Sin City

You knew it was coming. It's time for us to take a look at gays and all the gay things they do in Sin City. As usual, we're only going to post some of the frames, so make sure you click the link and read along if you want to see the whole thing in its original glory.

Lita: Sin City. I didn't see that movie.

wurwolf declines to make the obligatory "I Ain't Gonna Play Sin City" joke.

wurwolf: And by declining to make it, I've made it.

wurwolf: By the way, look at the cover. It says everything about how the author feels about homosexuality. You get dragged into it by evil men against your will, so beware!

Lita: Just like watching Food TV. Nobody really likes Rachel Ray or Sandra Lee or Emeril. Those shows just happen to us.



Lita: Before we get to the dialogue in that first panel, I'd like to take a moment to admire the artwork.

Lita: This is a well-drawn gay pride parade. Whoever drew this knows a lot about the gay community. Kudos, artist!

wurwolf: He really put a lot of effort into it.

Lita: We've got leathermen complete with moustaches, and drag queens, and Europeans, and everybody!

Lita: I especially admire the drag queen on the float wearing a jester's hat and a bra. Her hands are on her hips all like, "No he di'int!"

wurwolf: That drag queen looks better in a bikini than I do. :o(

wurwolf: One question, though: where are the lesbians?

wurwolf: Actually, two questions: what is that person doing to or on the telephone pole?

Lita: Lesbians are ok. I actually heard somewhere that the Bible never actually straight up forbids lesbianism. There's occasional talk about how man shall not lie with man, but it doesn't seem to have an opinion on women lying with women.

wurwolf: What about chicks with dicks? Where does the Bible stand on that?

Lita: I don't know. I haven't ever seen "chicks with dicks" in my concordance.

wurwolf: One of those great mysteries, I guess.

Lita: I'm trying to read the front of the float under Gay Pride. What does it say? "Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, .....?"

Lita: What's that last word? Does it start with an M?

wurwolf: It looks like "mode"? Maybe?

Lita: Transgender mode? I guess so. Wow. This artist knows more about the gay community than I do.

wurwolf: Mooks?

Lita: Maids? Mimes?

Lita: You know, Mimes are an abomination. It says so. In the Bible.

wurwolf: I totally believe that.

Lita: Now the dialogue. "RUN OVER HIM"? "KILL HIM"?

Lita: Do you ever hear about protest-related murders at gay pride parades?

wurwolf: Does the author know any gay people? He always thinks that gays are completely unprincipled, animalistic beings who have no ability to do any good whatsoever.

Lita: I hear more about "Christians" torturing and murdering gays than the other way around.

Lita: I've heard more "Christians" screaming "KILL HIM" and "BURN IN HELL" than I have heard gays screaming at straights.

wurwolf: True dat, yo.

Lita: In fact, if I may digress here, back when I went to Chico State we'd occasionally get some hardcore religious types who would rent time in the free speech area so they could hold up offensive signs and yell rude things at people.
They weren't just yelling at homosexuals, they were yelling at everybody. They yelled at me for daring to educate myself and called us all worthless. (That rankled me, since I don't believe that God made junk, or that Jesus would die for anything worthless. But anyway...) Homosexuals were definitely prominently included in the signs and diatribes, though.
And you know what? There was no violence. Other than the occasional passerby yelling something and then moving on the only screaming was coming from the protesters.
These people were about as offensive as anti-whatever protesters can be, but people let them have their little protest and then got on with their lives.

wurwolf: It is my belief that the author has never been to a gay pride parade. These stories get passed around the religious community.

Lita: They're just untrue. If your argument against homosexuality is so rock solid you shouldn't need to lie to convince people of it.

wurwolf: They may be untrue, but a certain sect of the religious community believes them.

wurwolf: The cop has some nice mascara going on in that third panel.

Lita: He's wearing an earring, too.

Lita: I've never heard of peaceful Christian protesters getting the snot beat out of them by cops at gay pride parades either.

Lita: I do think it's interesting that the white cops are beating a peaceful black man because he committed a "hate crime." I feel like the artist intentionally made that choice, but what is he or she trying to say?

wurwolf: I thought the same thing.

Lita: "While attempting to stop a hate crime, they have committed one themselves." But are they also trying to say that gays are racist?

wurwolf: It's a breakthrough! Gays are just like everyone else!




wurwolf: And, of course, the media's in on it, too.

Lita: There's no way the press would just sit on footage of a bunch of white cops beating the living shit out of an unarmed nonviolent black man.

wurwolf: It would make national news.

Lita: I'm not saying the press would say, "Gay men beat this guy up!" They'd say, "White cops beat up a black man!" Jesse Jackson would be all over it.

Lita: And this guy would not go to jail. If this protester doesn't get a bajillion dollars from the city then he has the worst lawyer in the history of lawyering.

wurwolf: I like the indignant Poindexter standing by his hospital bed.



