bit.<br /><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Choices/Panel20.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> All that dialogue is dribbling right out of George's mouth.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That's the craziest series of word balloons I've ever seen.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Is the old dude a robot? His expression hasn't really changed at all.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> George has gone from indecisive to smug to stark raving mad, but the old dude looks like he drank a bottle of Cherry Nyquil before heading out to the buffet.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Poor George. We know his salvation won't take because he couldn't be bothered to get out of his seat and roll around on the floor during his prayer.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Frankly, I think his salvation won't take because Bob Williams wasn't handling the conversion.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I think his salvation won't take because he's a clearly insane person.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Seems to me George would be pretty easy to convert. Tomorrow he'll be shaving his head and marrying a group of goats in homage to the Great and Powerful Messiah George Roberts.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 1999 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /><br /></div></span>wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-52817585399874420462007-06-06T17:19:00.001-04:002009-05-16T18:07:26.044-04:00Party Girl<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">We had a few ideas for which non-series tract we wanted to cover first. Without Bob ruling us with his immovable iron fist of hate we were lost at sea, struggling to find a guiding light to help us know where to turn. Would we take on another tract about Catholics? How about one written just for black people? Maybe one about the evils of rock music? And then we remembered all those crazy bitches in Hollywood, getting arrested and flashing their cooters and going to rehab and snorting lines of coke off each others asses and we knew which tract we should do:</span><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0099/0099_01.asp"><br /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0099/0099_01.asp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064739678694274" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGeuTYCnrGVKhoJwofTrPEk-GqQUNxmqLwNHGxoTBm6_IEeIYQD5M7d6Dl9kDQMOTwMCkrw59JFCqTW4OnMvYpJ_vEpXtQi-sn5Otkfgy4rPQfk1wheewavho5aFWFSlnbvThVeg/s320/pgcover.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I can't tell if Party Girl is dancing with streamers and balloons on the cover or if that's a chalk outline of her body amidst streaks and splotches of blood.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>It's one of those vampire parties where they put blood in the fire sprinklers.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Rockin'!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN7yi5Vk4LRpP4-7wFA6LI52QV4NeIgl0irrL39eB2zsjJCGWQI013n8TUmiR_LU3h8C8cz_DGO3B4GY_OwtuiG_GDMaVwIm1JerQXBWauSo4KXLvr1vFqUzzEIL7r1TtZhECOUA/s1600-h/pgrow1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065117635816482" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN7yi5Vk4LRpP4-7wFA6LI52QV4NeIgl0irrL39eB2zsjJCGWQI013n8TUmiR_LU3h8C8cz_DGO3B4GY_OwtuiG_GDMaVwIm1JerQXBWauSo4KXLvr1vFqUzzEIL7r1TtZhECOUA/s400/pgrow1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>It occurs to me that having horns would be a convenient place to hang your washcloth when you're in the bathroom in the morning.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Heh. Rock and Roll is the Devil's music. Because Jesus hates a good tune.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>What I wouldn't give to get a peek at the roster of the "<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">hottest</span> groups". You just know Bon Jovi's on there.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I read on some Christian website that a bunch of scientists played rock music for some cows and the cows stopped giving milk.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>The cows listening to classical music were fine, but the ones listening to rock all quit giving milk and, I don't know, commited suicide or something. It was supposed to be evidence that rock music is Of the Devil.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Sure, because the cows aren't interested in lactating when they could be rockin' to the sweet sounds of Pantera!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I have to admit that I have never lactated while listening to rock music.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And I know when I was lactating I mostly listened to Frank Sinatra. So there you go. Irrefutable proof that some Christian website is 100% correct.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Actually, if I were listening to rock music and I did suddenly start lactating, it might occur to me that something occult may be happening. Or that I should see my doctor. One of the two.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> A doctor for each boob?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQA3ET1NTA-uk7wz9PUYLtxJe-oN2opMHpQJiNh0Lm2GqYNcxP1RgnW85si_MsGOQn6KTGDq14ckuu8Njahr7F8ZGr-btq5P27Qg0S-3ab3DjXPA13nldz1_hYfyA7J22XqJncFA/s1600-h/fcondom.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064524930329394" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQA3ET1NTA-uk7wz9PUYLtxJe-oN2opMHpQJiNh0Lm2GqYNcxP1RgnW85si_MsGOQn6KTGDq14ckuu8Njahr7F8ZGr-btq5P27Qg0S-3ab3DjXPA13nldz1_hYfyA7J22XqJncFA/s320/fcondom.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: Low-grade</span> condoms? So people can multiply and be fruitful? Sounds like Satan's stealing God's lines again.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He just didn't want to fork over for the good ones. Satan's minions are just gonna be handing out some Saran Wrap and rubber bands.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He could have just expensed it. I mean, if you're going to go through the trouble of putting together a festival with the hottest bands in the world, all in the name of world domination, what's another couple of bucks?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>It's not like Hell's coffers are empty, what with all the rich people that wound up there.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Really, I think if he wants to promote consequence-free fornication he should pay up for the best condoms he can get, but what do I know? I'm not Satan.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I know it's not like Satan to be all short-term thinking by messing up people's bodies with STDs and not their souls by allowing them to get their mack on without worry. He's got a plan.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm sure this whole thing is well thought-out.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2v1SQZIAUOL_41NnNp1pgYL2sbPrCVdzwrs00h0DLNEZWnntOno5ySBbpuKokJryCKR15kserAIhp2dhpyLXI29ZufvR-RsULUl_CSXBGiPb-2nEqnygFoKNU0w7BPhfNg1eSNg/s1600-h/safetyfirst.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064743973661602" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2v1SQZIAUOL_41NnNp1pgYL2sbPrCVdzwrs00h0DLNEZWnntOno5ySBbpuKokJryCKR15kserAIhp2dhpyLXI29ZufvR-RsULUl_CSXBGiPb-2nEqnygFoKNU0w7BPhfNg1eSNg/s320/safetyfirst.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Aww. Satan doesn't want to lose a <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">single one</span> of his guests. It's good to see that he cares about their safety. He's going to make sure there is adequate lighting and hand rails on the steps and emergency exits are clearly marked and that there is no underage drinking and that there are plenty of designated drivers.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Next Satan will be promoting abstinence and prayer.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC8Y3QulAy-_211b456MegGtxNeBFWUHzBYxvAJdoWLR_sLjoHxNuikWKArFpyrv_0QiD8dhyphenhyphenWfg9XySGftBVgyJSYwkXZW0cwhsV4PR_Eb3QdqMPk6xOjV7YLUXWJikFqR1RhMg/s1600-h/wakeupcall.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064902887451634" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC8Y3QulAy-_211b456MegGtxNeBFWUHzBYxvAJdoWLR_sLjoHxNuikWKArFpyrv_0QiD8dhyphenhyphenWfg9XySGftBVgyJSYwkXZW0cwhsV4PR_Eb3QdqMPk6xOjV7YLUXWJikFqR1RhMg/s320/wakeupcall.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> 3,000 miles away? From Hell?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Is Chick Publications saying they know the exact location of Hell, and this woman's house is 3,000 miles away from it?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> She looks a little bit... I don't know. But I don't think if she called me up about some vision that God gave her that I'd be all that shocked. She seems like the type to hear voices at 4 in the morning.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think Rita Jones needs to be praying for her little withered arm. Sick!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6jB-B_9j3_6MMHrglJ-exqDMXRrjgjHbYN6eP8pfuNhc1mF0MautAxIaOskwfdYun8fjUZFvDXA0sjNPv2lQQJuylHMnuIZhtswrVc_-_5KU_XInawckScVdwXDU3kym54x3UQg/s1600-h/urgentcall.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064902887451618" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6jB-B_9j3_6MMHrglJ-exqDMXRrjgjHbYN6eP8pfuNhc1mF0MautAxIaOskwfdYun8fjUZFvDXA0sjNPv2lQQJuylHMnuIZhtswrVc_-_5KU_XInawckScVdwXDU3kym54x3UQg/s320/urgentcall.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> So is that Rita in both pics? Because it's nice to see that she felt it was ok to sit a few hours on God's important message.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> God woke her up at 4 in the morning to tell her to warn somebody about imminent danger. But that's ok, Rita. You make sure your hair is all nice before you get on the phone. And obviously you can't make these kinds of phonecalls on an empty stomach. And get some makeup on too. It's only <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">sort-of URGENT!</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Unless maybe Rita's in California and her granddaughter is in New York? Or maybe she didn't really feel it was all that urgent until she got on the phone.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I can imagine God sitting there, tapping His foot and looking at His watch in frustration.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Then why is the time stamp over her head? That makes it look like it's that time at her place. If it's that late where Jill is, they should have had the guy on the phone like, "Lady, it's 7 AM here!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't know, Lita. You're trying to make sense of a Chick tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Sometimes you need to let go and let God.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think God needs to toss a few lightning bolts at Rita's procrastinating ass.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgou4SHPOrrGVssaKHPW1RqyBgqpbFFoltwRYIb8S6eKbg4BGowUAKQC9FtZGhcZBJFdGNJpe5ewKm3t5N0nkrMaMR4Z03ijz8N6lW_JkwB3Fi-mpCFrO7fghe_NU3xTUCpcmhcSw/s1600-h/pgrow4.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065117635816498" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgou4SHPOrrGVssaKHPW1RqyBgqpbFFoltwRYIb8S6eKbg4BGowUAKQC9FtZGhcZBJFdGNJpe5ewKm3t5N0nkrMaMR4Z03ijz8N6lW_JkwB3Fi-mpCFrO7fghe_NU3xTUCpcmhcSw/s400/pgrow4.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Hee! Bad Cat is giving Satan's minion the business!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Bad Cat better be careful! He's about to get reported!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The minion looks like Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, if he had his eyes gouged out.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2b4CY4UO8pSDEgJce4ciirOVgdKO3adhBJe11LeifE5jdpLW49fukU0VnsZB9nmo4ccqCqhSweQ0dPLA9Y3XGT5R-wU81sG5viU-wpsXrasOb5-STxXtfBL1IgjrTTQSkGC5aug/s1600-h/pgrow5.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065121930783810" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2b4CY4UO8pSDEgJce4ciirOVgdKO3adhBJe11LeifE5jdpLW49fukU0VnsZB9nmo4ccqCqhSweQ0dPLA9Y3XGT5R-wU81sG5viU-wpsXrasOb5-STxXtfBL1IgjrTTQSkGC5aug/s400/pgrow5.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> @!!!**! makes its grand reappearance.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Satan just totally called Rita an old butt.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> BURN!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Literally. Because he's in Hell and it's hot and... heh...<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I love that the demons in Hell know believers by name, like they're celebrities or something. How vain of fundamentalists to believe that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> By the way;<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTUMB_WUfOncre97OhQ7CrIYr85Ud7FZLfMsf1lnmhone0xmommFrY6w53L085RipoLXv1a18iS2VKnkCa-68owIi7D1uOcusre_fCGPX31fduAN9xOP3gh5xMCaE9FY7VpgZtvw/s1600-h/mirrorspock.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065117635816466" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTUMB_WUfOncre97OhQ7CrIYr85Ud7FZLfMsf1lnmhone0xmommFrY6w53L085RipoLXv1a18iS2VKnkCa-68owIi7D1uOcusre_fCGPX31fduAN9xOP3gh5xMCaE9FY7VpgZtvw/s400/mirrorspock.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Nice to see Satan making a biblical reference to Paul and the thorn in his side.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Wait.... how come she's only been a thorn in his side for 20 years? She's really old.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> She probably had some wild times in her youth.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And now she doesn't want anyone else to have fun, especially her granddaughter.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh yeah. She looks like she was a slutty lttle Hellcat 20 years ago.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWPmjIAYCx5bj9Tw2Cl4hrcZaN4NJ8GD9vVklD4tzJUfWGwXwNdcxidt9ZQYg50lkWSyAekwktGQbJVmCh3v8TVoW2_-ZKRCgO2-NHHUT9pnC48xp7gvc50Std6UriwHQnUKz_BQ/s1600-h/rowbuh.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065469823134898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWPmjIAYCx5bj9Tw2Cl4hrcZaN4NJ8GD9vVklD4tzJUfWGwXwNdcxidt9ZQYg50lkWSyAekwktGQbJVmCh3v8TVoW2_-ZKRCgO2-NHHUT9pnC48xp7gvc50Std6UriwHQnUKz_BQ/s400/rowbuh.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> A crowd of people partying! Countdown to offensive stereotypes of gay men in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> What the hell is that thing on Gilda Radner's head?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't know, but it looks like something she made out of spaghetti and macaroni in art class. Also, I can see Gilda Radner, but I was really picking up Karen Carpenter there.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> How about the guy in that other frame? He's going to party at Hotel Orleans despite his massive head trauma.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI03wLjWS7EGGt-GV6oW9_yzcLxjXQZYqehsv6HvHwU2k5KhBGrObqnXRTtkfHbGHqcKSeERWaD-dloVdT4aPS01q5qMSs0JyatsMkQi58zcvRhXn0tiXsmLzmWcSzoshRRGib_A/s1600-h/pgrow6.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065126225751122" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI03wLjWS7EGGt-GV6oW9_yzcLxjXQZYqehsv6HvHwU2k5KhBGrObqnXRTtkfHbGHqcKSeERWaD-dloVdT4aPS01q5qMSs0JyatsMkQi58zcvRhXn0tiXsmLzmWcSzoshRRGib_A/s400/pgrow6.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Satan. Master of disguise.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He is indeed. It's brilliant! I'm going out next Halloween as myself.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Very subtle how they dressed him kind of like a Catholic priest.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I may even go to the trouble of printing out a picture of me and wearing it as a mask.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>That would be awesome.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> So with that mask Satan has four horns? He's turning into an elk. What a rack!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Nice how Satan has to attend a party personally for just one soul.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He doesn't have any lackys to take care of that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Satan's plan for world domination is off to a really slow start. You're right, he needs to learn how to delegate.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh, wait. I forgot he's personally interested in this chick because he doesn't like her grandma.<br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost"><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Satan's got all the classic symptoms of poor management style. He needs to attend some seminars. My boss is always getting stuff in the mail, I'd be happy to forward Satan some brochures.</span><br /><span id="fullpost"><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>On the plus side, he makes one mean apple-tini.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nQaQE0U7aqr3Fi9M01-tw2K1OQ5lKPRR401mLa0QziLE1C5vnENrRmGixWVhiX9DQEObD7jnXO2r58AYBIVyHzf5A6XzD9TxBC-3AIZt22wbmwdcMbAXEyulUGfTakXLvBCbMQ/s1600-h/pgrow7.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065336679148642" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7nQaQE0U7aqr3Fi9M01-tw2K1OQ5lKPRR401mLa0QziLE1C5vnENrRmGixWVhiX9DQEObD7jnXO2r58AYBIVyHzf5A6XzD9TxBC-3AIZt22wbmwdcMbAXEyulUGfTakXLvBCbMQ/s400/pgrow7.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Ok, so what ignorant parent is letting their 7-year-old wander around unattended at what appears to be Mardi Gras?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He's not unattended. He's got Queen Victoria looking after him.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Hey! I finally figured out why Satan went for the <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">low-grade</span> condoms!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh yeah? Why?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> If this is Mardi Gras, then that means there's probably a lot of poor black folk in attendance. Satan is hoping they all have a bunch of kids they can't afford, thus increasing poverty, crime, and negative stereotypes and keeping the black man down!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Satan is a brilliant strategist.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Clearly.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikEzPtEVwipIOFK_va0Tn-lOzL-jfdd-Y-a7G9vYFp7qfg4l2MGOL84z6FxLbpp_yKxpzC8-9CWKY9NOIKsZheS7EmmUYV-M0Wa9wrq2qKUnE2z118X3EUSuG_u6RKdtwOA5wcIA/s1600-h/pgrow8.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065336679148658" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikEzPtEVwipIOFK_va0Tn-lOzL-jfdd-Y-a7G9vYFp7qfg4l2MGOL84z6FxLbpp_yKxpzC8-9CWKY9NOIKsZheS7EmmUYV-M0Wa9wrq2qKUnE2z118X3EUSuG_u6RKdtwOA5wcIA/s400/pgrow8.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: "<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">To long life!</span>"</span> Oh, how deliciously ironic.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Wow!!! Grandma just totally pursewhipped Ron Jeremy!!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think Gilda's hat is making her cross-eyed.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think the booze is making Gilda cross-eyed. But I'm more interested in the purse whipping.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well really. I don't know anyone's grandmother who wouldn't pursewhip Ron Jeremy given the opportunity.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> What's grandma doing here? Smacking greasy porn stars with her purse. What are <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">YOU</span> doing there, Gilda?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiApY4Of2AvIp9Pdk_C5nrrKaJKKmREPRzrdhI0N1HyRPEHDFETbgnHK45uJCKKJe_FfGd0TO_ZCoQZ6ZLHkbARxPg579pwlS2tvfHS-GMo8R9eF7bDvSRUwAyfo12TANaFGe1SZQ/s1600-h/pgrow9.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065336679148674" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiApY4Of2AvIp9Pdk_C5nrrKaJKKmREPRzrdhI0N1HyRPEHDFETbgnHK45uJCKKJe_FfGd0TO_ZCoQZ6ZLHkbARxPg579pwlS2tvfHS-GMo8R9eF7bDvSRUwAyfo12TANaFGe1SZQ/s400/pgrow9.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You know what, I'm going to stand by my assertion that they're basing Jill on Karen Carpenter. Look at her tiny waist! What is she, a wasp?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Someone graffitied "GASP" on the wall.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Wow. I thought Ron Jeremy was wearing a cool set of rockstar shades, but it turns out it's just a dumb little robber mask.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>It's probably all he could fit on his giant head.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqgFrAoBjjhlhXRQbD1pZ4vwe4QdFoHFNdgNkEPfea8scsb1uHF21K4a4hFngWn8Gg97LA3nT4cHrjmKGr0JwHyIoGgDXOqwhg36B7gi5kKJ9IIihzKnMtyFN_bOQMycmWlqMt9w/s1600-h/pgrow10.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065340974115986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqgFrAoBjjhlhXRQbD1pZ4vwe4QdFoHFNdgNkEPfea8scsb1uHF21K4a4hFngWn8Gg97LA3nT4cHrjmKGr0JwHyIoGgDXOqwhg36B7gi5kKJ9IIihzKnMtyFN_bOQMycmWlqMt9w/s400/pgrow10.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">"Call an ambulance!" "Too late...</span> </span>he's dead." "Ok, leave him there, then!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Come on, they're at Mardi Gras. There are going to be bodies all over the place before it's over. He'll be picked up eventually.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I guess it is New Orleans...<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I hope the tract readers appreciate the irony of Jill calling her grandmother crazy while wearing a macaroni hat.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidN-XqPpOwfwSGJi2-P3Ymm6BAkoGn6P5MUwz-PZiC9JzyLN43XJOQHOxuPIXZMgMxXBa9eFhqFM_BZ1JprifoLV-wSoGfRTAmDRM6ywlZc-MDHm3lpXEExuAUlCgY5EJwvP-MZw/s1600-h/pgrow11.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073065345269083298" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidN-XqPpOwfwSGJi2-P3Ymm6BAkoGn6P5MUwz-PZiC9JzyLN43XJOQHOxuPIXZMgMxXBa9eFhqFM_BZ1JprifoLV-wSoGfRTAmDRM6ywlZc-MDHm3lpXEExuAUlCgY5EJwvP-MZw/s400/pgrow11.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Evidently Jill's friend belonged to the Stupid Hat brigade as well.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Jill's phone got tiny. She looks like she's lifting a barbell.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOO2uRl5dmKBgzCKeiIXhHkO8DxreRj0sdgoUzVmSIY66bVe6kaOyHmmCii2JRpzMeiApB_nd8Jbwu5QcmGkl508MgkQA_6naVMvchyphenhyphenahKqj8xRdhI7CSh1EMiiULWErFrmOMDcg/s1600-h/unseenenemy.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064902887451602" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOO2uRl5dmKBgzCKeiIXhHkO8DxreRj0sdgoUzVmSIY66bVe6kaOyHmmCii2JRpzMeiApB_nd8Jbwu5QcmGkl508MgkQA_6naVMvchyphenhyphenahKqj8xRdhI7CSh1EMiiULWErFrmOMDcg/s320/unseenenemy.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "Jill, you have an unseen enemy. His name is Satan." Is Grandma trying to get Jill to put her in a home?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> She's changed back into her T-Shirt and Mom Jeans, but is still carrying that hat around.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> She's got to maintain her party girl status.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdqGPeEF0kcQCBexKCia7HWxiPOaULZYdvH6AqxHA7gSRRevY9ObIizUL26qowOduJKQpyaBW2w0PXpeNMMyQwfxMr8PB3Q8s9hn60iFLeD1ChW0YpU61ZtwLbkmY0eZiYPF91Kw/s1600-h/immoralsex.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064529225296722" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdqGPeEF0kcQCBexKCia7HWxiPOaULZYdvH6AqxHA7gSRRevY9ObIizUL26qowOduJKQpyaBW2w0PXpeNMMyQwfxMr8PB3Q8s9hn60iFLeD1ChW0YpU61ZtwLbkmY0eZiYPF91Kw/s320/immoralsex.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Something about Grandma's assertion that Satan is using immoral sex on Jill just tickles me.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>It is kind of a kick in the pants that your grandmother would know that you're engaging in immoral sex.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Repent, Jill! Put your hair in a bun, button your dress up to your chin, and sit around on the couch in the dark and nag your grandkids all day!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Don't forget to point and keep your knees apart!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJLHOREdeN2p-jHZrFQ7RjlHoW_97KuB-b4edE44O9HLBsM6jynTVDKPK_uTvwP1PK4cZtZSu5RyTlGQx9sZOEwvY0G7DUS90-9qZFBO49E5p8V-tXMBg11YgS3VgUWTbAmpByw/s1600-h/yawn.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064907182418946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAJLHOREdeN2p-jHZrFQ7RjlHoW_97KuB-b4edE44O9HLBsM6jynTVDKPK_uTvwP1PK4cZtZSu5RyTlGQx9sZOEwvY0G7DUS90-9qZFBO49E5p8V-tXMBg11YgS3VgUWTbAmpByw/s320/yawn.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Jill, I know you're bored as hell, but it's rude to yawn while your grandma is talking to you.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Or burp.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Mc8tyh4XtFsksv9HsNi1MDH_G8Kt-P1GmLQ6iEx979INx2hGyK5TZp_GUmVqOgW0N0lcxisZ1DQ6AYTT-LG07eC76dK5q42HclaRTvmE30JA6YusTTYJjI7Pao-wd1ZwQVmYMg/s1600-h/sinfulcrowd.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064898592484290" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5Mc8tyh4XtFsksv9HsNi1MDH_G8Kt-P1GmLQ6iEx979INx2hGyK5TZp_GUmVqOgW0N0lcxisZ1DQ6AYTT-LG07eC76dK5q42HclaRTvmE30JA6YusTTYJjI7Pao-wd1ZwQVmYMg/s320/sinfulcrowd.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I'm wondering why we're getting a shot of the crowd while Grandma gives Jill the gospel.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>That is frankly a disappoining picture of that crowd of sinners. They're just walking around happy. That's nothing to get your sup-hose in a twist for!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They must be sinning somehow.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5o2RdKEpnLEalH3-els0yR6C3GfsuqQRWOOlIHhkDx_CFCeF_yCcS3kg865hQ3-6Fnl9HEjitneQ6kiEtsco98N2dBKMArmR_pvmNYfVk2ohzD9cf-u1qUMF_0kEBBmsJImwAEw/s1600-h/gramma.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064524930329410" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5o2RdKEpnLEalH3-els0yR6C3GfsuqQRWOOlIHhkDx_CFCeF_yCcS3kg865hQ3-6Fnl9HEjitneQ6kiEtsco98N2dBKMArmR_pvmNYfVk2ohzD9cf-u1qUMF_0kEBBmsJImwAEw/s320/gramma.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>You know, I'm just going on the assumption that this woman we've been referring to as "Grandma" is the same person in every panel. Because in every damn panel she looks completely different.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQL_Ve8bPvipbcL2eaqtCTvq9gStALfGqVtjJbrr6S50cAggTjrjX500EUVOs4fHdu_wxQlUOar_HIP8hUJP0WEhW-sVFhbIyCJlauPB7zeWP8ZzrhND0P8K1Vnf8lTQVsy78DKg/s1600-h/notouch.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064739678694258" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQL_Ve8bPvipbcL2eaqtCTvq9gStALfGqVtjJbrr6S50cAggTjrjX500EUVOs4fHdu_wxQlUOar_HIP8hUJP0WEhW-sVFhbIyCJlauPB7zeWP8ZzrhND0P8K1Vnf8lTQVsy78DKg/s320/notouch.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Jesus, to Satan: Does this bug you? I'm not touching you.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita</span>: This is a pretty stock salvation. Let's skip down a bit...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzSPxxETRfu68md13ijDB11ysG2wz039XcTlN0O8ivTwpmPfXOWl6zWSzVxa3NapSqG61Pi-Mhb7eoszL9txIrFKfTAP4sO5kwEnr97GfKH8GH9WJ8KAVhdz5DacI_w65H_NGs0w/s1600-h/doitnow.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064524930329378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzSPxxETRfu68md13ijDB11ysG2wz039XcTlN0O8ivTwpmPfXOWl6zWSzVxa3NapSqG61Pi-Mhb7eoszL9txIrFKfTAP4sO5kwEnr97GfKH8GH9WJ8KAVhdz5DacI_w65H_NGs0w/s320/doitnow.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Dirtiest panel ever: "Then you will receive God's love gift." "I want to do it <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">right now</span>, Grandma."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLFUsKSJI9-jwXMiHyiWzMKM77BNkLyMbYwWU2qjlEN5lZuYYl176VVpgupidKFqrk9QdfhGtXevX9X_UlfcnOYqdb4ZMPYfHUSMP3sSCsBfUPhvUBcXCmPD-nEBMxU4pt8VOdRQ/s1600-h/shadowbutt.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064748268628914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLFUsKSJI9-jwXMiHyiWzMKM77BNkLyMbYwWU2qjlEN5lZuYYl176VVpgupidKFqrk9QdfhGtXevX9X_UlfcnOYqdb4ZMPYfHUSMP3sSCsBfUPhvUBcXCmPD-nEBMxU4pt8VOdRQ/s320/shadowbutt.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Grandma: There is only <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">ONE</span> way to get your sins forgiven. You stick your lumpy butt in the air! But not in an immoral sexual kind of way.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkNKbI6f6UOxjdDMmpzwhqgbVvfiSlfpjZgswjlrScqjUVhgDXfU-OTxuO2kt1uXy0aA5ZsoCD5Pj-YFJ9e2xJubNeX-eKJd8hR213YTMG3Gn5bT8rsuAvO459k-re8i4dp9wTFA/s1600-h/lastgasp.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064529225296738" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkNKbI6f6UOxjdDMmpzwhqgbVvfiSlfpjZgswjlrScqjUVhgDXfU-OTxuO2kt1uXy0aA5ZsoCD5Pj-YFJ9e2xJubNeX-eKJd8hR213YTMG3Gn5bT8rsuAvO459k-re8i4dp9wTFA/s320/lastgasp.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Poor Satan. He's so flustered that his poisoning ploy didn't work out that now he's just grasping at straws.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He's just shouting stuff out.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I think deep down he realizes that if he hadn't gotten all ahead of himself and tried to poison Jill she'd never have believed a word Grandma had to say about Jesus.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He really tipped his hand there, didn't he?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Look at his poor face. He's trying so hard not to cry!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkm-iQrwn8IN_HCKU2N5_qbgsuAP-mObPba-OP-CAWrIZx7rP5un96ZI4cxOz1htMPh3GTI3u6li0duA-0zLjhDUNfSRv4m4H8REl_eD3NUryG3lj49UV_FLi_yJEHZmyqJwImyA/s1600-h/quickcashnow.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073064743973661586" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkm-iQrwn8IN_HCKU2N5_qbgsuAP-mObPba-OP-CAWrIZx7rP5un96ZI4cxOz1htMPh3GTI3u6li0duA-0zLjhDUNfSRv4m4H8REl_eD3NUryG3lj49UV_FLi_yJEHZmyqJwImyA/s320/quickcashnow.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> So the person who is reading this tract is supposed to ignore the dude who's telling them to party hardy and listen to the woman in prairie garb. Right....<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> She sounds like she's selling crooked life insurance for old people on the TV. The tiny print disclaimer at the bottom doesn't help at all.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think Chick Publications failed in delivering their intended message if we feel sorry for Satan at the end of the tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You kind of want to put an arm around him and say, "Buck up, Big Guy! You'll get the next one!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Mad props to our own favorite party girl, Rimmi, for helping out! Thanks, Rimmi! We'll be over to snort coke off your ass later!</span><br /><br /></span><span id="fullpost" style="DISPLAY: inline"><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2003 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-20551283343964928422007-05-11T09:44:00.000-04:002007-05-11T09:50:55.681-04:00Welcome New Reader(s)!We're on a brief sort of hiatus while Lita wraps up the teaching year and prepares for another summer at the environmental camp. Once we get our schedules to coincide, we'll be back and ready to tackle the next round of tracts.<br /><br />In the meantime, however, I thought I would provide a link to our <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/06/introduction.html">introductory post</a>. It's a kind of background for the reasons why we started this blog that might explain where we're coming from, which might be helpful for new readers (the additional two new readers to our previous three). I just reread it, and there is one thing I would change: we are definitely not bashing anyone's beliefs just a little bit. More like a lot. :o)wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-22786105625672572362007-04-24T17:49:00.001-04:002009-05-16T18:08:00.189-04:00Here He comes<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">We knew it would happen sooner or later, but who knew it would come so soon? Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the end times. That's right. This is our final Bible Series Tract. It's a momentous moment for all of us. Please join wurwolf and me as we join Bob one last time in...</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5025/5025_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries"><br /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5025/5025_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries" target="_new"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116653536145730" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCVBAD6eKwfVCwku7hFR8mlLLHznH4IfFgGhANXYIAJHBjnddNXVrcuDDyX0OqYqX-aE0mn_Y19QYKLSXDIqeCKDIf_kQ1iPvR1Kq3Wm_bb0uy0dx_5f-ySS7mVejaUct7QCWXAw/s320/hhccover.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Here he comes again,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Ooh, he'll make you flip,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Here he comes again,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">When he's dancing 'neath the starry sky,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Here he comes again,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">I kinda like the way he dips,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Well he's my best friend's girl,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">He's my best friend's girl,</span><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">But he used to be mine!</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Other than the line "he's my best friend's girl", I think that's the most awesome song about Jesus I've ever heard.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjddV6-4XlQnhJJ3LFivySASZpnJpDQBHRZbM_oHmX-8-H_v2wILKH_0E0sgqqvivpNQ0_GQm62yEp0nyJmqYt4K-plRRLLYtlz1YB8Mu8nGKNZjv2LqwFDrROWs8fu2HjZogyqlQ/s1600-h/hhcrow1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057118715120448018" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjddV6-4XlQnhJJ3LFivySASZpnJpDQBHRZbM_oHmX-8-H_v2wILKH_0E0sgqqvivpNQ0_GQm62yEp0nyJmqYt4K-plRRLLYtlz1YB8Mu8nGKNZjv2LqwFDrROWs8fu2HjZogyqlQ/s400/hhcrow1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I love love love that Helen is sitting in the back seat while the two men are up front. How typical is that of Chick tracts?!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You know how in TV shows they do outside shots of a car driving down the street, but when they show what's going on inside the car it's on a sound stage and someone's shaking the car around to look like it's moving? I think that's what's going on here. From the outside, Bob's car looks like this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilF0i4FjK0M2331zO07gXPd7JQqjvYUsMuImqGhkMi9Co8YZJXQHIh2HwTCWj0bYBzTuWLg8YscXGj3B0_bfAsJMtSFAbZAIH8JQAHLVKRadcTB0c3M4mJ5RkW7hgd0TVnBQaG8A/s1600-h/car1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057118581976461794" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilF0i4FjK0M2331zO07gXPd7JQqjvYUsMuImqGhkMi9Co8YZJXQHIh2HwTCWj0bYBzTuWLg8YscXGj3B0_bfAsJMtSFAbZAIH8JQAHLVKRadcTB0c3M4mJ5RkW7hgd0TVnBQaG8A/s400/car1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />but on the inside his car looks like this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF30ecx3idmEKOROT5SgzH14Hu4BSpPIhhl1APdL5B3-U-XjtAWXIBztoup_nzCvj7uCkt5hKIX0gHxqozNxGq_tNINOdcawiG4twp0UbSUvQxjaB-diqa3qXh4v7cd2W0LgCg0g/s1600-h/car2.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057118586271429106" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF30ecx3idmEKOROT5SgzH14Hu4BSpPIhhl1APdL5B3-U-XjtAWXIBztoup_nzCvj7uCkt5hKIX0gHxqozNxGq_tNINOdcawiG4twp0UbSUvQxjaB-diqa3qXh4v7cd2W0LgCg0g/s400/car2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> How come Damien didn't get raptured? He gave up the on the whoring.