Wednesday, June 28, 2006

In the Beginning

wurwolf and I have already looked at some other tracts on the Jack Chick site, but we decided that for our first official blog entry we would begin at the beginning. Please join us for a look at...

In the Beginning
As nice as it would be for us to post a picture of each and every frame for you so that you don't have to look back and forth, we're not going to do that. We'll just post a few shots, and you can go to the official site if you want to see the whole thing.

wurwolf: Okay, right off, first panel: I think that dude's computer lived 145 million years ago. It looks like one of those tvs from the 50's.

Lita: "Hey computer man... check out my dinosaur" sounds like such a come on. I thought we weren't getting to the gay tracts until a little later.

wurwolf: I thought the same thing.

Lita: I want to know what Computer Man is working on.

wurwolf: He's got his Power Point on.

wurwolf: I think the author made the Christian guy a computer whiz in counterpoint against people who say Creationists are anti-intelligence.

Lita: This guy's teacher steered him wrong. It's the first in the series and already we're ragging on teachers.

wurwolf: Look what you're doing to the youth of today. Shame on you.

wurwolf: You know, for someone who doesn't like know-it-all scientists trying to tell him how to believe, Computer Guy looks awfully smug in that third panel.

wurwolf: Should I take this moment to say that I believe that God created the world?

Lita: Go ahead and say it.

wurwolf: I just did.

Lita: Dinosaur Man looks way too old to be in school learning about evolution. What is he, 40? He must have been held back a lot.

wurwolf: Yeah, right? Shouldn't he be like a teenager or something? What's up with making him look like he's 40?

wurwolf: In the panel where Computer Guy talks about there being no Big Bang, the toy dinosaur looks really startled.

Lita: Oh, thank goodness. It's his toy dinosaur. I was just about to ask you what that thing was.

Lita: To be honest, I was getting a little disturbed.

wurwolf: Day 2: God created the nipple.

Lita: Dinosaur man is looking a bit overexcited about the whole Day 3 thing.

Lita: There's sweat flying out of his head and his finger is trembling.

wurwolf: Doesn't he? I almost expect there to be a little demon sitting behind him.

Lita: This isn't demon-induced. Look at those crazy eyes.

wurwolf: I think he's disturbed about Day 4 because Computer Guy's ear is talking.

Lita: On day 4 we find out why the 6 day thing is completely literal and not a metaphor.

Lita: Though personally I feel that an omnipotent God could keep plants alive in the cold and dark for a few thousand years if he felt like it.

wurwolf: Yup. And look at the next panel! It's Nessie!

Lita: It looks like we're in a Sunday edition of Mark Trail all the sudden.

Lita: I don't know, wurwolf. Are we ready for the Apatosaurus and Tyrannosaurus Rex?

wurwolf: I'm ready!

wurwolf: That koala bear is HUGE.

Lita: Aww! I love Day 6! Look in front there! It's Wilbur!

wurwolf looks for a web that says SOME PIG.

wurwolf: I think the koala bear rode in on his horsie.

Lita: The leopard has no back legs.

wurwolf: It's a leopard slug.

Lita: God should make him some wheels or something.

wurwolf: Most evolutionists I've heard from will not budge from their theory, no matter what you throw at them. Dinosaur Man? He's totally freaking out over this.

wurwolf: He's such a pushover.

wurwolf: I mean, seriously. Computer Guy quotes from the Bible and he's totally blown away? WTF?

Lita: Did you know that the word "prehistoric" was invented to brainwash us?

wurwolf: I do now.

Lita: Dinosaur Man is so sheepish in showing Computer Guy his caveman picture. He knows he's about to get blasted, but he just can't resist.

wurwolf: Computer Guy is married.

Lita: I wonder if Computer Guy is always lecturing his wife about the bible.

wurwolf: Come on, you totally know he is. Do you even need to wonder?

Lita: "Leviticus 23:5-8 says, 'And thou women shalt rub thine mens feet every wednesday night, for that is when the Lord says the day of foot rubbing shalt be.'" "Bob, you just made that up."

wurwolf: I like how when the Bible is shown it's always backlit. My Bible doesn't glow, I wonder why?

wurwolf: Maybe it's because it's not the King James Version.

Lita: "Jason, there are photos of men's footprints walking next to dinosaur footprints. They were found in Glen Rose, Texas... God doesn't lie." God took the pictures?

wurwolf: Dinosaur Man looks like Celine Dion in this picture

wurwolf: This really is like Mark Trail. He's even doing the outside the house perspective in that second panel there.

Lita: Poor Dinosaur Man doesn't even know what Adam did.

wurwolf: He's in for a shock.