Lita: Look at all the bandages all over our black man's face. I changed my mind. He would not get a bajillion dollars. He would get eight bajillion.

wurwolf: Does the author know demons by name? Has he been hanging around with Zanah?

Lita: Zanah looks like he's wearing one of those costumes with a mask where the eyes don't line up with yours so you have to peek out of the mouth.

wurwolf: I feel like the artist doesn't put much effort into drawing the demons. Imagine how much more he could do.

Lita: He didn't put much effort into drawing this demon. Usually the demons are a lot cuter.

wurwolf: He did this demon on his Etch-A-Sketch.

wurwolf: No wonder the demon hates people.

Lita: Now that I think about it, our injured black man should get fifty bajillion. The state is trying to force him to change his religion. That's a whole 'nother lawsuit.

Lita: If his lawyer managed to stay awake through even one day of law school our black man will own the whole city of Gaydonia by the end of the comic.

wurwolf: Even if that's how the comic is resolved, you'll still get the stock footage of the Crucifixion.

wurwolf: The artist should have drawn Malcolm's wife with dollar signs over her eyes and a big smile.

Lita: They even named the man Malcolm? Wait a minute... is he... BLACK?

wurwolf: Yes, but they won't give his last name. Let's just call him Malcolm.... X.



Lita: At least Bob is on the case now. The only thing that would have made that panel better is if instead of saying "I'm on my way" he said "Let's roll."

Lita: But what's with is eyes? He looks possessed.

wurwolf: Bob ditched his Hitler look in favor of Data.

Lita: I thought maybe he was trying for Linda Blair.




wurwolf: Oh good heavens. Is Malcolm dead and in the morgue, or does he just have a black headboard?



wurwolf: Usually the bad guys in these tracts are hideous, but the gay cop and the gay guy charging Malcolm with hate crimes are downright good looking.

Lita: It's because they're gay. They care about their appearance. Don't you love that cop's diamond earrings?

wurwolf: He's wearing the understated earrings so they don't clash with his uniform. At home he wears long dangly earrings to go with his evening gown.

wurwolf: Zanah looks like a jack o'lantern there.

Lita: To me he looks like he is inspecting something he just pulled out of his nose and he is not pleased with what he found.

wurwolf: "And I was going to eat this, too!"




wurwolf: The bird is not falling for any of the gay priest's bullshit. He's outta there!

Lita: I would like to know where in the bible it says that Jesus does not love gays. Doesn't he love all people, even the sinners? Where does it say that all sins can be forgiven except homosexuality?

wurwolf: Somewhere in the King James version, I think.

Lita: And don't give me any bullshit about how gay people refuse to become ungay and go forth and sin no more. Wouldn't that mean that any Christian who continues to sin even after accepting Jesus goes to hell?

Lita: Wait... This is a Chick Tract... Probably in this context the answer would be "yes"



wurwolf: Why isn't the gay priest going down on Malcolm in his hospital bed? We all know that gay men are incapable of controlling their sexual urges to function as normal human beings. I find this tract wholly unbelievable.

Lita: I don't buy the Sodom and Gomorrah defense, by the way. But I'll save that for a few more panels.

wurwolf: You know we're going to get to it, with a title like Sin City.




wurwolf: Zanah can't believe the gay priest is going to tell the true story of Sodom and Gomorrah. Like, Oh no, I hate it when he gets this way.

Lita: I really like the artwork in this panel.

Lita: The gay priest is really ugly. But he also looks like somebody. I can't put my finger on who.

wurwolf: Bob Hoskins? A fat Sonny Bono?

Lita: And I like how the demon is peeking out from behind his shoulder.

Lita: He's blushing all embarrassed. It's an "Oops, I just peed myself" kind of look.



wurwolf: I assume that's Bob telling God where Malcolm's room is. The Lord is lucky to have Bob as a personal assistant. I can just imagine God wandering the hallways, opening doors by accident....

Lita: Everybody in Gaydonia will be calling that guy "Lord Malcolm" once his lawyers get through with them.

wurwolf: So Zanah is a spirit that is able to float through closed doors, but corporeal enough to sweat?

Lita: Zanah's not freaking out because he's a demon and Bob's a Christian. Everybody reacts this way when they see Bob coming.

wurwolf: Bob walks up to a picnic and everyone's sitting there thinking, "Oh no, this could ruin everything!"

Lita: His wife sees him coming down the hall and thinks, "Oh no, this could ruin everything!"

Lita: Then she shoves her romance novel under the mattress and settles in for a long night of bible stories.



Lita looks up Ezekiel 16:49, just for fun

Lita: I'll even look it up in King James just to make sure I'm not accidentally looking in an evil Bible.

Lita: "Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy."

wurwolf: No mention of dudes wanting to get it on with each other?

Lita: Looking at the verses before and after that verse, it's not even an out-of-context thing. That's what it says.

wurwolf: So why didn't they quote that verse word for word, like they do other verses?