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> In every tract we see him in, he's still wearing a black shirt, albeit without the collar. That tells me that he hasn't fully committed and is still a closet Catholic. He's probably got a shrine to Mary hidden away in the room he has in Bob's house.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Or maybe it's like how I'm going to hell just because my grandfather was a Freemason. Even though I'm a fully committed Christian and have never been a Mason myself, I still have Freemason stink all over me.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The sins of the fathers and all that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Or in Damien's case, the sins of the Father.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>And something just occurred to me -- since Damien is no longer a priest, what is he doing for a living now? Or is he just freeloading off of Bob and Helen?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPnODp22V4aSpZwPiL4lMfuS6QHRsOvzuk4C5Ov8jgId_GksS-L4CM2cMGARzct1a0o07pGwK9iKQvp1PiKnAagOew4rI8fxWO42VHqg8qEYPlxeqqkm6lV1cPmWxuvVKfoov5Ww/s1600-h/lostfang.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116653536145746" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPnODp22V4aSpZwPiL4lMfuS6QHRsOvzuk4C5Ov8jgId_GksS-L4CM2cMGARzct1a0o07pGwK9iKQvp1PiKnAagOew4rI8fxWO42VHqg8qEYPlxeqqkm6lV1cPmWxuvVKfoov5Ww/s320/lostfang.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh no! Fang is lost! He will burn in Hell forever! No wonder he looks so scared!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I doubt Fang is lost. He gets passed around from owner to owner. He's probably just with some new family.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He's lost in Christ.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Is that a bottle of whiskey flying out of the car when it hits the telephone pole?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Damien does have a history of drinking. But I think Bob and Helen were trying to set him up. That's why they bailed him out of the car. Now that great whore's pimp is going to face drunk driving charges!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Also flying out of the car: kiddie porn<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQK18LRgl-dc_KudYw1ZkmAqPw8e5_yeRk8BbLYvCC1ShvxuZ9ldE3wnzZ1vuWLVTflPNmH80vfuWLNz8MSYJy8kBhbm9sLxeiQirNz1JIWhulctzt0oZGpqJ5es_hpa3VzEUFzw/s1600-h/hhcrow3.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057118719415415330" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQK18LRgl-dc_KudYw1ZkmAqPw8e5_yeRk8BbLYvCC1ShvxuZ9ldE3wnzZ1vuWLVTflPNmH80vfuWLNz8MSYJy8kBhbm9sLxeiQirNz1JIWhulctzt0oZGpqJ5es_hpa3VzEUFzw/s400/hhcrow3.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Ohhhh. It Was All A Dream. That's too bad. I wanted to read a tract about a world without Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You will be soon. This is Bob's last tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He'll still exist in these comics' "universe," though.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I guess this confirms that Damien is staying with Bob and Helen. It's like they're running a halfway house for former sinners.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Former celibate sinners. That's a single bed.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It sure is. Poor Helen.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> She can always bang Damien on the couch. Or the kitchen table.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> At that rate she may as well just do it on the tiny bed.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm sure she and Bob have separate twin beds, like Rob and Laura Petrie.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I bet every morning she combs the newspaper for news of fires. "Oh, Bob! The Jones's house burned down last night! Three people died and there's a kid in the hospital!" That burn ward buys her a lot of "Helen Time"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Left behind</span> is in boldface again. Another shout out?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You know, I never read any of those books myself, so I'm probably a bad judge of this. But I did have several kids do book reports on books from the series while I was student teaching. It didn't strike me as overly Bible based.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Not that you can tell much from a kid's book report. But what the hell? It's about waging war against Satan! Fun!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I read about four or five of them when I was working at the Christian bookstore, but that was about ten years ago and I really don't remember anything about them. So I'm not particularly helpful.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> <a href="http://www.wayofthemaster.com/" target="_new">Kirk Cameron</a> is in the movie version.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLxe6EAtpLuoQH_f7UiqpktpkfReFB-SamFBXKG3ngg5M01AnHYXm1waXMNmB_FxCM3gTVJMXFALBTeLfh7SNO0Lhmd5byMgIfrmHD3XIDbDngZLQM0ZkabelV8JKyYKR8-tF_ZQ/s1600-h/leopard.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116301348827362" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLxe6EAtpLuoQH_f7UiqpktpkfReFB-SamFBXKG3ngg5M01AnHYXm1waXMNmB_FxCM3gTVJMXFALBTeLfh7SNO0Lhmd5byMgIfrmHD3XIDbDngZLQM0ZkabelV8JKyYKR8-tF_ZQ/s200/leopard.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like Bob's black robe with the leopard skin collar.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV8EE35hHX1czRHXUQ5h6S86XjRdSFij6DdRUPlsQi-eevTE1DI46B_bOUi5evuf-ldkSkcTxrJcPoBIawaLLcEAwnbT6D5I0h20gEtlrBUgv3_dgfJdfYlWfiubn49pSxZX-5Kg/s1600-h/beforetrib.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116649241178386" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiV8EE35hHX1czRHXUQ5h6S86XjRdSFij6DdRUPlsQi-eevTE1DI46B_bOUi5evuf-ldkSkcTxrJcPoBIawaLLcEAwnbT6D5I0h20gEtlrBUgv3_dgfJdfYlWfiubn49pSxZX-5Kg/s320/beforetrib.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> By the way, it's not set in stone that we will be raptured before the Tribulation. It's what all Christians hope is going to happen, but we don't know for sure.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Lita looks up the verse Bob just threw out</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> <blockquote>Then I saw thrones, and the people sitting on them had been given the authority to judge. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded for their testimony about Jesus and for proclaiming the word of God. They had not worshiped the beast or his statue, nor accepted his mark on their forehead or their hands. They all came to life again, and they reigned with Christ for a thousand years.</blockquote><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's just about what happens to Christians during the tribulation. It doesn't say that these are post-rapture Christians.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHLt7V1G3TkY_drH3IZtIRaaTVgY0FgzusgB_uihnPAl8mpMFuLrntP6qKgHdr4fvMH0OT6nKnn0pAJjXPo-lLw61Sj6RhjLxQPeqkTIK6ANbO7lNhZUmCR1esrD1xMpcMa7rjxw/s1600-h/coffee.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116649241178402" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHLt7V1G3TkY_drH3IZtIRaaTVgY0FgzusgB_uihnPAl8mpMFuLrntP6qKgHdr4fvMH0OT6nKnn0pAJjXPo-lLw61Sj6RhjLxQPeqkTIK6ANbO7lNhZUmCR1esrD1xMpcMa7rjxw/s320/coffee.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob has been droning on the entire time it took Helen to make a pot of coffee and get Father Damien a cup.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "The Antichrist will be revealed! Are you interested?" "Are you <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">kidding?</span>" Seriously, Bob. You already told him the Antichrist is the Pope.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The tract cut Damien off before he could say, "It's two in the morning and I've got a long day of banging your wife while you're at work tomorrow! I'm going to bed!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik8-L5W1IdNXaUUUce8dKP_Lof8I8d9nqsz2lNVtUzBH9nEli1FdpoMrDkv2vnUjJX65dEyMqtmS1yEYhTQTCPH2UZDcSfKrSMWWWhpcUCb8EK9xqc-j8NBy3KEjOlpHnXlGlNGw/s1600-h/fivehorsemen.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116653536145714" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik8-L5W1IdNXaUUUce8dKP_Lof8I8d9nqsz2lNVtUzBH9nEli1FdpoMrDkv2vnUjJX65dEyMqtmS1yEYhTQTCPH2UZDcSfKrSMWWWhpcUCb8EK9xqc-j8NBy3KEjOlpHnXlGlNGw/s320/fivehorsemen.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> There are distinctly five horsemen in that picture of the four horsemen.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And one of them is on fire.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Also one of those horsemen is a Catholic priest and another is the Pope. Who knew? I wonder which plagues they represent. That Pope must be busy if he has to do double-duty as both the Antichrist and a horseman.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Poor Fire Horseman has to share a horse with the Turban Horseman<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Poor Turban Horseman. I hope he's wearing asbestos.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I've seen fundamentalist literature that claims that Christ is the horseman on the white horse. I guess Bob is saying this guy is the Antichrist.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> There's two white horses.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> One's supposed to be gray.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You'd think Fire Horseman would be better off riding with Fireman Horseman.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Mongolian Horseman doesn't even get a horse. I guess nobody wanted to share with him.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Oh, he's Mongolian? I thought that was a fire helmet.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3qX3k3GXglh7LbZZooNArtHkYaT_WXWaDzazPvkX2OFyZhZ0WxiaKw8_EpX6cKQx6WynObSGw22RoCvtWib2VdcpcgZcCI9iJhVsAyJnjLs0L04BHzlfLH7G-bNL9H6BuotI9Bg/s1600-h/hhcrow7.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057119105962471986" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3qX3k3GXglh7LbZZooNArtHkYaT_WXWaDzazPvkX2OFyZhZ0WxiaKw8_EpX6cKQx6WynObSGw22RoCvtWib2VdcpcgZcCI9iJhVsAyJnjLs0L04BHzlfLH7G-bNL9H6BuotI9Bg/s400/hhcrow7.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I like how the vultures pecked out the Arab guy's eyes. Nice touch.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> They look happy to do it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxNpeIwTSO7Z0IpgOI8ZF41bI3xok27EXxKYCjxp-cNAwfCoPlGAAKMheLudL0AzQ-mN3BNYllg6RwKTs4yP99LauuqneKJDvZ5yoNm0-GBKlL-Y8o8wO8eiAkxhmet07hL8y_BA/s1600-h/popedrool.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117250536599922" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxNpeIwTSO7Z0IpgOI8ZF41bI3xok27EXxKYCjxp-cNAwfCoPlGAAKMheLudL0AzQ-mN3BNYllg6RwKTs4yP99LauuqneKJDvZ5yoNm0-GBKlL-Y8o8wO8eiAkxhmet07hL8y_BA/s320/popedrool.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Okay. Bob's editorializing there.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> No, the Bible actually says, "And lo, the Pope will be drooling all down the front of his robes waiting for the Jews to build a temple. He liketh the real-estate."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Wipe your mouth, your Holiness.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Is there such a thing as a Jesuit general?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Sure there is. It says so. In the Bible. Don't ask for a verse.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Okay!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdgVQ1XQNXFxGd-hS7ehw6x2jhxRJczosfGG1QqkWL_6SQoshNYcyDcinhDfvylzRdpSRJYUdDV2SdbfIOKrmGOOVFX_yj93_ukp1JUTpFp6K0zUKdurCkHLPOIya-U_8Livg0iw/s1600-h/sherrybirthday.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117254831567234" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdgVQ1XQNXFxGd-hS7ehw6x2jhxRJczosfGG1QqkWL_6SQoshNYcyDcinhDfvylzRdpSRJYUdDV2SdbfIOKrmGOOVFX_yj93_ukp1JUTpFp6K0zUKdurCkHLPOIya-U_8Livg0iw/s320/sherrybirthday.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>The Pope has tons of authority to sign peace treaties on behalf of the nations of the world.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The guy in the bowtie in the picture of the Pope signing Sherry's birthday card is the guy from the Freemason's tract, I think.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx0OfJdp8c8S_NLgPxpDoFEzQ0v2BsuO6EJxI5ixSmMTevga6em-EnbnXZ-NJZUPSfuwlpzv8FLSx14D68hkNRrcDxzswrXmwmZs9c4hcR2asc0QcmTCp8Ig3iNsawGbxzD6OcrQ/s1600-h/hhcrow10.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057119110257439298" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx0OfJdp8c8S_NLgPxpDoFEzQ0v2BsuO6EJxI5ixSmMTevga6em-EnbnXZ-NJZUPSfuwlpzv8FLSx14D68hkNRrcDxzswrXmwmZs9c4hcR2asc0QcmTCp8Ig3iNsawGbxzD6OcrQ/s400/hhcrow10.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The Pope is casting a skeptical glance at the Buddhist monk.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Heh. I think this is the first tract we've seen to include Surprise Buttsex<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They saved the best for last.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It should say that then Satan slowly and gently enters the Beast.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Doesn't look all that slow and gentle to me. Look at the beads of sweat running down that poor guy's head!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Okay, so Satan's taking him by force. Why am I surprised? He is Satan, after all.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> By the way, I thought the Beast was supposed to be the Pope. So why are we getting some random priest here?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Bob's making the claim that the Pope is the Antichrist and the Beast is the Jesuit General. Whatever that is.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Oh, ok. This whole thing is so confusing.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>But aren't the Beast and the Antichrist the same person?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I've always been under the impression that the Beast was the Antichrist.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcvae9lw-ewieOlDku2sQ48wLXpewJxijSxci6MasTrTo08iw_mtLqHVIMmXDwvfo4_u2sKsIWuPmU1adU53tcuBZChj5DKTgqMhdqSOajNExLB-zhEvypEHr9EWzCxZS15wMCzA/s1600-h/skullhat.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116305643794674" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcvae9lw-ewieOlDku2sQ48wLXpewJxijSxci6MasTrTo08iw_mtLqHVIMmXDwvfo4_u2sKsIWuPmU1adU53tcuBZChj5DKTgqMhdqSOajNExLB-zhEvypEHr9EWzCxZS15wMCzA/s200/skullhat.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's cool how the Beast's army has neat skull logos on their hats.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDkxSkRYANjK0UYLfcXiJxplVDOE5CYOOic1_50K_wv3gbX2qaT4CwCiVeG03NUpWXuB2PBIu5KGBQXkhCSwDqHcrKtBhg-6M03lGlg3n0WOTYfZJRmYrLA-5CBZ0BUDm9H-A_uQ/s1600-h/surfsup.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117254831567266" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDkxSkRYANjK0UYLfcXiJxplVDOE5CYOOic1_50K_wv3gbX2qaT4CwCiVeG03NUpWXuB2PBIu5KGBQXkhCSwDqHcrKtBhg-6M03lGlg3n0WOTYfZJRmYrLA-5CBZ0BUDm9H-A_uQ/s320/surfsup.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Wow! The Beast is on American Idol! So that's how he takes over the world!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "Hang Ten, dudes!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>He's totally Stayin' Alive!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJxmtXHbn0DBlyeqIMU1Ua3gEIvc7BIJCMcqDavbhzuLS91QjF0BXTBnHMuvPBEbdddJSxACQFMt5b_sHugL37FCNyuJr4HvTYm7hOrGTXHt5sVgb1hkXTlUYNOkFrjxH5TYHpXQ/s1600-h/whocares.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057116305643794690" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJxmtXHbn0DBlyeqIMU1Ua3gEIvc7BIJCMcqDavbhzuLS91QjF0BXTBnHMuvPBEbdddJSxACQFMt5b_sHugL37FCNyuJr4HvTYm7hOrGTXHt5sVgb1hkXTlUYNOkFrjxH5TYHpXQ/s200/whocares.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>The Pope's always making decrees about something. Why should people suddenly start listening to him now that it's the Tribulation?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyCn3bdstBJJ1RMPC_UUNgRBAnS-EgVqk3nt6SpT0wvavjfuObLr198cJ2ja3j42z9Uc2ZI5az6xXXF8CycSuIddqu6Pc52V9hLELsqPn_JZ2CHwgxtQEz7Z57tl08lmro82PGig/s1600-h/deadheads.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057118710825480706" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyCn3bdstBJJ1RMPC_UUNgRBAnS-EgVqk3nt6SpT0wvavjfuObLr198cJ2ja3j42z9Uc2ZI5az6xXXF8CycSuIddqu6Pc52V9hLELsqPn_JZ2CHwgxtQEz7Z57tl08lmro82PGig/s400/deadheads.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You know, I'd have thought they'd just throw all the heads in a big bucket, but they're going through the trouble to drive stakes into the wall and mount the heads on them. This is indeed a quality operation.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Saddam Hussein and Lou Reed are working on adding more heads.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It looks like they're out of spikes. Where will they put this next head?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Looks like they might be late for lunch after all.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That's a dedicated executioner if he can chop off all those heads and still have an appetite for lunch.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIbltf2FrDLjMvVlmGS8LzgjPYd1BMULR4mZ99DiSzggL_L3-Mq3k1TWlVqPeJk3vTjkVUARbBvqNks9ZJevJojvCsObEKke0jhiIbrsFYJqV6b_FwPXZ4D7t6-SPFpxtYAqTECg/s1600-h/pourwrath.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057119110257439330" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIbltf2FrDLjMvVlmGS8LzgjPYd1BMULR4mZ99DiSzggL_L3-Mq3k1TWlVqPeJk3vTjkVUARbBvqNks9ZJevJojvCsObEKke0jhiIbrsFYJqV6b_FwPXZ4D7t6-SPFpxtYAqTECg/s400/pourwrath.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Can wrath be kept in a vial?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>God can keep His wrath wherever He wants.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>You know, most people would take "his wrath will be poured out" as a figure of speech for "He'll get really mad and start punishing people." Leave it to Bob to take it completely literally.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicRmi3cGAnan7Nqev0fZzpKz4R2ChRo_hwzMcqpxgYnY8Km2DI3xoV9RFNWjhBZcEMoE62-8soaDe3fS4ld0S1UiSMAS4OpmurZcFfaA3CJjPqcjPKH7lIIFV9MvlSijkIKBk8_w/s1600-h/locusts.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057119110257439314" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicRmi3cGAnan7Nqev0fZzpKz4R2ChRo_hwzMcqpxgYnY8Km2DI3xoV9RFNWjhBZcEMoE62-8soaDe3fS4ld0S1UiSMAS4OpmurZcFfaA3CJjPqcjPKH7lIIFV9MvlSijkIKBk8_w/s400/locusts.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Speaking of taking scripture literally, the locusts with the faces of men in Revelation are widely regarded to be helicopters. Not literal locusts, Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I bet this is the artist's favorite tract ever. It's so gruesome.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Oh of course. And yet it wasn't gruesome enough -- they had to show Jesus on the cross, too.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> This scene would be the perfect place to put Fang and Bad Cat. Fang's been reduced to posters for too long.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> They really have been cheap with the Fang sightings lately. I feel cheated.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>You'd think they'd finish that particular plot line up with a bang.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiaX7t0pmet9VtY-alvBRGRn9TFPH95mprWooRxdwnkmBj0n6LLTEntaymD6YEA3sm4iLBb2-BSVhGmHmgQcp7rDNGNcJIHHF7Vyo9UGbXGLMQImg5VO4U2_-IsWA-qxucCWIuXA/s1600-h/yay.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117916256530898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiaX7t0pmet9VtY-alvBRGRn9TFPH95mprWooRxdwnkmBj0n6LLTEntaymD6YEA3sm4iLBb2-BSVhGmHmgQcp7rDNGNcJIHHF7Vyo9UGbXGLMQImg5VO4U2_-IsWA-qxucCWIuXA/s320/yay.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> People in heaven: "Whoohoo, the Vatican's gone! I've been waiting for the place to burn down for an <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">eternity</span>."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinCZMvvOHG38se41S9pBDK0x3rsoojAFFr6VrWLRuc5Zmx5iyENEvm0SyfkmyL-IVnSoonVZI8TxYe6hwydJ18ciGrpz7gqqyqT4zT-tiy2cEX-YG7vRc3-7w32lECZSjY6Sk1og/s1600-h/whatever.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117916256530866" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinCZMvvOHG38se41S9pBDK0x3rsoojAFFr6VrWLRuc5Zmx5iyENEvm0SyfkmyL-IVnSoonVZI8TxYe6hwydJ18ciGrpz7gqqyqT4zT-tiy2cEX-YG7vRc3-7w32lECZSjY6Sk1og/s320/whatever.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Now it's payback time.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Bitches.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The angels are so casual about casting the Pope and the Jesuit General into the lake of fire. It's your big moment, guys! Get excited a little!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>They're always just like, "Eh." Like they're throwing laundry into the hamper or something.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I know they've been tossing people into the Abyss left and right for years now, but this is the big one!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM36U3gwnfZ5YGQG94XyhRXO5G6Tt2W3-WdmX0PaLfT99Fm9RJnGaWf94Zjg-203VQA6phpdBjGcVu7IfYN6mrkv35ij1Ze28bQjt95xYjgcu71dymDko1lGQJacH0OOPhHyPjsQ/s1600-h/nobig.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117250536599906" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM36U3gwnfZ5YGQG94XyhRXO5G6Tt2W3-WdmX0PaLfT99Fm9RJnGaWf94Zjg-203VQA6phpdBjGcVu7IfYN6mrkv35ij1Ze28bQjt95xYjgcu71dymDko1lGQJacH0OOPhHyPjsQ/s320/nobig.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Even when they throw Satan in. It's just like, "See ya later, dude. Whatever."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "Have a nice trip. See you next fall."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj5qOrh6QRs8kSQOJlE7eMalXVXmPWaiyxm50Zeo-3kXvaeftosdhKXEkieCIO1RA3nkymsM1nw-k0ZUSg_QqHMsi8ok4H1R2YwClw2IexpfWn8zztx9-VYxBU35HRORiQNXDp1g/s1600-h/supercool.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117254831567250" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj5qOrh6QRs8kSQOJlE7eMalXVXmPWaiyxm50Zeo-3kXvaeftosdhKXEkieCIO1RA3nkymsM1nw-k0ZUSg_QqHMsi8ok4H1R2YwClw2IexpfWn8zztx9-VYxBU35HRORiQNXDp1g/s320/supercool.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Here's the movie of everyone's life. This guy's looks boring -- can we skip on to Genghis Khan or something?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Genghis Khan is too busy riding his invisible horse around with those other four guys.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I like that guy on the Jumbotron. He's all pointing his thumb at himself like, "Yeah! How about me? You motherfuckers don't have the guts to keep <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">ME</span> out of Heaven!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Why is God asking if that guy's name is in the Book of Life? He knows it's not. He's just trying to amp up the drama.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's like at the end of any given reality show when they take forever to reveal who's leaving. They know darn well who it is. They just want to pad out the last five minutes of the show with tense silence.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2B21uMRi8lPGnkiqHsN4g1xvMkiPv4K3cfMzGi1eI7emAnDal_5KHz8t8I9vjZM8pGMwcOnMGQXvGH0OIOBPuF08xrVECsJ5Lp4kVSTnDTua7aN9H2zwFO4_k_0Z6EMh5F3VRXw/s1600-h/whome.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5057117916256530882" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2B21uMRi8lPGnkiqHsN4g1xvMkiPv4K3cfMzGi1eI7emAnDal_5KHz8t8I9vjZM8pGMwcOnMGQXvGH0OIOBPuF08xrVECsJ5Lp4kVSTnDTua7aN9H2zwFO4_k_0Z6EMh5F3VRXw/s320/whome.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh no! Now Bob is breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to US!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's his last chance, too.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And this is how Bob leaves us. One last time to turn on the hypno-eyes.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Goodbye, Bob, you magnificent bastard.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You were.... well, not enjoyed.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That's what Helen said! (Ba-DUM-bum!)<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2003 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-67299685337493018332007-04-16T20:50:00.003-04:002009-05-16T18:11:10.413-04:00Who's Missing?<span style="font-style: italic;">We are almost at the end of the Bible Series, folks! Surprisingly, only two tracts are devoted to the fire and brimstone message of Revelation -- you'd think Bob would want to keep the party going for at least five tracts. Join us as we look at bipolar sisters, papal Antichrists, and special guest star Billy Graham in </span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5024/5024_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries" target="_new">Who's Missing?<br /><br />Thanks to </a><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://torksobjectifiedknees.blogspot.com/" target="_new">Rimmi</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> for contributing!</span><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Cover.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</strong> Ok, what the hell is with that cover? Who approved that? It's so grainy and tiny that it took me a minute or two to figure out what the hell was supposed to be going on.<br /><br /><strong style="font-weight: bold;">wurwolf:</strong> What <span style="font-style: italic;">is</span> going on in that picture? I couldn't figure it out.<br /><br /><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</strong> A bunch of people are standing around a coffin and are aghast to find that there is no dessicated corpse rotting inside; a stench rising to their nostrils that they will never be able to forget, and that they will never quite be able to wash away.<br /><br /><strong style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</strong> The dead guy they were expecting was probably Catholic. That's why they're so appalled to see he's still alive. Or maybe they're now anticipating a zombie attack.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh. Wow, you have better eyesight than I do. It could be a group of kitties having a picnic for all I know.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita: </span>Well, at first I thought I saw an unflattering caricature of a Jewish gentleman, but after squinting at it for a while I decided I was mistaken.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel1.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "He's so marvelous. He's so <em><strong>needed</strong></em>." Are they talking about Tork?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Because it looks like they're talking about Fred Sanford.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Of course it was the one in the turban who set him up the bomb.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Evidently she's a suicide bomber.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> They were hit by a <strong>YAAAAA</strong> bomb.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel2.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I am delighted by that bomb squad dude's handlebar mustache.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Is that Bob in the suit? I thought it was his mustache.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Whoever he is, his hand is HUGE!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> You can tell it's not Bob because his eyes aren't dead and soulless.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Is sarin gas a real thing, or is Chick Publications making something up for the story? Help me, Google!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, it's real. And now I have learned something. The More You Know...<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> What does sarin gas do?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarin" target="_new">It kills you.</a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> So. Without reading ahead, will this death be considered good or bad or just ok? Will it turn out the black guy and his black friends were sinners who deserved it? Are Chick Publications pro- or anti-UN?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If I know my fundies they are definitely anti-UN.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Yeah. I agree. So I don't see this guy as being portrayed as sympathetic for much longer.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And something tells me the whole "This could be Armageddon" remark won't slip by without comment.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It looks like this tract is about the Rapture. So I'm guessing Fred Sanford is a bit player in this unfolding drama, and that for once in a Chick tract, his race is unimportant.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I don't know. It seems like in these tracts black people are either baptist ministers, getting the shit beat out of them, or dealing drugs.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So because a delegate to the UN was assasinated, that means the beginning of Armageddon?<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel3.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> This panel with Bob in the den is giving us a startling view into his home life.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm trying to figure out why Bob has a picture of Fang on the side of his desk. Is that a "missing pet" poster?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob sits at his laptop in his filthy sweat-stained tee shirt. He doesn't look up from his porn when Helen enters the room. Apathy and whiskey drip from his pores. She instinctively raises her hands in defense as she carefully delivers her news. She has not brought the beer he asked for. He merely has a phonecall. She backs back into the kitchen tentatively. She hopes the priest will have something good to say. She hopes she will escape another beating.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh yeah. That's exactly what's going on there.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I love that Bob doesn't even look up when Father Damien calls. Bob ambivalently tells Helen that he'll get there when he gets there, and Father Damien can just sit and wait for him. Father Damien is still in that stage of Bob worship, where he thinks that Bob still cares about him as a person. He doesn't realize that he's just another notch in Bob's Bible belt.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Helen has first-hand experience with Bob's Bible belt.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Also, I'm wondering what Bob has a degree in.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Computers. (Not to be confused with Computer Science. Science is the work of the devil.)<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Does anybody actually look at the earpiece of their phone when somebody is talking to him? And what's with the slack jaw? I feel like there should be a line of drool coming out of there. Bob's totally wasted.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He was busy IMing with the 14 year old kid from <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/12/god-with-us.html" target="_new">God With Us</a>.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel4.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Father Damien must really hate his sister.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He thinks sending Bob to her house will make her less of a wreck? He's crazy.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Father Bruce must have told his sister that Bob was coming by. That's how I'd react.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Is that Bob shouting that Father Damien's sister is a ding dong? That's really rude.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's the end of the world and she knows it, but she feels fine.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> She knows it! <strong>Knows it! <em>KNOWS IT!</em> </strong><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> She's totally<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzMQGxrNv-wZs-A3F-sN9SKi5d1id9I_9JwE4aFpNGWuz4JKgYdoCA_Tz4i_MT4kFBAhe6bsJpwUgQFAxwrTy1bOyC8nV2aNM6y_748cWSB9DgcTKBE-NY3iPvp4WaCLFoW-qzw/s1600-h/psyduck.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzMQGxrNv-wZs-A3F-sN9SKi5d1id9I_9JwE4aFpNGWuz4JKgYdoCA_Tz4i_MT4kFBAhe6bsJpwUgQFAxwrTy1bOyC8nV2aNM6y_748cWSB9DgcTKBE-NY3iPvp4WaCLFoW-qzw/s400/psyduck.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5054185720435895122" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Psy-yi-yi!<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel5.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob's sitting across the room while Helen sets up Father Damien's sister.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "That's it, dear... Reel her in... We'll see her lumpy butt in no time."<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob's sitting there so stiff and uncomfortable. He looks like he's about to leap out of that chair and fly across the room to slap her with his Bible.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Which, I guess judging from the next panel, he does.<br /><br /><strong><em>Lita wonders how Mary Anne pronounces "thermonuclear"</em></strong><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If she was George Bush she'd pronounce it "thermonukular".<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Mary Anne's gone all Shelley Duvall on us.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/73/039_26177%7EShelley-Duvall-Posters.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 200px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/73/039_26177%7EShelley-Duvall-Posters.jpg" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I like how this tract refers us to another tract instead of, say, Genesis 1:1.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> This tract thinks it's a forgone conclusion that if you've gotten this far through the series, then you must have every one.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Don't look in the Bible! Trust us to tell you what God wants!"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Which makes sense, since if you actually looked in the Bible you'd see how much of these tracts are bullshit.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel6.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The Blessed Virgin? What the Sam-Scratch does the Blessed Virgin have to do with a single thing they're talking about?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That's what Father Damien wants to know.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I wonder if he calls the Catholic church the Great Whore in front of his sister.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Jesus is very clear--" "The Blessed Virgin!" "Yes, but Jesus--" "Mephistopheles!" "Um... Ok... Jesus--" "Squirrel! Monster truck! Weeee!"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's been a while since Bob has had the opportunity to witness to a <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/11/gladys.html" target="_new">clearly insane person</a>.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I wonder if that means Mary Anne will go to hell, just like Gladys.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They might want to show Mary Anne going to hell just to reinforce the point that even sincere Catholics with love in their hearts are less likely to get into Heaven than a hateful fundie.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Father Damien looks more stressed now than when he was trying to kill himself.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That's what hanging out with Bob does to you. Have you ever seen Helen smile?