Lita: I came from a Christian background, but don't most people know the story of Adam and Eve even if they don't believe in it?

Lita: Ok. I'm going to go all Beavis and Butthead for a second...

Lita: Heh heh heh... God is patting Adam's butt...

Lita: Ok, now I'm better.

wurwolf: I noticed that, I thought it was nice of God to cover Adam's hinder.

wurwolf: The tree of knowledge of good and evil is putting on quite the laser light show.

Lita: It's awesome. How can you not want to eat off it?

wurwolf: Why did God make it look so totally cool? Isn't the fact that it's the tree of knowledge irresistible enough?

wurwolf: Adam looks Asian in the next panel.

Lita: The bible never says Adam isn't Asian.

wurwolf: Then Chick Publications is being awfully open-minded by making Adam an Asian guy.

Lita: It's good that they include diversity in their cast of characters.

wurwolf: Is that a rabbit in front of the stegasaurous? Did God make the first rabbits that big?

wurwolf: It's a good thing God made Eve when He did. Look how Adam's looking at that gazelle as he's lovingly stroking its back.

Lita: God: Hmmm... I think Adam is getting a little too lonely... I better nip this in the bud.

wurwolf: Eve was just created and already she looks like Adam did something to piss her off.

Lita: Maybe she heard the rumors about that Lilith slut.

Lita: That serpent looks like a nice guy. I can see how it would be hard not to trust him.

wurwolf: He looks like the Geico gecko.

Lita: I'd buy car insurance from him.

wurwolf: I like how the serpent has arms and legs.

wurwolf: The serpent looks bored by what he's saying about eating from the tree of knowledge.

wurwolf: Like, Ho hum, you'll be fine, just eat.

Lita: I am glad to see that the tract doesn't place full on blame Eve for the fall, even though many people have a tendency to do so.

wurwolf: The author is taking a lot of liberties with Eve's feelings. How did he know she wanted to be a god? Maybe she just wanted to know right and wrong and didn't plan on creating any new worlds or anything.

Lita: But I'm disappointed that he doesn't come right out and explain that God took away the serpent's arms and legs as punishment.

wurwolf: I'm kind of surprised by that, too. Why show the serpent's arms and legs if you're not going to explain what happened to them?

wurwolf: I think the fruit of the tree of knowledge is corn on the cob.

Lita: The Cain and Abel panel is awesome, I have to say.

wurwolf: I thought Abel had long flowing hair at first.

Lita: No, it's all kinds of gore and brains and stuff. This tract is rated M for Mature.

wurwolf: Jason/Dinosaur Man's face gets goofier as we go along. It's like the artist got tired of drawing his face.

Lita: He's just a bit player. He doesn't need a consistent face.

wurwolf: Man, Computer Guy's eyes are freaking me out. It must be all that time staring at the monitor.

Lita: That or the Holy Spirit.

Lita: I absolutely love this exchange: "At death our bodies will go back to dust just like Adam. But where do our souls go?" "How would I know?"

Lita: Dinosaur Man is getting cranky.

wurwolf: He's totally snarking on Adam.

wurwolf: This guy is so easily lead. I'll bet if you told him the world was flat he'd be worried about falling off the edge.

wurwolf: Look at Dinosaur Man's face in this panel

wurwolf: Did a totally separate artist do that panel?

wurwolf: Jason's dinosaur is left all alone on the table, all forgotten. :o(

Lita: And cue the stock footage of the crucifixion

wurwolf: Next week, Jason becomes a Moonie.


Lita: So this strip brought us our introduction to Bob (aka Computer Man), who appears in a lot of these tracts.

Lita: But I have to say... I don't know if I can trust a guy with a sleazestache like Bob's...

wurwolf: I don't like his combover.

Lita: I don't like his tendency to lecture you for hours just because you made some dumb remark he disagrees with

wurwolf: I don't like his smugness.

Lita: In later tracts, every time people hear that Bob is coming around they freak out and start hiding their sin evidence. I think I'd have a similar reaction, and I'm saved.

wurwolf: Same here.

(All the comic panels are copyright Chick Publications 2000 and the images were used according to Fair Use laws in the US.)


Anonymous said...

Hee! Dinosaur Dude totally looks like Steve Gutenberg in some of those panels! I guess that explains what he's been doing since "Three Men and a Little Lady". :oD


wurwolf said...

I have to give credit to PM -- he's the one who came up with the line about Adam stroking the gazelle lovingly. I totally lifted it. Lita's reaction, however, is all her own.

Anonymous said...

Wurwolf, I think you're mistaken about day 2...God didn't create the nipple till day 6, duh! Nipple, nipple, nipple...