Lita: Only Bob gets to quote the Bible word for word.

wurwolf: I like to think that the panel of Malcolm lying in bed is the artist's allusion to the gay priest going down on Malcolm. He's even moaning, "Oh, my head! "



wurwolf: Look out! Bob bursts into the room with a gun!

Lita: Ok, Bob, you bastard. Jude, verse 7? What chapter? I demand you properly cite your sources!

Lita: Oh. There is only one chapter. Heh. Oops. "Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire."

Lita: It says fornication and strange flesh, but it doesn't specify strange male homo flesh.

wurwolf: Could be goats.

Lita: Could be gay goats.

wurwolf: That might warrant destruction by fire.

Lita: God: Goats go to Hell!!! (God drops the Zippo) *fwoom*



wurwolf: Zanah's not one to hang around. He's totally ready to bolt after one quick prayer from Bob.

Lita: Again, it's not because he's a demon. It's just a natural survival instinct when Bob shows up. Poor Malcolm is crippled and cannot escape.

wurwolf: "What happened? Everything's brighter!" Bob likes to flip on the light switch for special effects.

Lita: "We sure ruined lots of kids"? Is that their way of saying that all gays are pedophiles?

wurwolf: Of course all gays are pedophiles. That's why they can't coach Little League or be Boy Scout leaders.




wurwolf: Here we are at the story of Sodom & Gomorrah. Do your stuff!

wurwolf: The same crowd from Noah's time showed up to have sex with the angels.

wurwolf: I guess the confused guy in the middle decided to stay home that night.

Lita: It's true, though. All those men showed up and tried to force the angels to have sex with them. How dare they! If they'd tried to force themselves on the womenfolk, there may still be a Sodom and Gomorrah today.

wurwolf: Maybe the angels looked like chicks.

wurwolf: It looks like the angels bailed on rescuing Lot and his wife and went with rescuing some little kids instead.

Lita: The thing is, yes those men were all gay. But they were also all rapists. To me that's infinitely more sexually immoral and repulsive than homosexuality. How come everybody's latching onto the homo thing and not the rapist thing?

Lita: Couldn't wanting to sleep with anything, willing or not, be considered "giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh"?

wurwolf: Because some people understand wanting to have sex with a woman, even inappropriate sex. What they don't understand is wanting to have sex with another man. And what they don't understand, they hate.

Lita: Or in some cases perhaps they do understand wanting to have sex with another man and it scares them. What people fear, they hate.

wurwolf: That's true as well.


wurwolf: I love the meteor going through the guy's chest. BLAM!

Lita: Men and women went to hell. So there were women in the town. Wouldn't that make all those men bisexual? Maybe God just hates bi's. He wants you to pick a team.

wurwolf: Or were the women just there to work?




Lita: Bob does have a point that it was the cops and the city that committed the hate crime. But since that particular beating would never happen in the real world, it doesn't work as a real world argument against gays.

wurwolf: I'd like to see Bob in a windstorm or after a shower. Do you think his combover hair reaches his shoulder?

Lita: I'd rather not see Bob after a shower.




Lita: Can I think of any other sin where God wiped out a whole city, Bob? Sure. How about rape? How about "pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness"?

Lita: How about the great flood, Bob? How about God telling the Israelites to crush cities who worshipped other Gods, Bob?

wurwolf: What the hell is that next to the gay priest's head? His hobo bag?

Lita: I was wondering that myself.



wurwolf: "That's crazy!" Is this the first time Ray is hearing that Jesus died on the cross and is the Son of God?

Lita: How did he manage to become a priest if he never heard about the cross before? He's wearing a cross on his chest, for crying out loud! Did he never wonder what that was for?

wurwolf: I wonder if Malcolm caught a quick nap while Bob was droning on.

Lita: It's only natural.

wurwolf: See, there's the clip art of Jesus under the tree from the last tract.

wurwolf: Looks like the priest, in addition to seeing the light, has lost a ton of weight!




Lita: Gah! Look at that last picture of the priest! He's frightening!

Lita: God shortened his arms by a few feet!

Lita: And removed his neck!

wurwolf: Wow! God turned him into a ventriloquist's dummy!

Lita: That's what he gets for being gay, I guess.

wurwolf: So at the end of the tract it looks like Ray's biggest sin was not acknowledging the saving work of Jesus, rather than being homosexual. Which is how it should be, of course, but still a surprise for a Chick tract.

Lita: Do you suppose the priest is still gay? Or did God cure him of his gayness right on the spot?

wurwolf: I'm sure he's totally cured of his gayness. It's a really easy thing to do.

Lita: I wonder why all the other gays who fervently pray to God to make them straight aren't "cured."

wurwolf: Need you ask? It's because they don't have the power of Bob's preaching!

wurwolf: Bob can turn off any gay man to men for the rest of his life.

(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2001 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)