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob looks so bored while he's telling Mary Anne about the turmoil the world will go through. He's getting as sick of his series as we are.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob is so blah about the end times. He has to stop himself from actually saying "Ho hum."<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I like Bob's message to calm Mary Anne down, though. "You're freaking out about this little thing? It's going to get so much worse!"<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel7.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> They recycled that panel where Jesus is talking to the crowd from the <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2007/03/good-ol-boys.html" target="_new">last tract</a>.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Jeez... we're referring back to our tracts just as much as Chick Publications does.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I think Mary Anne just swallowed an entire bottle of nyquil<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Can you blame her?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Yes. Nyquil tastes terrible. She should have gone for something cherry flavored.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Or tequila.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> She looks like she's about to sneeze.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That or ralph.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> All over her rosary, too. Bob and Father Bruce will be so pleased.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob's not even looking at her when he talks about God's judgment against this wicked world. He's off in his fantasy land of the world's total destruction.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'll bet he is so hard right now.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Helen better watch out when they get home. "You be the Whore of Babylon! I'll be the ten-horned beast of the sea!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hee! Dirty!<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel8.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong><em>Lita is looking for something...</em></strong><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I hope you're looking up Bob's claim of cannibalism in the end times.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> In my skimming of Revelation just now I did not see any mention of cannibalism. That doesn't mean it isn't there. There's lots of weird stuff in Revelation. But it'd be nice if Bob would throw us a Bible verse or two, since he keeps saying he wants us to see what the Bible says.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If cannibalism is actually in Revelation, I think it would fit in with one of those weird things that could go either way.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And so much of Revelation is symbolism. It must be hard for Bob not to take every word completely literally.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Or maybe he really does think that the Catholic Church is literally a giant whore who rides a dragon around.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm sure he does. He takes everything else literally, so why not that?<br /><br /><strong><em>wurwolf doesn't really have anything to say about the gospel message.</em></strong><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> No. We've heard it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Except to say that I like the clipart Jesus better than the Chick artist Jesus.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel11.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Huh. No surprise to see that Bob is squarely in the hellfire and damnation camp.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, how he yearns for the days of "<a href="http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/sinners.htm" target="_new">Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God</a>":<br /><br /><blockquote>"If you cry to God to pity you, he will be so far from pitying you in your doleful case, or showing you the least regard or favour, that instead of that, he will only tread you under foot. And though he will know that you cannot bear the weight of omnipotence treading upon you, yet he will not regard that, but he will crush you under his feet without mercy; he will crush out your blood, and make it fly, and it shall be sprinkled on his garments, so as to stain all his raiment. He will not only hate you, but he will have you, in the utmost contempt: no place shall be thought fit for you, but under his feet to be trodden down as the mire of the streets."</blockquote><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Those were the days....<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He's gonna squash you like a grape, and then get all pissed off because your guts got his robe dirty.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And that, in a nutshell, is Bob's gospel.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> God damn professors in bible colleges! How dare there be educated people teaching in bible colleges??! Them and their sneering and their standing right there in class cutting up the Bible with scissors!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Who is that looming behind the college professor? Satan?<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel12.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Coincidentally, the health and wealth pastor looks a lot like the pastor of a health and wealth church I went to in the 80s.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I think his fetal twin is growing out of the back of his head.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And yet he's so happy in spite of it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Ladies and gentlemen, special guest appearance by BILLY GRAHAM!!!!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> God damn Billy Graham and his doing the devil's work!!!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He doesn't know a thing about the Bible! He's too edjimakated!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Billy Graham has led so many people astray.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> See, if we were going to talk about "men of God" who are falling away and doing the work of Satan, I'd pin that on the televangelists who steal money from the elderly so they can buy another hummer or a new pool for their third mansion. The hucksters with their fake healing and so on. But I guess that's ok with Bob.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> No, the only evangelist that Bob singles out <em>by name</em> is Billy Graham.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Well, the man is dead. What's he going to do.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Wait... Is Billy Graham dead?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> No, he's not. He's still around to make false statements about the gospel and to do the devil's work.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh. Well, he's a Christian. He has to forgive Chick Tracts.<br /><br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwpR159AAxLs8hjDLLcwFILrMvKpfUS5TGdx176Q2aXU50tEmYGAsYBYcPrRszatQrTL2BigpoFj8SoGKZSbUrwRcZs1seRfmJo0riNkcJOnO9QgDJ2OaOk7gNC7NP7l6NRwo3Vw/s1600-h/antipope.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwpR159AAxLs8hjDLLcwFILrMvKpfUS5TGdx176Q2aXU50tEmYGAsYBYcPrRszatQrTL2BigpoFj8SoGKZSbUrwRcZs1seRfmJo0riNkcJOnO9QgDJ2OaOk7gNC7NP7l6NRwo3Vw/s400/antipope.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5054188001063529314" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oooooooh!!!! <em>The Pope</em> is the Antichrist! I thought it would be somebody with some actual power over world policy, but I guess not. I'm relieved about that. That means only Catholics will have to go through that 666 business. That leaves me out!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And evidently every Pope is the antichrist. So we don't have to be looking out for one guy in particular. We just have to steer clear of any of the Popes. Easy enough!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Hey, all you Catholics out there! Quit bending to the will of the Antichrist! Use birth control!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Have a steak on Friday!<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel14.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob hustles us through the chain of end time events by bringing up the Rapture.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The missionary talking to Piado is disturbing to me. He's all chalky and heroin chic.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The missionary is definitely giving me a drug addict vibe.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So the fate of the world hangs on the time Piado accepts Christ? Piado's the most powerful man in the world.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Poor Piado. He's only been a Christian for three seconds and already he has to feed his addict missionary his lines. "So... Do you, uh... Jesus and stuff? Accept or whatever?" "Yes." "..." "..." "Buhhhhh...." "Let's pray."<strong> </strong>"Riiiiiiight you are, little dude."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The first one's free, Piado.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Wow. The resemblance is uncanny:<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZiP190z1iGZSZjCUFVbUl5OShrPaVIrQ0BmuvNHpyaejBHmm2g8RHK9BL614exD1HXwX-ihE4hT1-4iT9xW1pXXvETpd7eTXhk1kavlWOxJB3X81XCIFw3_Mze7oyh8EZ6cl_rQ/s1600-h/paintwarrior.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZiP190z1iGZSZjCUFVbUl5OShrPaVIrQ0BmuvNHpyaejBHmm2g8RHK9BL614exD1HXwX-ihE4hT1-4iT9xW1pXXvETpd7eTXhk1kavlWOxJB3X81XCIFw3_Mze7oyh8EZ6cl_rQ/s400/paintwarrior.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5054188774157642610" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel15.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> WOAH!!!! The dead in Christ will LITERALLY rise! Not just their souls, but their bodies as well will bust out of their coffins and fly through the air!!!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's like the raptured Christian got shot out of his grave by cannon.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Notice how the Catholic corpse and the Freemason corpse did not rise. I guess there's still plenty of room in Hell.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel16.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I have to say, as a Christian, 1 Thessalonians 4:17 has always made me feel so hopeful. I've always loved that verse.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Mary Anne agrees with you. She has to light a cigarette after hearing that verse.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> She was thinking about Piado and a missionary.... position.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That is some impressive sex hair she's working.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> As opposed to Helen who has, "I won't be having sex" hair.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So many people come away from a session with Bob with greasy, sweaty hair. That must be how Helen passed muster -- she managed to keep her hair helmet in the face of Blowhard Bob's hot air.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "They'll be <em><strong>Left Behind</strong></em>... available in a quality Christian bookstore near you! Pick one up today!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Even Christian tracts have product placement. It's unavoidable.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel18.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Catholics hate the Bible. Check.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Whoa. Did Mary Anne forget her bipolar medication today?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> One minute she's happy and thinking that everything is beautiful, the next minute she turns into a raging Whore of Babylon.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Have we ever seen Bob take on a full-on Athiest? I'd think he'd be more worried about evangelizing them than Catholics. But I guess I'm just deluded by the Devil and his pro-Catholic propaganda.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I don't think we've addressed Atheism. There have been plenty of people who espouse an athiestic viewpoint, but none who have actually said they were an Athiest.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Even with them the argument isn't about whether or not God exists or whether or not the Bible is true. They're just ignorant and need to be told the right story. They fully believe it when they hear it.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel19.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That panel with the car is giving me a total "One of us! One of us!" vibe.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I noticed that everyone who preaches in these tracts loves to point. Jesus did it earlier. Now Malcolm's doing it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I have had to refrain from making<em> so</em> many "pull my finger" jokes.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And why do they have a room for Damien? Did he live with his sister? Or do they mean a room in their bomb shelter when the Apocolypse starts?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Or is their church so wealthy that all the congregants get their own little worship cubicle?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I guess he bunked with his sister after leaving the priesthood. This guy's just bouncing from house to house. How much longer until he gets bounced from Bob's?<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Whos%20Missing/Panel21.gif" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The way he's looking at that mountie, I don't think he'd be bunking alone for long.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Did I just make a pedophile Catholic priest joke? Wow. That was creative of me.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> No, I think Chick tracts just made that Catholic priest/pedophile joke.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They did draw the panel. He's either looking at the mountie or Helen. "Hey, Helen, I'm allowed to use a rubber now."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like how the Mountie now has a cross on his hat.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I wonder if his mom knows that he's sitting next to the creepy guy who talked to him in the park.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Too bad we don't get to see Mary Anne being tossed headfirst into the Great Abyss.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Maybe in the next tract. It'll be Bob's last chance!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm kind of excited to see how the last witnessing ends. Will it be lumpy butts or headfirst into the Abyss?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I hope it ends with Bob getting punched in the eye.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2003 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-19420952702771342132007-04-07T02:00:00.001-04:002009-05-16T18:12:25.873-04:00Hooray for New Technology!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju5CIjCa2S_-w4dQPEmJofdou8IXIbwUchyphenhyphen1Gm-wIPq-X7Y84Ydid3fm4-H8fSNrKczpqYumgfIPxswvAGYF0KBKe1Y2mQBVotioF_JFBJB5AxepazLK0Q7eSw2jpXKtPIAmGEPA/s1600-h/rayhappy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju5CIjCa2S_-w4dQPEmJofdou8IXIbwUchyphenhyphen1Gm-wIPq-X7Y84Ydid3fm4-H8fSNrKczpqYumgfIPxswvAGYF0KBKe1Y2mQBVotioF_JFBJB5AxepazLK0Q7eSw2jpXKtPIAmGEPA/s200/rayhappy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5050563991059039346" border="0" /></a><br />Thanks to the tips over at<a href="http://www.blogdoctor.me/2007/02/expandable-post-summaries.html"> </a><a href="http://www.blogdoctor.me/2007/02/expandable-post-summaries.html">this blog here</a> (probably only worth clicking if you're a blogger yourself) we here at Holeee Cow have implemented a new gizmo on our blogamajig. The gist is that now most of our blog entries have been collapsed behind their introductory paragraphs.<br /><br />This means that you don't have to load up every single pic of every one of our image-heavy blog entries just so you can read the latest one. It should make for much nicer loading times.<br /><br />Of course, a select few of our posts have willful spirits and refused to be hidden in this manner. They are uncooperative and evil and we don't know what to do with them. If you see any that are downright busted (they won't open or there are large chunks missing or some other sinister bit of business), please let us know.<br /><br />Despite these few minor problems, it's a big huge improvement and even though you can see the change just by looking at the blog, I had to post about it because I'm just so excited!Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-2060926586021162502007-04-03T18:30:00.001-04:002009-05-16T18:13:11.342-04:00Man in Black<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">It's been a while since our last update, we know. The Devil doesn't want us to update, so he gave us conflicting schedules. We managed to get it together today, though, and we have a new tract for you!</span> <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><br /><br />Today Bob calls half of the readership of this blog whores, and he's not talking about the ladies (this time). Find out which corner of the street you're standing on by joining us while we read</span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5023/5023_01.asp"></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5023/5023_01.asp" target="_new"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334184314864898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjewMNmsfDmrJzjwzWXWWI-DcmeDC_ld1CXsAk-GYiXLX5OQC_X0AmSCxbsfXjEM1F6mggFvm5dlZyeBIBBBCp8HpeeWMCMgSunmZZv1YXhG_WuPFM4-5bInb8cdyGx5ko0iITlrQ/s320/mibCover.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Ooo! Man in Black! Is this going to be a biotract of the late, great, Johnny Cash?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like to think I'm above making the obvious Johnny Cash joke here. It's about secret agents who fight aliens.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The Man In Black is missing the lower half of his torso on the cover there.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp-lT3SQVDfA3qhcZ_JPGjdJN6dGmjBXTwlZYNLBZncg0vrhrZBSl1NwWC7M7p3Nj8Zy0nD1NVndmQYiWARdlUVsmW_lUrfFn8ZOB_l-DyMM_Hi14FZtRHthWZd4wPcU50XGMFaw/s1600-h/mibrow1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334094120551634" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp-lT3SQVDfA3qhcZ_JPGjdJN6dGmjBXTwlZYNLBZncg0vrhrZBSl1NwWC7M7p3Nj8Zy0nD1NVndmQYiWARdlUVsmW_lUrfFn8ZOB_l-DyMM_Hi14FZtRHthWZd4wPcU50XGMFaw/s400/mibrow1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Why is the car calling Fang a drunk? He's just walking across the bridge.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Well, it is pretty bad weather to just be wandering around town.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> So are you saying that when you see someone walking in the rain, it means that they're completely hammered? Neil Sedaka and Rupert Holmes, get your asses to rehab!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> If they don't use an umbrella.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Except me, since I don't even own an umbrella.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You just get wet, huh?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Soaked.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well, according to this tract, you're just asking for a lecture from Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Isn't everybody?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Dammit! It's been too long since we've done one of these. We lost our rhythm!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Start with an ice breaker. Try jazz hands.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Uhh.... ok...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsluXHkaVDkzoqGu5FFDNSZOK7VOtMvPt7KlbMAapDq-JU8X5Xeblb-NcJV4_fmwNEGfd0q07SybdUk70zL4trbyCbKUrgfy9fC5OmuJ-j914zADIwvqBXiGf3BDxwZkiYnTphBg/s1600-h/jesusjazzhands.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334094120551618" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsluXHkaVDkzoqGu5FFDNSZOK7VOtMvPt7KlbMAapDq-JU8X5Xeblb-NcJV4_fmwNEGfd0q07SybdUk70zL4trbyCbKUrgfy9fC5OmuJ-j914zADIwvqBXiGf3BDxwZkiYnTphBg/s400/jesusjazzhands.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I believe in the power of the jazz hands.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEzVwrFXk-y-wT45omUAk9V5b9aunBu-_oY4tEsicHCvAVdolYN-f_pco-AieJpNebeVSkuqjrH3fdABW2E_N0tJO4UlI7NU2McUCvC-uS3eOqRpU6U-MapGhqoOipuO108dbHHg/s1600-h/dontjump.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333428400620546" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEzVwrFXk-y-wT45omUAk9V5b9aunBu-_oY4tEsicHCvAVdolYN-f_pco-AieJpNebeVSkuqjrH3fdABW2E_N0tJO4UlI7NU2McUCvC-uS3eOqRpU6U-MapGhqoOipuO108dbHHg/s320/dontjump.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob, get back in your car. You're only going to make him want to jump more.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Bob. Just the guy you need to talk to when you're <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">sick</span> of talk, lies, and deception.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And when you're drunk.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The terrible movie Varsity Blues took on a frightening, surreal quality when I watched it while drunk. I can only imagine what a drunken encounter with Bob would be like.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It would be like being thrown into hell by an angel headfirst while naked.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Really? Because I assumed lumpy butts would be involved. And nudity.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHSiH5lZbGMgOpomM1hKtfs3NNvKkWsczc4EwMNZANdqb6-o2VGksgysJENOEq367uIZdECcjwsRsXPqLbgfaZtsmEB47ptfo5wyK_BVFi1Sxhlj5BzolK_LyH67aSILSy2yPcbw/s1600-h/jesusishate.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333638854018114" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHSiH5lZbGMgOpomM1hKtfs3NNvKkWsczc4EwMNZANdqb6-o2VGksgysJENOEq367uIZdECcjwsRsXPqLbgfaZtsmEB47ptfo5wyK_BVFi1Sxhlj5BzolK_LyH67aSILSy2yPcbw/s320/jesusishate.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Is the priest expecting a flood?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's raining pretty hard.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I learn so much from these tracts. What a dynamic way to witness to people! "Hey buddy, Jesus totally hates your religion!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That priest looks like he should have a chainsaw for a hand...which would make this the coolest tract ever.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> <a href="http://www.dynamicforces.com/images/aod8.jpg" target="_new">Army of Bobness.</a><br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlVROJyS2jdRgG1uB8ReLIlWacqj0s7cbosVC31fwbR7iWJvxKvuolsY2uDJzPgC5WfCjT0nCF0hWn2Nk9XF0ukTBDeZS5xmaDRyNmMg7ip-9B86c-xxI7LQVO70ifH2xd1g4cbQ/s1600-h/mibrow3.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334098415518946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlVROJyS2jdRgG1uB8ReLIlWacqj0s7cbosVC31fwbR7iWJvxKvuolsY2uDJzPgC5WfCjT0nCF0hWn2Nk9XF0ukTBDeZS5xmaDRyNmMg7ip-9B86c-xxI7LQVO70ifH2xd1g4cbQ/s400/mibrow3.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You know, it's really counterproductive to include a drunken hiccup after your demand for respect.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I thought he was calling Bob a hick. Which, with that jacket that Bob's wearing, I'd say the priest is right on the money.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't know why the priest would say that Bob thinks he's lost. According to Bob, he's just 100 feet away from hell.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Oh, I see. They're standing over the <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">[insert name of a river commonly regarded as foul here]</span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"></span>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqsMm0PDAYIFHVaV8Rumab91uax8KS-cHoXMs-Kj7jL7ImSzRL3gnJfBIMITUBAk8NWtLfIm542A_25jhacQnJcjQYKESjXugl_k9Jcru66ibBvbtiCwQxJ11Y7iL93OyCbj3tgQ/s1600-h/fatherbruce.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333634559050770" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqsMm0PDAYIFHVaV8Rumab91uax8KS-cHoXMs-Kj7jL7ImSzRL3gnJfBIMITUBAk8NWtLfIm542A_25jhacQnJcjQYKESjXugl_k9Jcru66ibBvbtiCwQxJ11Y7iL93OyCbj3tgQ/s320/fatherbruce.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Do I detect a note of disappointment from Bob about the priest not jumping?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "Good for you." I'm sure the priest appreciates your sarcasm, Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The priest is going all Bruce Wayne.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bruce Campbell, Bruce Wayne. He's totally Father Bruce.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNPoQzAM3miqz_0MTKs3CrgoQmBgfWVwXelMCb9c6evHhI1LFKuPwyuCJ6uETKeI8oRfn8NrGZByMpK_bkyVjByACLF1xWqS43X6wFrvAW310_HDPywFnOSuJcxquV9psXhNTZig/s1600-h/fatherdamian.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333634559050786" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNPoQzAM3miqz_0MTKs3CrgoQmBgfWVwXelMCb9c6evHhI1LFKuPwyuCJ6uETKeI8oRfn8NrGZByMpK_bkyVjByACLF1xWqS43X6wFrvAW310_HDPywFnOSuJcxquV9psXhNTZig/s320/fatherdamian.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Or Father Damien. Like the Antichrist... Subtle, tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Jesus called the church the "Bride of Christ." Is Bob saying Jesus married a whore?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Jesus did love to hang with the sinners.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>By the way, once again Chick Publications is totally taking a verse out of context with Matthew 23:9.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Lita looks it up</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Look up the whole passage.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm not even going to bother looking up the passages from Revelations, because they definitely do talk about the Whore of Babylon, even if they don't necessarily mean the Catholic church.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Matthew 23:9 says, "And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You're also not supposed to call people Rabbi and Master.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> But that verse, looked at in context, isn't even really about not having Catholic priests. It's about not letting Earthly people have all the authority over you in life, because you have a master in Heaven to serve.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Exactly.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That includes Pastors and Reverends, I'm sure.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Lita looks up Revelation just for the hell of it</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Knock yourself out, sister.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Ok. If you read the whole chapter, even in King James, there's nothing there that screams "CATHOLIC CHURCH" at me. In fact, it's pretty clear that this is the widely famed, Whore of Babylon. And verse 18 says it plainly, "And the woman which thou sawest is that great city, which reigneth over the kings of the earth." She represents a city, not a church.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Even if you said she represents the Vatican, how many kings of the earth would you say still worry about what the Pope has to say?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Good point.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You know, considering this passage:<br /><br /><blockquote>3 So the angel took me in the Spirit into the wilderness. There I saw a woman sitting on a scarlet beast that had seven heads and ten horns, and blasphemies against God were written all over it. 4 The woman wore purple and scarlet clothing and beautiful jewelry made of gold and precious gems and pearls. In her hand she held a gold goblet full of obscenities and the impurities of her immorality. 5 A mysterious name was written on her forehead: “Babylon the Great, Mother of All Prostitutes and Obscenities in the World.” 6 I could see that she was drunk—drunk with the blood of God’s holy people who were witnesses for Jesus. I stared at her in complete amazement.</blockquote><p><br />You could make the argument that the Whore of Babylon represents the Internet. I'm not saying she is. I'm just saying that the argument could be made. Most of the filthiest things I know about I learned from the Internet.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I know I've certainly stared at some things I've seen on the Internet in complete amazement.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I've also gotten drunk on the Internet, so.... you may be right.<br /><br /></p><p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh25T8LfOKsCwGB-5LVdTTgmDxhfDYChCWwV6B85l2StyeYtE_8DwasKPu5o7_SGUEJYmUrbBnq6jyKYunGuvvsS-2Qif1it_mhziN5YNm4TcRANwbiVUTlIcZLhyHdeqJp1201NA/s1600-h/bitchinride.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333424105653202" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh25T8LfOKsCwGB-5LVdTTgmDxhfDYChCWwV6B85l2StyeYtE_8DwasKPu5o7_SGUEJYmUrbBnq6jyKYunGuvvsS-2Qif1it_mhziN5YNm4TcRANwbiVUTlIcZLhyHdeqJp1201NA/s320/bitchinride.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> On the other hand, the Whore has a bitchin' ride. I think I could rule the world if I rode around on something like that.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidqx7P_yAkzELMVnSwMu8Pz-fny9FiiwxG4gqLOthj8dvzqhVC20WQg7TIzdhFesQ3JLU4n7fn0L78h_JqD1sH8nbuTBEDxPxBdZlIzCvlTlvLA5aoF0Uuv7xqIuYe8Mi9IECwug/s1600-h/proof.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333853602382978" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidqx7P_yAkzELMVnSwMu8Pz-fny9FiiwxG4gqLOthj8dvzqhVC20WQg7TIzdhFesQ3JLU4n7fn0L78h_JqD1sH8nbuTBEDxPxBdZlIzCvlTlvLA5aoF0Uuv7xqIuYe8Mi9IECwug/s320/proof.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I am so not surprised that Bob drives around in a boring black sedan.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Bob, Father Bruce asked if you could prove this. "Yeah. Jesus saw it." isn't proof.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Not unless you are able to get Jesus to physically manifest in that car and tell everybody there what went down.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>He could claim that Jesus said any number of things.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>And regularly does.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Besides. Even if you take what Bob's saying as absolutely true, seeing some bitch get born and die is not proof that the leaders of the world fear the Catholic Church, which is what I believe Father Bruce was asking about.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdsDZHfQJ_ZEkRs7qDLTHoJ0ZKG6UOJuvarDve6POjlOoOn5CsIEBmDfsLhbsMlpVShWxDYM5l6w6UWrcjL5OixmNykO-s-1-Cyft-eieRN11zpT5xC04gr9fn54t7_c6aRcRuA/s1600-h/mibrow6.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334098415518962" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdsDZHfQJ_ZEkRs7qDLTHoJ0ZKG6UOJuvarDve6POjlOoOn5CsIEBmDfsLhbsMlpVShWxDYM5l6w6UWrcjL5OixmNykO-s-1-Cyft-eieRN11zpT5xC04gr9fn54t7_c6aRcRuA/s400/mibrow6.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">wurwolf is laughing at Nimrod's horn.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You know, it's bad enough that your name is Nimrod. Do you have to dress up like a rhinoceros, too?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Maybe Nimrod is wearing a Viking helmet sideways.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Nimrod's wife may be Semiramis, but this guy is full-on <a href="http://www.nndb.com/people/623/000024551/ramis02.jpg" target="_new">Ramis</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Is Bob really saying that Semiramis is actually The Virgin Mary? </p><p><strong><em>wurwolf runs up to Nimrod and honks his horn.<br /></em></strong><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Sorry, still laughing about Nimrod.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Because I don't know if Bob noticed this, but the Bible does mention Jesus being born to a virgin named Mary.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Where?! I demand you provide verses!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I'll do you one better and link you to <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/12/god-with-us.html" target="_new">another tract</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I love how Chick Publications actually tosses in a real Catholic prayer there where people are praying to Semiramis.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>From what I understand, and realize that I'm coming from a non-Catholic background here, the cult of Mary sprang up because representations of Jesus in the early church were <a href="http://www.mystudios.com/gallery/giotto/39-giotto-last-judgement.jpg" target="_new">pretty scary</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> (I wish you could see the closeup of the damned being sent to Hell, by the way; it's super badass)<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Jesus was the big guy who helped his dad decide whether or not to send you to Hell. But Mary is a nice lady, right? And she's Jesus's mom. So it's a lot easier to pray to Mary and ask her to put a good word in for you with her angry son.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIOHpTxuYorfdDxiELwoBtvCB3hq2zGBHY3ngQDn_-v9V1z1GO-rqg9hvjMmpJPqVkcWj43nGS4RE3sGFMJPF8rFBe1zoJXrFMLvfSgCoII-kviGFGrNnx0yoLDEg2PHzQ9DH2og/s1600-h/womensuck.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333857897350306" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIOHpTxuYorfdDxiELwoBtvCB3hq2zGBHY3ngQDn_-v9V1z1GO-rqg9hvjMmpJPqVkcWj43nGS4RE3sGFMJPF8rFBe1zoJXrFMLvfSgCoII-kviGFGrNnx0yoLDEg2PHzQ9DH2og/s320/womensuck.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Bob's claim that Satan pushed the worship of Semiramis through all other female deities really smacks of misogyny to me.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I have heard the theory before that Mary became popular partly because Goddess worship had been so popular in the religions that Christianity was pushing out. Similar to how Christian holidays are often on the same days as pagan holidays. But that's not the same as what Bob's saying.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think Father Bruce knows about Jesus dying and stuff. We can probably safely skip those frames.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5wppEqMtW_lNlwkSjKgUXErGBwPSPc-uNt45XtiaCQimGLSD_eNQegFrKRX_xV2iQpk2vPRHeTMHJ1r2p2bhlrpMf7PtZ33Nq1cpxXz7UrCC-Qgu5sDTZMVUHHdbzGlvy__g7w/s1600-h/deliciouswidows.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333428400620530" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH5wppEqMtW_lNlwkSjKgUXErGBwPSPc-uNt45XtiaCQimGLSD_eNQegFrKRX_xV2iQpk2vPRHeTMHJ1r2p2bhlrpMf7PtZ33Nq1cpxXz7UrCC-Qgu5sDTZMVUHHdbzGlvy__g7w/s320/deliciouswidows.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Oh, gross!! The Christians are feeding the poor clothing made from your widows? No wonder you guys are pissed!!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's the early AD version of Soylent Green.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYtF2hVEqowFiXQZhqn9ygSzEKzrA1KrIVLkX9RLRwWXbXO6fNV80dCVokxJzJN48FS4f5GEB8liIIhQT-mTc8nunAD0ibAFkDkBrUnKOSL02UAHCyuRN60z9cc4k2wFVqbobGCQ/s1600-h/lovegun.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333643148985426" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYtF2hVEqowFiXQZhqn9ygSzEKzrA1KrIVLkX9RLRwWXbXO6fNV80dCVokxJzJN48FS4f5GEB8liIIhQT-mTc8nunAD0ibAFkDkBrUnKOSL02UAHCyuRN60z9cc4k2wFVqbobGCQ/s320/lovegun.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Are you kidding me? "The fear of death was gone. Love was their weapon." Bob, you jackass, your weapon <em>is</em> the fear of death! Have you listened to yourself?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I can't think of a single moment where Bob's ever shown any love to anybody. Even his own wife. Mostly he ignores her while she putters around with the cooking.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> This is the kind of stuff that makes me angry. People like Bob have no concept of a "weapon" as anything other than something with which to bludgeon someone.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT4L_kD0eeIC7sO__8L5CtSUUbpZoeAdwt__d7MFpac96l2CC9WTeHKzUOxRKW9-HgRSOXy_tRAxzRanMVVlLfDdsakfmrSE1d9IPQbIJ96fNpeXe0WfRj9v5FM0ODkySsFbW_kw/s1600-h/uglysatan.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333853602382994" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT4L_kD0eeIC7sO__8L5CtSUUbpZoeAdwt__d7MFpac96l2CC9WTeHKzUOxRKW9-HgRSOXy_tRAxzRanMVVlLfDdsakfmrSE1d9IPQbIJ96fNpeXe0WfRj9v5FM0ODkySsFbW_kw/s320/uglysatan.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I thought Satan was supposed to be the most attractive of God's angels.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I guess Bob has some funny ideas about what's attractive.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob has a lot of funny ideas.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I love the arrow. "This way to see how Satan pulled it off!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sfkAzTEhMkllyFh4ljz9xCI3cO4R09EypIr_y8P_9bfA-nJqd1HkKqD88aedD8OOk6oAmoQl0xEwdV0TQRbJFAc5E6cXD_Qtn0HqNVb_J0d-aQ_AC40MTVhIK6911gI2_NJ1Dg/s1600-h/mibrow11.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334510732379410" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4sfkAzTEhMkllyFh4ljz9xCI3cO4R09EypIr_y8P_9bfA-nJqd1HkKqD88aedD8OOk6oAmoQl0xEwdV0TQRbJFAc5E6cXD_Qtn0HqNVb_J0d-aQ_AC40MTVhIK6911gI2_NJ1Dg/s400/mibrow11.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>It sounds like Bob is blaming the Catholic church for the persecution of the early church, but wasn't the early church Catholic? If I remember my religious history right, the Catholic church single-handedly carried the cause of Christ for centuries until the Protestants splintered off.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That's how I always heard it. Even the name "Protestant" comes from it being a protest of the Catholic church.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> So it wasn't like the Protestants were the first church, and Satan was sitting around trying to think of a way to counter them and suddenly came up with the Catholic church.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm not saying I agree with Catholic theology, but give credit where credit is due, Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Where on earth is he getting this history from? I grew up in one of the most fundy churches around and I've never heard that the "real" Christians fled to the mountains while the "phonies" stayed in Rome.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXORwlqoZ-kYypFJsuMBsZCRNksKzDmj97FOqc-D3r8lwLlidkUCrHLh8rwTIwykw0o9XGslSIHWcgp071PXaINic6hDBT-AcaY3kP_y7EnhL9TxDC3HWNCklgAf03jBRs7p59pw/s1600-h/badbible.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333406925784002" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXORwlqoZ-kYypFJsuMBsZCRNksKzDmj97FOqc-D3r8lwLlidkUCrHLh8rwTIwykw0o9XGslSIHWcgp071PXaINic6hDBT-AcaY3kP_y7EnhL9TxDC3HWNCklgAf03jBRs7p59pw/s320/badbible.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I've never read the Catholic bible. Is it really incredibly different than the Protestant versions? I know the 10 Commandments are different, and I can see how people could get cranky about that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I've never read it either, and I didn't know there were different versions of the Ten Commandments.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I don't know what the difference is. It's just what I heard. I guess it would be easy to look up.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Time passes.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It is different. They took out the one about not having false idols and divided the one about coveting up into two separate commandments to cover the difference.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Wiki has an incredibly huge article that we need not bother with reading the entirety of, but there is a handy little chart <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Commandments#Division_of_the_commandments" target="_new">here</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Except that the Catholics totally took out the graven images part. It's not like they incorporated it into another commandment. They just totally removed it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> True. And I'm sure the anti-Catholic conspiracists out there are happy to say that the Catholics did this on purpose so that they could happily worship the Pope, Mary, and assorted saints. I wonder why Bob didn't point this out? I'd think he'd be all over that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You do have to wonder, though, why they did take it out.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Any Catholics in our reading audience care to enlighten us?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Knock yourselves out.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Okay, we're totally off on a tangent here. We should get back to the tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Ok.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like how Bob isn't calling Damien "Father". Firstly, because any self-respecting Fundy would never call a priest "Father", and secondly, because for Bob it's a forgone conclusion that Damien won't be a priest after today.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I would probably call a priest "Father." Not so much for any deeply spiritual reason, but just because it's polite to call people by their title. The same way I might say "Pastor Bill," or "Doctor Smith," or "Asshole Bob."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrHS0AU5lxn3l9PcGtj7zoK6s0UROxDKkZOj7p_nkpriwrxYO32uTMFoEmGU0oSwUur2hyphenhyphenaAO1r_FQZ9KkXmttmrFW7DCjtTJimvofisNFsI_ttHJzX-MblsoxYdsz3yBnSR1-A/s1600-h/mibrow13.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334510732379426" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrHS0AU5lxn3l9PcGtj7zoK6s0UROxDKkZOj7p_nkpriwrxYO32uTMFoEmGU0oSwUur2hyphenhyphenaAO1r_FQZ9KkXmttmrFW7DCjtTJimvofisNFsI_ttHJzX-MblsoxYdsz3yBnSR1-A/s400/mibrow13.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Bob is totally getting off on calling Catholics whores. He's throwing out the big W every chance he gets.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I just counted eleven mentions of the word "Whore" in this tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Why were they the Dark Ages? Because a Catholic whore was in control. Thank you for that enlightenment, Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "Vandals plundered, raped and destroyed Europe." Yeah, probably your ancestors, Bob. Since like half the people in the US are of Germanic descent: "<a href="http://www.answers.com/topic/ethnic-german" target="_new">There are over 60 million Americans of German ancestry in the United States</a>."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Were the Vandals Catholic?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> According to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vandals" target="_new">wiki</a>: Most Vandal kings, except Hilderic, persecuted Catholics to a greater or lesser extent. Members of the clergy were exiled, monasteries were dissolved, and general pressure was used on non-conforming Catholics. Although Catholicism was rarely officially forbidden (the last months of Huneric's reign being an exception), they were forbidden from making converts among the Vandals, and life was generally difficult for the Catholic clergy, who were denied bishoprics.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> So I guess you can't really blame Catholics for the Vandals terrorizing everybody, Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Well... I guess he <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">can</span>...<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Just like he can come up with all sorts of things that Jesus said and claim that it's proof.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1SEiBhxDjvANzhx_ogK2r3zV43ByW1ua-58hrfl_43AKjWm54zhWKt05mQL5XcyY9RCFRCpbnSqzIyvjk1ML7eo0OKkDIPSa_lgRtQMKtwmAK5NFAbXcMBE76tIH8sBgmKiswDA/s1600-h/cheesecurd.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333424105653218" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1SEiBhxDjvANzhx_ogK2r3zV43ByW1ua-58hrfl_43AKjWm54zhWKt05mQL5XcyY9RCFRCpbnSqzIyvjk1ML7eo0OKkDIPSa_lgRtQMKtwmAK5NFAbXcMBE76tIH8sBgmKiswDA/s320/cheesecurd.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Wow. Father Bruce ate too many cheese curds in the shadowrama a couple of panels ago. He's really packing on the weight.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He looks so beaten down. He looked more chipper when he was drunk and getting ready to jump off a bridge.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>That's what a couple hours with Bob will do to you, I guess.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsT1VYOS9Wl_C_-k78GUpDO6nSuSSd1sDayjkqmlotuB92fztwcAvmSaB3Hd4zOIVuKmzzsxwCn4KEub97ipWncQ7p6VDhyCh2ZDcJ8VcahppkIzYtd4tlFI2pYoWjjyUL63LCjQ/s1600-h/catholicidol.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334089825584306" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsT1VYOS9Wl_C_-k78GUpDO6nSuSSd1sDayjkqmlotuB92fztwcAvmSaB3Hd4zOIVuKmzzsxwCn4KEub97ipWncQ7p6VDhyCh2ZDcJ8VcahppkIzYtd4tlFI2pYoWjjyUL63LCjQ/s400/catholicidol.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Is it only Catholics who take any notice of the Baby Jesus, or Christ Crucified, or who call themselves "little Christs," take communion, or who spread the notion that Christ is angry?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Yup. That's what separates them from us.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Take note, Bob. If you're trying to convince somebody that their religion sucks, do not include, on your list of douchbagerry that the other guys are committing, things that your own faith does as well.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "Hey Damien, Jesus hates your religion! What with you believing that He was born human and died on the cross and following His commands! You dummy!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIXKEtT6TeVe3VTCOzGnTBf_X2rtE1fmIkCxaVqYQk3HNJDjD4vXhRG7v7mV2oQfddMEu3Xm8kRkOeS9L0NWJzC56CxxKImBKQpDg44v3f33wBYFBs7ha_OUahnYPF9xhiCwgjdw/s1600-h/mibrow16.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334515027346738" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIXKEtT6TeVe3VTCOzGnTBf_X2rtE1fmIkCxaVqYQk3HNJDjD4vXhRG7v7mV2oQfddMEu3Xm8kRkOeS9L0NWJzC56CxxKImBKQpDg44v3f33wBYFBs7ha_OUahnYPF9xhiCwgjdw/s400/mibrow16.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>How many times has Bob told us that Jesus is pissed about one thing or another? Why is this such a terrible thing now that the Catholics are doing it?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh, wait. I just answered my own question, didn't I?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I like how the platform Mary is standing on has all the other goddess's names crossed out and hers stuck in on the bottom. The Catholics were just too damn lazy to to make her a new pedestal.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>When I first saw that I thought maybe the artist was crossing out certain letters to spell something else, but then I realized that they were supposed to be crossing out the previous names.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Because if there's one thing we know about Catholics, it's that they don't like to put a lot of effort into the stuff they build for their faith.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS6YBET7IbCuHbo6jsWYIkL9jd_WAryahyphenhyphenj-CRq99lgT5M-oBXwR4CPOaQbfCPjgDkxIP065E1c4kpkHS4tPD7BQO58OFMgMm4YG0yIek9RycYt68sOuB-rZpFzVIr5398mggx4g/s1600-h/notredame.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049344792884086114" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS6YBET7IbCuHbo6jsWYIkL9jd_WAryahyphenhyphenj-CRq99lgT5M-oBXwR4CPOaQbfCPjgDkxIP065E1c4kpkHS4tPD7BQO58OFMgMm4YG0yIek9RycYt68sOuB-rZpFzVIr5398mggx4g/s320/notredame.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Such sloppy work. I'll bet that only took them a few centuries.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I much prefer the various elementary school gymnasiums and cafeterias that my churches have been held in over the years. Such exquisite craftsmanship on the lines on the floor for the basketball courts.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You could consider them markings for liturgical dance, if your church went in for such fruity festivities.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrxFTB4-wL_TY26W5notwxtATfsfxomx6MPDq7T9CFISB4aN4tctgnR1yLZSGRwtCq1u7O_SuLHXtm0W8yjTdjXh1Yjxd_jT3mBp6_l1L0cSng4BZzbPz4iKpODH-6XfJ2_GG7zQ/s1600-h/mibrow17.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334515027346754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrxFTB4-wL_TY26W5notwxtATfsfxomx6MPDq7T9CFISB4aN4tctgnR1yLZSGRwtCq1u7O_SuLHXtm0W8yjTdjXh1Yjxd_jT3mBp6_l1L0cSng4BZzbPz4iKpODH-6XfJ2_GG7zQ/s400/mibrow17.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Revelation 17 doesn't specifically say that Rome is the city on the seven hills. It doesn't even say that the seven hills are a city. I don't think.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Apparently the KKK are Catholic. Just so you know. Somebody should probably go tell them that. Let's send Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh right. The KKK hate Catholics just as much as Bob does. I've been trying to figure out if that guy is KKK or the Knights Templar or something. I'd do some research but I feel like we've spent too much time on this tract as it is.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Z4NsPMdZl2UxDAunr4_2qyV9Xk_GvMtDJ1DW3WaI9l_nqs5UmHWLPyL3cB9NPz-LH8pnuIA2_bDYKV3Zofh2Y5PoPztJV9Js-zyxA2KQvB_kSYgwLIS6gLcreegwLbSeqIh7QQ/s1600-h/popeparty.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333849307415666" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_Z4NsPMdZl2UxDAunr4_2qyV9Xk_GvMtDJ1DW3WaI9l_nqs5UmHWLPyL3cB9NPz-LH8pnuIA2_bDYKV3Zofh2Y5PoPztJV9Js-zyxA2KQvB_kSYgwLIS6gLcreegwLbSeqIh7QQ/s320/popeparty.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Hey, wait... is Bob saying that some of the Popes were corrupt and did nasty things under the cover of Popedom??? I HAVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE!!111 WHY ALL THE LIES, CATHOLIC CHURCH???? WHY?????<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Because it's been totally swept under the rug!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I love how Bob doesn't specifically say that Popes are gay, but then right in front of the picture of debauchery are two Popes kissing.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/03/AR2006110301617.html" target="_new">And we all know that Protestant churches have never had that sort of problem</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I'm sure this tract must have been made before Pope Benedict came to power, because I don't see how Bob would be able to resist calling him a Nazi.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You're right, it was.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aygq0BnhjTMxdkB47n9uTXscCfIsq84ynjoRTYzMC5Bc2g19CthrWfxNg8MuItwsvUBL6nytPq3iIBXcIZ8bEA9-blvmbbBYF96BTWsDAF4UcHror5dN2Be3peNdpz5PGg7NdQ/s1600-h/fliesandflies.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333638854018098" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9aygq0BnhjTMxdkB47n9uTXscCfIsq84ynjoRTYzMC5Bc2g19CthrWfxNg8MuItwsvUBL6nytPq3iIBXcIZ8bEA9-blvmbbBYF96BTWsDAF4UcHror5dN2Be3peNdpz5PGg7NdQ/s320/fliesandflies.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> As for the files in the Vatican, the worldwide Great Catholic Conspiracy is a fact, according to our friend Tork.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The Vatican has flies and flies on everybody.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I know the Catholic Conspiracy to be a fact as well. When we requested my husband's baptism certificate from the Philippines, it also mentioned the church in Queens NY where he was confirmed. We have no idea how they found that out.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Other than a worldwide Catholic Conspiracy, that is.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMW-R1bpu9x6QvKsfnivNanVWNnmPSju5zYmFBFAmuGFr2D3gyRKP5_29ck_WV1T49ADHOzVZ9MqZd5sKw2gblztSNfc-g_1ZwhOauI57B2XSQZWI_k0a1CF9mqqzvyizhSZ86ew/s1600-h/nobutt.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049333849307415650" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMW-R1bpu9x6QvKsfnivNanVWNnmPSju5zYmFBFAmuGFr2D3gyRKP5_29ck_WV1T49ADHOzVZ9MqZd5sKw2gblztSNfc-g_1ZwhOauI57B2XSQZWI_k0a1CF9mqqzvyizhSZ86ew/s320/nobutt.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> We don't get to see the priest's lumpy butt, thank goodness.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> We know it's there, though. Just out of the frame.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-9z7uJ2xw_4m29q2FwsZAL_mZRF4V8KHiuQmYk53ZioQ3uXdfWynXEr-60eWBVJj5rXtssFf51y0VvvqwII-qjKwneCe2S0LLUt5_-QNP03pLx5-UPwH5ud0x_YIiQrKupkHwUA/s1600-h/mibrow21.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5049334519322314066" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-9z7uJ2xw_4m29q2FwsZAL_mZRF4V8KHiuQmYk53ZioQ3uXdfWynXEr-60eWBVJj5rXtssFf51y0VvvqwII-qjKwneCe2S0LLUt5_-QNP03pLx5-UPwH5ud0x_YIiQrKupkHwUA/s400/mibrow21.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Father Bruce is all too willing to begin calling his former religion The Whore.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Look, even now he's still trying to get other people to do his praying for him. You're a Protestant now, dude! You're allowed to pray your own self!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Old habits die hard, I guess.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob looks like he's wearing a Hugh Hefner smoking jacket in the panel where he's giving his final pitch.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Yes. And note that he's hunched over and his hands are suspiciously out of the frame.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Speaking of old habits.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>And hard.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>The look on his face just kind of caps it all off, doesn't it?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I hope Bob has a handkerchief to wipe the drool.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Yeah. Drool. Welcome to your new religion, Father Bruce!</p><br /></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-58241828837659936362007-03-05T18:08:00.001-05:002009-05-16T18:13:33.307-04:00Good Ol' Boys<em>Yep, it's the <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5022/5022_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries" target="_new">Good Ol' Boys</a>! Chick Publications finally busts out the truth about the Dukes of Hazzard, and it's about time -- oh.... Lita's telling me that it's about Freemasons. Dang.</em><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Cover.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel1.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Mr. T is here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and he's all out of gum! <strong>NOW!</strong><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Wow. Looks like the entire back two rows of that church just pood.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> They must be the Baptists in the church. Baptists love the back of the sanctuary.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel2.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Ok, Mr. T is making this hostage situation way too complicated. Everybody get on the floor because we want to kill everybody who believes in Jesus. So if you believe in Jesus, stay on the floor, but if you deny Him, stand against the wall. But isn't it easier to shoot people who are standing against a wall than those on the floor?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Those of you who are worried about your thetins can leave!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He should make the people who want to get shot take a STAND for Jesus and STAND against the Wall O' Death. Way easier to gun them down that way.<br /><br /><em style="font-weight: bold;">Lita is sorry to say she makes a way better terrorist than this guy</em><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Just what is Mr. T's agenda, anyway? Does he and his merry band of rogues travel the country, looking for people who believe in Jesus to kill? I mean, doesn't Mr. T have anything better to do? What's in it for him?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hey Mr. T, you might want to come to the United States! This place is lousy with people who believe in Jesus. Start in the midwest.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Heck. Go wait by PO Box 3500, Ontario California. You should find somebody eventually.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> What's that?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That's the mailing address for Chick Publications on the side of the page our tract is on.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Whoops<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess you hear about non-Christian governments that round up and kill Christians. I mean, I only hear about it in church, but I still hear about it. These guys don't look like government, though. I wonder if they're going to turn out to be Freemasons.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If so, Baldy there could use a fez.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel3.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The lady who's asking about her children looks inappropriately pissed off. You might want to be a little more afraid, sister.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Really. This isn't the time to shoot your mouth off. The gunman might do it for you.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Do you think people in this situation would so happily swap sides? What's with the "We're on <em><strong>your</strong></em> side"? What, dude, you like shooting Christians too? Were you just hanging out in the church to scout out people to shoot later?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> <a href="http://imdb.com/title/tt0443453/quotes" target="_new">"We support your war of terror!"</a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I like the message here. People may tell you to give up your religion and turn to atheism, but, like the man who gets you to put out before marriage, they won't respect you for it. Secretly they'll think you're a coward, even as they agree not to shoot you. Take THAT, all you bastards who want to change the Pledge of Allegiance!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> They're sworn to destroy you, just like Omar was. Infidels!<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel4.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Man. The pastor might want to think his career choice. Only he and his wife won't deny Christ. He's done a lousy job of leading the flock.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> When is Bob going to swoop in on his Bat-rope and talk these guys to death?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hee! He's Indiana Williams.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel5.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Heh. "You're going to <strong><em>HELL</em></strong>-- you loser!" I'll have to use that next time I'm held at gunpoint by a psychotic terrorist.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> She's got bigger balls than her husband.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> This guy's mom always called him a loser and told him to go to Hell. I can see how that would make him all teary eyed, what with the misty water-colored memories of the way Mama was.<br /><strong><br />wurwolf:</strong> The terrorist is totally captivated by the pastor's wife's gumption! He likes a filly with sass!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> So now this guy <em>doesn't</em> want to shoot Christians? He wants to shoot <em>non-Christians</em> instead? What a flake.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He's as wishy washy as the people he wants to shoot.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I bet his cohorts are all like, "Damn, I like Ted's dedication to terrorism, but I wish he'd make up his mind about who the Great Satan is."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Jeez. Could just once Chick Publications come up with a believable character and a coherent plotline? Is that too much to ask? I mean, they're supposedly using the Bible as a guideline. How could they go so wrong?<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel6.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, wow! Look at that massacre! There's blood splatter and everything! The artist was all over this one!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> <strong>"BUDDABUDDA BUDDABUDDA!"</strong> Is the gun shooting Land O'Lakes?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Look at the lady with the kids's eyeballs bulging out of her skull! The rictus of horror on her mouth! Look at the tensed veins and tendons in their hands! And somebody's getting his or her finger blown off while trying to shield him or herself from the hail of bullets!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Chick Publications luuuuuuuuuuuurves slaughtering backsliders and non-believers.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I bet the same people responsible for this tract go home after work and refuse to let their kids play video games because they're too violent.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Or worse yet, they want to stop me from playing a video game because it's violent.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> This panel is so gross. Awesome. It's blood splatter for Jesus, yo.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> But the preachers wife didn't really do anything. If she was as awesome as Bob, they would have had their lumpy butts in the air instead shooting up the church.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel7.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Amazing story" guy looks a lot like Timmy (or Tommy) who wrote about the Ten Commandments and pissed off his teacher. The other guy looks like a chubby Marv Albert.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Robbie's face is all lumpy and misshapen. I think he's a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tweaking_%28behavior%29" target="_new">tweaker</a>.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Just like Tommy (or Timmy) of Ten Commandments fame.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Time for you to haul out your Chick Chart.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Yeah, ok. It's Timmy.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> So all over the world people aren't getting shot for Jesus? That is an amazing story, Bob.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You'll think Bob's story is amazing, too, if he's got his hypno eyes turned on you.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I wonder if Bob went into all that detail about the shooting. "And then blood sprayed from that one guy's arm! The lady with kids's eyeballs popped out of her face! Somebody else, maybe the Asian guy, totally got a finger blown off!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob was probably all, "And then you press the square and the x buttons at the same time to execute a triple machine gun move!"<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel8.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Fang has a new owner! And Badcat follows them at a safe distance, trying to come up with a new plan for vengeance.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Perhaps Badcat will give Fang a chance to deny Jesus, and then when Fang does, Badcat will shoot him anyway.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Awww, <a href="http://torksobjectifiedknees.blogspot.com/" target="_new">Emma</a>!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> WTF, Bob was telling his gross story in a restaurant? I guess that's one way to get your guests to eat light if you're picking up the tab.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Is that Bob's penis on the table?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Yuck, Bob, put that thing away!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wow, David Naughton has really fallen on some hard times.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Marv looks like he'll deny Jesus right now if it'll get Bob to shut up. Sorry, Marv, it won't help.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He looks like he's really considering it, though.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He looks like he's thinking of throwing his coffee into Bob's face.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Sorry, Marv, that won't help, either.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> wurwolf, I know you love me. But if anybody ever holds you at gunpoint and tells you to deny that you love me or you'll get shot, you have my permission.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> To get shot?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> To deny me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lita:</span> Then again, the people who denied Jesus in the church got shot anyway... Hmm. Use your own judgment.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Lita, little do you know I deny you every damn day.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> When you have trouble fishing out a subway token you deny me, just in case it helps.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Sure. "Lord, if you'll help me find a parking spot I'll totally deny Lita."<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "My mittens don't fit... I hate that Lita!"<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel9.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Look at that Pharisee, hogging the front row. Just like a Pharisee would.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Why do Jesus and Peter standing against that brick wall make me think they're doing a drug deal?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "The first one's free, Jesus."<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel10.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I love the "<strong>Cock-a-doodle-doo!</strong>" in the arch above the rooster's head. My mom had that in her kitchen.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Even though I know it's in the Bible (I checked), I do wonder about the logistics of Peter being outside denying Christ, while Jesus is inside. And then the rooster crows and Jesus looks at Peter.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Maybe I have a poor understanding of architecture in Bible times. Or maybe Jesus has X-ray vision. I don't know.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Personally, I'd like to believe that Jesus has X-ray vision. That's more fun.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He's God. He knows whereabouts Peter was standing.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> So is that it for the Bible story? Way to slack off, Bible Series guys. They're totally getting lazy as we near the end of the series.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And we're only halfway through the tract.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Remember the old days when I'd have to spend all that time reading my Bible when we did these things because most of the tract was a bible story and the tract kept taking liberties? That's how you base a tract around your own special reading of the Bible.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh, for the times when Bob could take a toy dinosaur and spin a tale from the first several chapters of the Bible, all while blasting liberals and teachers. *sigh*<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel11.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh no! Marv is a Freemason!!!!!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_Hell" target="_new">Just like Jack the Ripper</a>!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm shocked to see Bob consorting with the enemy. Someone ought to report him to Fundies United.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Or, as it's better known, Focus on the Family.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I don't happen to believe it's possible to deny Jesus without knowing it. Denying somebody takes an active choice.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's not like the Freemasons call their get-togethers the "I Hate Jesus Club."<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel12.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Well, according to Bob, next to Jesus everything else is darkness.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Any attempt to leave darkness that isn't Jesus is evil? So... according to this logic if I turn on a light in my room so I can see, I'm spitting in Jesus's face?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You know those churros you love so much? Total darkness. Your computer? Pure evil.<br /><br /><em style="font-weight: bold;">Lita fully accepts that her laptop is pure evil</em><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I think the guy spit in Jesus' face because he had a blindfold on and couldn't see who's face he happened to spit in.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And why does that Mason initiate have a pegleg? Is that part of the Freemason initiation?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> John Baker is a real pirate-y name.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They tied a noose around his neck. Is that to cut off his circulation... to Christ?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I thought that was just John Baker's 80s tie.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel13.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Nice arty above-the-table shot, but what's Bob doing with his left hand?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The man plopped his dick out onto the table just a few minutes ago. What do you think he's doing?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Actually, every one of them has only his right hand on the table. Just what's going on here?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> A diner is a really bad place for a circle jerk, guys.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's traditional Freemason-discussion behavior.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> So that's what happens in the meetings....<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's a secret. We're not supposed to know.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob's referencing all these books that nobody's ever going to look up. So if you're not a Freemason, there's pretty much no way to know how much of this is bullshit.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Certainly not the kids who are supposedly reading these tracts.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I mean... <em>maybe</em> it's true that the Masons say there are many ways to heaven, or that you're not allowed to pray in Jesus name in a lodge. But how do I know that? And these tracts have made up enough other things that I don't want to take them at their word.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Thanks to the Internet, I suppose I could Google it. But I'm not going to, because frankly I don't care.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You're on your own there, folks.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Maybe Springy can join the Masons and give us the skinny in the comments. We know he's a Catholic, so it's not like he's not already going to Hell anyway.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel15.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like the plaque they have on the wall of Hell: "Robbie, all who die in their sins are lost..."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's something to think about as an angel is tossing you headfirst into the Great Abyss.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Don't forget the asterisk.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Sure, why not. You have all eternity in hell to puzzle it out.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "What does the asterisk mean? And why did they call me Robbie?"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Robbie's face is getting progressively worse in this tract. It was just humorous at first, and now he's looking like the Phantom of the Opera.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel16-1.jpg" border="0" /> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Phantom.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Robbie is suffering from that same wasting disease that afflicts many of the sinners in these tracts.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's like watching those Nazis melt in Indiana Jones, but in slo-mo.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel16-1.jpg" border="0" /> <img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel17-1.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If you take Robbie's face in this panel and the next one and put them together, they look like the masks of tragedy and comedy.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Considering what's been going on under that table, I think Robbie can be excused for not getting up to wave his lumpy butt around.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Marv is PISSED! Robbie can never be a Freemason now!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Marv is ready to deny Robbie!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> But not before taking one last stab at sending Robbie's soul screaming into Hell.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Robbie has to get validation from Bob before he'll tell Marv that his church is wrong.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Putting anything ahead of God is like putting a cart before a horse! <strong><em>A bad idea!!</em></strong>"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Ok... This is Bob's bible verse to prove that God <strong><em>hates</em></strong> secret societies:<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> <blockquote>16 No one lights a lamp and then covers it with a bowl or hides it under a bed. A lamp is placed on a stand, where its light can be seen by all who enter the house. <strong>17 For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.</strong> 18 So pay attention to how you hear. To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what they think they understand will be taken away from them.</blockquote><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's the "Don't hide your light under a bushel" parable, which has always been interpreted to me as meaning that if you love Jesus you let it show, and also that one day all secrets shall be known. Not that you should never ever have a secret.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That verse has nothing to do with secret societies.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Nothing at all.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Didn't think we'd actually look it up, did you Bob?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Gotcha!<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel20.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Robbie's looking at Marv wave his lumpy butt around like, WTF?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Now that he's not a Mason anymore he can put his thing away.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He has no difficulty rolling around on the floor in his current state.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Good%20Ol%20Boys/Panel21.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You know, I've heard the verse about being yoked with unbelievers before, but always in reference to considering a marriage partner. Although with Bob's "<strong><em>leave</em></strong> him!", maybe that's what Bob's thinking, too.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I've been through several pastors in my day, and with none of them did I ever have the faintest idea about whether or not they were Masons. I don't know if I even know any Masons. I think my grandfather was one, but you can't tell me he wasn't a Christian.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's not like Masons are going out witnessing, trying to force people into conversion, <em>Bob</em>.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Poor Roger is forced to relive his judgment in every tract.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> We should have known it was a Masonic turtleneck.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Roger is carrying everyone's sins.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Just like Jesus.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2002 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /></span>wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-59331136647573396182007-02-13T21:27:00.001-05:002009-05-16T18:13:53.668-04:00Scream!<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5021/5021_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries" target="_new">AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!</a><br /><br /><br /></span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixrmUmWGj0yFwVMcqIUdIIe9jgZ-YVImTRt3Y3spEV1XNruPLPdwoxg0QkguZq4m-5YSasY92WV0phgv1OH5l67TUOm5EEdY2EsxyatKgRU83C7IiP2x-gmxrSVxdKPCUY41fGqQ/s1600-h/scream.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212470878462450" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixrmUmWGj0yFwVMcqIUdIIe9jgZ-YVImTRt3Y3spEV1XNruPLPdwoxg0QkguZq4m-5YSasY92WV0phgv1OH5l67TUOm5EEdY2EsxyatKgRU83C7IiP2x-gmxrSVxdKPCUY41fGqQ/s320/scream.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The guy on the cover is going down the big hill on the roller coaster.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I guess so. He's going to throw up, too.<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzgsUJjDOf5b8BzOXfrUIgc9dA0naMwVV8K2TNHVBlHsdh5sWaCtzlmcADD1GV5WUQE1ni9q8VRAxgeIZxI1KbIgOEdIagZZ-9ERgHz16jDTThEwVfY97pG_3DaMrasPxVy_7X7A/s1600-h/letshang.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212191705588098" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzgsUJjDOf5b8BzOXfrUIgc9dA0naMwVV8K2TNHVBlHsdh5sWaCtzlmcADD1GV5WUQE1ni9q8VRAxgeIZxI1KbIgOEdIagZZ-9ERgHz16jDTThEwVfY97pG_3DaMrasPxVy_7X7A/s320/letshang.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> So are Fang and Badcat best buds now? They're always hanging out together.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's like in the book </span><a style="FONT-STYLE: italic" href="http://www.amazon.com/Good-Omens-Accurate-Prophecies-Nutter/dp/0060853980/sr=8-1/qid=1171421937/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-5019846-5787102?ie=UTF8&s=books" target="_new">Good Omens</span></a>: <blockquote>The Arrangement was very simple, so simple in fact that it didn't really deserve the capital letter, which it had got for simply being in existence for so long. It was the sort of sensible arrangement that many isolated agents, working in awkward conditions a long way from their superiors, reach with their opposite number when they realize that they have more in common with their immediate opponents than their remote allies. It meant a tacit non-interference in certain of each other's activities. It made certain that while neither really won, also neither really lost, and both were able to demonstrate to their masters the great strides they were making against a cunning and well-informed adversary.</blockquote><p><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Of course, Gaiman and Pratchett were talking about an angel and a demon, not a cat and a dog. Something tells me that Bob wouldn't approve of that book.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Even though the same principle applies.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Basically the point is they've been mortal enemies for so long that they really see more of each other than anybody else. As mortal enemies they're closer friends with each other than they are with their overlords over at Cat Corp and Dog Industries.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And so, at this point, what else can they do but hang out together?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Or maybe Fang and Badcat have called a temporary truce in the name of stamping out the rodent threat. Look at all those rats!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They're spending too much time hanging out in the back of a truck.<br /><br /></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlbF2R5ZvhmC1f_h8ABM-pf-4dH5JU4VB5q_8bn6YkYsctYTXHl9R7C5wa-E4FlGgw6AR7F_ChjWmcc6vKA1o11HwdPYlnw1Lx1w2cNqBYafLImz1X6Hn4WTTfOFN1lUefgV21tw/s1600-h/rats.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212470878462434" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlbF2R5ZvhmC1f_h8ABM-pf-4dH5JU4VB5q_8bn6YkYsctYTXHl9R7C5wa-E4FlGgw6AR7F_ChjWmcc6vKA1o11HwdPYlnw1Lx1w2cNqBYafLImz1X6Hn4WTTfOFN1lUefgV21tw/s320/rats.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> According to these tracts, anyone in a turtleneck shouldn't be trusted.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Glug Glug</span>" Somewhere, wurwolf's husband tells her to go to hell.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I usually think of <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">glug glug</span> being the noise of something being sucked down rather than something being poured out. Hey! That nice man is cleaning up the gasoline, not dumping it out!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Okay, I like the way Springy notices the inappropriate emphases, so I'm going to note this one here. "How <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">much</span> is the owner paying you?" Like the guy he's asking didn't answer the question the first time he asked.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Like maybe he said, "What's the guy paying us?" and Charlie says, "Money."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Exactly.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And only $2000? Boy, he's cheap. I wonder how much I'd have to pay him to mow my lawn.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFDMydRuq5B5ZgNgaWeAzKuoxnxGr7XY3IlIPFs89luayacdn5HP4uqyBPboYRYXZbe-g_ViA48hVKZKAQ3JW19Cvx0Quz31N034_hKMGU6eHjezsVvnIX5grKMLF1cHvQmWG-uQ/s1600-h/light.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212891785257554" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFDMydRuq5B5ZgNgaWeAzKuoxnxGr7XY3IlIPFs89luayacdn5HP4uqyBPboYRYXZbe-g_ViA48hVKZKAQ3JW19Cvx0Quz31N034_hKMGU6eHjezsVvnIX5grKMLF1cHvQmWG-uQ/s200/light.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Huh. A totally different person is actually lighting the fire. There's no way that person is the same dude in the first panel.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Charlie suddenly lost a lot of weight before lighting the fire. Also, what did his friend actually do? I think Charlie did all the work.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That's right. Does Charlie have to split that $2000 evenly with his friend? That's even more dumb. He should have left his friend at home.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcjLQGspFWdad3gPLEZAF0XrcPziVPDCfcBK1rgPx8AdUcGvllHDG91o2lRX6IaICUJuhqFKlI871KQtXWyu_ST9RTFOk06kfTATVIiCdTijG6s9Cb4_HC9Aux57QQXxzjyZOeA/s1600-h/clumsy.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211693489381602" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmcjLQGspFWdad3gPLEZAF0XrcPziVPDCfcBK1rgPx8AdUcGvllHDG91o2lRX6IaICUJuhqFKlI871KQtXWyu_ST9RTFOk06kfTATVIiCdTijG6s9Cb4_HC9Aux57QQXxzjyZOeA/s320/clumsy.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Somehow I'm not shocked this moron is about to get toasted. They lit the fire while they were still loafing around in the warehouse? That's dumb. He should have done like in Bourne Supremacy and stuffed some magazines in a toaster and left.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Also, anyone who wears a loose, billowy coat while dumping gasoline and lighting a fire is just asking for it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's like wearing loose floaty sleeves while deep frying.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Which, way to go, <a href="http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/articles/content/a2115/" target="_new">Valentina</a>.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeukKWtNxG1CvFKTvb42QwrsIIFIhIdS2N6PkAvmQJPD50WJ4AF8e_Asr9_wkAP_u6HBeFPUyb5onXTNlZRB9lYCTwVxdLgsgSyoi8jUO16X6lNzy-aeayMw0qDAIwpteETp0LIg/s1600-h/ladyliberty.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211942597484914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeukKWtNxG1CvFKTvb42QwrsIIFIhIdS2N6PkAvmQJPD50WJ4AF8e_Asr9_wkAP_u6HBeFPUyb5onXTNlZRB9lYCTwVxdLgsgSyoi8jUO16X6lNzy-aeayMw0qDAIwpteETp0LIg/s320/ladyliberty.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Charlie looks like the Statue of Liberty when he's being immolated.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He looks like he could be the corporate mascot for Kingsford.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think the artist is a sicko. That drawing would almost look pretty (for a Chick tract) if you didn't know it was of a guy's flesh being roasted off his body.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The artists here never put so much care and attention into a picture as when it has someone being roasted alive, or tortured in some way.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Like in this picture:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_BUz6culwiRY1UDMPCUKRr9BlHXM5ha99eCqcbazJuRwkrQe7_ivuvNbq4cd8oA-XJI15RLmFVsQOXzuVbYudfsCjQ8gBuoEoBGcZrxr3YRACumlLx5YSQ0bvvDKOMPv4yiWqw/s1600-h/crash.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211693489381618" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_BUz6culwiRY1UDMPCUKRr9BlHXM5ha99eCqcbazJuRwkrQe7_ivuvNbq4cd8oA-XJI15RLmFVsQOXzuVbYudfsCjQ8gBuoEoBGcZrxr3YRACumlLx5YSQ0bvvDKOMPv4yiWqw/s320/crash.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Hey! Slow that horsie down! We're nowhere near there yet!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh, fine. Here:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgxn-g6chHIfnbqvWtzRkq3mETtl4k8KBS60Y8Vrkszyex3uBNZxConEdWs5JJ1bYwppjE0ucfWWJtk4nkJWCQhHGTUDkS5c9RXpF733LOdYZ18lD_k2MNJxAhQUy9_J34egswJw/s1600-h/badfireman.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211440086311074" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgxn-g6chHIfnbqvWtzRkq3mETtl4k8KBS60Y8Vrkszyex3uBNZxConEdWs5JJ1bYwppjE0ucfWWJtk4nkJWCQhHGTUDkS5c9RXpF733LOdYZ18lD_k2MNJxAhQUy9_J34egswJw/s320/badfireman.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Those firemen don't seem too concerned. "Where <strong><em>is</em></strong> it?"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Maybe it's because their siren is broken and just buzzes now.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSohXoO_yuiuiK8lXTSEraeuvTXRM2wfUQNciq3SR0kneWH8P99xStlAwO4sdlMpI-DaB56AhJAzn_Z2GWP35ld8DELMN7jMK73_pZWEpUicNrPMKNz_C2l4mj7k1XcS785ainCw/s1600-h/arson.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211440086311058" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSohXoO_yuiuiK8lXTSEraeuvTXRM2wfUQNciq3SR0kneWH8P99xStlAwO4sdlMpI-DaB56AhJAzn_Z2GWP35ld8DELMN7jMK73_pZWEpUicNrPMKNz_C2l4mj7k1XcS785ainCw/s320/arson.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Did Charlie's friend bring his kids to the scene of the crime? Wow, talk about bad parenting.<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span> Ever hear of a sitter, pal?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> If there's anything kids love, it's listening to the police scanner so they can rubberneck at the scenes of all the funnest local tragedies.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihQGltQEUmWAwp-CRPb05KniIsJK1pyoqVO2HUeqMUIR1MlLFyKK3C76MaLHHEKIBI2qHcnqz59ssGm6z4m8gJL2SjO-VyGFXfFuKw3ueH9cVSke3xyghgBSFYKrEwIvSU0-z2cg/s1600-h/moonwalk.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212196000555426" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihQGltQEUmWAwp-CRPb05KniIsJK1pyoqVO2HUeqMUIR1MlLFyKK3C76MaLHHEKIBI2qHcnqz59ssGm6z4m8gJL2SjO-VyGFXfFuKw3ueH9cVSke3xyghgBSFYKrEwIvSU0-z2cg/s320/moonwalk.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Fred's practicing some awesome dance moves on the roof of that burning building. And why is Fred walking on the building anyway? It's not like there's anyone in there for him to rescue. At least I don't think so. And even if there were, wouldn't there be a better way to rescue them than walking on the roof of a burning building?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The urge to moonwalk just overtook him.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He sure is pissed off that the other dude is harshing his dancing mood.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>The other guy just doesn't understand what it's like when Dance Fever takes you. But Fred does. He's a renegade. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9z4NKVHX8yI" target="_new">A Renegade of Funk</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Ok, I'm posting that other picture now. You can't stop me.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Why would I stop you? Do it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_BUz6culwiRY1UDMPCUKRr9BlHXM5ha99eCqcbazJuRwkrQe7_ivuvNbq4cd8oA-XJI15RLmFVsQOXzuVbYudfsCjQ8gBuoEoBGcZrxr3YRACumlLx5YSQ0bvvDKOMPv4yiWqw/s1600-h/crash.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211693489381618" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_BUz6culwiRY1UDMPCUKRr9BlHXM5ha99eCqcbazJuRwkrQe7_ivuvNbq4cd8oA-XJI15RLmFVsQOXzuVbYudfsCjQ8gBuoEoBGcZrxr3YRACumlLx5YSQ0bvvDKOMPv4yiWqw/s320/crash.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Now that we're there I don't have much to say about it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Me neither, but that guy shouting for someone to get Fred might want to move it himself. He's about to catch on fire.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxnBq5UqRp7p1BUSJBDD2PBt5fi9qiDYSeWOciilWL6YCQnqBVkK5WXnqMbMpDCoW-4ambQ3fB01q0tmKGWH2PkNxg8CAL8esbsKoTGJNPhjuyRKnN2oC1xhF_4FT75hK4loMeg/s1600-h/stache.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212896080224882" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxnBq5UqRp7p1BUSJBDD2PBt5fi9qiDYSeWOciilWL6YCQnqBVkK5WXnqMbMpDCoW-4ambQ3fB01q0tmKGWH2PkNxg8CAL8esbsKoTGJNPhjuyRKnN2oC1xhF_4FT75hK4loMeg/s200/stache.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He did catch fire. Check the next pic. His mustache is gone.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWC-SKoo2z-3CheHODi2Rxl2V6DtOV21PlSUezm7z7a_3jCQNrw4zN0wfOVw1rQSwIGKlM1VOoFq4U3uvtQ-TfQWEhsyMWmKTJH5G3RAchseDICrkWG3flz5gxp5-sou7c-RyEDA/s1600-h/nostache.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212196000555442" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWC-SKoo2z-3CheHODi2Rxl2V6DtOV21PlSUezm7z7a_3jCQNrw4zN0wfOVw1rQSwIGKlM1VOoFq4U3uvtQ-TfQWEhsyMWmKTJH5G3RAchseDICrkWG3flz5gxp5-sou7c-RyEDA/s320/nostache.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Wow. Singed right off his face.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>That's the sacrifice our brave firemen are willing to make to save our lives.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Either that, or he had time for a quick shave while Fred was being rescued.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXybcKJXUK5TWx6y2A3_97wOtCF2xJjw-7UKMDK-uDxxZIYcrxn8MOYCutJQ9UMSDJjcuVSzR5G2NvUWX7NRVR6bmZa5bEy9BeMtN0wG0s8m0pS3-dBNPplKIsDyJdnr_IDC0yAQ/s1600-h/dumbquestion.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211697784348962" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXybcKJXUK5TWx6y2A3_97wOtCF2xJjw-7UKMDK-uDxxZIYcrxn8MOYCutJQ9UMSDJjcuVSzR5G2NvUWX7NRVR6bmZa5bEy9BeMtN0wG0s8m0pS3-dBNPplKIsDyJdnr_IDC0yAQ/s320/dumbquestion.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "Is Fred gonna make it?" "I don't <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">know!</span>" Really. How would the guy know this soon? It's not like he has time to do an exam.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "I've run some tests and I can conclusively say that Fred <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">will</span> make it!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq3hkGUjhoWWW2UU6ud8jkb1uGOG6rZF3Nkj3eK-h9PdCpjLyBxqHthbuMaBclp0qHQa3UyYYa6gcATAAWmFw7vHU6dW7bNsNBkUZdy1lQxI7U8SOG7hsUG_ZSEipA20hC18uIgQ/s1600-h/newstache.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212896080224866" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq3hkGUjhoWWW2UU6ud8jkb1uGOG6rZF3Nkj3eK-h9PdCpjLyBxqHthbuMaBclp0qHQa3UyYYa6gcATAAWmFw7vHU6dW7bNsNBkUZdy1lQxI7U8SOG7hsUG_ZSEipA20hC18uIgQ/s200/newstache.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It looks like Fireman #10 was able to grow his mustache back while Fred was being loaded into the ambulance.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Maybe it's a fake mustache and he's able to take it off when he feels fire is threatening it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Maybe it's a fake mustache and the glue came off because he was sweating.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Maybe it's a fake mustache and he likes taking it off and on to keep his underlings off-guard.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Maybe it's a fake mustache and he removes it when he's concerned for one of his colleagues.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Maybe it's a fake mustache and he only wears it for speaking engagements.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ndjCpXgHVtpjziJchayISOc1w1WEQSwhhYjPRe61-3AQukAduVKFEdPqNZ8yOohIiAb_R_VV4NdAddWyaYDB-s8E70-OUrB-h-q4O5OU62cci3J-jkiepGLEcbFE6hGfRm5q_A/s1600-h/foundbody.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211938302517554" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ndjCpXgHVtpjziJchayISOc1w1WEQSwhhYjPRe61-3AQukAduVKFEdPqNZ8yOohIiAb_R_VV4NdAddWyaYDB-s8E70-OUrB-h-q4O5OU62cci3J-jkiepGLEcbFE6hGfRm5q_A/s320/foundbody.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> How did they find Charlie's body on the first floor? He was outside the building when he tripped on the gasoline can.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I thought he was inside. Damn the lousy art!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsH27QutwiseCzc80HP1FJ7LaGXTPRangO79DPbEwuxpvbkKn60gcGyxL6GfYdnN0VS-OUxEF1d_1y51LGS1yJLbmFhjpPGs_Zx4kvizdb0J3S-Kgr5oSBQuy-j3_v4buVyS_cqQ/s1600-h/row8.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212604022448674" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsH27QutwiseCzc80HP1FJ7LaGXTPRangO79DPbEwuxpvbkKn60gcGyxL6GfYdnN0VS-OUxEF1d_1y51LGS1yJLbmFhjpPGs_Zx4kvizdb0J3S-Kgr5oSBQuy-j3_v4buVyS_cqQ/s400/row8.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh, dear God! Bob's <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/10/real-heat.html" target="_new">trolling the burn unit again</a>! Sweet weeping Jesus have mercy!!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Fred's wife didn't know Bob beforehand. She just found him roaming up and down the hall, looking for a burn victim he hasn't cornered yet.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> She must hate her husband. She unleashes Bob Williams on him and then makes a break for it!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Like the poor guy hasn't suffered enough.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>And of course Bob immediately goes for the one-up. "You think what <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">YOU</span> went through is painful?"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> This is why Bob loves the burn unit so much. Hell makes it easy for Bob to one-up these guys.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Why do bad things happen to good people? So Bob can have the joy of one-upping your pain.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIeAOE9qxFYZZBAVtn_7NndWfJAUsT6JDFr96RlR9uRcdxKxYi8BJ5DepMFqcl8oLF-QdUPTvOoitHv8AxI6KKoby1a2QWyxVbgPYXPqof1bgRS3YA68zuSDw4CFxrGfjJc3-tFA/s1600-h/hellexpert.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211938302517586" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIeAOE9qxFYZZBAVtn_7NndWfJAUsT6JDFr96RlR9uRcdxKxYi8BJ5DepMFqcl8oLF-QdUPTvOoitHv8AxI6KKoby1a2QWyxVbgPYXPqof1bgRS3YA68zuSDw4CFxrGfjJc3-tFA/s320/hellexpert.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "Are <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">you</span> an expert on hell?" "No, but <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Jesus</span> is." Oh Bob. Don't be so modest. You know plenty about hell.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> All evidence shows that Bob is certainly far more fascinated with Hell than he is with Heaven.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> If he's not the expert, then maybe he should shut up about it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And I'm not even surprised anymore when Bob finds one of the fewer than 10 adults in America who don't know that Jesus Christ has ties to some religion or other.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob lives in the most willfully ignorant city in the world.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That's the kind of city that would attract a guy like Bob.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUpG68qpEhujV1dCehoPkA2BWKPZy2__Xctc_yLT_VaJmf6y2WrQXfWj5u7WFBj6fbKCejBZdzSGqLwxb7V_RTC1_Q5KUwQc5LhnNLYt1WxoqAoE93-YNXdF3PIX1P3gcgNl6-Pw/s1600-h/claw.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211444381278418" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUpG68qpEhujV1dCehoPkA2BWKPZy2__Xctc_yLT_VaJmf6y2WrQXfWj5u7WFBj6fbKCejBZdzSGqLwxb7V_RTC1_Q5KUwQc5LhnNLYt1WxoqAoE93-YNXdF3PIX1P3gcgNl6-Pw/s320/claw.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Fred's trying to claw at Bob's head in his desperation to get away from Bob.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqv5g71Vi6cbgv2efeBcusuOdpAkhaO1LxFpvMQpt6JpWf3xMKhDDhaP_5MC0bqpuUqAj83alodTqst-BPOcGxKY6wz77qSJEkgUEeqboGESn5WYLZCNg6qE4CG3u0sGcNfAeBpQ/s1600-h/personalspace.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212470878462418" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqv5g71Vi6cbgv2efeBcusuOdpAkhaO1LxFpvMQpt6JpWf3xMKhDDhaP_5MC0bqpuUqAj83alodTqst-BPOcGxKY6wz77qSJEkgUEeqboGESn5WYLZCNg6qE4CG3u0sGcNfAeBpQ/s320/personalspace.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> What is Bob's fascination with putting his head <em>right next</em> to Fred's raised cast?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The bible says nothing about personal space.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Bob doesn't wait for confirmation from Fred about hearing the story. He launches right into it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Wait... Jesus told a <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">true story</span> about hell... And what story does Bob tell us?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> A parable! Jesus didn't even say it was a true story! He told it as an example! Like a fable!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob's a literalist.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> But we shouldn't have to take even the parables literally! They're generally accepted to just be stories! That's what they're for!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I am so disgusted right now.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Nope. According to Bob's kind of people, everything in the Bible actually happened.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I just... I can't... I have no words. It's just... <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">GAH!!!</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuNkOX_jlpy18JYThOGnubfuUO4u91BcmLSV3db2j7Jylynd3XZRpRLKC_24uPVY_mfxxftmZH2qfT9PPBuY9HNKbJjqvceN9RpbMmSCWZCDJk2zHQZsMVcj91CTMDN9PvBvHyTw/s1600-h/ham.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211938302517570" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuNkOX_jlpy18JYThOGnubfuUO4u91BcmLSV3db2j7Jylynd3XZRpRLKC_24uPVY_mfxxftmZH2qfT9PPBuY9HNKbJjqvceN9RpbMmSCWZCDJk2zHQZsMVcj91CTMDN9PvBvHyTw/s320/ham.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like that the rich guy's butler is shoving a ham in his face. Back off, buddy! He's eating a turkey leg!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Maybe there's just no more room on the table and the butler has to just hold the ham there until the rich guy is ready to serve himself.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think they could move that bowl of grapes.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Nah, he needs to choke on one of those a couple of panels down.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj20Wu8oc0vDotM4aDbwvSyCE60jQcNUIBfThHtha3YgtF4ka1Z8ncAzCq641F6BTKgiPWC7pgXXZnY0uPuo4jivZQRBQ96k3krpmxe9CEUE09QSYxtFrCwD6GC79wuPvA3YBldMw/s1600-h/badgrape.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211444381278402" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj20Wu8oc0vDotM4aDbwvSyCE60jQcNUIBfThHtha3YgtF4ka1Z8ncAzCq641F6BTKgiPWC7pgXXZnY0uPuo4jivZQRBQ96k3krpmxe9CEUE09QSYxtFrCwD6GC79wuPvA3YBldMw/s320/badgrape.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> See?<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaykxrtUvZxFh44ww7drT-a7To5G8fSdD_gAE64RiT1-Omiq5erDyeEdhBYFiib0pGjFXAJiShtxMtGHoA9dqxARaygNGTl3CnB9OVV5SMWmA3ZjcvbDg2NmchnFzvzFsZVZ5MSw/s1600-h/dogtongue.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211697784348946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaykxrtUvZxFh44ww7drT-a7To5G8fSdD_gAE64RiT1-Omiq5erDyeEdhBYFiib0pGjFXAJiShtxMtGHoA9dqxARaygNGTl3CnB9OVV5SMWmA3ZjcvbDg2NmchnFzvzFsZVZ5MSw/s320/dogtongue.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Gross. I do not need to see a dog actually licking Lazarus' sores.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The artist thinks you do.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Is it even worth mentioning that this story has nothing to do with poor Fred's situation?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It really doesn't. Absolutely nothing to do with it, other than hell is a burny place.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Bob only brings it up because he's able to talk about Hell. But it has nothing to do with Fred. It's not like Fred's been rich all his life and can regularly be seen kicking the poor around. And it's not like Fred's been destitute and friendless and is in need of comfort.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They're running out of situations that mirror Bible stories in these tracts. They're going to the well of burn victims a bit too often.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxlNQQ6C00hoewsHznpyPuNjXxCtMEeJlQ-Po3Ey7meNHec43QQcoR5z9pU0oGagc_hF9O4R4ClbcLB-3MP_tTxoF7nspwxPwWbh5LOqg0zFtmqJ2DINAe7esOtohNY9Z34BxVg/s1600-h/abraham.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211444381278386" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgxlNQQ6C00hoewsHznpyPuNjXxCtMEeJlQ-Po3Ey7meNHec43QQcoR5z9pU0oGagc_hF9O4R4ClbcLB-3MP_tTxoF7nspwxPwWbh5LOqg0zFtmqJ2DINAe7esOtohNY9Z34BxVg/s320/abraham.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> This time, it's Abraham who looks like <a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/richardmulligan.jpg" target="_new">Richard Mulligan</a>.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdaNXp3B1TXu6ablUIlp5bSWoEUoIoOlB-n3MWwuMDbmpFib_o3vRqF7jRaxwKqt2sEMiIr5tPdmAfZCKDkBLu75GfjzNrvH_TtJRmXjJKunUIN5IyGSTJ5tcpJEQEIW5xktdGeQ/s1600-h/inhell.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211942597484898" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdaNXp3B1TXu6ablUIlp5bSWoEUoIoOlB-n3MWwuMDbmpFib_o3vRqF7jRaxwKqt2sEMiIr5tPdmAfZCKDkBLu75GfjzNrvH_TtJRmXjJKunUIN5IyGSTJ5tcpJEQEIW5xktdGeQ/s320/inhell.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>And Bob relishes the opportunity to describe, in detail, exactly what Hell is like.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj1TjKd_506XWbz1GWOntg8qVEQnYd-TGwPdnZVWo734_0_GE-o0qe7s9DitWxR2wRfsf76EF8VlquJt6cCYXvYtZ1TyJa9i7pCaIoSOfyxV8c7b-zdmmUE5Aozwk7e-Gx0Ez5QA/s1600-h/onfire.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212196000555458" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj1TjKd_506XWbz1GWOntg8qVEQnYd-TGwPdnZVWo734_0_GE-o0qe7s9DitWxR2wRfsf76EF8VlquJt6cCYXvYtZ1TyJa9i7pCaIoSOfyxV8c7b-zdmmUE5Aozwk7e-Gx0Ez5QA/s320/onfire.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well, all I have to say is, at least the rich guy can keep on a mustache, even when he's on fire.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I suddenly have a burning desire to see if the same is true of Bob.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr4lXzw_BWZ64FYYx-6QkD8IMLKl64ji_REuzUik2Kv6X9UppC7xS8kAnK2xwCAHkIJM8iY7Q1vt8ibb2Kpxrr2QcIm5n2OFKbOTHg0kzlGm31dPI5YFauGJbmN7kZeBeBp0Itlg/s1600-h/smugbastard.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212470878462466" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr4lXzw_BWZ64FYYx-6QkD8IMLKl64ji_REuzUik2Kv6X9UppC7xS8kAnK2xwCAHkIJM8iY7Q1vt8ibb2Kpxrr2QcIm5n2OFKbOTHg0kzlGm31dPI5YFauGJbmN7kZeBeBp0Itlg/s320/smugbastard.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Bob looks so smug when he tells Fred that Hell is forever. You can tell he's glad about all Hell's inhabitants. Especially <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2007/01/fallen.html" target="_new">Bruce</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He is so hard right now.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>He only wishes Fred were a little younger.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Well, Fred is pretty tender right now.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>You know, based on what you just said I suddenly find it disturbing that we can't see either of Bob's hands.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I also suddenly understand why this tract is called "Scream."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> If that's the case they should have named "<a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/12/god-with-us.html" target="_new">God With Us</a>" Scream.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Most of these tracts, really.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC6p_6MpAV7aM1j4tfJrzKEPKbDiKMfHe4ivpigQZaMb8cf2RDs7KtZv8JGuMsEvscSMmRXT8aSTumHq1xeYKzwk89hUyME5m3cnCiovCZ2CroMk10zqMeo5P9rEEft5kD2RMPgQ/s1600-h/demonsquirrels.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212891785257538" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC6p_6MpAV7aM1j4tfJrzKEPKbDiKMfHe4ivpigQZaMb8cf2RDs7KtZv8JGuMsEvscSMmRXT8aSTumHq1xeYKzwk89hUyME5m3cnCiovCZ2CroMk10zqMeo5P9rEEft5kD2RMPgQ/s200/demonsquirrels.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Now we're on to the standard "Jesus gave you a love gift" sequence. I just want to pause to point out the demon squirrels playing outside the hospital.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They do have pointy horn ears.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> They're kind of cute, like all demons in these tracts are.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think the squirrel on the tree is getting ready to jump, and the other squirrel is going to catch it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He's like, "Come on, man! Do it! I'll catch you!" And the other squirrel is like, "No way, man! It's too high! I'm scared!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And the first squirrel is like, "It'll be ok if you pray to Lord Satan!" And the second squirrel jumps and then the first squirrel sacrifices him to Baal.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They're actually very cute. I'd like to see a tract about these two.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Man. You know we're burned out on Bob's big witnessing wrap-up when we're noticing how cute the squirrels are.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Well, they're pretty much replaying the same conversion we've seen in all the other tracts. Nothing new here.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Only this time instead of seeing Fred's lumpy butt in the air, we'll see his lumpy arms.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2nAom6sBshm4RUxzah6HIxAPYwSFHpJXXhAywmJ9cUcK7fow2zzOwu2BJaidWwMeChU5GeUjDFSnqgIyBlnGY9m4hlC7sq-c62_1m3IxCuyT_DRHaNfDleblm-jIVQtSD58TuWQ/s1600-h/dirtymind.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031211697784348930" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2nAom6sBshm4RUxzah6HIxAPYwSFHpJXXhAywmJ9cUcK7fow2zzOwu2BJaidWwMeChU5GeUjDFSnqgIyBlnGY9m4hlC7sq-c62_1m3IxCuyT_DRHaNfDleblm-jIVQtSD58TuWQ/s320/dirtymind.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Man, Bob is rude. Who is he to say that Fred is having filthy thoughts? I think Bob's actually talking about himself here.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He has a guilty conscience.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>It's like the old saying goes, "Clean mind, clean body. Take your pick."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg548KQ5C1Zqvg60pDLElh1NVcxheFBDw8O-yFmJQ0Lk0Dp2IqPPSPy-cxUKV_fiW2iq0GLgV82fkE3o5Wwz5ZpbGecWvvIjdr2zGUd55To_DUaPEw-2HyyUqmT4Mc8rJMCUgFRkg/s1600-h/staringcontest.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5031212475173429778" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg548KQ5C1Zqvg60pDLElh1NVcxheFBDw8O-yFmJQ0Lk0Dp2IqPPSPy-cxUKV_fiW2iq0GLgV82fkE3o5Wwz5ZpbGecWvvIjdr2zGUd55To_DUaPEw-2HyyUqmT4Mc8rJMCUgFRkg/s320/staringcontest.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think it's really rude of Bob to continue haranguing Fred about dying in his sins after Fred already converted. Is it because Fred wouldn't get out of bed and wave his lumpy butt around? Does he suspect that Fred's conversion is insincere?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't think he is talking to Fred. I think he is talking to us.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Well that's kind of presumptuous of him. He doesn't know me.<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He shouldn't assume that just because I can tell the difference between a story that's meant to be a parable and a story that's meant to be taken as true I'm going to Hell.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>And the fact that I spend so much of my free time making fun of Bob doesn't mean anything either.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think there's a skeevy skinny-mustached child-toucher that should just mind his own business.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Whatevs, Lita. I'm gonna go back to watching those squirrels.<br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic"><br /></span><br /><em><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2002 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span></em><br /></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-24428281011148752062007-02-01T13:18:00.000-05:002007-02-01T13:55:51.976-05:00PM and Tork <3 Holeee Cow!It's true! Our pal, PM, loves Holeee Cow so goshdarn much that he spends all of his free time coming up with presents for us! Here's his latest -- <a href="http://duhduhduhduh.phantomhourglass.org/main.php?id=43764" target="_new">Check it out!</a><br /><br />And not only does PM love Holeee Cow, so does <a href="http://tork110.blogspot.com/" target="_new">Tork</a>! He made a couple of things for us as well: <a href="http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=1266609" target="_new">This</a> and this:<br /><br /><a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v677/Tork_110/THEKINGDOM.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px;" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v677/Tork_110/THEKINGDOM.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><br />We're so inspirational!wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-55561137877393799132007-01-30T19:24:00.001-05:002009-05-16T18:15:10.532-04:00Who Cares?<em>Yes, we know we've had quite the hiatus. That damn Fallen tract just beat the shit out of us, and frankly, we (read: wurwolf) haven't wanted to get back up on this particular horse that threw us. But we refuse to let ourselves be bested by the likes of Bob Williams, so here we are again, ready to perform our public duty to all three of our faithful readers. This time around we join Chick Publications as they exploit the memory of the World Trade Center attacks to serve their own agenda in <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5020/5020_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries" target="_new">Who Cares</a>.</em><br /><br /><em>Also, I should again mention that neither one of us are very familiar with Islam. What rebuttals we were able to offer were only found by a quick Google search. So if we're speaking out of turn or offending anyone, we sincerely apologize.</em><br /><br /><em>One more thing: big ups and mad props to our buddy, Rimmi, for contributing some killer lines! (Not that I'm going to tell you which ones.)</em><br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Cover.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Shall we discuss the tastefully-drawn cover, with the plane just getting ready to fly into the first tower?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, sweet weeping Jesus on the cross. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic"><br /><br />Lita girds her loins</span><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> This oughta be good.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, no. It's going to be bad. It's going to be very, very bad.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I thought our last tract was the worst thing ever, but although I haven't read it yet, I think this tract may turn out to be the worst thing ever.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I have every expectation that this tract will treat Muslims fairly and with an open mind.<br /><br /><strong><em>wurwolf waits to see how Lita reacts.<br /></em></strong><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I have every expectation that before the end of this tract Bob will try to open a Muslim's mind with a claw hammer.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> This tract has a publish date of 2002, so I guess this is Chick Publications' knee-jerk reaction to the terrorist attack.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Did you know that this is our 20th Bible Series tract?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Are you kidding? We've managed to keep at it this long without going completely insane?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That's not counting the holiday tracts.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I wonder if Chick Publications waited to make this one 20 on purpose. A big anniversary number for a big assy tract.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm sure they wanted this one to stand out.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel1.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Is anyone else seeing faces in the smoke?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I see an angry guy with a beard and mustache in the smoke coming off the right tower on the tv mama's watching down there. He looks kind of Middle-Eastish.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I see the Cowardly Lion looking down over lower Manhattan.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel2.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Again, I have very little knowledge of Muslim culture, but do women really wear burkas in the United States? I work in New York City, where you see lots of people in Muslim attire. I've yet to see a woman in a full black burka.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Head coverings, yes, but not the full burka.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I live in a small town in Northern California and we don't get many Muslims around here. So I wouldn't really know.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess we can be thankful that these two aren't being shown rejoicing in this attack upon the Great Satan.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Chick Publications is showing unusual restraint here.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> But who will protect you, mama? I'll tell you who. Jesus Christ, that's who!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> But first you need to be shown why your religion is irreparably evil and bloodthirsty. At least, that's where I think this is gonna go.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It certainly seems likely.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel3.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Random people in the tower are yelling about the death toll and their life there? I'll bet your life will never be the same. You're standing in a collapsing tower.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I know Chick Publications loves the gore, but this is a bit much. It's one thing to draw Jesus suffering on the cross (where He suffered voluntarily), it's another thing to draw people jumping out of the towers. Especially since this was published in 2002 and the attacks were still so fresh in our hearts.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> On the plus side, it affords us another opportunity to look for things in the smoke. I see a bunny!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I see a still-beating human heart!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And a horsey!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> There's an eagle!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Is that... Fang?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I knew Fang was a terrorist!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I would have expected it from Badcat... but Fang?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I love the way the artist draws people pointing. It's never clear to me whose finger it is.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Especially since the hand is always hidden behind dialogue balloons.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Omar really should capitalize "Mama." He's using it as her name, not as a description of what she is.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> As I recall, lots of people took that day off regardless of whether they were Muslim or not.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The city was shut down for days. Particularly in lower Manhattan. Obviously.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> We were in California. It was a school day, but the University sent everybody home.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel4.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wait... why is an obvious Islamic guy giving the news report about the terror attacks?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I think it's supposed to be a picture of Osama Bin Ladin. Or maybe Moses.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I was thinking he was a dead ringer for Abraham.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Firefox's spellcheck wants to know why I'm talking about Osama Bin Ladin, by the way. It would much rather I talk about Osaka Bin Latin.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Omar has to go to work today because he's out of money. Does he get paid every day?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Great. Now that Omar has Allah's blessing upon him we know he's about to get mauled. And we know Bob loves it when bad things happen to good people.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Omar's reaction to his mother's wish that Allah protect him tells you what's going to happen.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I think mama's choking, though.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel5.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Fang hates Muslims.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He's spitting all over Omar.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Also, "<strong><em>Shame</em></strong> on you"? If you're going to boycott somebody's shop because of their ethnicity, is that what you say to them as you walk by? Shame on you for being of Arabic descent? Like Omar woke up one day and decided to be brown?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Really, that "<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Shame</span> on you" can only be taken one way. Omar didn't fly the planes into the buildings.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> What kind of shop does Omar have? He's selling pictures of sunglasses.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Payback probably bought those shades from Omar. He should be ashamed of himself.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Also, what a totally cool dude, wearing his sunglasses inside.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He's in disguise.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel6.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Santa and his posse came in to totally bitchslap Omar.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Ok, I'm about to reveal my total U2nerdosity here, but...<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Payback looks like the bastard child of Bono and Larry Mullen Jr. The dude on the left with no lines looks like the monstrous mutant manchild of Adam Clayton and The Edge.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrd!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Whoever drew this must have been reading lots of naughty U2 fanfics online to get the idea for those two.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh yeah, that's what happened, Lita. The artists at Chick Publications are huge U2 fans.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> As much as I hate to admit it, U2 is pretty much the goto band for Christians who normally only listen to Christian music but want to go slumming in mainstream rock for a while. Though I believe there's an anti-Christian Rock tract somewhere on the Chick Tracts site.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Can't wait for that one.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "My cousin died in the tower because of <em><strong>you</strong></em> people! Oh, by the way, can I get some Tylenol and Wacky Packs?"<br /><strong><br />Lita:</strong> Bob needs to buy some more batteries for his electric Bible thumping device.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Is Bob in New York City? Or is Omar's located in Gaydonia?<br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob must need some really special fantastic batteries that are only sold in New York. Or maybe that dude's cousin lives in New York, but he's actually in Gaydonia.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel7.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That's a small truck for three fat guys to try and fit into.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> We know those guys at least have some tiny flicker of intelligence buried somewhere in all the fat in their heads because when Bob asks them what's up they wisely ignore him.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Santa's twirling his fist in the air. Whoo!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "What's this?" It's a Muslim guy crawling around on the floor in a pool of his own blood. I thought you'd have been able to identify that, Bob. Now will you call freakin' 911? Or is Omar, like <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/08/outcast.html#links" target="_new">Shirley Shepard</a>, not worth it?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Poor Omar is so beat up he forgot the #1 rule when Bob enters your life: Do Not Engage.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess poor Helen forgot that one too.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel8-1.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob must be the richest person alive. He can afford to pay for Omar's medical bills?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Hey! A black man who isn't a pimp, a drug dealer, or a baptist minister! Who knew those existed?!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Shocking! But as progressive as that is, we can't have a man of Arab descent thinking that Americans are anything other than infidels. Even if he does live here and own a shop.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess when people would come into his shop before the attacks and buy stuff he'd make nice but secretly be thinking "infidels".<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Maybe Fang's owner had a point.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I wonder if he'd ever slip and when that lady would show up to buy her toothpaste he'd be all, "Thank you Mrs. Infidel! Come again, and please bring your filthy American swine-child too!"<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It really doesn't fit with the picture of this guy that we've gotten before now. I suppose the point the tract is trying to make is that all Muslims hate all non-Muslims, even if they act nice to you. So you probably shouldn't trust them.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Exactly. That's the subtle racism of this particular viewpoint. On the surface it looks like they're portraying Muslims in a sympathetic way, but they undercut it with their assertion that all Muslims secretly think Americans are infidels.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And I think the black doctor is a plant, to show that Muslims think all Americans are infidels, not just white people.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Because when it comes to every day life, white people and black people are separate. But when it comes to someone thinking the worst about other people, it's suddenly a shared experience.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel9.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Lovely how Bob openly admits to Omar that he's the enemy.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> What did Omar ever do to Bob to make him think that?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He was born in another country and raised in a different religion. Therefore, Omar is Bob's enemy.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Omar. Bob is everybody's enemy.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'm amazed Bob was willing to buy batteries from Omar. The bible doesn't tell you to buy batteries from your enemy.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Omar must have been the only battery seller in town.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I love how nonchalantly Omar tosses off that Bob's an infidel. "You're an <strong><em>infidel</em></strong>! No offense."<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I like Omar. Even if he does think I'm an infidel.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He seems like a nice enough guy. Even if he secretly thinks I'm the Great Satan.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'd buy pictures of sunglasses from him.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I like that Omar is <strong><em>only</em></strong> listening to Bob because he's talking about Jesus. If Bob wanted to tell Omar about something his mom taught him, Omar would be all like, "Shut your stupid infidel face!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Omar, that's something you should remember to say when dealing with Bob, no matter what he wants to tell you.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> In fact, I'm remembering that line if Bob ever calls me up.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The hospital needs to prune their infidel bushes.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel11.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Someone in the trunk is asking Bob what Jesus taught him.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Omar keeps calling Bob "Mr. Williams" and "Bob Williams." I'm guessing it's because he's foreign. I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky he's not calling him "Williamsbobwilliams."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'd have more respect for Omar if he called him "Blowhard Bob Williams".<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Ok... This is a real question. Bob tells Omar that Jesus cannot lie, and then tells him that Jesus told a story about the good Samaritan. Is he trying to say that that story really happened? Because Jesus Himself didn't present it as a true story.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hopefully Omar knows that Bob is talking about a story in the parable sense.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> How would he? Bob didn't tell him that.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Then Bob's on the hook for implying that Jesus is a liar.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The dude who got beat up looks like a bearded Rosie O'Donnell after a bender.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And yet bearded Rosie O'Donnell managed to hang onto her bag of chips.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel12.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The story itself, though, is just the basic good Samaritan story. I don't have much of anything to say about it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Neither do I, except that I think the part of the Samaritan is being played by Bob himself.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He looks hateful enough.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He would cast himself as the hero.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel14.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> How come Omar is suddenly a foot shorter than Bob?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The bad guys broke his shins. Now his legs are telescoping into themselves.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel15.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Up close we can see the guys who beat up Omar gave him a nasty wet willy.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It also looks like they took a chunk out of his neck.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Again Bob goes back to harping on the lying thing. He knows he's talking to a foreigner who can't be expected to remember anything for more than three panels.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Maybe Islam doesn't mention Jesus specifically, but I'm sure it has something in there somewhere about it being the only true religion and all others are false.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I do know that Islam really does respect Jesus as a major prophet. It just doesn't regard Jesus as the son of God. Islam believes that Mohammad came after Jesus and he is the final prophet.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> That's about the limit of what I know. I'm not a big Islam expert in any way.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm not sure if I follow Bob's logic here. He's asking if prophets tell lies, and then asks if Islam says that Jesus lied. Didn't Omar already agree that Jesus was at least a prophet and that Islam teaches that prophets don't lie?<strong></strong> And then how does Omar make the leap that Jesus is more than a prophet?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Maybe it's Omar's logic I'm not following.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Well, Omar did just get kicked in the head a few times. And Bob used his hypno-eyes.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That must be it.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel16.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> You can tell this is Gaydonia. Some dude with a bag of groceries is mincing around behind Omar.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I don't know about that, since Malcolm has made it illegal to be femmy in Gaydonia. This guy and his tranny wife are taking a big risk.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I do like how Bob just zooms right over Jesus healing the blind man like, "Big whoop. No big deal."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Jesus did that stuff every day.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Usually that's the big focal point of that story. It's not, "Jesus healed a blind man and then..." it's "Jesus <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">healed a BLIND man!!</span> And then..."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It doesn't matter to Bob's story, so he glosses right over it.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel17.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Maybe I can buy Omar not knowing Jesus is the Son of God a little more than I could buy some dumb white guy who grew up in Gaydonia, but only just barely.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Check how Bob says, "God (not Allah) <strong><em>loves</em></strong> you..." So not only is he making the point that Allah isn't God, but also that Allah doesn't love Omar.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm surprised he restrained himself from calling Allah a douche bag.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel18.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> <a href="http://www.ilaam.net/Questions/AllahsLove.html" target="_new">Where is Bob getting his assertion that Allah doesn't love his people?</a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'd think that would be a bit much for a real Muslim to put up with right then. I'd think it would be more reasonable to give out the main message that Jesus is the Son of God and then later on, after the guy accepts, explain that you don't think your God and Allah are the same deity.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> But, because this is a Chick tract, we find out how really easy it is to push over the other person's religion.<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel19.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I was going to gripe about the spelling of Mohammed, but it turns out there are lots of ways to spell it.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Is that the same woman and her kid from the beginning of the tract? If it is, it looks like they replaced Fang already.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Fang never lasts long with any one family. They're just coming back from taking him to the pound and replacing him with this new dog.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Dogs are disposable fashion accessories in Gaydonia.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Shame on them, then.<br /><br /><strong><em>Lita suddenly wonders how Mohammed died</em></strong><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad#Overview" target="_new">From Wikipedia:</a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">After ignoring Muhammad's preaching, the elites in Mecca, commercially threatened by the growing popularity of his message, persecuted Muhammad and his followers. This continued, and intensified, over more than a decade. The hardships reached a new level for Muhammad after the deaths of his wife Khadija and his uncle Abu Talib, an important political protector of Muhammad. Eventually, in 622, he left Mecca in a journey known to Muslims as the Hijra (the Migration).[4] He settled in the area of Yathrib (now known as Medina) with his followers, where he was the leader of the first Muslim community.</span><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Eight years of war between Muhammad and Meccan forces followed, ending with the Muslim victory and conquest of Mecca. The Muslims subsequently removed everything they considered idolatrous from the Kaaba. Most of the townspeople accepted Islam. In March 632, Muhammad led the pilgrimage known as the Hajj. On returning to Medina he fell ill and died after a few days, on June 8.</span><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> So no. He wasn't martyred. But he didn't exactly live in the lap of luxury either. It would be easy to take from what Bob said that he didn't suffer for his religion, but he did.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> As far as Bob is concerned, only Jesus ever suffered. And suffering = love.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> In the immortal words of The Offspring, "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZaliWszgGk" target="_new">The more you suffer the more it shows you really care</a>."<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel20.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Is Bob trying to imply that Allah doesn't offer his followers the hope of Heaven? Because even an ignorant infidel like me knows that's not true.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Where is Bob getting his information from? <a href="http://www.islamawareness.net/Repentance/repentance.html" target="_new">Where did he ever hear that Allah offers no forgiveness?</a><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Basically this argument is starting to boil down to "My God's heaven is better than your god's heaven."<br /><br /><center><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20Who%20Cares/Panel21.jpg" border="0" /></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And of course, Omar's religion is so false and transparent that he is easily able to get rid of it and latch on to Bob's.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Omar gets saved and loses his bandages, all at once!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Well, Jesus does have healing powers.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And if we've learned anything from Chick tracts, we've learned that all of your problems go away once you get saved.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Omar's conversion is making me feel sad. I can't put my finger on why. Maybe just because he couldn't see through Bob's lies about his own religion.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I can understand that, because it represents fundamentalist Christianity's desire to steamroll anything that is different and make it all the same.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And now that Omar is saved he can take off his evil Muslim hat.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> This final panel is reminding me of Bob's trip to the holy land, where he and Hunter S. Thompson got all their stuff stolen. Nobody's stealing Omar's hat, though.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It would make a nice bowl. I might steal it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Omar's mama is gonna be pissed when Omar gets home.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "I told you not to get beat up by the infidels! I didn't tell you to become one of them!"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Omar: Hey mama, guess what I learned today?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Omar: Mama, here's some money. Get rid of that burka and go get yourself a big hairdo.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2002 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /></span>wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-88883016831834984352007-01-28T21:00:00.000-05:002007-01-28T21:15:08.185-05:00For the Curious Among You...A few people have asked me to post my Chick Chart so they can see what my table of Chick Tract characters looks like. I haven't yet because I haven't really had anywhere to upload my document for easy viewing... until now!<br /><br />Well, actually it wasn't all that easy. Google's document manager is a pain in the butt. Formatting tables is a pain in the butt. Saving and publishing and naming your document is a pain in the butt. But I got it uploaded and you might even be able to read it! (Like I said, the formatting is a pain in the butt.)<br /><br />The list only covers characters in the Bible Series, so characters in other tracts we've done, like the various holiday tracts, won't be covered. Fang and Badcat aren't in there either, since they appear in so many tracts. I plan to keep updating as we continue through the series, so you may want to keep checking back if you're interested.<br /><br />Anyway, should you want to check it out, here is my <a href="http://docs.google.com/View?docid=dd7b6z7x_0ck4whv&revision=_published">Chick Chart</a>.Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-1168389795770160862007-01-09T18:57:00.001-05:002009-05-16T18:17:57.186-04:00Fallen<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Dark times have fallen upon the once great City of Gaydonia. Gone are the days when a man could freely parade down Main Street in a pair of pumps, a jester's hat, and a leather bikini. In Malcolm's new police state a man fears even to lisp lest he feel the cold iron grip of the Law clamp down on his shoulder.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">This tract has far less interesting fish to fry, though, in the form of a terrible lazy lout and the mother he drove to insanity. Honestly, she'd probably have been better off strangling him at birth. Come join us as we take a look at Chick Publications' stirring plea for the legalization of postpartum abortion in <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5019/5019_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries" target="_new">Fallen.</a></span><br /><br /><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5019/5019_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries"><p></a></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5019/5019_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/200/152115/fallcover.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/699400/fallrow1.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/999897/fallrow1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Are these the bikerhobos that Sweater Timmy was hanging out with in <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/10/happy-halloween.html" target="_new">Happy Halloween</a>?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't know about the bikerhobos, but it certainly is the usual assortment of Chick Publications bad guys.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You have to give them credit, though. It is the rare bikerhobo who will actually give you an old lady's purse.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It was extremely thoughtful of them to do that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And it was nice of them to offer a going away present, even if they didn't actually buy anything. It's from the heart.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I wonder if <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/07/framed.html" target="_new">Joey</a>'s called the cops on these guys yet.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> As we speak.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/706522/byesucker.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/200/818066/byesucker.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> That's the weirdest sunroof I've ever seen. It's right in the back of the car. Either that, or someone punched a hole in the roof and the guys friends are using it to wave a friendly goodbye.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/417741/fauxhawk.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/186632/fauxhawk.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Wearing a woman's handbag is now a get-checked-out-by-the-policeable offense.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Of course, considering some of the police we've seen in <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/07/sin-city.html" target="_new">previous tracts</a>, that could have a couple of meanings.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The passenger cop has a nice fauxhawk coming along.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He worked all morning on that fauxhawk, so it's nice of you to notice.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Fang and Badcat are, of course, on the scene.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And the mouse is hiding out in the trashcan.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/187687/fliesonme.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/313953/fliesonme.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> The police are not buying the "she let me borrow it" defense, as evidenced by the handcuffs.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> They handcuffed the guy just for having a woman's purse. Have these people never heard of probable cause? This town *is* quite close to the City of Gaydonia, after all.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Maybe now that Malcolm is running the place you really can get arrested for being too femmy.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> All the flies buzzing around our bemulleted hero are wearing tiny handcuffs, too.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like that the officer specifies that it's an alligator purse.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/94760/fallrow4.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/619014/fallrow4.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> My kids are 13 and 14, and even I don't refer to them as adorable babies. I think it, but I'm not about to tell some cop on the phone that.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Mullet's mom is freaking crazy. Look at her eyes. Also she's grinning from ear to ear while talking about her precious boy who ran away from home and she doesn't know where she is. Finally, 26,000 DOLLARS??? She's carrying that around in her purse??<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>That's crazy. Who carries around $26,000? I could see $5,000, and even that's pushing it. But $26,000? Crazy.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I would only carry anything over 200 dollars if I have something in mind to spend it on in that very trip.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Exactly. Once again, Chick Publications are stretching the limits of realism.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>They already stretched it all out when they arrested a guy for carrying a purse.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Officer Davis? Like Sammy Davis Jr.? Why not just name him Officer Jefferson?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> At least he's not a drug dealer.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/620035/ingrate.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/976665/ingrate.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh sure. Doesn't everyone blame their mother for giving birth to them?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It sounds like Mullet had a really rough time at home, too. A guy can only stand being called "My sweet Broosey Woosey" so many times a day.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> True dat.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> So Mom is going to bail Brucey Woosey out? What for? What was his crime? We've only been told he got arrested for being in possession of a woman's purse. We were never told that he's being held on any other charges.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It was only after he was arrested that they discovered that the purse wasn't his to begin with. And the purse's owner isn't pressing charges. So why does he need to be bailed out?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> We're in the Chick Publications fantasy world again, I guess.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Now that Malcolm's running Gaydonia are people routinely held for no reason at the police department with no way to get out until the family pays the bail/ransom?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's really the only explanation.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's weirding me out, but in jail there, Brucey Woosey looks like my first boyfriend.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> My first boyfriend looks like Ken Jennings.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/299109/thing.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/200/466772/thing.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I like the disembodied fist shaking in the air. It's like Thing is in the jail cell, too.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Thing was arrested for having suspiciously nice fingernails.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/336569/wishlist.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/790410/wishlist.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I don't suppose it's probably surprising to anybody that this frame reminds me of my grandmother and a certain degenerate cousin of mine?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's not surprising at all. Hell, I was waiting for it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/907640/lumberjackok.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/43974/lumberjackok.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Bob's outside chopping wood like the manly man he is. No danger of HIM getting arrested!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He's doing what all men are supposed to be doing.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/59590/popcorn.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/429762/popcorn.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Broosey Woosey's dad looks like Fat Orville Redenbacher<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> At first I thought the dad was Joey.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Brucey Woosey's worst sin? He's totally evil and laughs at God. Not that he stole $26,000.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/261539/fallrow8.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/784659/fallrow8.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Man, it takes Bob three hours to pray over the phone? Remind me never to give him my number.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>If you have to be reminded not to give Bob your number then you deserve what you get.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> But really, just how much did Bob have to say in his prayer? Three hours is a long time, even just to have a conversation.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>"Lord, before I begin, allow me to read you a passage from the Psalms. Chapter 1..."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> My prayers are all hit and run. "God, please let me find a parking spot. Amen."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Looks like Brucey Woosey roughed Mom up a bit before he left her at the airport.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Did Mom ring the doorbell to get into her own house? I told you she was nutbunnies.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Maybe she gave Brucey the keys, too.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I bet Bob isn't even off the phone yet. The doorbell rang so Dad went to answer it and just let Bob keep going.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He just put the phone down and let Bob go.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/213646/phoneperv.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/673700/phoneperv.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Eww! Is some greasy old pervert listening in on Bob's phone prayer marathon??<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's a sick individual who would get kicks from Bob's prayer-a-thon.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I suppose it's easier when you know it's happening to somebody else.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/506337/beatemup.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/712400/beatemup.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Broosey Woosey sure gets beat up a lot.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> See, this is why the mafia gets stuff done. Bob takes three hours to pray on the phone, and is probably still going. The mob? They're there in twenty minutes.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/432906/frank.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/24587/frank.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Frankenstein EMT Dude, nobody cares if you have a pulse! The guy's asking you if Brucey is alive!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> His head says Frankenstein, but his clothes say Edward Scissorhands.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/504690/fallrow12.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/754439/fallrow12.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Thank goodness they took the opportunity to explain what quadriplegic means. Heaven forbid anyone take out a dictionary.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> But why didn't they explain pneumonia? I MUST KNOW!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh, no. <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/10/real-heat.html" target="_new">Bob's in the hospital</a>. This can lead to no good.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Broosey Woosey is at least showing some survival instincts at last. "Hi, Bruce! Do you remember me--" "NO!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/368804/fallrow13.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/609827/fallrow13.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh gross. "Back in those days, you were such a tender boy..." Bob is the perviest perv ever.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "You had such soft, supple skin back then. Not yet ravaged by the ravages of age... or puberty..."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And here Bob comes again with his stunning instinct for sensitivity to the situation. "I'm gonna tell you something that will save your neck!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm surprised he didn't say, "I have news that will have you jumping for joy!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bruce's hair is stubbornly straight.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/648886/badmove.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/18715/badmove.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Bob calling the prodigal son's wishes to get his inheritance before his dad was dead "a <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">bad</span> move" bugs me for some reason.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't see why it would be a bad move. What if he wanted that money to invest in a house or something?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I think it's just the wrong thing to call it. In the culture of the times, asking for such a thing was the same as telling your father you wish he were dead. I don't know if I would call that "a <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">bad</span> move" An asshole move, sure.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob makes it sound like it's imprudent.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Yes. Maybe Bob means it's bad as in evil, which would be true. But that's an entirely different kind of "bad" than his phrasing makes it sound like. Maybe if Bob ever paid attention in his evil non-Sunday school he would have learned about connotations and how words and phrases can take on extra meaning in addition to their literal dictionary meaning.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Come on. You really think Bob cares about connotations? He's the most literal fundy ever.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think it's funny that Jesus chose the youngest child as the one who didn't care about other people's feelings and ran off with his parent's money. As the youngest child in my family, that totally sounds like something I'd do.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Well, Jesus was the oldest child in His own family.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I guess Jesus' youngest brother was a pain in the ass.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Well, think about it. Your big brother is Jesus Christ. How are you ever going to measure up to that?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You might as well just take what you can and go.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> By the way, notice that Bob hasn't mentioned to Brucey Woosey that this is just a story that Jesus told, and not an actual thing that we're supposed to believe really happened.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm finding it hard to believe that Bruce hasn't heard this story yet, what with being in Bob's Sunday School class as a tender young boy before the Lord.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/140264/purevil.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/773655/purevil.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> This is Bob's view of complete evil. Having some random dude in a bar drunkenly proclaim his love for you.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Actually, I think that's a tranny proclaiming love.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I don't think they had that surgery back then. Maybe he's just a eunuch.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Hmmm... what kind of terrible job could the prodigal son have gotten?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Raking Bob's leaves? Listening to Bob preach?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Being Bob's wife?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/800858/fallrow16.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/138380/fallrow16.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Granted, feeding and living with pigs is a pretty rotten job for a Jewish boy.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Why would they even have pigs in Israel if they can't eat them? What else are pigs good for?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> There were pigs around at the time. I believe some of the less reputable Jews raised them and sold them to non-Jews who lived in the area.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> There's a story about Jesus casting some demons into a group of pigs and then the pigs (and some guy's livlihood) ran off a cliff. Something like that. I don't feel like looking it up.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He'd hit bottom... his life was rotten and he stunk as bad as the pigs. Even his perm grew out.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He still managed to keep his black eyeliner, though.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The guy is living in a pig pen.... that's not eyeliner.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/180705/repent.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/865954/repent.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Brucey Woosey doesn't know what repentance is?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bruce, who was in Bob's Sunday School class, has no idea what repentance is. Oh sure.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Is that a word that I just thought everybody knew because I grew up in religious circles but actually people outside of Christianity don't know what it means?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Because I thought even total heathens knew about the concept of being sorry.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Everyone knows what repentance means.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/124634/fallrow18.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/840483/fallrow18.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob says that repentance means being sorry for all the rotten things you've done. Is Bruce 8 years old in this tract?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Bob wishes.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I find it interesting that Bob omits the part of the parable where the older brother bitches at Dad for throwing the younger brother a kickass party.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">28</span>"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">29</span>But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">30</span>But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: 31</span>" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">32</span>But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh. He omitted it? I was waiting for that part to come up. Way to leave out half the story, Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The older brother represents those who never really fell away from God in the first place, right? Now, I'm just speculating here, but I think Bob's a great big glory hog.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He doesn't want Brucey Woosey to know that God would be even happier to get some mulleted asshat back in the fold than straight-and-narrow Blowhard Bob.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> True, it does look like Bob left that part of the story out on purpose.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> If Broosey Woosey does not come to Jesus it will be on Bob's head. That's what he gets for thinking he can tell a story better than Jesus did.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/538797/fallrow19.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/376286/fallrow19.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Dying young isn't God's love. It's God's justice. God is a firm believer in the "Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse" philosophy.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Jeez. Isn't it enough that Bruce is in traction and dying? No, Bob's gotta hit him with, "You're going <strong><em>down</em></strong>, Bruce!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Also, thank you, Bob, for confirming what we all suspected. If you die young it's because God's mad at you. Justice will be served!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You probably shamed your parents or something.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/773445/deadmeat.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/231970/deadmeat.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> What an asshole Bob is. Bruce sounds close to repentance, wondering about God's love and if God hates him, and then Bob tells him he's <strong><em>dead meat</em></strong>? WTF?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> What kind of way is that to witness?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> It's how you witness if you don't actually want to save the guy. He's just going through the motions. In his mind he's still thinking of the part of the story he skipped. The part where the father rejoiced even more for the return of the fallen son than for the good one.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He's thinking, "Take my fatted calf, will you? No way, buddy, you're going <em>down</em>!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's true. They can't stand the thought of God taking in people who have behaved horribly when they kill themselves to live on the straight and narrow.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Next thing you know God might save a h... a ho... a <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">homosexual</span>...<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> LITA!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I bet Bob never got over Father Ray getting saved. He's been phoning it in ever since. He doesn't even pray for God's help with the saving anymore.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He does seem to be really angry. And he literally did phone it in earlier in the tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He probably has a prayer taped. I'll bet just pushes the button and goes to rake the leaves or something.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He has a computer fill in the name of the person being prayed for. It's like, "Lord Jesus, I ask that you bless... <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Bruce's Mom</span>.... He or she would really appreciate it."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/5367/laughsatanlaugh.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/506534/laughsatanlaugh.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Does Bob have a window where he can watch Satan laughing his head off? How does he know what Satan's doing right now?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> For all he knows, Satan could be out raking his leaves or something.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Lots of people raking leaves this time of year.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It seems to be Bob's favorite thing to do.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Bob must be so embarrassed that Satan picked the same activity to blow off steam that Bob did.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/605143/mummychrist.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/200/892304/mummychrist.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>At first I thought there was a mummy on the cross. It took me a minute to realize that this was just the artist's typical love of gore.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/409714/tomorrow.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/467285/tomorrow.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> More evidence that Bob doesn't want Broosey Woosey saved. He doesn't even tell him that he has to accept the Gospel or Jesus or anything like that. He only says Bruce has to believe it. The Bible says that even demons believe in Jesus. That's the kind of thing Bob would normally be quick to point out.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> He's clearly giving the bare minimum witness in the hopes that even if Bruce believes him it still won't be enough information to actually save him, but that Bob will still be able to claim he tried.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob is totally shaking the bed there.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Bob fully admits that tomorrow may be too late, but it doesn't take any convincing at all to get him to take that chance.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> He's not even offering to talk to Bruce about it more or answer questions. He dropped his message on him and now he's going to leave. If he had a microphone he'd throw it on the floor.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/131462/toolate.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/678776/toolate.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And, as we can see, tomorrow really was too late. Brucey Woosey was sent screaming to Hell. Just as Bob had planned.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I bet when Bob got to the hospital and found out that Bruce was dead his first reaction was, "Shit! I wasted all that gas driving here for nothing!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> There's really nothing else to say.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2002 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-1167262946779212792006-12-27T18:40:00.000-05:002006-12-27T18:42:26.800-05:00It's a Revelation!Hopefully you all had a merry Christmas and your new year will be better for you than this last one was.<br /><br />I just read this <a href="http://fredvanlente.com/cthulhutract/pages/index.html">cool comic</a>, and it changed my life! You should read it too. You'll never be the same.Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-1166663312202857462006-12-20T19:35:00.001-05:002009-05-16T18:18:23.900-04:00Humbug!<span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Christmas is coming! We thought it only appropriate that we celebrate with <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0092/0092_01.asp" target="_new">Humbug</a>, the second of only two Christmas tracts on Chick.com. That's right. There were multitudes of anti-Halloween tracts, so many we couldn't get to them all, but only two tracts for what most Christians consider the most important holy day in Christianity.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">That should tell you most of what you need to know about Chick Publications brand of Christianity right there.</span><br /><br /><br /><p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/541275/humcover.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/947794/humcover.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> If the cover is any indication, we're in for a festive Christmas tale about Scrooge turning into a zombie.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> By the way, the caption for this tract on the main page says, "Adapted from the classic story of Ebenezer Scrooge, but with a twist. Scrooge gets saved!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Cue Charles Dickens turning in his grave.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Arguably Scrooge got saved in the original too.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Scrooge's lumpy butt was in the air in the classic?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Nah. He just started being nice to people and giving to the poor and stuff. What was I thinking? If these tracts have taught me anything it's that Christians aren't nice.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Christianity certainly has nothing to do with taking care of the poor and disenfranchised.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That was Christ's gig. And if there's anything Christ hates, it's when you steal His bit and try to act like He did.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/456597/humrow1.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/528686/humrow1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Scrooge makes a good point. Why would the family be waiting for that sop?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I don't blame Scrooge. If there's something I can't stand it's a sop. Someone who lets everyone walk all over him and won't stand up to anyone.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> This is another example where you almost hate to say it, but the villain of the tract looks a bit... ethnic.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/555977/humrow2.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/323284/humrow2.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Inspector Clouseau and Kato stop by to see how Scrooge is doing these days.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And speaking of mangers, do you know how often I go to type "manager" and type "manger" instead, and lousy spellcheck never catches it because manger is an actual word?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It happens a lot, I'm saying.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Scrooge's world is all about finance. Because you can't have the kind of Jewish-looking guy caring about anything but money.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Bob Cratchit looks a lot like <a href="http://www.arabafilms.com/distribucion/coffeeandcigarretes/fichas/19steve_gr.jpg" target="_new">Steve Coogan.</a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> What a coincidence! Scrooge looks like <a href="http://www.addamsfamily.com/addams/f_charge.jpg" target="_new">Jackie Coogan!</a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's a Coogan-off!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Scrooge Coogan will <em>always</em> wave his finger in Cratchit Coogan's face.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I wonder if Scroogan will claim to never have heard of Jesus at the end. Because I'd have a hard time believing that of a guy in Victorian times.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well, he's already said that he doesn't know what Crootchit is talking about.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/837495/daft.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/674646/daft.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Scroogan is calling Crootchit <span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">DAFT</span> because that's how English people talk.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Also he totally looks like an undertaker now.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Yeah, an undertaker with a nose you could press elevator buttons with.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/883798/hatrack.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/200/884903/hatrack.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Yikes, Crootchit totally tied his scarf to the hat rack. Gag!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>The hat rack looked a little chilly. Crootchit is a giving type.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/616983/minigolf.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/967671/minigolf.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Wow. Scroogan yells in a<strong><em> variety</em></strong> of <strong>TYPEFACES</strong> and <em><u>fonts</u></em>, so you know he really means it. And I love that the explanation point is in boldface.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Huh. So Scroogan is quoting scripture now. That's rare in a Chick Tract villain.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm assuming he's not aware he's quoting scripture. And frankly, I can't really disagree with what he's saying.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Also his face in that second panel makes me think of a mini-golf course and you have to hit the ball up the ramp that goes into his mouth.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Roll it up his tongue and you win a free game!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>His eyeballs light up and steam comes out of his ears!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Imagine the mini golf course you could create out of Chick tracts.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/360418/backpedal.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/559370/backpedal.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Who wrote this tripe? Just a panel ago Scroogan was foaming at the mouth about how much people suck but when he hears verses to that effect in the bible suddenly he's all tender-hearted and sympathetic to the plight of man?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The real Scrooge wouldn't roll over that easily.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I was just about to point that out! I call bullshit on this. Evidently the author doesn't know the real story.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Well, no. The real story involves ghosts and the occult. That's a horrible thing to read to celebrate the birth of Our Lord.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>A real Christian would know better than to let the original story in their home.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Funny, Chick tracts has no problem talking about it any other time.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>And you never hear anyone say <em>"Hummm"</em> any more. It's a lost art.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/352158/movienite.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/717567/movienite.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>When it's time to watch my life in review, I'm going to pass out 3D glasses and make sure everyone has soda and popcorn.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>"Hey, guys, check it out! I'm totally picking my nose!"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"></span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> "Everybody shut it! Here's where I fall off my bike!"<br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><br />Lita:</span> I hope God fast forwards past all the parts where we're sleeping or just sipping a soda or whatever. Skip to the good parts, Lord!<br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold"><br />wurwolf:</span> Really. I'm requesting a highlight reel.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "Here comes a naughty part! Are the kids out of the room?"<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I hope the Lord provides black bars. I don't think too many people want to see my saggy boobs and lumpy butt.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I hope we don't have to watch everybody go to the bathroom. I don't need to watch every poo in humanity.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>On the plus side, we get to see everyone's orgasm face. That's always good for a laugh.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/878412/firsttract.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/590218/firsttract.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Hey! They even had Chick Tracts back in Victorian times!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Are you surprised? Jack Chick is like a hundred years old.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I knew Jack Chick was an old guy, but wow!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> And in Victorian times, as in modern times, an offer of a Chick tract is met with the threat of being beaten with a cane.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/143480/hotgoose.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/258691/hotgoose.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Crootchit is looking forward to getting his beautiful goose. Is that sarcasm?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Or possibly a euphemism?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>At first I thought the guy behind the counter was Scroogan and he was talking about himself in the third person.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I know. They could have made the main character of the strip look at least marginally different than the extras.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I'm just thankful they didn't go any further with the guy's chest hair. I get that he's fat, but I don't need it to be too detailed.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/893155/lupitano.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/631793/lupitano.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>I hope Tiny Tim is wearing fashionable bike gloves, because if he went and cut all the tips of the fingers off of his gloves, that's just irresponsible.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Aww. Lupita wants a dolly for Christmas, but is too poor to get one.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> No, Lupita!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> The devil will probably tempt her to steal one, but she's a good girl and will resist.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> And then she will be rewarded with a dolly bigger than she is!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> You're getting your stories mixed up again, Lita.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> So Tiny Tim calls his dad "father", but his sister calls him "Father"? Is she his parishioner?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Girls have to show the menfolk more respect. The man is the head of the household, you know.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Oh right. I forgot.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/154898/humrow9.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/474267/humrow9.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Suddenly they're in the Chronicles of Narnia and they're heading for Lantern Waste. Talk about getting your stories mixed up.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> "HAW HAW HAW"? Wow. It's Tiny Tork in there.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Uh, Chick Tracts? Remember Scrooge?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Seriously, we're halfway through the tract and we're still on Bob Cratchit.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Well, you don't want to put too much focus on the ghosts, you know.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/959866/evilbitch.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/888536/evilbitch.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That bitch woman won't cheer for Scroogan. The little boy has to remind her to pray for people you don't like.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Women suck so much.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Lousy women.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>If I wrote Christian tracts I'd avoid ever showing women in a good light too.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>It only makes sense.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>It's the Christian thing to do.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/185716/humrow12.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/259278/humrow12.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Also, a snow scene? Total laziness on the part of the artist.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Mrs. Cooper.... awfully close to.... <em>Coogan</em>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Ah, the great Christian tradition of shaking your fist and threatening your enemies. It's what Jesus would have done.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well, she is quoting scripture.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>"Those who mock the poor insult their Maker; those who rejoice at the misfortune of others will be punished."<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> I don't know that Scroogan is really mocking her. That shouted threat though implies that she would rejoice in his misfortune.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Scroogan doesn't seem particularly gleeful that he's denying her an additional ten days on her loan.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Once again, being a good businessman = unsaved.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/778979/pitch.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/525488/pitch.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">wurwolf wonders why </span><span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">(OOPS!)</span><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic"> is in parentheses.</span><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Pitch the Devil is levitating Scroogan's hat.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It shot right off his head.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>He's going right to bed... by going through the devil door. I think in his place I'd just turn around and stay at a hotel. Or maybe with the Crootchits.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/115042/justadream.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/480397/justadream.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Oh, cripes. I knew it. We can't have ghosts in a Christian story, so he's just dreaming about Marley.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> We can tell Marley was his business partner, because he's got the nose for it.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>And note, of course, that it's the little boy praying and NOT that awful woman or either of her wretched daughters.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Of course.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/236622/worsenhell.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/718673/worsenhell.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita</span>: Scroogan is going to be worse off than Marley? It gets worse than being condemned by God forever?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Is Chick Publications telling us that some parts of Hell are less hellish than others?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Evidently so. I'm wondering what the difference would be, though.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Then again, I guess Scroogan does get saved in this tract. Really, does eternity with Bob sound fun to you?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>So many questions...<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I can only hope that Bob's house is clear on the other side of Heaven.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Well, Bob's saved so many people. He'll probably be in the rockin' side of Heaven. We're saved, but we're kind of grumpy and don't spend every waking hour witnessing. We'll be in the slums of Heaven.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I don't mind being in the slums of Heaven. I have simple tastes.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/607646/lumpy.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/200/464612/lumpy.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Lumpy butt!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> More like a watermelon than a lumpy butt.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>There have been lumpier butts.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/812128/restitution.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/460881/restitution.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>"<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">MAKE RESTITUTION!</span>" That's Crootchit outside with a megaphone.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They didn't show the panel where Crootchit says, "<span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">NOW DANCE THE MACARENA!</span>"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/588764/vomit.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/200/193997/vomit.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Wow! The butcher is vomiting in surprise!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Well, really. It's enough to make anyone throw up.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/659133/piddle.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/353650/piddle.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>That little kid back there is wizzing in the snow. What a thing to put in a religious tract.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> I think that's the wagon handle.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You interpret the tract your way, I'll interpret it mine.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's been snowing non-stop since the beginning of the tract, and it's not even ankle deep yet?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Truly it is a miracle of God.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/781793/humrow19.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/400/92616/humrow19.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Buying fancy presents, canceling debts, doubling salaries.... being saved is running Scroogan's business into the ground.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>Mrs. Crootchit and her daughter are wearing matching dresses.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Damn woman won't believe that the man has changed! Will nothing ever satisfy that harpy?!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>She looks like she's in <a href="http://www.jennymiller.com/romancecomics/thecomics.html" target="_new">one of those romance comics from the 50s and 60s</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Lupita got a giant doll of her own after all!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/137315/vent.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/637616/vent.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> As did Scroogan, the way he's holding Tiny Tim.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Scroogan is paying Tiny Tim's medical bills too. He's going to die in a poorhouse.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Dummy.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> As is Tiny Tim, the way Scroogan is holding him<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Now Scroogan's going to be driving the Crootchit family nuts. He's going to invite himself over for every holiday and birthday party.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/1600/439221/andyou.jpg"><img style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; CURSOR: pointer; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/7972/3260/320/881810/andyou.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>Scroogan is going to heaven. How about US???<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Butt out, Chick Tracts!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> They don't know the meaning of "Mind your own business."<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> You know, this really is the worst reimagining of A Christmas Carol I have ever seen, and there have been many terrible ones. They cut out all the ghosty action, which is really the meat of the story! We both expected that, seeing as how Chick Publications are so against ghosts and things, but come on! If you don't want to write a tract with ghosts in it, then don't do A Christmas Carol! Write your own Christmas story!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> It's almost as bad as <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078764/" target="_new">the one with Henry Winkler</a>.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf: </span>But Chick tracts has no problem with showing ghosts in other tracts.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Only biblical ghosts.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Demons are ok, of course, which is why it was fine for Scroogan to have his knocker turn into a devil head. But ghosts are BAD!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Tell me what sense that makes.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> Demons are minions sent by the devil and ghosts are satanic monsters the belief in which can suck your soul into hell. How simple can it be?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita: </span>I think the real sticking point was that the writers didn't want it to look like Scroogan was saved by the ghosts.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Then pick a different story! Sheesh!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Lita:</span> That's what I'm saying!<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">wurwolf:</span> Thanks for the lump of coal, Chick tracts.</p><p><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 1975 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span></p><br /></span>Litahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04367549793825684579noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30404984.post-1165451507630459422006-12-06T19:16:00.001-05:002009-05-16T18:18:40.314-04:00God With Us<em>Coincidentally, our return to the Bible Series features the Christmas story. Hm... coincidentally? Or <strong>by divine design</strong>??? Only God knows for sure, so join us in His blessed plan as we take a look at <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5018/5018_01.asp" target="_new">God With Us</a>.</em><br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Cover.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><span class="fullpost"><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I do believe this is Fang's first appearance on a cover. Granted, he's part of a supporting cast and not the starring role, but still.... a cover. That's big time.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Fang is moving up in the world<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel1.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Hey, it's the return of <em><strong>@!!!**!</strong></em> AND the Mountie that helped frame Joey!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Sadly, the Mountie still hasn't changed his clothes. Does anyone ever change their clothes in these tracts? It's disgusting.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Psst, Mountie! The skateboard wheels go on the bottom!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Badcat wants the mouse in Mountie's hand.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Why on earth is Mountie holding a mouse?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Maybe he and Badcat have joined forces.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like to think that Badcat can do better than that.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I agree. I think Badcat is just stringing Mountie along.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Oh, wow. The Mountie's friend has turned his head around 180 degrees in the second panel! He's possessed!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Frightening! But not nearly as frightening as the booger hanging out of his nose.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Look at those kids answering Bob's request for them to watch their mouths with a swear. I'm thrilled to report that I get better reactions from kids when I ask them to can the potty talk.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Of course, I usually have the power to get them in trouble.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob's just that old grouch who lives down the block. They should have yelled, "Go to bed, old man!" and run away.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel2.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Are these kids hanging out on his front porch?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I would think so, because it looks like Helen's slapping some dogs on the grill. Unless that's not Helen and they're all trespassing on some other neighbor's property.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Frankly, I'm glad to see Helen's adequately covered up. Good to know she's not a hussy with her boobs hanging out.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Where are they saying the name of the <strong><em>Lord</em></strong> in vain?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Because unless @!!!**! is standing in for "Christ," I don't see it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hm... I'm going to say it's not, because then they would be saying, "That's none of your Jesus Christ business!" and "What's your Jesus Christ problem?"<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Because we all know that Bob has got a serious Jesus Christ problem.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob wants us to believe that the kids said "Jesus Christ." Show, don't tell, Bob.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Helen is just keeping her mouth shut and doing the cooking, like a good woman. And as soon as the cooking is done, it's time for her to go back home where she belongs.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I think she's the kind of woman who chooses her battles wisely, though. Looks like she gave Bob quite a shiner there.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Something tells me he asked for it. I mean <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> asked for it.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh.... are you saying Bob's a masochist in the bedroom?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He's been a bad bad sinner.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If I'm ever in Bob's house I'm going to poke around for a ball gag.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> If I'm ever in Bob's house I'm going to poke around for an escape route. But you have fun looking for the torture dungeon in his basement.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Badcat recognizes that this is a bad scene and is making an escape.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I don't blame him one bit.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel3.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> So who do you think will get that bird first? Fang, the skateboarder, or Badcat?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's hard to tell, but it's clearly going to be Fang or the skateboarder. I love how out of perspective that scene is. It's like the artist just pasted stickers on a background.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Clearly, multiple piercings = unrepentant sinner.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I've never even had my ears pierced. What does that make me?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Other than a wuss.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Pretty much just a wuss.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Doh.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Bob and his wife are saying goodbye, but the kids are taking up the conversation about Jesus and running with it. Yeah. That's realistic.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> As realistic as the notion that one of them has never even heard Jesus's name, but still uses it in vain regularly.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel4.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess we're at a skate park. What the hell is Bob doing at a skate park? And why is he so surprised to find bad language there?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> He's one of those annoying people who, when they're out in public, insist that everyone around them conform to their standards.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Check the Statue of Liberty working on her moves down in the corner there.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I think the Statue of Liberty is just dancing. I don't think she's skateboarding.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I enjoy the accurate portrayal of skaters here. Looks like half of them are falling off their boards at any given time. That pretty much matches what I've observed when I see skaters around.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like the one flying through the air. Did he just jump from an airplane?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I think he's the one Fang was barking at in the other panel. He's getting some serious hangtime!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Dude!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'm vaguely surprised Bob isn't flipping out over that kid calling the Baby Jesus a little dude.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's just the kind of thing that would send Bob off on a tangent.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'm torn about these kids having nothing better to do than listen to Bob witness. On the one hand, they probably don't. On the other hand, they'd probably still find something more interesting than talking to Bob. On the other hand, teens have a high tolerance for listening to people spew religion at them. On the other hand, these are usually teens who are kind of religious already anyway.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'm assuming you're lending me a couple of hands here.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Do all kids talk like gangsters from the Prohibition era?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I think if they were going to accept his request to talk to them about Jesus, they'd be more likely to lean back in their seat, kind of half shrug, and say, "Whatever." They might add a "dude" to the end for effect.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I have to agree with you. Teens of this caliber would have no interest in someone who is clearly as square as Bob telling them about Jesus. If they didn't have anything better to do, they'd sit there until he was done and then wander off.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> There's a chance they'd put up with it if they really didn't have anything else to do with their time, but they wouldn't act interested. And these kids are at a skate park. They have skateboards and everything. OF COURSE they have more interesting things to do!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hell, there's a kid flying through the air over there! That's a billion times more interesting than Bob and his story about Jesus!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The writers should have had Bob hiring them to rake his leaves or something. Then again, we know that <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/08/loser.html" target="_new">Bob likes to rake his own leaves.</a><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> They just wanted to make Bob look like he hangs out with the hip crowd.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel5.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> "What I am about to tell you will <em><strong>blow</strong></em> you away." Bob better be careful. That sounds like drug talk to me.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> God looks like one of those cool fiber optic lamps they sell in Spencer's Gifts.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He looks like a birds-eye-view of Sailor Moon's head.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Or maybe a chrysanthemum.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Or a water molecule.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Or the inside of a feather duster.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> These kids have undoubtedly been taught about the big bang and evolution their whole lives, yet they accept the 6 days thing without question.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Then again, they probably weren't paying tons of attention in school.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "God the son is really <strong>awesome</strong>. He's <em>totally</em> <strong>tubular</strong> and <strong>radical</strong>, dudes. He's <strong>the bomb</strong>."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> These kids are really dumb. Can they not see where Bob is going with all of this?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> How do they not know Jesus' name? Bob started this whole conversation because of their alleged incorrect usage of His name.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They don't even get names. They're just The Mountie and The Mountie's Friend.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Come on, you know as well as I do that their names are Timmy and Tommy.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Which one's Tommy? Aw, never mind. It's not like it matters.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel7.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They're so mortified that they accidentally might have said "Jesus Christ."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> If the author had any balls he would have had them say <em><strong>@!!!**!</strong></em> instead of <strong>OOPS!</strong><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I don't blame Jesus for hating it when people mess with His name. I know I get annoyed when I hear about famous people with my name.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It bugs me when people misspell my name. Or if they have the same name as me, but it's spelled differently.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The Mountie has gone from 45 to 12, all the sudden.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Mountie looks like he got caught playing dress-up in his mommy's clothes.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob will talk to him about that later.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> We'll be addressing that in Bible Series #316, entitled "Your Granny's a Tranny".<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Maybe if he has time he'll be able to shoehorn in a warning that it's not nice to plant guns on elderly idiots, but he is a busy man.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Mountie had his chance to receive that warning in <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/07/framed.html#links" target="_new">Framed</a>.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel8.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "What's the Old Testament?" Ha ha! Kids are morons!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Hey, look! Badcat is playing on the slide! How fun!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wheee! Good times, Badcat!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And the bird gets to ride a triceratops! Just like in our <a href="http://holeeecow.blogspot.com/2006/07/its-coming.html#links" target="_new">Noah's Ark tract</a>!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wow, a blast from the past!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> The skate part is completely deserted. All the other skaters saw Bob and, wisely, fled.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's telling that the only two to stick around are far below average intelligence.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Mountie suddenly looks like he was drawn by <a href="http://www.maryengelbreit.com" target="_new">Mary Englebreit</a>.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel9.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Apparently even before Jesus... There were Raider fans.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> It's like an amalgamation of all of the evil-doers from previous tracts.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I had no idea the evil-doers of Noah's time were death metal rockers.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh, and Mr. T.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> And God drowns Godzilla. He was angry that Godzilla was taking His name in vain.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> God wasn't just angry, Lita. He was <em><strong>boiling</strong></em> mad!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Between flying and being a turtle, Gamera totally sailed through the flood.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel10.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Badcat's peering around the wall, as if he's wondering if they're still listening to Bob yammer on.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> God created Adam and Eve! Not Adam and STEVE!!!! Oh, wurwolf! That Bob! He's such a card! My side! My side!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Wow, did Bob just make that up?! He's so quick on his feet!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Sorry, all you Steves out there. It would appear that God did not create you. I don't know where you bastards came from.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That's why everyone's named Timmy and Tommy in these tracts. No Steves here.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I'm looking up the list of verses Bob just cited.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Jude 7 tells us not to go after strange flesh like they did in Sodom and Gomorrah. That could be a reference to homosexuality. But let us remember that Sodom and Gomorrah was full of rapists, too.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Let us skip Leviticus. I don't doubt that the verses are anti-homosexuality, but anybody who cares to look at it will know that it's FULL of rules that nobody pays attention to anymore, including hardcore Christians.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Deuteronomy 23:17 does forbid sodomites in the original King James. The New American Standard says "cult prostitute." I should also note that this one verse is out of context. The entire passage is just telling us who is excluded from the assembly of the Lord. Among those excluded: eunuchs, illegitimate children, Ammonites and Moabites, and men suffering from nocturnal emissions. This chapter also includes instructions on how to poop in a hole outside of camp instead of just spreading your crap around where people have to smell it in camp.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Romans 1:27 I'll give him.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> 1 Corinthians 6:8-10 I'll give him too, though I should point out that homosexuality appears as part of a list of sins. You'd be hard pressed to find anybody who has never committed any of the acts on the list, which includes covetousness and drunkenness.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Colossians 3:5,6 refers to not setting too much focus on sexual immorality in general. It doesn't focus on homosexuality in particular.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> 1 Timothy, weirdly, doesn't mention homosexuality (at least not in a way that I could identify it) in the King James, but does in the New American Standard. But that, too, comes as part of a list of evil deeds where most people have committed something on the list. Maybe not killing your parents so much (unless you're a Menendez), but who has never lied or rebelled or sinned or done something "contrary to sound teaching"?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> In short, yes there are a couple of verses in the bible that say homosexuality is a sin. But not to the point where it seems rational for people to go on the huge anti-gay crusades we see going on. The bible doesn't focus on homosexuality near as much as it focuses on other more terrible sins like, say, making life difficult for other people just because you think they're sinners.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Whoa.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> No wonder you took so long.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Lots of verses.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Hm. Good point, though. Why not just go on an anti-liar crusade? Or an anti-adultery crusade?<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Let's start refusing to hire people because they're Moabites or on their periods.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> That also leaves out every teenage boy who's had a wet dream<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Sorry, boys!<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel11.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> And here we have a shot of Steve with a meteor blasting through his chest.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Poor Steve even has a gay little goatee.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Man, I know Chick tracts loves the gore, but this just seems so wrong: "Jesus sent fire bombs from heaven and fried their bodies." It's almost like they can barely contain their glee.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> How does Bob know what gay sex smells like?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Evidently Bob has spent some time in gay clubs.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> For crying out loud: "Then our teachers were lying to us, <strong><em>right?</em></strong> " "Oh yes..." Is Bob not going to take responsibility for his actions? He should be locked up. If my kids were being witnessed to in this manner by some middle-aged dude in the park? I'd be calling the cops.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Teachers are in big trouble with God for wanting kids to put a lid on the gay bashing. You know who I think is in big trouble with God? I think some day there are going to be quite a lot of Christians who are going to have to answer to God and explain why they felt like it would be a good idea to push 1 in every 10 men away from Jesus. To spit on them and say, "God doesn't want your kind."<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I agree. And those kind of Christians should not only be accountable for their treatment of those individuals, but to every impressionable person around them who, because of their actions, believes that this is how you should treat other people.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> "Your sins are worse than my sins, and Jesus hates you." You know why teachers teach kids that being gay is ok? Because we're tired of kids making other kids' lives a living hell because that kid is (or is suspected of being) gay.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> It's not a good thing when gays are abused, tortured, and murdered by so-called Christians in Jesus's name. THAT is taking the Lord's name in vain. And those crimes actually happen, unlike that bullshit homo-on-Christian beating that was portrayed in Sin City.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Amen.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Now Bob's going to give us the Ten Commandments so the youth of today will understand it. He's so street!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> He's also so boring!<br /><br /><strong><em>Lita skips ahead a little</em></strong><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Same here.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel15.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Wow. I don't want strange men who hang around the skate park asking my kids if they know what a virgin is.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I really don't either. This is really skeeving me out.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Ew. Really. I'm feeling like I'm about to puke when I read Bob's definition of a virgin.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I mean, look at his face.... and look at his words.... Excuse me.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> **BLURGH!**<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Oh god.... I have to move on....<br /><br /><strong><em>Lita skips ahead some more</em></strong><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> As does wurwolf.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel17.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I like the Star of Bethlehem here. It looks like they left the grail beacon on.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel18.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Jesus was a really tall two-year old.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> The wise men did <em><strong>not</strong></em> worship Mary! Catholics, take note!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bob: Remember, kids, Catholics suxxors!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Because Bob's street like that.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I don't like how the Christmas story is getting the short end of the stick in this tract so they can get in more digs at homosexuals and Catholics. And evolutionists.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Bashing people who are different than you: That's the true meaning of Christmas!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Even in silhouette, they show Jesus' blood dripping off the cross.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel20.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Mountie still has that mouse in his pocket!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> I'm having a really hard time figuring this picture out. It's like they pulled the camera in too close.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> They zoomed the camera in between the two boys so we can get a good shot of... empty space?<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Exactly. It doesn't make any sense.<br /><br /><br /><center><a href="http://photobucket.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting" src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v156/wurwolf/Chick%20God%20With%20Us/Panel21.gif" border="0" /></a></center><br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> I guess we should be thankful that we don't have to look at the lumpy butts of these children.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Aww! I want a mouse to hug me!<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Mouse hearts Mountie!<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Actually, I guess technically that thing is a rat. It's big and has a long tail. I still want a hug, though.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Now that Mountie has accepted Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior, he looks like a woman.<br /><br /><strong>Lita:</strong> Don't be silly. One of those verses Bob gave us back there said it was a sin to be effeminate.<br /><br /><strong>wurwolf:</strong> Then Bob might want to warn him about the perils of wearing lipstick.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:78%;">(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2002 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)</span><br /></span>wurwolfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00539706573261055745noreply@blogger.com6